Obituary to a great father - Thank you so much for "I’ve got a feeling" at Fenway!

mwplum

Hello,

I don’t now how to even begin, but am hoping that by expressing my pain here, it will at least form some of the healing process. My father passed away last Wednesday. He had been sick for almost a decade, but it was still very shocking and unexpected. He was still relatively young at 73 years old.

I haven’t written an obituary yet, but am in the process. I have been finding it hard to stay sober over the past few days, but have been writing a lot. My hope is that between this and my other ramblings, it will eventually be worthy enough of his character to publish as a proper obituary. Until then, this is the best that I can do (please forgive me if this does not do it justice).

My dad lived his life with the intention of making things better for those around him. He was the most considerate person I’ve ever met. He went out of his way to make sure those around him were smiling, laughing, and happy. He cared about others more than he cared about taking care of himself.

My parents got divorced in 1986, and from that point onward, my dad gave up all of his own pursuits in exchange for giving me and my younger brother the best possible life we could have. He was only 44 years old when him and my mom split up, and yet, other than one lady, Susan, who we (stupidly and selfishly) scared away, he never dated or tried to replace our mom.

As a middle aged, newly single man, most guys would be off chasing women and neglecting their kids. He was in great shape, was outgoing, and could have made that a priority. Instead he poured all of his energy and love into us. I’ll never forgive myself for chasing off Susan. We were complete little shits, and he deserved better.

While he had no idea who Pearl Jam was in 1992, he still took me and my friends to go see them to Lollapalooza in the summer of between grades 6 and 7 to go see the show at Vancouver’s Thunderbird Stadium. It was my first of many shows, and started my lifelong devotion to the band.

He allowed me to go to concerts even when I was 11 years old, and despite the fact that many of the shows in Vancouver were 19+, he would often drive me and my friends to Seattle to see "all ages" shows. I was picked on and beaten up often as a kid, but for the two friends who stuck with me, we were lucky to see lots of cool shows thanks to my father.

He may not have completely got the music, but the one thing he was adamant about was giving a better life to his children. His own father was an abusive asshole, and died when my dad was only fifteen, without ever telling him he loved him. My dad devoted his live to treating me and my brother like we mattered. He always made it a point to tell us we were loved.

He would often drive us 2-3 hours each way to Seattle to see shows, returning in Vancouver at like 2am, and then going to work on like 4 hours sleep. At the time, we just thought it was really cool, but in hindsight, I can’t even imagine how taxing that must have been on him.

He took us to see Radiohead at DV8 in Seattle on the Bends tour (while he sat across the street at the Seattle Centre Best Western reading the newspaper for 3 hours), he took us to see David Bowie & NIN at the Tacoma Dome. He never judged or criticized, he just supported whatever we were into. He always trusted us to make (relatively) smart decisions.

Instead of continuing the hate he was subjected to as a child, he made it his life’s mission to be the completely opposite person that his father was. He became a high school teacher, and was so influential in the lives of the kids in my neighbourhood, especially those that were having troubles of their own.

As I went into high school, I became friends with many kids who either didn’t haven’t parents, or had parents that were too busy with their own lives that they didn’t give a fuck about their kids. My dad always went out of his way to make sure those kids didn’t slip through the cracks, and gave them so many opportunities to thrive. Even if those friends would lash bach, my dad would still give them alternate projects to complete in lieu of standard course curriculums.

As probably the proudest testament to his legacy, I’ve had many of my friends say that they wouldn’t have made it through high school without him. Those friends found their potential, whether it meant becoming teachers, carpenters, or other useful and productive members of our community through the chances my dad gave them.

My father taught me about love, compassion, and appreciation for diversity. He fought against war, racism, gender inequality, and the war on drugs. Radical ideas well before their time. All things that may not have directly impacted him, but nevertheless affected those around him. He devoted his life to those ideals, and made sure his children cared more about them than anything else.

From an early age, the one song we connected on was PJ’s cover of "I’ve got a Feelin". For him, it connected his generation of Paul McCartney to mine, and he really loved the way (at least on the recording we had) Pearl Jam had changed the lyrics to honour their friend Andrew Wood, who had passed away in similar circumstances to his own twin brother Rossy.

It was a song that connected us, and while I don’t expect anything, it would mean so much for the band to play that song at any of Pemberton, Fenway, or Wrigley Shows, which my wife and I will be attending.

I’ve been writing every day for the past week as I want to remember all of these moments, and want to honour his legacy. For the most part, they are just for my family, but in this case, since I have yet to write a proper obituary, I thought this would be the best way to honour him at least in this space.

In remembrance and love for my father, Reginald Marten Plummer.

I love you all, and wish you nothing but the best for this summer.

Love always,
Matthew Plummer

PP193448

Sounds like your dad was an awesome human being. Keep up his spirit and continue to model yourself after him. RIP.

rickp

I'm sorry for your loss, Matthew. Thank you for sharing. RIP

Sirens4

Sorry for your loss! Stay strong!!

HughFreakingDillon

wow. beautiful post. hope you get your song.

StevieG

My sincere condolences for your loss, life isn't easy. You'll always have great memories of your father to get you through the tough times.

hedonist

PM sent, ironically while digging on McCartney, though Wings era.

Best of energy to you, as you navigate your way through the hurt...and damn, does it hurt.

It will get lighter in time. Hope the release of words, even if only written, helps.

pjalive21

mwplum said:

Hello,

I don’t now how to even begin, but am hoping that by expressing my pain here, it will at least form some of the healing process. My father passed away last Wednesday. He had been sick for almost a decade, but it was still very shocking and unexpected. He was still relatively young at 73 years old.

I haven’t written an obituary yet, but am in the process. I have been finding it hard to stay sober over the past few days, but have been writing a lot. My hope is that between this and my other ramblings, it will eventually be worthy enough of his character to publish as a proper obituary. Until then, this is the best that I can do (please forgive me if this does not do it justice).

My dad lived his life with the intention of making things better for those around him. He was the most considerate person I’ve ever met. He went out of his way to make sure those around him were smiling, laughing, and happy. He cared about others more than he cared about taking care of himself.

My parents got divorced in 1986, and from that point onward, my dad gave up all of his own pursuits in exchange for giving me and my younger brother the best possible life we could have. He was only 44 years old when him and my mom split up, and yet, other than one lady, Susan, who we (stupidly and selfishly) scared away, he never dated or tried to replace our mom.

As a middle aged, newly single man, most guys would be off chasing women and neglecting their kids. He was in great shape, was outgoing, and could have made that a priority. Instead he poured all of his energy and love into us. I’ll never forgive myself for chasing off Susan. We were complete little shits, and he deserved better.

While he had no idea who Pearl Jam was in 1992, he still took me and my friends to go see them to Lollapalooza in the summer of between grades 6 and 7 to go see the show at Vancouver’s Thunderbird Stadium. It was my first of many shows, and started my lifelong devotion to the band.

He allowed me to go to concerts even when I was 11 years old, and despite the fact that many of the shows in Vancouver were 19+, he would often drive me and my friends to Seattle to see "all ages" shows. I was picked on and beaten up often as a kid, but for the two friends who stuck with me, we were lucky to see lots of cool shows thanks to my father.

He may not have completely got the music, but the one thing he was adamant about was giving a better life to his children. His own father was an abusive asshole, and died when my dad was only fifteen, without ever telling him he loved him. My dad devoted his live to treating me and my brother like we mattered. He always made it a point to tell us we were loved.

He would often drive us 2-3 hours each way to Seattle to see shows, returning in Vancouver at like 2am, and then going to work on like 4 hours sleep. At the time, we just thought it was really cool, but in hindsight, I can’t even imagine how taxing that must have been on him.

He took us to see Radiohead at DV8 in Seattle on the Bends tour (while he sat across the street at the Seattle Centre Best Western reading the newspaper for 3 hours), he took us to see David Bowie & NIN at the Tacoma Dome. He never judged or criticized, he just supported whatever we were into. He always trusted us to make (relatively) smart decisions.

Instead of continuing the hate he was subjected to as a child, he made it his life’s mission to be the completely opposite person that his father was. He became a high school teacher, and was so influential in the lives of the kids in my neighbourhood, especially those that were having troubles of their own.

As I went into high school, I became friends with many kids who either didn’t haven’t parents, or had parents that were too busy with their own lives that they didn’t give a fuck about their kids. My dad always went out of his way to make sure those kids didn’t slip through the cracks, and gave them so many opportunities to thrive. Even if those friends would lash bach, my dad would still give them alternate projects to complete in lieu of standard course curriculums.

As probably the proudest testament to his legacy, I’ve had many of my friends say that they wouldn’t have made it through high school without him. Those friends found their potential, whether it meant becoming teachers, carpenters, or other useful and productive members of our community through the chances my dad gave them.

My father taught me about love, compassion, and appreciation for diversity. He fought against war, racism, gender inequality, and the war on drugs. Radical ideas well before their time. All things that may not have directly impacted him, but nevertheless affected those around him. He devoted his life to those ideals, and made sure his children cared more about them than anything else.

From an early age, the one song we connected on was PJ’s cover of "I’ve got a Feelin". For him, it connected his generation of Paul McCartney to mine, and he really loved the way (at least on the recording we had) Pearl Jam had changed the lyrics to honour their friend Andrew Wood, who had passed away in similar circumstances to his own twin brother Rossy.

It was a song that connected us, and while I don’t expect anything, it would mean so much for the band to play that song at any of Pemberton, Fenway, or Wrigley Shows, which my wife and I will be attending.

I’ve been writing every day for the past week as I want to remember all of these moments, and want to honour his legacy. For the most part, they are just for my family, but in this case, since I have yet to write a proper obituary, I thought this would be the best way to honour him at least in this space.

In remembrance and love for my father, Reginald Marten Plummer.

I love you all, and wish you nothing but the best for this summer.

Love always,
Matthew Plummer

Sounds like you already wrote a most poignant obituary

sorry for your loss, stay sober, im sure that's what your father would have wanted.

chitownp76

Prayers are with you, your brother, and family. One of the hardest things to go through in life is the lost of a loved one. Keep peace with yourself.

SD48277

Matthew, my sincerest sympathy for your loss. Your father sounds as if he was an amazing man, and you have done a good job of honoring him. I wish you the best as you go through this difficult time.

FrankY59

It's never a good time pass. We all would want a little while longer. But it sounds like you have 73 great years to celebrate. Stay positive...and sober.

shetellsherself

Matthew I'm so sorry for your loss. Your dad sounds like a beautiful human. Stay strong and sober friend.

WhatYouTaughtMe

Sorry for your loss. Never easy to lose a parent. Hugs.

Daron Oshay

Very sorry for your loss. That was a beautiful tribute.

jjflash

Hey Matthew,
Tim Layden wrote of Muhammad Ali, he "become a vessel in which others would find their better selves". The same could be said of what Pearl Jam has become, and it sounds like the same could be said of your dad. Thanks for sharing the poignant eulogy. May you find grace for yourself regarding Susan, strength in sobriety, and comfort in a time of darkness.
Peace,
David

EddieVeddersSweater

Beautiful words my friend. As someone who went through a three year span losing my mother, grandmother and sister, a loss is never easy. Be strong. I may be a stranger, but if you need to talk, I'm here.

These three things got me through a very dark period of time

1. Pearl Jam music
2. The Ricky Gervais Show
3. An Idiot Abroad

lolobugg

Matthew,
your dad reminds me of my pops... took me to my first PJ show in 95.
he is still around but I guarantee that I will feel the same way you do when he passes.
much love to you and your family. stay strong, man.

cp3iverson

Your dad was a real man and a real dad. I kept thinking "what a great guy" while i read it

JWPearl

excellent dad you definitely must be proud..

mwplum

Thanks so much everyone, this has been an extremely rough week, but your kind words have meant so much. There's so much positivity in this community, and it has been a a really welcoming (and healthy) means of escape at times.

hedonist

I imagine Father's Day this weekend (if observed/celebrated where you are) will be tough for you. Although - I hope sweet too, with good memories and smiles borne of them.

mwplum

Very good point, it feels like there's been more advertising for this father's day than any other in previous history. But honestly, I'm probably just oversensitive, and just notice it more. However I'm trying to keep my perspective positive, as you say, with good memories. Having that in mind, I'd like to express my family's love to all of you that are celebrating with your fathers this weekend, and wish you nothing but the best. Much love, Matt

mwplum

Was a rough weekend, but have been really moved by the support from this community and from local friends, and will continue bumping with bleak hope that this might reach the band. It's a great song, one which they often played in their early days but haven't seemed to have played since September 29, 2004 in Boston. I'm hoping that with communal love here, we might get to see it sometime this summer at Pemberton, Fenway, or Wrigley.

mwplum

I wouldn't normally do this and I feel kind go awkward doing so, but I guess I'm going to bump this in hopes that we might get this great song at Pemberton, Fenway, or Wrigley. Could really use the support, so if anyone wants to bump it, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. Much love and thanks.

mwplum

Canada Day bump

rickp

Let's keep this up top

mwplum

Thanks so much! After a weekend spent cleaning out his apartment, (which was absolutely devastating), I can't express how much this means to me!

PS do you think it this thread might get more support if I narrowed it to one of the 3 destinations (and if so, which one?).

Thanks and much love, Matt

hedonist

It has support, period.

Must've been difficult for you to do that, but maybe also brought a bit of closure and some nice memories? I wish I'd been able to do that.

lolobugg

mwplum said:

Thanks so much! After a weekend spent cleaning out his apartment, (which was absolutely devastating), I can't express how much this means to me!

PS do you think it this thread might get more support if I narrowed it to one of the 3 destinations (and if so, which one?).

Thanks and much love, Matt

Wrigley!!!!

mwplum

hedonist said:

It has support, period.

Must've been difficult for you to do that, but maybe also brought a bit of closure and some nice memories? I wish I'd been able to do that.

You have really great perspective, thank you. You're right, it was really healing in terms of getting some closure. He was a man of very modest means, so it's not like we had to sort through things that were "financially valuable", but rather, it was a very slow process of sorting through things of great emotional significance. There were so many little things I hadn't seen in 20 years, old books he had written in, pictures he had drawn, birthday cards, etc...Things that hold far greater meaning than any material things.

I began to recall a lot of really great memories that I had completely forgotten about. Though I don't typically keep a journal, I'm trying to write for an hour or so everyday to record those memories, as I want to make sure I have them years from now.

Again, thanks so much for caring.

mwplum

Thanks Lolobugg...I considered revising to put Wrigley first, but it seems like the band has several requests for Wrigley.

Also Pemberton holds a lot of local significance for me and my Dad as he would sometimes take me up there river fishing. There was a particular time in my late teens where I was going through a rough patch, and spending a week up there together was really healing. So to hear "I've got a Felling" in British Columbia in front of friends and family would mean the most personally.

But we will definitely be coming to Fenway and Wrigley, so either of those would be fantastic too! Originally those were just going to be Pearl Jam trips, but have added importance now, and will be a great and much needed escape for us after the past few weeks.