SMILE BOSTON Fenway N2 Review

BlackCircle

Smile Boston, We're Given To Fly: 

Pt. 1 of 7

***PLEASE NOTE: REVIEWS ARE FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY...THIS IS NOT AN ACCURATE PORTRAIT OF THE CONCERT***

Real reviews of the show can be found elsewhere.

If you have misplaced your sense of humor or you are the type of person who barks back at dogs, please consult your doctor before reading further.

Due to massive hangovers in Boston, this review has been delayed. Because of lack of sleep and the wife not being super excited she couldn't attend, I don't have the time to complete this all right now....

Please enjoy.

Pearl Jam

Fenway Park

Boston, MA

Tuesday,September 4th, 2018

Imagine your name is Albert, and your favorite fruit is bananas. You’re wearing a little space helmet, and the cutest midget sized space suit. You’re sitting inside a tin capsule strapped to a rocket ship.

You’re a nervous little monkey.

The anticipation of where you’re going and what you are going to see is electrically terrifying yet exciting. At the same time, in your peanut size rhesus brain is firing on all cylinders. What are you about to see? What are you about to hear and feel and experience. You have no idea what's about to happen, you think to yourself, you’re just a dumb monkey that got stuck in trap and sent to NASA for flight school. WOOOOAAAAAAH FUCK YOUR BRAIN TOUCHES THE BACK OF YOUR SKULL as the rocket ship explodes from the ground.

The g-forces press your face flat to the back of your ears as the boosters vibrate your chest and pound you relentlessly like a teenager beating his dick for the first time.

You just got shot into space you little son-of-a-bitch!

Given To Fly begins with a steady thump of a riot with Matt and Jeff fueling the fire and counting us down to the launch. By the time the waves come crashing like a fist to our jaws, we have been shot like a rocket ship into the black starry sky above Fenway Park, just like that dumb monkey who had no idea what to expect.

Will the boys wine us and dine us once again, before running a gangbang 69 train on the entire crowd, or would they sink their teeth into our flesh and crack open our skulls to eat our brains.

If this first song was any indication of what fuckery the band had cooked up for us, we were in for a long and memorable flight.

"Captain Vedder has turned OFF the seatbelt sign and you are now free to dance around the ballpark. In the event of loss of cabin pressure, grab your neighbors ass and hold on for dear life. The flight from Fenway to the Moon will last approximately 3 hours."

Don’t look down, because we’re 30,000 miles high and climbing.

Given to Fly was the perfect opening to Night 2 and it was clear Mike was laser focussed on his playing despite, or perhaps because of, the “drugs” he took for his infection. He is infected for the record, he has the fever as Ed so easily pointed out.

If night one was our prim and proper first date, night two was our sloppy drunk make out session in the back of the club rolling on ecstasy, and just like that, The Band is furiously fingerbanging us with 1,2,3,4,5 against one.

The bass playing of Jeff on Animal can only be truly experienced when you’re standing 5 feet from the king kong sized ding dong speakers I was standing next to. The red flags for what I was getting myself into should have gone up when the security personnel started putting on ear muffles designed for nuclear explosions.

If you watched any of my Live FB feeds, you’ll notice that the pounding of Jeff’s bass and Matt’s drums were loud enough to blow out the mic on my cell phone. Imagine getting kicked in the chest repeatedly for three hours by a 10 foot Minotaur with anger issues.

Now... I’m not going to be so presumptuous as to think anyone from Pearl Jam & Company are secretly trolling my Facebook posts, but when you go from no Riot Act N1 and then a punk ass reviewer calls you out on it....and then the band pokes you in the eye with Save You, that’s either dumb luck or a funny coincidence, either way, I’m not even gonna use my words here and just let the band speak for themselves.....

"Gonna save you fucker, not gonna lose you, feeling cocky and strong, can't let you go, too important to me"

BlackCircle

If you don’t know the rest, then you need to have a Google.

Save You was fucking sick, and executed with their flawless grudge fuck you style that we love them so much for. Comparatively speaking, there was no heavy petting from the boys like Night One, and similar to Night Two in Chicago they were going in hard, fast and dry. I feel deeply that the Chicago N2 show would have held up nicely with Fenway N2 had the flow of the evening not been disrupted by Zeus tossing lightning bolts up the fan's asses. Weather being a cantakerous cunt, Chicago N2 never fully materialized because it was forced to begin at a different place and so this feels like the show they should have gotten.

Pearl Jam is the Baskin Robbins of rock n roll groups. There is a song and a flavor for each and every one of us. You may not enjoy the cover tunes, however, I personally enjoy the fuck out of them and Arms Aloft has become a song over the last five years that has a special place because my kids LOVE this song. The addition of the ad-lib lyrics, “Arms a loft in Fenway Park” was a fun shout out to the fans. Not to mention it’s a Joe Strummer song. I mean. GTFO if you can’t manage to shake your ass to anything but Pearl Jam songs. Have some class and a little musical knowledge about your favorite band's favorite band. Pearl Jam’s favorite band isn’t themselves. Let THEM have some fun and play THEIR favorite songs for YOU and then.... DANCE BITCHES!

If you’ll kindly make your way across the tarmac, Captain Vedder has kamikaze crash landed this plane in a raging ball of fire and you’re gonna need a beer to put out these flames Goose.

You SHOULD be trying to catch your breath from jumping up and down to Arms Aloft. However, if not, Lighting Bolt comes from the sky... like a...um... well a lightning bolt. The newer songs get a bad wrap I think. I think Lightning Bolt is a great song. It’s got a great bouncy rhythm that manages to walk that precarious line between over produced pop single designed to sell albums with just enough edge to get away with being cool.

[Now, here once again, the coincidences are piling up. Save You, Arms Aloft, Lightning Bolt... next you’re gonna tell me they are gonna play I Am Mine, Smile and talk about ALS and then do Dirty Water. Yeah right... that’s crazy.]

Someone who doesn’t get enough love on a regular basis is Stone and I love that guy. When the high pitched winding opening of Red Mosquito kicks in, Stone fills in the sound with that rough sound paper fuzz of the mid-late 90′s.

There’s a subtle hit of blues and nice dose of Neil Young slathered all over that Dirty Red Mosquito, and it’s amazing. The wicked witch herself couldn’t crackle out a more even tone than Mike manages to slide into and out of. If this was the 1700′s, Mike surely would have been accused of witchcraft and burned at the stakes.

I can hear all our puritan counterparts now, bitching and complaining about not getting tickets to the witch burning in the town square.

Goode Abigale: “I say, Goode Rebecca, doth you acquire good fortune at that burning next Sunday?”

Goode Rebecca: “Aye, the proctor Thomas received notice of his place and they are behind the gallows”

Good Abigale: “Much shame, perhaps I may speak with Reverend Hekaziah, word has it his wife has rickets and cannot attend. Reverend Hekaziah is alway at the rail for a good witch burning

If Mike isn’t a witch, then he has certainly turned the tables on us and has lit us on fire. There’s only so much hot, flaming guitar wizardry you can take in your penis hole before you need penicillin.

So, after the first six songs, we’ve already been burned at the stake with puritan witches and shot into space like a tiny monkey. The Jam could leave me right here to die in the gutter and I’d be okay with it.

(TO BE CONTINUED....)

OceansJenny

You sir are a gift - position behind the gallows  

TBC not soon enough!!

BlackCircle

PART II of VI
Like Ed will sing to us a little later in the night:
There's no wrong or right, but I'm sure there's good and bad
Up to this point in the Fenway Tour Closer, there has only been good and that’s not bad. Right?

After six incredible numbers, even Gods would be forgiven for taking a moment to catch their breath. Edward rewards us with greeting and a sip of red. With zero love in FN1, Riot Act gets two songs in a set of seven. Maybe someone IS reading this shit I’m writing. Well stop weirdo, whoever you are, I am not a piece of meat.

I Am Mine is one of those slow burning rockers. I Am Mine is the white hot coals at the end of bon fire. You remember it being mellow and slow and then you see the replay and it twists your nipples inside out. Happens every time. I Am Mine is a flowering dogwood that gets lost amongst the taller redwoods. It gets a little repetitive when I discuss a song and then say, “Mike went plaid”, but that’s kinda the world we live in today. Ed sets it up with some poetic panty wetter and Mike cum’s on your wife’s tits with a earth destroying solo. 

Not that I Am Mine is that song... but his solo in I Am Mine get’s lost... that’s all I’m saying. I’m not looking for agreement here. That’s just my perspective. 

Do you want to discuss Mike blasting your wife’s tits or would you like to move on to the Lost Dogs track U?

Alright... U it is. 

What can you say? I didn’t see it coming. I’ve mentioned many times am not familiar with Lost Dogs for the simple fact I collect vinyl and don’t own that record. However, I will say, I am familiar with U and I put this song in the same category as Down or Outta My Mind from N1. Just a fun song for the band to play and let loose. 

Song’s like U, that fill out a repertoire and often get overlooked allow the guys to back away from the heavy sets of Pearl Jam standards and have fun. To me, you’ve got the standards, the B’s and the covers. Purist only want the standards and the choice B sides. These chebba-webba’s want to capture some unattainable perfect setlist, and they end up complaining about the show they DIDN’T get rather than the show that blew windows out of the apartments across the street. People like me enjoy the cover’s, because I know this is a well respected, world famous band. Them playing covers is them playing their favorite song for me. You gotta respect that. We’ll discuss respect in more detail when we get to Vitalogy. *Don’t read that part Jacob Ruiz*

If you weren’t already enjoying yourself, Even Flow is about to begin, is everybody in? 

Hey frat boy... you going to pee? You’re gonna miss Mike fist fucking your brain, but whatever. Prick. 

I’ve seen it posted lately that a few fans are “tired” of hearing Even Flow, and like I mentioned in my last review I have no tolerance for these pillcocks. To be honest, if we could put these people in a vault and fill it with water while Mike rips an Even Flow solo during their drowning last moments, that would be the perfect ending to their lives. 
Don’t pee during Even Flow, although, I will admit the irony is delicious. I’m pretty sure Mikes’ Solo on Even flow got my wife pregnant once... which makes my child Immortal and a little different. 

Speaking of different Immortalities.... Mr. Vedder decided that we were more than special. In fact, as a tribute to the 1994 Orpheum Theatre show... (which was waiting on my doorstep when I arrive home)... Ed sang the ORIGINAL lyrics to Immortality, just like in 1994. 

Now. You may think to yourself... I don’t know the original lyrics and I like to sing along. I’m going to just stop Mike McCready for a moment and interrupt his death solo, so I can toss you into the water vault with all the other twatwaffles who couldn’t tell greatness from dirty pair panties. 

Sweet Skinny Gandhi, it’s like I’m trying to convince a bunch of 8 year olds to turn off Paw Patrol and listen to Black Flag. Pay attention you deadshits. 

What’s coming up next is both amazing and sad, because Taillights Fade is a great song by a local guy and some of you agelast douchnoggins are in the bathroom takin’ a piss rather than listening to some quality Jam. You’ve already missed Even Flow and the Original lyrics to Immortality. Why not just go home already and give your seats to a real fan? 

Yes. Bill Janovitz joined Pearl Jam on stage Sunday and this was a repeat, however, it’s a great song, and it’s very well done with Pearl Jam. In fact, this version is about a good as you will ever hear, so I was MORE than happy to catch it twice. Too bad some of you fergers were shakin’ the last drops from your tallywackers and missed it, I guess it was just not for you. 

This was for me... and we may jump down a rabbit hole for a moment if you’ll indulge me. On Sunday, I wore my Vitalogy shirt, and on Tuesday... I had several “FUCK ME” moments... like this one, when I wanted Mike and Ed to come running by so I could put my Vitalogy shirt over my head and get called out. 

Vitalogy is my favorite album for sentimental reasons, but the BIGGEST reason is because Vitalogy was written for the fans and is a giant fuck you to the critics. I get that you may not like the album as a whole or you may not like some of the songs, and it’s got some fucked up shit on it. BUT... hear me out, IT WAS WRITTEN FOR YOU, the fans, and by extension of that edict... should be every fans favorite album. If that makes sense. Whatever. Maybe I’ve had too many mushrooms to be writing this review. 

The Fenway N2 Not for You throws a couple funky things at us. The first is Ed chanting, “LET’S GO RED SOX” towards the end. As a Red Sox fan I was pretty close to jumping on stage, kidnapping Ed, running around the bases and sliding into home. The Modern Girl tag is the first of many cry faces I made this night. 

Here I am, 42 years old. Standing on the field I have been coming to see my whole life. A place my grandfather brought my dad as a kid. My dad, a former baseball player diagnosed with ALS and a finite time left on this earth. The last game I saw with my dad was on my 40th birthday, September 16th, 2016. The Red Sox beat the Yankees. 

It might be the last game he ever sees at Fenway. 

I’m GIFTED tickets to see my favorite band while standing in left field where Ted Williams once played. Where Carl Yastrimski, Jim Rice, Ellis Burks, Mike Greenwell, and Al Simmons made diving plays and catches against the Greenmonster, and Eddie has the NUTS to play a Modern Girl tag. Got damn you Ed... 

“When I was a kid.... MY WHOLE LIFE, looked a picture on sunny day.... ohhhhh.... my whole life, looked like picture on a sunny day.... ohhhh....my whole life, looked like a picture on a sunny daaaaayyyyyy

To be continued.... (I need a tissue)