Now and tomorrow
justam
Posts: 21,412
In long lives, there are storms of various kinds. There are the average rainstorms and hailstorms of work and daily responsibilities, there are the hurricanes of misfortune or disappointment, and there are tsunamis from the subconscious when our dreams are destroyed.
We do our best to survive these severe weather patterns. We take cover. We hide inside if we can. We run to higher ground! Maybe we swim or get into a fleeing vehicle to keep ourselves alive? Whatever we can do at that moment, it is merely basic survival. We’re not stopping to think much, we are acting in a much more direct way: ie, see evacuation route, take it!
We don’t always take the best action. We don’t always think about consequences for other people. This is maybe the best way for me to understand what happened. Maybe it was an option that came up that I took in a storm? Maybe what happened was an option for him that came up in some hurricane of his? Maybe there wasn’t too much thought involved, it was just that blind survival mode?!
Christmas break is the time I usually clean up the disorganization of the previous year. There is a bit of space to think during this week between Christmas and the New Year. It’s the time to file the pile of papers left on my desk, it is the time to make resolutions and to clear out the closets and drawers. This is the time to wash off the pain of whatever is lingering from the previous months. The soul soap required this year is the act of forgiveness.
Perhaps if I begin to believe that I was hurt in some severe storm of Another’s, something that made the Other feel that survival was a “ blindly do whatever to get through this” or an “everyman for himself” or a “just run and don’t notice who you step on!”, I can forgive that person and heal myself?
To wash off the leftover hurt, I have to make the effort to turn my mind and believe that the Other person did not intentionally hurt me. I have to choose to forgive another to repair my own broken heart.
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Comments
if this is an autobiography of sorts I wish you all the happiness your kind heart deserves.