Nothing Man is the oppossite side of the coin to Better Man

deadnothingbetter

Especially since I can relate to both of these songs in a such a depressing way.

"She once believed in every story he had to tell. One day she stiffened, took the other side. Empty stares from each corner of a shared prison cell..." leaves me suprised at how well Pearl Jam describes a situation I had with a girl at some time over a year ago.

We didn't live together, and we weren't going out. We were friends once. We talked about everything and anything. Movies, music, actors, food and sex. I was never really into her at first... I just thought she was really cute and I just liked her for who she was and how she was. She ate up everything I told her and she was always after me. I stayed in the same city where she was at for 10 months until I planned to move back to the city I came from. She asked if we'd go out to lunch before I left and said she would miss me... (that was what was so cool about our relationship. I never paid for her food and I never asked her out. this led me to think that maybe she was into me at the time, but I swallowed those thoughts and ignored them). We went out to lunch for the last time... and I swear to the gods in the heavens, she liked everything I told her ("she once believed in every story he had to tell"). My jokes, my cocky humor, and my poor not-so-good-looking looks. (i'm probably a strong 7.5) At our last meeting, she hugs me to say bye and I saw her eyes how she was swelling up with tears. I asked myself, "what am I doing that makes this seem so right?" At the end of the week I was still in town then I call her up and ask her if she wants to go to the movies... to both of our suprises, we ended up meeting again even after our good-bye... I go back to my town the next day, and she emails me and says she wanted to kiss me that night before. I was struck with awe. I never thought she wanted me that way.

...especiall since, the down side of this situation, she was living with someone. The thing is I've always been a hard-core Pearl Jam fan since I was 14. Ironically, so was her boyfriend. I felt that nothing would ever happen between her and I. But I thought to myself that it felt so right! Regardless of her situation, after I moved back to the other city we started talking on the phone. She said to me that she wanted to leave him, and wanted to continue "our" relationship. Now, I was eating up everything she had to say. I believed that we were going to end up together.

"Waiting, watching the clock it's four o'clock. It's got to stop. Tell him, take no more, she practices her speech as he opens the door. she rolls over, pretends to sleep as he looks her over"

We'd stay up late at nights, because her boyfriend wouldn't come home till 4 o'clock at night. I really don't know how her situation was with him, cause it really wasn't any of my business. But the jist of it was that the situation between them both was everything that Better Man spoke about. We'd been speaking for about 2-3 months until she called it off. Everything! Our plans to visit New York, our plans to wake up next to each other, and our plans to introduce me to her sister in Paris. She said that it was hard to find a good man. I couldn't do anything but to forget aboout it.

I begged her for a moment, but realized that it wasn't the right thing to do and I would end up losing anyways so I'd have to take it as it is. After it all spilled, we kept in touch from time to time and she said she still thought of me and still hoped to be with me. Eventually, she moved out from her ex-boyfriend's place and moved into her own. I wondered if her and I would still have the fire going so I saw her and I kissed her. She said she liked it, and said she liked my clothes and my beard and that she liked me... 3 days later I call again and ask if things between us were back to where we were a year ago. She says, "no." She told me that timing was everything... and the last time I spoke to her about "us" she still said that timing was everything. The truth is, it's been since April since she moved out and it's been over a year that my fire is still lighting for her. I'm left wondering what the hell went wrong... and I guess to this point I'm still wondering. "and he who forgets... will be destined to remember."

crazy charlie

I enjoyed reading your post. Funny how we reach out to words and make them our own as if they were branches, something to cling to when we're falling down. Hang in there deadman, hope springs eternal. Chances are "you'll be a star in somebody else's sky" when the clouds clear

Cheers,

darthvedder88

You know dude, I'm in the same boat as you. There's a girl I've been really good friends with for a long time, and I can imagine her in both songs..."Nothingman" and "Betterman." Amazing how we all relate, don't you think?

CheeseMaster

That's an interesting experience you went through. I'm glad you posted this, because I think it could help a lot of people with their own lives. My personal advice from my experience with relationships and just life in general, is to follow your heart. I've helped a good deal of people with depression, and even that very special someone that I could never let go, has been suicidal, and still is from time to time. In fact, sometimes I get that same hopeless feeling that she does, thinking she should just go ahead and do it. That I suppose is a good indication of how close we really are to understanding each other. I always kind of liked her as a friend, but she didn't seem like the type for me at first, seemed kind of...bubbly? or almost shallow at times. But one day I heard her in an argument with her friend about how she just wanted to end it all. That night, I called her, which was really odd for the both of us, because we never really talked at all. We were on the phone for over 6 hours, talking about the good, but mostly the bad. EVERY SINGLE time I had a new idea for her, or somethin to say, she could always retort it with something that totally destroyed my argument. This bothered me a great deal, because I ALWAYS knew what to say to anybody. This time there was just nothing for me to say, and nothing for me to give, except of course, my love (of course I hadn't considered that at the time, but it was brewing...). There was ALWAYS something keeping her from what she needed. Extremely abusive parents, a chemical imbalance depression that she'll have for the rest of her life. Her parents not allowing her to get anti depressants. Regular beatings, (I could always relate this to the song Rearviewmirror, which I always kind of thought was about abusive parents) Her spine and bones messed up from a car accident causing constant pain, she has insomnia can't sleep at all. And she is practically anorexic. I had absolutely nothing to give her except an ear, and that did not help in the slightest bit. I saw a new girl underneath this mask she wore all the time. A tortured soul that needed help. And then there was something more, that feeling that it was just right between us. Through the course of about a week, I had become wiser than I could have ever imagined. I came in touch with myself, and it also seems even today that Pearl Jam has this awesome connection with her and I. I came up with a theory somewhere in there. There are two different ways of thinking I believe. One is your mind, on the physical plane doing all of your learning and thought, and pretty much all most people ever use. I'm sure we can agree that money is not the answer to happiness and neither is power, but our 'minds' lead us to believe that. On the more spiritual plane we have our psychological 'hearts' which I believe express more subconcious, but true desires. True genuine love is connected with this I believe. People say love is unlike anything you could imagine until you experience it, well that's true, I think it's because love is experienced through your heart. Making decisions like dating someone or something should be made with your heart. I decided to date her, even though I knew that day I decided to do it, that I could very well be spending the rest of my life with her, because there was absolutely no getting out for me. If I dumped her and she loved me, there would be nothing left for her and I would guarantee that she would commit suicide. So as of right now, I'm stuck...And I couldn't be happier.
Anyways, the point I was trying to make is more about how you should try and distinguish your heart from your mind, and use each for the appropriate tasks. I believe my friend, if you had used your heart you would have ended up with her, but then again, maybe you did use your heart subconciously, and it will turn out for the better. It's all a great journey, just follow your heart. Peace friends, I hope you all find your ways.

Thin Air 211

It was very enjoyable to read your post, I must say. I'm a hardcore pearl jam fan at 14 (just had my birthday last month) It's pretty amazing to see other people's life situations, I guess thats why I enjoy meeting lots of different people and getting to know them. I think when you learn about someone else's experiences, you know how to react better if you ever get into the same position as they were in. I'm young, so I still got a lot more things to happen to me. People have a lot of the same stories, just in different detail and thats why I think songs can relate to their lives (just as long as you listen to your type of music, in our case is pearl jam). I hope everything works out for you and this girl.

Cropduster49

Stuff like that in life happens daily... It's weird how sometimes things work out for the best, but then other times don't..Like, your story Deadnothing. You think everything is going your way and everything will be alright, but then..BAM...Everything is turned around.
When I was in 8th grade, my whole life got fucked. Everything before then was amazing, I loved everything about my life and how it was going..Then..BAM... Everything changed..My parents got divorced and it's changed everything about my life and me....I am not what I used to be. I'm not depressed or anything, i'm just not the same. The divorce screwed up all kinds of friendships that my families had together..My mom's side hated my dad and my dad's side hated my mom. And it just created all kinds of bullshit. I got so pissed...I got so fed up that instead of living with my mom or dad, I moved in with my aunt for a while. Then after that...Instead of going back with my dad ( he had developed a drinking problem and I did not want to deal with that bullshit) I went and lived with my mom....Now, i'm in college at Clarion University in PA...Things at home are still chaotic...My mom isn't happy, my dad is super depressed because he has a shit job and has to pay child support for my sister that he can barely afford (before, he would just give my mom money every now and then and it was all fine, but one day my mom decides to take him to court so now he has to pay actual child support). Now he has to go to court because he is having trouble paying it.. He's trying to get a steady job, I think it's bullshit what my mom did. I'm pissed at her, she knew he was trying as hard as he could...I went and visited home a few weeks ago and I went to my dad's house. He's at the bottom of a pit. Just looking at him I could tell he was so unhappy. He tries hard to get back up but he gets fucking shoved right down...But no matter how hard he gets pushed down he gets right back up and keeps fighting. I just hope that one day they will both be on good terms and just be happy.

But that's the thing, everyone has certain obstacles in life they have to conquer...It can come at anytime and hit hard or not so hard.....But you gotta find ways to get through it.. Like lyrics in songs. You can find your life situations in songs..And hearing them in songs makes you realize that you aren't the only one. It stops you from feeling alone. I just helps to know that someone else understands you. It's a good feeling.

CheeseMaster

Yea, situations like that happen all the time...It's really sad, makes me think what's the point of it all? I find it inspiring to see people get back up, and keep fighting. It gives me hope.
Ironically, just after I posted my story, my whole life may have changed. As it turns out, things might not go as well as I had thought they would...But then again I'm not sure...I could easily join the 'nothingman' club...I know how ya feel man, only in my circumstance, it's not a could have had. But something I had, and lost.
I don't much believe anything anymore. Anything I think or say, I don't have any reason to believe any of it. I don't have anything that really distinguishes me as a person anymore...All I know is that I'm still in love, but I'm not sure if that is mutual anymore. How could anyone love a nothingman?

deadnothingbetter

After I wrote this post, the very next day, I did something, which i'm not sure if it was stupid or not, but I called her. We spoke for awhile and she seemed to be "okay" I guess... happy to hear from me in a way, but that's about it. She was "nice" as always. Then I spoke to her Sunday for about 5-10 min adn asked when she'd invite me to her place... She said she would whenver I went over to the city she is in. I said, "okay, then that will be somewhere around after Thanksgiving." A year ago I called her once and asked "A year from now, let's be lauging together." Last night, when I spoke with her I reminded her about the plans we made last year. And she said, "And you're trying to make it come true?" I simply said, "I'm not trying, just seeing. Okey, dokey smokey?" She just laughed (which is good, I guess)... I somehow feel that I should get over it... and move on, but for some reason I can't get over the moments we both shared. then perhaps, maybe, the moments she shared with her boyfriend also has left a scar. In other words, she's got history. My objective is to not be that same loveable man that I was then, but instead be everything she's ever dreamed for. I hope it works. Thank you all for your input... sorry I responded late...