Marriage!

Malroth

How long? How Many? How Hard?

I have been married for ten years.
Would I be alone thinking a 5 yr on, 1 yr off rule would be a good idea for marriage?

vogonpoetbythelake

Depends on who you are off and on with...

F Me In The Brain

I'm on about marriage # 497 with Vodka.  

http://community.pearljam.com/discussion/263305/vodka-how-do-i-love-thee#latest

hedonist

F Me

We've been married close to four, together for near 18.  Been hard in both good and bad ways (nyuk nyuk).

I couldn't do the off/on thing with him - with us.  I like and love the motherfucker too much.

brianlux

Three times.  First for 13 years.  Second for 5 years.  Latest, last and best: living together 15 years, married 13 year this November right around Thanksgiving... and always thankful!

I think the key thing is understanding that marriages and relationships are hard.  Maybe not for everyone but for the vast majority.  Forget about "happily ever after".  Not gonna happen unless you're one in a million. Happy a lot of the time, sure.  But not always.

Major helps: Respect, awareness of your mates needs/wants, and being kind.

Two other things keep us on track.  1) Allowance.  We each get a weekly allowance to do what we want with, no questions asked, no criticism on each others' spending.  All other expenses have to be agreed on.  2) "Family Meetings".  At least every-other week we have Family Meeting where we sit down, go over our calendars, plan future events, discuss pragmatic needs as well as emotional issues.  My wife thought up both of these ideas.  She's a genius.

Who Princess

Lol, I have a feeling I've been married longer than some people on this board have been alive.  Celebrated our 39th anniversary this past weekend.  I don't see how I could possibly be old enough to have been married that long but there it is.

Plenty of ups and downs over time and some difficult periods.  There are some things that get a little easier with time but there's no predicting or controlling when a crisis may intrude.

I wouldn't try taking time off from marriage but my prince and I have always given each other a lot of space.  Without going into a bunch of platitudes, what works for us is that we've always been friends.  I think liking your spouse is as important as loving them, maybe even more important, at least if you're planning to spend a lot of years together. 

hedonist

B, I hear you but am not on board with the last part.  Maybe it's different when children, even grown, are involved?  I don't know.  We've figured out our financial stuff over time and talk about other issues as they arise.  It works for us.

My parents split around the 20-year mark (and years later, I get why, and how - not just for them but others too - shit can be so complicated and difficult) and I promised myself that if I made a vow to another in that sense, it would be given and lived seriously.  With a fuckload of laughs too.  Two for two.  My sister has taken the same road.

And Ms. P - fuckin' A!  My/our mentality.  Come together but know each other well enough to get when your or their time is needed.

Bit of a detour, but I hear so many people speak of wanting to be married in order to have someone to grow old with, come home to, have take care of them in bad times.  And sure, that's great.  But I want to be with this person for life because of who HE is.  That I feel blessed to know him and call him my partner in this clusterfuck.

The fact that I'm with someone I love who loves me?

Dupar's version of chocolate cream pie, with a dollop or two of Cool Whip.

rgambs

31 years old
Married 8 years
Together 16 years

More of my life spent with her than without.
Looking forward to another 50 years hopefully!

The Juggler

6 years, been together 13. It's been great

markymark550

Will be married 10 years in December. We've been together a little over 14 years. And to think, she thought I was creepy at first because I was stoned out of my mind the first time we met.

F Me In The Brain

10 years later this month, been together for almost 20. 
Ups and downs but wouldn't have it any other way.
(And I still love Vodka as well, my 2nd wife.  )

dankind

F Me In The Brain said:

10 years later this month, been together for almost 20. 
Ups and downs but wouldn't have it any other way.
(And I still love Vodka as well, my 2nd wife.  )

Vodka is your second wife? Does she know that?

dankind

markymark550 said:

Will be married 10 years in December. We've been together a little over 14 years. And to think, she thought I was creepy at first because I was stoned out of my mind the first time we met.

My wife thought I was creepy when we first met, too. Grad school for creative writing. I had a shaved head, wore a black trench coat and combat boots, and wrote comedic short stories about insane men who masturbated with crushed glass and fed the secretions that resulted from their autoerotic fits to their pets. 

What a judgmental twat she was back then.

KC138045

Technically was married for 14 years.  Divorced in June but we were separated for a year and a half.  We were together 4 years before getting married.

I got two incredible kids out of the relationship so no regrets.  Still getting use to the single dad life but its going good so far.  Single and ready to mingle lol

brianlux

F Me In The Brain said:

10 years later this month, been together for almost 20. 
Ups and downs but wouldn't have it any other way.
(And I still love Vodka as well, my 2nd wife.  )

Polygamist- interesting! We're good with having Mormons here, right everybody?

2-feign-reluctance

17 yrs together, 12 married. My soul mate.

HesCalledDyer

At this point in life, I'm not interested.

FoxyRedLa

Will start our 14th year in Aug. 1 and only marriage. 3 kids. SO HARD!!! We had too many outside fucks - fuckin up our lives. July was the first full year that has been absolutely fenominal! The current love machine is chuggin on, just try to fuck with us now. 

Hobbes

https://youtu.be/9iC_V9D3iT8

dankind

Hobbes said:

https://youtu.be/9iC_V9D3iT8

That was my first thought, too.

KC138045