PEARL JAM & ZUPAN ROCKIN IN THE FREE WORLD
rudeachris
Posts: 2
If there’s a word to describe how all encompassingly awesome this past weekend was, I hope to learn it soon. 23 years ago Mark and I were involved in a accident that forever altered the trajectory of what we thought our lives would be. I’ve mostly disconnected with how hard those times were. One of the things I’m most proud of in my past is being present for Mark in his ascent and recovery. I know, had I not stepped up, in a meaningful way, I would not be here today. Early on, we bonded with Pearl Jams music in some of our bleakest, darkest, hopeless days. There were days we would sit in totally darkness, wallowing in the misery of what we thought our lives had become. It wasn’t easy.
20 years ago Pearl Jam played Lockhart Stadium. Mark and I attended together, in this point of my life - so close to the accident, it was very difficult for me to be in public with Mark. I always felt guilty, judged, second class. Most of the time, I had to drink to numb myself enough to deal with it. In spite of how drunk I was at that concert, I got to witness Mark crowd surf and ascend onstage and sing Rocking in the Free World.
I’ll never forget how powerful and healing that moment felt. I remember stumbling across Jody Anstett and Michelle Miller and being overtaken with emotion by the moment. Mark was going to be ok, the whole stadium as our witness, he would keep on rockin in the free world. Pearl Jam gave him a gift, the moment was a catalyst to some of the success he has today. They helped save his life.
My life took a different direction. I crumbled under the weight of guilt, depression, and self loathing. In spite of all the self willed success I pretended to think I earned, I mostly felt empty and worthless.
Mark and I grew apart. But as life goes, time does heal wounds and our complex relationship although strained at times was always held together and supported by our family and friends. Jeff Nickell, Paul Battista, John Hughes, Ari Levy, Jesse Levy, Frank Cava, Murph McCarthy, Chris Shafiei, Danielle Igoe and many others, always rallied behind us and helped keep the fabric of friendship intact.
I’ll stay on point or this will turn into a book.
Shameless plug: checkout Gimp by Mark Zupan, and Tim Swanson w/ assist by me. www.amazon.com/GIMP-Story-Behind-Star-Murderba…/…/0061127698
The emotional weight and connection to the songs and lyrics have evolved over our lives but Pearl Jam has been a constant.
When I learned Pearl Jam was coming to Ft Lauderdale and Miami, I invited all my friends to come and stay with my family. Although not everybody could make it ( you were all missed and there in spirit ) Zup, Nickell, Battista, Jesse, Ari, Jarett, Nevin, Ian, Mari, and Danielle were able to attend.
I’ve been released from the burden of my past for a long time, its been a long time since I felt anything like I did at our first Pearl Jam concert. I’ve been sober for years. Our relationships have never been better. For me the concert experience was almost as amazing as watching my daughters play and have a ice pop party with their uncles.
I did not think the Friday night Sunrise show could be topped. The acoustics, energy and sharpness of the band rivaled any earlier version of them or us.
A few years ago in a Rolling Stone article Eddie Vedder was asked what his favorite memory of a concert was, he described the scene of Lockhart Stadium and three mosh pits looking like a Norelco Razor - then Mark surfing the scrum in a wheelchair and coming onstage to sing. He then mentioned that guy went on to win Paralympics gold playing Murderball.
Nickell reached out to Ten Club and reminded them of this and let them know we would be in attendance for both shows.
Prior to the Miami show, he got a call from Ten Club - asking if he would bring Mark onstage to sing Rocking. He agreed and asked if he could bring me.
As we sat on the ramp leading to the stage taking it all on in, waiting for the moment, some of enormity of the moment hit me. We were Alive. We had survived. We are thriving.
The thundering riff of Rocking tore through the Stadium and off we rolled.
Mark , Jeff and myself were on stage with Pearl Jam. Eddie walked over gave Mark a hug and said “ Hi Mark, its been a long time”. He threw over some tambourines and we went crazy.
The energy of the stadium completely swallowed us whole and it felt as it the entire building was a heart and the music was a pulse. Mark and Jeff rocked as hard as anyone ever did. The band could not have been more gracious, welcoming , accommodating OR Kicked more ass ! I hit the tambourine as if each strike was shaking loose any and all of the toxicity of my past. It was a complete and perfect moment, and I was sober and present to absorb and digest it all. Mark got to close the show with a group bow with the band. Perfection.
I went looking to enjoy the show, what I got was a celebration of friendship, brotherhood, unity, forgiveness, freedom, healing and love. I described afterward feeling like we had left it all on stage. We did, but I left something behind, far deeper and much more then that, and for that I thank Pearl Jam and everybody involved. It was true and complete perfection.
Now…..
Who’s coming to the next one ?
https://youtu.be/uUCBsEcbHfs
20 years ago Pearl Jam played Lockhart Stadium. Mark and I attended together, in this point of my life - so close to the accident, it was very difficult for me to be in public with Mark. I always felt guilty, judged, second class. Most of the time, I had to drink to numb myself enough to deal with it. In spite of how drunk I was at that concert, I got to witness Mark crowd surf and ascend onstage and sing Rocking in the Free World.
I’ll never forget how powerful and healing that moment felt. I remember stumbling across Jody Anstett and Michelle Miller and being overtaken with emotion by the moment. Mark was going to be ok, the whole stadium as our witness, he would keep on rockin in the free world. Pearl Jam gave him a gift, the moment was a catalyst to some of the success he has today. They helped save his life.
My life took a different direction. I crumbled under the weight of guilt, depression, and self loathing. In spite of all the self willed success I pretended to think I earned, I mostly felt empty and worthless.
Mark and I grew apart. But as life goes, time does heal wounds and our complex relationship although strained at times was always held together and supported by our family and friends. Jeff Nickell, Paul Battista, John Hughes, Ari Levy, Jesse Levy, Frank Cava, Murph McCarthy, Chris Shafiei, Danielle Igoe and many others, always rallied behind us and helped keep the fabric of friendship intact.
I’ll stay on point or this will turn into a book.
Shameless plug: checkout Gimp by Mark Zupan, and Tim Swanson w/ assist by me. www.amazon.com/GIMP-Story-Behind-Star-Murderba…/…/0061127698
The emotional weight and connection to the songs and lyrics have evolved over our lives but Pearl Jam has been a constant.
When I learned Pearl Jam was coming to Ft Lauderdale and Miami, I invited all my friends to come and stay with my family. Although not everybody could make it ( you were all missed and there in spirit ) Zup, Nickell, Battista, Jesse, Ari, Jarett, Nevin, Ian, Mari, and Danielle were able to attend.
I’ve been released from the burden of my past for a long time, its been a long time since I felt anything like I did at our first Pearl Jam concert. I’ve been sober for years. Our relationships have never been better. For me the concert experience was almost as amazing as watching my daughters play and have a ice pop party with their uncles.
I did not think the Friday night Sunrise show could be topped. The acoustics, energy and sharpness of the band rivaled any earlier version of them or us.
A few years ago in a Rolling Stone article Eddie Vedder was asked what his favorite memory of a concert was, he described the scene of Lockhart Stadium and three mosh pits looking like a Norelco Razor - then Mark surfing the scrum in a wheelchair and coming onstage to sing. He then mentioned that guy went on to win Paralympics gold playing Murderball.
Nickell reached out to Ten Club and reminded them of this and let them know we would be in attendance for both shows.
Prior to the Miami show, he got a call from Ten Club - asking if he would bring Mark onstage to sing Rocking. He agreed and asked if he could bring me.
As we sat on the ramp leading to the stage taking it all on in, waiting for the moment, some of enormity of the moment hit me. We were Alive. We had survived. We are thriving.
The thundering riff of Rocking tore through the Stadium and off we rolled.
Mark , Jeff and myself were on stage with Pearl Jam. Eddie walked over gave Mark a hug and said “ Hi Mark, its been a long time”. He threw over some tambourines and we went crazy.
The energy of the stadium completely swallowed us whole and it felt as it the entire building was a heart and the music was a pulse. Mark and Jeff rocked as hard as anyone ever did. The band could not have been more gracious, welcoming , accommodating OR Kicked more ass ! I hit the tambourine as if each strike was shaking loose any and all of the toxicity of my past. It was a complete and perfect moment, and I was sober and present to absorb and digest it all. Mark got to close the show with a group bow with the band. Perfection.
I went looking to enjoy the show, what I got was a celebration of friendship, brotherhood, unity, forgiveness, freedom, healing and love. I described afterward feeling like we had left it all on stage. We did, but I left something behind, far deeper and much more then that, and for that I thank Pearl Jam and everybody involved. It was true and complete perfection.
Now…..
Who’s coming to the next one ?
https://youtu.be/uUCBsEcbHfs Post edited by rudeachris on
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