Yield Day in April! Like Christmas in July...but with a little less God, and a lot more Pearl Jam!!!

Lucky One

So I celebrate a different Yield day than most…April 26th.

***trigger warning***

I was planning a wedding when it was released in February 98, so that’s my excuse, though I still can’t hardly believe I didn’t pick it up somewhere in the month between release and the wedding.

About a month after I got married, I heard through a relative of a relative that my birth father had passed away.  He left when I was six weeks old, and I only remember seeing him one time when I was about 8.  I immediately felt like I was supposed to go, but I was broke from the wedding, so I ended up asking my step-father to help me fly out for the funeral.

I spent the night before with my Aunt and for some reason we found a poem and a bible passage in case I ended up speaking.  I still have no idea why we thought that would happen, but it was a good thing we did.

I showed up, in my Marine Corps dress blues (because that’s just what a silly young Jarhead does…) and this dude walks up to me and asks “are you who I think you are?”  Um, I dunno…who do you think I am?  “Are you Mark’s son?”  This guy was his best friend, and he had organized the funeral.

This was how I started to learn that he had kept tabs on me.  He had known everything about me; that I was a Marine, that I had just gotten married the month before he died.  Apparently he had remained friends with my uncle and got updates from him.

We chatted for a bit, and eventually he asked if I wanted to say a few words.  So I read the poem and verses, and spoke for about 10 minutes.  I have ended up doing a lot of public speaking, and I usually remember everything and run it back in my head and critique it.  To this day I barely remember a word I said.

His friend owned a restaurant so we ended up there, eating and drinking, celebrating Mark’s life.  I got to hear a lot about him, and of course there ended up being a lot we had in common.

Andy asked if I wanted to check out Mark’s stuff and see if there was anything meaningful I might find.  I discovered the flag from my grandmother’s funeral.  She had kept in touch with me until I was about 12 when she and my mother had a falling out.  I never knew she had been in the military until his funeral.  That flag is in my living room now, in a shadowbox with some of her military pictures and awards.

I still don’t comprehend this next part, but this is what happened…  Andy said Mark had bought a car about a month earlier, well after he knew he was dying.  Andy had this theory that Mark bought it just in case I showed up at the funeral, so I would be able to have something.  Maybe Mark really thought that, or maybe Andy just wanted to not mess with this car.   It still seems like a stretch, but I bought in and he signed it over to me since he had power of attorney.

It was a 19 hour car ride back home.  I had a CD Walkman with me, and the car had a tape deck.  I didn’t want to get another tape adapter thingie, since I had one at home, so I headed to the store to grab some music.  I’ll never forget the feeling when I saw Yield.  I felt so silly for missing it, but it felt like A BIG DEAL that I would be listening to that all the way home. 

That was one helluva ride.  I’m sure it wasn’t the best idea to look at the lyrics while I was driving (cassette lyrics…ugh…) but I got to know those songs quickly, and with the context of everything that had happened over the previous week, I am attached to that album like no other.

I left out the part about the six months before his funeral, it involved a suicide attempt, disclosing that I was sexually abused as a child, and confronting and forgiving one of my abusers.

Fast forward 20 years.  5 kids.  1 divorce.  Another wedding.  My brother and I developed a tradition of seeing PJ and Ed together.  We have about 6 PJ shows and 3 or 4 Ed shows now.

I live in Milwaukee now, and can’t possibly put into words the feeling when they started playing Faithful on my daughter’s birthday here.  I just knew we were getting the whole thing.  Yieldwaukee!!!

I now work as an advocate in a rape crisis center.  I am working toward being a counselor and focusing on sexual abuse.  We don’t charge patients, because they shouldn’t have to pay for that, so we do a lot of fundraising.  Our big annual event is a fashion show, featuring survivors who have used our services who share a bit of their story and model clothes that one of our sponsors donates.  I was asked to be a model this year.  The event was on Denim day, April 25th.  20 years to the day after the funeral.  (I bought the tape the next day before driving home.)

We got to choose our music to walk the catwalk to, and I was really thinking hard about ‘Alive’.  The whole incest aspect, and the storytellers story about how we changed the meaning of that song for Ed, and its’ place in the Momma-Son trilogy, it seemed perfect.  I plan on calling my counseling center ‘Footsteps’ once I open my own place.

This was before I realized the date of the event.  I knew it was close, but I just didn’t remember the exact day.  So I went and dug up the funeral announcement, and sure enough, it was the same date.  So of course I had to change it to ‘Given to fly’.  Could there be any other choice?

I fell in love with the San Fran TOTD poster even though I didn’t see any of those shows (RIP Chris!).  That is the only poster I have bought from a show I didn’t go to.  It is a part of my video of my story for the event.  I love the idea of the phoenix rising, and Pearl Jam rising from the ashes of the tragedy of Mother Love Bone has been a huge inspiration for me in so many ways, especially turning the pain of sexual abuse into being to help others who have experienced this to find healing.

This is already too long, so I won’t spend too much time at the event, but it was one of the most powerful moments of my life.  I had always thought nothing could top speaking at my father’s funeral; this went light years beyond.  One big difference was that everyone at that funeral, especially my father, was a stranger, but I got to share this show with friends and family and a bunch of people I care about.  And because of some of the personal work I have done, I was actually able to do that.

I owe such a debt to this band.  Their music has allowed me to experience and process so many emotions, especially before it was safe for me to do so with other people.

I’m still Alive!

I was Given to Fly!!! 

https://youtu.be/C0DL0_W8EMw 

Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

 

Yesterday’s dead
Tomorrow’s unborn
So there’s nothing to fear
And nothing to mourn
For all that is past
And all that has been
Can never return
To be lived once again
And what lies ahead
Or the things that will be
Are still in God’s hands
So it’s not up to me
To live in the future
That’s is God’s great unknown
For the past and the present
God claims for His own
So all I need do
Is to live for today
And trust God to show me
The truth and the way
For it’s only the memory
Of things that have been
And expecting tomorrow
To bring trouble again
That fills my today
Which God wants to bless
With uncertain fears
And borrowed distress
For all I need live for
Is this one little minute
For life’s here and now
And eternity’s in it

 

Helen Steiner Rice

 

 

Galations 4:4-7 But when the fullness of the time came, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the Law, so that He might redeem those who were under the Law, that we might receive the adoption as sons. Because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” Therefore you are no longer a slave, but a son; and if a son, then an heir through God.

RYME

Lucky One said:

So I celebrate a different Yield day than most…April 26th.

***trigger warning***

I was planning a wedding when it was released in February 98, so that’s my excuse, though I still can’t hardly believe I didn’t pick it up somewhere in the month between release and the wedding.

About a month after I got married, I heard through a relative of a relative that my birth father had passed away.  He left when I was six weeks old, and I only remember seeing him one time when I was about 8.  I immediately felt like I was supposed to go, but I was broke from the wedding, so I ended up asking my step-father to help me fly out for the funeral.

I spent the night before with my Aunt and for some reason we found a poem and a bible passage in case I ended up speaking.  I still have no idea why we thought that would happen, but it was a good thing we did.

I showed up, in my Marine Corps dress blues (because that’s just what a silly young Jarhead does…) and this dude walks up to me and asks “are you who I think you are?”  Um, I dunno…who do you think I am?  “Are you Mark’s son?”  This guy was his best friend, and he had organized the funeral.

This was how I started to learn that he had kept tabs on me.  He had known everything about me; that I was a Marine, that I had just gotten married the month before he died.  Apparently he had remained friends with my uncle and got updates from him.

We chatted for a bit, and eventually he asked if I wanted to say a few words.  So I read the poem and verses, and spoke for about 10 minutes.  I have ended up doing a lot of public speaking, and I usually remember everything and run it back in my head and critique it.  To this day I barely remember a word I said.

His friend owned a restaurant so we ended up there, eating and drinking, celebrating Mark’s life.  I got to hear a lot about him, and of course there ended up being a lot we had in common.

Andy asked if I wanted to check out Mark’s stuff and see if there was anything meaningful I might find.  I discovered the flag from my grandmother’s funeral.  She had kept in touch with me until I was about 12 when she and my mother had a falling out.  I never knew she had been in the military until his funeral.  That flag is in my living room now, in a shadowbox with some of her military pictures and awards.

I still don’t comprehend this next part, but this is what happened…  Andy said Mark had bought a car about a month earlier, well after he knew he was dying.  Andy had this theory that Mark bought it just in case I showed up at the funeral, so I would be able to have something.  Maybe Mark really thought that, or maybe Andy just wanted to not mess with this car.   It still seems like a stretch, but I bought in and he signed it over to me since he had power of attorney.

It was a 19 hour car ride back home.  I had a CD Walkman with me, and the car had a tape deck.  I didn’t want to get another tape adapter thingie, since I had one at home, so I headed to the store to grab some music.  I’ll never forget the feeling when I saw Yield.  I felt so silly for missing it, but it felt like A BIG DEAL that I would be listening to that all the way home. 

That was one helluva ride.  I’m sure it wasn’t the best idea to look at the lyrics while I was driving (cassette lyrics…ugh…) but I got to know those songs quickly, and with the context of everything that had happened over the previous week, I am attached to that album like no other.

I left out the part about the six months before his funeral, it involved a suicide attempt, disclosing that I was sexually abused as a child, and confronting and forgiving one of my abusers.

Fast forward 20 years.  5 kids.  1 divorce.  Another wedding.  My brother and I developed a tradition of seeing PJ and Ed together.  We have about 6 PJ shows and 3 or 4 Ed shows now.

I live in Milwaukee now, and can’t possibly put into words the feeling when they started playing Faithful on my daughter’s birthday here.  I just knew we were getting the whole thing.  Yieldwaukee!!!

I now work as an advocate in a rape crisis center.  I am working toward being a counselor and focusing on sexual abuse.  We don’t charge patients, because they shouldn’t have to pay for that, so we do a lot of fundraising.  Our big annual event is a fashion show, featuring survivors who have used our services who share a bit of their story and model clothes that one of our sponsors donates.  I was asked to be a model this year.  The event was on Denim day, April 25th.  20 years to the day after the funeral.  (I bought the tape the next day before driving home.)

We got to choose our music to walk the catwalk to, and I was really thinking hard about ‘Alive’.  The whole incest aspect, and the storytellers story about how we changed the meaning of that song for Ed, and its’ place in the Momma-Son trilogy, it seemed perfect.  I plan on calling my counseling center ‘Footsteps’ once I open my own place.

This was before I realized the date of the event.  I knew it was close, but I just didn’t remember the exact day.  So I went and dug up the funeral announcement, and sure enough, it was the same date.  So of course I had to change it to ‘Given to fly’.  Could there be any other choice?

I fell in love with the San Fran TOTD poster even though I didn’t see any of those shows (RIP Chris!).  That is the only poster I have bought from a show I didn’t go to.  It is a part of my video of my story for the event.  I love the idea of the phoenix rising, and Pearl Jam rising from the ashes of the tragedy of Mother Love Bone has been a huge inspiration for me in so many ways, especially turning the pain of sexual abuse into being to help others who have experienced this to find healing.

This is already too long, so I won’t spend too much time at the event, but it was one of the most powerful moments of my life.  I had always thought nothing could top speaking at my father’s funeral; this went light years beyond.  One big difference was that everyone at that funeral, especially my father, was a stranger, but I got to share this show with friends and family and a bunch of people I care about.  And because of some of the personal work I have done, I was actually able to do that.

I owe such a debt to this band.  Their music has allowed me to experience and process so many emotions, especially before it was safe for me to do so with other people.

I’m still Alive!

I was Given to Fly!!! 

https://youtu.be/C0DL0_W8EMw 

Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

 

Yesterday’s dead
Tomorrow’s unborn
So there’s nothing to fear
And nothing to mourn
For all that is past
And all that has been
Can never return
To be lived once again
And what lies ahead
Or the things that will be
Are still in God’s hands
So it’s not up to me
To live in the future
That’s is God’s great unknown
For the past and the present
God claims for His own
So all I need do
Is to live for today
And trust God to show me
The truth and the way
For it’s only the memory
Of things that have been
And expecting tomorrow
To bring trouble again
That fills my today
Which God wants to bless
With uncertain fears
And borrowed distress
For all I need live for
Is this one little minute
For life’s here and now
And eternity’s in it

 

Helen Steiner Rice

 

 

Galations 4:4-7 But when the fullness of the time came, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the Law, so that He might redeem those who were under the Law, that we might receive the adoption as sons. Because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” Therefore you are no longer a slave, but a son; and if a son, then an heir through God.

Hey, I just found this thread!!
I am a fellow Wisconsinite!!
Fellow Pearl Jam fan!!
Thank you for your service!!!!!
 I live down in Fontana, Wisconsin.
Hope to meet you someday so I can thank you in person and maybe we go to a PJ show together!!!!
What a great & moving story.
God Bless You Lucky One!;

RYME

... bumping it cause it's a neat story...

hedonist

Wow.  Just beautifully told...and I can relate in ways.

Keep living, keep flying.

Thank you for sharing this.

Lucky One

RYME said:

Hey, I just found this thread!!
I am a fellow Wisconsinite!!
Fellow Pearl Jam fan!!
Thank you for your service!!!!!
 I live down in Fontana, Wisconsin.
Hope to meet you someday so I can thank you in person and maybe we go to a PJ show together!!!!
What a great & moving story.
God Bless You Lucky One!;

Hey thanks!
My brother and I have had a good run of getting 10C tickets, but we should definitely meet up, are you going to Chicago?  I'm going both nights.

Lucky One

hedonist said:

Wow.  Just beautifully told...and I can relate in ways.

Keep living, keep flying.

Thank you for sharing this.

Thanks!
Everything has been just a little bit different since that day.
You're welcome.