Song of the day(Betterman)
JDE-PJ
Posts: 721
This song off of Vitalogy was written before the lead singer joined the band, I believe it is a fan favorite to some;)
Betterman
RrVwMirror
2/7/01 08:34 AM
SOTD: ...BETTER MAN
El Conquistador
10/4/99 08:22 AM
Can't find a BETTERMAN
We can all agree this is one of pj's all time greats....what does it mean to you?
BETTER MAN
Waitin', watchin' the clock, it's four o'clock, it's got to stop
Tell him, take no more, she practices her speech
As he opens the door, she rolls over...
Pretends to sleep as he looks her over
She lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man...
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man...
Can't find a better man (2x)
Ohh...
Talkin' to herself, there's no one else who needs to know...
She tells herself, oh...
Memories back when she was bold and strong
And waiting for the world to come along...
Swears she knew it, now she swears he's gone
She lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man...
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man...
She lies and says she still loves him, can't find a better man...
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man...
Can't find a better man (2x)
Yeah...
She loved him, yeah...she don't want to leave this way
She feeds him, yeah...that's why she'll be back again
Can't find a better man (3x)
Can't find a better...man...
Ohh...ohh...
Uh huh... (5x)
Ohh...
dan_alive
10/4/99 08:31 AM
Re: Can't find a BETTERMAN
i can somehow subconsciously relate to this... to me, it's about having some woman in your life who is torn between you and someone else. She still loves him and feeds him, which is superficial proof of her love for him. I can't explain all of the feelings in it... it's also about the guy, who has some problems ... maybe some day both of there problems will draw them togther forever...
???
Dan.
"Escape is never the safest path"
hedonist
10/4/99 10:14 AM
Re: Can't find a BETTERMAN
This song always reminds me of my mom...she went back to work when my sister and I got close to our teens...fell in love with the man she was working for...fell in love with him enough to break up our family, for him to leave his...and now, almost 20 years later, they're still married but have this dynamic of either fighting like cats and dogs or being head over heels in love...one extreme or the other...and sometimes she tells me she wants to leave him, that she'd rather be happy by herself and do without all the material things he gives her...but she doesn't...doesn't think she can do it alone at her age, after all this time...so she stays with him...whatever the reasons...and I think, THIS is what all our heartache was for? She's always been a good mother, but sometimes I feel, we all lost so much just so she can be with this man (who's actually OK, been a pretty good stepdad), and she damn well BETTER be happy with the choice she made, because we're all paying for it in some way...and this isn't selfishness speaking...well, maybe a little...but I just want her to be happy, to find peace and feel loved...like all of us...
I don't think this is the intended meaning behind this song, but that's my take on it...always makes me a little sad...especially dreaming in color...reminds me of such intense longing, closing your eyes, refusing to see what's right in front of you sometimes, and not having the courage or strength to reach for it...
allareone
10/4/99 10:48 AM
Re: Can't find a BETTERMAN
This is a fantaastic song!!! Many decisions again made on this one for me
I once sang this to a guy I was living with (and we were having rough times) and I thought 'what if i can't find a betterman? Then i re-thought, bugger it...it's not like we were having any fun or living in love together, so we both decided to brake up (i think singing this song was the final nail):). I found it hard getting use to singledom again but I believe it was for the best...that was just over two years ago and current days, pretty much the same story LO2L version - kicks some butt . I love this song, I can relate with so many of the lines...talkin to herself... don't we all?
I see Hedonist viewpoint, experienced the same thing but i've never reflected this song onto my mum... that was her decision, i was quite young when my parents split, so i know life no different. I use to wonder how my parents were attracted to each other, it's been unimaginable for manny, many years
It means alot to me this song, always has...always will:). The melodies, the emotion, it hits home in so many spheres.
I have a pregnant friend who is with a man now and went back firstly because she didn't want to be alone...she lied & said she still loved him.
THEelderlywoman
10/4/99 11:46 AM
Re: Can't find a BETTERMAN
i've been waiting for this song for a long time--not really b/c i have anything extremely insightful, but b/c this version on LO2L was from the concert i was at in rapid city. when i found out that it was from "my" concert, i completely freaked out and was crying and over-emotional b/c i was so damn excited. it was so amazing live--and it was in the 'man' trilogy. they played nothingman, leatherman, and betterman all in a row. it was simply gorgeous. anyway, i just wanted to share my excitement with others who understand my obsession.
i wish i was the verb to trust and never let you down...
CandleOfThought
10/4/99 4:29 PM
Re: Can't find a BETTERMAN
I have heard a live version of this one on the radio... I don't know when or where it happened... but anyway, in this version, Vedder says that they're going to play an old song, but that it's a good song, in his view. And then he adds: "This is dedicated to the bastard who married my mother".
So, to all of you who like to think that Vedder's lyrics are autobiographical, here's the jackpot: this one admittedly *is*. It is also, to my knowledge, the only song from the Bad Radio days to have been recovered by Pearl Jam. Maybe that's one of the reasons I always loved it - something with a famliar sound, amidst so many odd numbers in Vitalogy.
Anyway, this is about (not) having the courage to end a relationship that has withered and which is not worth fighting for anymore. It's about (not) being able to accept the failure and move on. The theme is very familiar to me; Portugal is a catholic society, where divorce has long been tainted with the coulours of shame. And it's also a less modern one, insofar as working women are a relatively recent reality. So I know a lot of couples one or two generations older who are still married though there's nothing left in the marriage, who won't bear to commit the sin of divorce or to be disgraced by their spouse committing it, or in which the woman just doesn't have the means to support herself on her own.
Even at home, I know there were times when my mother only hung on because of me, because she wanted to spare me the heartbreak of having separated parents, for she had little hope that my father would ever adapt to being a husband and a father after his war trauma. Actually, today I don't think they could live without each other, but it took a long time for both to adjust. Could she have found a better man? Who knows... but personally I'm glad she withstood it and that I thus still have a family.
But withstanding difficulty in marriage is beside the point. This song is about opening your eyes, not pretending everything is alright. It doesn't tell you to abandon a relationship when there are problems, but that if you don't, you need to acknowledge the problems and fight to solve them, not be the meek and mild side that always folds to avoid discussion and disruption, for that won't lead you anywhere except to a dead end and a life of swallowing bitter tears.
As I said, I love the simplicity, the pureness of form in this song. It sounds so un-ambitious, yet it is so much more moving than other more complex, "concept" songs in the album. I can hear the clock ticking at the beginning, feel the anticlimax as she rolls over, see the blurs of the fake colours, all so material, so *vivid*, as I would describe this song if I had to do it in just one word...
*** CandleOfThought ***
"Shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you feel"
Betterman
RrVwMirror
2/7/01 08:34 AM
SOTD: ...BETTER MAN
El Conquistador
10/4/99 08:22 AM
Can't find a BETTERMAN
We can all agree this is one of pj's all time greats....what does it mean to you?
BETTER MAN
Waitin', watchin' the clock, it's four o'clock, it's got to stop
Tell him, take no more, she practices her speech
As he opens the door, she rolls over...
Pretends to sleep as he looks her over
She lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man...
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man...
Can't find a better man (2x)
Ohh...
Talkin' to herself, there's no one else who needs to know...
She tells herself, oh...
Memories back when she was bold and strong
And waiting for the world to come along...
Swears she knew it, now she swears he's gone
She lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man...
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man...
She lies and says she still loves him, can't find a better man...
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man...
Can't find a better man (2x)
Yeah...
She loved him, yeah...she don't want to leave this way
She feeds him, yeah...that's why she'll be back again
Can't find a better man (3x)
Can't find a better...man...
Ohh...ohh...
Uh huh... (5x)
Ohh...
dan_alive
10/4/99 08:31 AM
Re: Can't find a BETTERMAN
i can somehow subconsciously relate to this... to me, it's about having some woman in your life who is torn between you and someone else. She still loves him and feeds him, which is superficial proof of her love for him. I can't explain all of the feelings in it... it's also about the guy, who has some problems ... maybe some day both of there problems will draw them togther forever...
???
Dan.
"Escape is never the safest path"
hedonist
10/4/99 10:14 AM
Re: Can't find a BETTERMAN
This song always reminds me of my mom...she went back to work when my sister and I got close to our teens...fell in love with the man she was working for...fell in love with him enough to break up our family, for him to leave his...and now, almost 20 years later, they're still married but have this dynamic of either fighting like cats and dogs or being head over heels in love...one extreme or the other...and sometimes she tells me she wants to leave him, that she'd rather be happy by herself and do without all the material things he gives her...but she doesn't...doesn't think she can do it alone at her age, after all this time...so she stays with him...whatever the reasons...and I think, THIS is what all our heartache was for? She's always been a good mother, but sometimes I feel, we all lost so much just so she can be with this man (who's actually OK, been a pretty good stepdad), and she damn well BETTER be happy with the choice she made, because we're all paying for it in some way...and this isn't selfishness speaking...well, maybe a little...but I just want her to be happy, to find peace and feel loved...like all of us...
I don't think this is the intended meaning behind this song, but that's my take on it...always makes me a little sad...especially dreaming in color...reminds me of such intense longing, closing your eyes, refusing to see what's right in front of you sometimes, and not having the courage or strength to reach for it...
allareone
10/4/99 10:48 AM
Re: Can't find a BETTERMAN
This is a fantaastic song!!! Many decisions again made on this one for me
I once sang this to a guy I was living with (and we were having rough times) and I thought 'what if i can't find a betterman? Then i re-thought, bugger it...it's not like we were having any fun or living in love together, so we both decided to brake up (i think singing this song was the final nail):). I found it hard getting use to singledom again but I believe it was for the best...that was just over two years ago and current days, pretty much the same story LO2L version - kicks some butt . I love this song, I can relate with so many of the lines...talkin to herself... don't we all? I see Hedonist viewpoint, experienced the same thing but i've never reflected this song onto my mum... that was her decision, i was quite young when my parents split, so i know life no different. I use to wonder how my parents were attracted to each other, it's been unimaginable for manny, many years
It means alot to me this song, always has...always will:). The melodies, the emotion, it hits home in so many spheres.
I have a pregnant friend who is with a man now and went back firstly because she didn't want to be alone...she lied & said she still loved him.
THEelderlywoman
10/4/99 11:46 AM
Re: Can't find a BETTERMAN
i've been waiting for this song for a long time--not really b/c i have anything extremely insightful, but b/c this version on LO2L was from the concert i was at in rapid city. when i found out that it was from "my" concert, i completely freaked out and was crying and over-emotional b/c i was so damn excited. it was so amazing live--and it was in the 'man' trilogy. they played nothingman, leatherman, and betterman all in a row. it was simply gorgeous. anyway, i just wanted to share my excitement with others who understand my obsession.
i wish i was the verb to trust and never let you down...
CandleOfThought
10/4/99 4:29 PM
Re: Can't find a BETTERMAN
I have heard a live version of this one on the radio... I don't know when or where it happened... but anyway, in this version, Vedder says that they're going to play an old song, but that it's a good song, in his view. And then he adds: "This is dedicated to the bastard who married my mother".
So, to all of you who like to think that Vedder's lyrics are autobiographical, here's the jackpot: this one admittedly *is*. It is also, to my knowledge, the only song from the Bad Radio days to have been recovered by Pearl Jam. Maybe that's one of the reasons I always loved it - something with a famliar sound, amidst so many odd numbers in Vitalogy.
Anyway, this is about (not) having the courage to end a relationship that has withered and which is not worth fighting for anymore. It's about (not) being able to accept the failure and move on. The theme is very familiar to me; Portugal is a catholic society, where divorce has long been tainted with the coulours of shame. And it's also a less modern one, insofar as working women are a relatively recent reality. So I know a lot of couples one or two generations older who are still married though there's nothing left in the marriage, who won't bear to commit the sin of divorce or to be disgraced by their spouse committing it, or in which the woman just doesn't have the means to support herself on her own.
Even at home, I know there were times when my mother only hung on because of me, because she wanted to spare me the heartbreak of having separated parents, for she had little hope that my father would ever adapt to being a husband and a father after his war trauma. Actually, today I don't think they could live without each other, but it took a long time for both to adjust. Could she have found a better man? Who knows... but personally I'm glad she withstood it and that I thus still have a family.
But withstanding difficulty in marriage is beside the point. This song is about opening your eyes, not pretending everything is alright. It doesn't tell you to abandon a relationship when there are problems, but that if you don't, you need to acknowledge the problems and fight to solve them, not be the meek and mild side that always folds to avoid discussion and disruption, for that won't lead you anywhere except to a dead end and a life of swallowing bitter tears.
As I said, I love the simplicity, the pureness of form in this song. It sounds so un-ambitious, yet it is so much more moving than other more complex, "concept" songs in the album. I can hear the clock ticking at the beginning, feel the anticlimax as she rolls over, see the blurs of the fake colours, all so material, so *vivid*, as I would describe this song if I had to do it in just one word...
*** CandleOfThought ***
"Shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you feel"
I know someday you will have a beautiful Life
Jason
Jason
Post edited by Unknown User on
0
Comments
10/4/99 4:59 PM
Re: Can't find a BETTERMAN
To me this song brings me to tears.... it really hits home. My Dad is physically disabled ( can walk but not far), is a manic depressive and many other psychological problems. To make a long story short, he's an asshole.. He is verbally abusive( to us kids also) and treats my mom like shit ... when he should worship the ground she walks upon... she does everything,cooks,cleans,pays the bills, everything, including waiting on him hand and foot. I prayed all my life she would divorce him, still do.... she crys constantly and it breaks my heart to see her suffer , the only breaks she gets from my father is when he is in the hospital ( like he is now).... I pray and im sure she does also for a better LIFE, not even a better MAN for my mom, she means the world to me and I always told her it would be ok if she wanted to leave, and if she did, id go with her.
hedonist
10/4/99 5:22 PM
You sound like a good daughter...
...and you probably give her more strength than you realize...
JDE-PJ
10/4/99 5:27 PM
The Bastard who married my Momma
Candle this version is from the Atlanta Fox Theater show 4/3/94!
This song has been decribed very nicely by everyone else here so I have nothing to add.
I know someday you will have a beautiful life
Jason
OpenBand4TheSun
10/4/99 8:25 PM
Vitalogy
First off... hedonist, comin' from a "broken" home myself, I totally see your view. I love your emotion! But since it is usually out of our hands, I suggest you take some advice from CandleofThought.
But what I really wanna add is... so far, and we really haven't gotten very far... so far, mainly women have responded to this song. I actually found it hard to come up with my interpretation. As a man I find this song very Humbling... "Beautiful and Humbling"
present tense
10/4/99 8:32 PM
Re: Can't find a BETTERMAN
the live version is from a concert in atlanta, in '94. i think at the fox. an atlanta station aired the
show live, and i had it on tape, but wore it out before i had time to make a copy. the concert was
released on the dissident single trio, but betterman and whipping were taken off of the cd....i
think because vs had been released, but vitalogy hadn't been released yet.
FoXyMo
10/4/99 9:04 PM
Re: You sound like a good daughter...
Thank you Hedonist !! She has alot of strength, its the only reason shes still alive.
yellow ledvedder
10/4/99 9:42 PM
Re: Can't find a BETTERMAN
"Cannot find the comfort in this world"
I've got the show from Soldier Field in Chicago and before this song he similarly says...." This is dedicated to the bastard that married my momma" Great song, LO2L is a great version too......
ledvedder
brokenarrow
10/4/99 11:01 PM
Vitalogy...Betterman....
OpenBandforTheSun...You are one great man.....To say you are humbled...well, that just confirmed what a good fellow you are....You've got a heart the size of the world...
Hedonist, I'm sorry for the pain your family break up has caused you, but it is something us, as the kids of these break ups, can't control. We are so young when these things happen...and pray our parents are making right decisions,,,My Mom did, by leaving my father...Thank God.
...FoxYMo...You are a good daughter...always be there for your Mom, as you have been....You are her strength as hedonist said...
You're interps. were right on and perfect everyone...
for my personal feeling on "Betterman" just read "nothingman"....
brokenarrow>
wendi
10/4/99 11:56 PM
Re: Can't find a BETTERMAN
I loved all the interp's and they fit what I would say more or less. I just want to add that with the meaning of this song so "obvious" to all of us, why would some people think it a love song?? I'm talking about that guy who proposed at a concert last year, using this song...that just bugs.....
hedonist
10/5/99 00:25 AM
Made me stop and think...
Just read brokenarrow's post, and I was struck by how many of us here come from homes of divorce, abuse, sadness...and a lot of what I read here today made me take pause, and think about this divorce and other stuff I grew up with...you are all so right about how little control we as children have over these things...yes, I still feel anger and loss...and I am also too aware of my blessings, the fact that my parents never put my sister and me in the middle of them, that they're still friends...about a year after they divorced, my dad and I went out to dinner and by sheer chance got seated across from my mom and her new husband (who was also my dad's friend before all of this)...gentleman that my father is, he went over and shook this man's hand, and congratulated them...that's what I mean by blessed...I know how much worse things could have been...and usually I'm OK with it, it's reality...I can't run away from it...
Sorry I strayed from my original point, and that was...these daily song interps have provided a sort of outlet for us...for me...it's somewhat cathartic, and healing, to think back on some shit time in your life and write about it...to expose a part of yourself that's usually kept in the dark...to know that you have gone through something similar, or worse...and that you survived, and continue to blossom...
And then, it always comes back to that music...
Jason
2/7/01 09:13 AM
Re: SOTD: ...BETTER MAN
Hedonist thats an incredible story. Usually you get people making up funny stuff and taking the piss all the time. Its nice to know there are alot of genuine people out there. Im in no position to comment on what has happened but thats not to say it hasnt touched me.
The song means alot to me as I broke up with a girl I loved after I went over to a foreign country to see her. We broke up for no reason but I couldnt stand being without her and when I went there I was counting the days I had to go home rather than enjoying the time we had together.
The last day I went back to her and we put Vitalogy into the cd player and she wanted to play Nothingman as our final song before I went home but I felt it was too melancholic for the moment . You have to bear in mind that I had broken up with the girl on the second day of seeing her after waiting a year and writing loads of personal letters to each other. It was three weeks later and I was in her room and we needed a song to part on so I chose Betterman because I felt that the lines "She loved him, yeah...she don't want to leave this way. She feeds him, yeah...that's why she'll be back again" were really apt. But for this to work I had to sing the chorus being Cant find a Bettergirl. It was a beautiful moment in my life that I will remember forever. I actually met her for the first time in 5.5 years and I brought my guitar abroad to meet her. I had learned it for her and it was just like old times.
Thats why this song means so much to me.
hedonist
2/7/01 10:51 AM
Thanks so much, PD.....
I think many of us found a sort of mini-therapy, in writing about our experiences related to these songs of the day...I know I did......
And as a sidenote, I love the Romanza intro this song was given on the tour...interesting how a song titled "Romance" would preface this one........
justmebd
2/7/01 11:09 AM
Re: Thanks so much, PD.....
I too went overseas for a girl. Then found out it wasn't going to work. I had met her when she came to visit some relatives by me. We struck up a friendship that continued long after she left. The opportunity arose for me to go see her and I took it. But, something had happened to her in the intervening year. She wasn't the same person I had grown to like and admire. She had a profound effect on my life and how I decided to live it. It was very heartbreaking to realize that this girl was not what she used to be and was completely incapable of realizing what she had done. I haven't talked to her in almost five months. I doubt I ever will again. Pride compels me to not contact her, but circumstances of our last few weeks together tell me that any attempt would be futile anyway. She changed, and not in a good way. She has a long, lonely road ahead of her and I will always be sorry that I could do nothing for her. I hope she finds a Betterman.
"I try not to get involved in my life, it's much too complicated."
RrVwMirror
2/7/01 8:59 PM
Re: SOTD: ...BETTER MAN
justmebd and Pilot's dog....what similiar stories.....interesting that they both relate to Better Man......Thanks for sharing with us!
I let my music take me where my heart wants to go....
~C.S.
vitolochica
2/8/01 02:45 AM
Re: SOTD: ...BETTER MAN
this is the song that brings me to tears. I broke down at the SF show last year, especially during the SIFL tag. My mom, one day she'll find a betterman.....
que me gaste yo la vida devorando...cada pensamiento tuyo cada paso...
Overboard
2/8/01 03:53 AM
No one has yet touched on this interpritation...
When i first heard the song it felt sad... as we all know Mr. Vedder dosen't loke to explain the literal interpritations of the song...
This is what i love about his songwriting...
Think about it as a posative thing...
"can't find a better man" is not a wall but a woman realising that dispite the challenges of long term relationships that many people give up on she is suddenly aware that he is as good as it gets...
nobody is perfect and that is why she stays with him not because of love or passion or honesty or anything else that most people assume is what a relationship is about. She is ok with the fact that they are not perfect for each other.
It is so emotional when he sings that it adds that depth to the song... it can be enlightening and positive if you just look at it the right way...
Like State of Love and Trust... PJ looked at the original and changed the chourus from "i listen to the voices in my head" in the original to the one i hear them play live "i listen from both sides of the bed" turning it into an anthem almost for true honest love or none at all...
well that is my spinn
"and i don't understand why i sleep all goddamn day... and i start to complain that there's no rain..."
"don't you know it ripps my life away"-blind melon
Jason
My ex-wife lives with a guy and they have good times and some bad times. Neither are bad people but they seem to have no idea what their screaming matches do to my son. Or what saying that one of them is moving out does.
I think all parents have to step back and remember what it was like to be a kid and that total feeling of having no power over your home life.
when it hits you, you feel to pain.
So brutalize me with music.”
~ Bob Marley