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For some, the holidays are a tough time.

brianluxbrianlux Posts: 41,856
in All Encompassing Trip
I thought about this today based on the recent reaction of one of my extended family kids who talked to me today about how she can't stand the holidays based on personal reasons (that I'll keep confidential). I'm a bit ambivalent about the holidays myself- like life itself, sometimes they're great, sometimes they suck- but I wouldn't say I hate them. At the same time, I totally get it why some people are unhappy with or even hate the holidays, so I cut them some slack. I don't mean those who are bah humbug all the time but rather, those for whom these are not all cheery and hohoho times. For some, it's a tough time of year.
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
Variously credited to Mark Twain or Edward Abbey.













Comments

  • ldent42ldent42 Posts: 7,859
    I'm in the "bah humbug all the time" camp :innocent:
    NYC 06/24/08-Auckland 11/27/09-Chch 11/29/09-Newark 05/18/10-Atlanta 09/22/12-Chicago 07/19/13-Brooklyn 10/18/13 & 10/19/13-Hartford 10/25/13-Baltimore 10/27/13-Auckland 1/17/14-GC 1/19/14-Melbourne 1/24/14-Sydney 1/26/14-Amsterdam 6/16/14 & 6/17/14-Milan 6/20/14-Berlin 6/26/14-Leeds 7/8/14-Milton Keynes 7/11/14-St. Louis 10/3/14-NYC 9/26/15
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  • tinkerbelltinkerbell Posts: 2,161
    I love the holidays and my family always have an awesome laid back summer but it was tough last year - the first year without my Mum. I am always sensitive to others at this time of year as you never know what they are going through.
    all you need is love, love is all you need
  • RKCNDYRKCNDY Posts: 31,013
    Yes, I've never really enjoyed the holidays much...just the environment I was raised in.
    My FIL passed away last year at this time his funeral was on Black Friday, so perhaps it kind of puts more of a damper on the festivities for my in-laws.

    The meaning of the holidays is what really counts, but I still feel there is such a huge social pressure of spending money and buying presents, people don't really know what the holidays are about. Not talking about the religious stuff, but just owing down, take some time to relax, tune out, reflecting on the past year, being grateful for what you have, goals you have accomplished, stuff like that.
    The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

    - Christopher McCandless
  • hedonisthedonist Posts: 24,524
    tinkerbell said:

    I love the holidays and my family always have an awesome laid back summer but it was tough last year - the first year without my Mum. I am always sensitive to others at this time of year as you never know what they are going through.

    Amen to this. And I'm sorry about your mom.

    RK, yes. For me, it's more about taking stock...of everything, really.

  • brianluxbrianlux Posts: 41,856
    ldent42 said:

    I'm in the "bah humbug all the time" camp :innocent:

    If so, Indent, you get an automatic pass for being you and keeping us in stitches! :smiley:

    Sorry for your losses.Tinkerbell, RKCNDY and Hedo.

    We're spending the day at my sister's house later today. This is her first Thanksgiving without her husband who passed away earlier this year so it's good that we can be with her and try to make the day as good as possible for her.
    “The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
    Variously credited to Mark Twain or Edward Abbey.













  • hedonisthedonist Posts: 24,524
    Bittersweet, B. I'm sure your being there will bring comfort. Sometimes that, itself, is enough.

    (good food doesn't hurt either)

    Safe travels :)
  • brianluxbrianlux Posts: 41,856
    edited November 2015
    hedonist said:

    Bittersweet, B. I'm sure your being there will bring comfort. Sometimes that, itself, is enough.

    (good food doesn't hurt either)

    Safe travels :)

    Thanks Hedo. Heading out soon, good food on the horizon!

    “The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
    Variously credited to Mark Twain or Edward Abbey.













  • ldent42ldent42 Posts: 7,859
    hedonist said:

    Bittersweet, B. I'm sure your being there will bring comfort. Sometimes that, itself, is enough.

    (good food doesn't hurt either)

    Safe travels :)

    ^^ And good wine, if applicable. Good music too.
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  • jnimhaoileoinjnimhaoileoin Posts: 2,682
    Obviously we don't do Thanksgiving but Christmas is huge here. I find that it tends to magnify your feelings in the sense that it can either remind you of what you have or be a brutal reminder of what you're missing. The trouble is how difficult it is to focus on the former rather than the latter
  • hedonisthedonist Posts: 24,524
    You can focus on both, sweetie. I hear you though...how to shift the scales.
  • ldent42ldent42 Posts: 7,859
    I'm in full bah humbug mode right now. I don't understand why people do this.
    NYC 06/24/08-Auckland 11/27/09-Chch 11/29/09-Newark 05/18/10-Atlanta 09/22/12-Chicago 07/19/13-Brooklyn 10/18/13 & 10/19/13-Hartford 10/25/13-Baltimore 10/27/13-Auckland 1/17/14-GC 1/19/14-Melbourne 1/24/14-Sydney 1/26/14-Amsterdam 6/16/14 & 6/17/14-Milan 6/20/14-Berlin 6/26/14-Leeds 7/8/14-Milton Keynes 7/11/14-St. Louis 10/3/14-NYC 9/26/15
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  • PJ_SoulPJ_Soul Posts: 49,922
    I'm not sure I understand the feelings behind continually connecting bad times to holidays. I understand bad times. I understand bad times happening at certain moments in life. I don't understand the ongoing connection of those bad feelings to those holidays. I'm not disdainful of it or anything... it does seem rather illogical though. I guess differentiating between the past and the present isn't as easy for some as it is for others. And I say that as someone who feels no particular connection to any holidays. I find them completely arbitrary. I kind of "do" them, but only because my family does. If it were solely up to me I'd just ignore Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas altogether (Halloween I might hang on to, lol).
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
  • jnimhaoileoinjnimhaoileoin Posts: 2,682
    PJ_Soul said:

    I'm not sure I understand the feelings behind continually connecting bad times to holidays. I understand bad times. I understand bad times happening at certain moments in life. I don't understand the ongoing connection of those bad feelings to those holidays. I'm not disdainful of it or anything... it does seem rather illogical though. I guess differentiating between the past and the present isn't as easy for some as it is for others. And I say that as someone who feels no particular connection to any holidays. I find them completely arbitrary. I kind of "do" them, but only because my family does. If it were solely up to me I'd just ignore Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas altogether (Halloween I might hang on to, lol).

    Well personally I'm not talking about associating such occasions with particularly bad events. It's just that if you're generally lonely in life, it can be magnified at Christmas
  • jnimhaoileoinjnimhaoileoin Posts: 2,682
    I should clarify that I have always loved Christmas, to the point of mild obsession :) However, I find that as each year passes it's harder and harder to grasp that magic and easier to give in to the darker feelings of loneliness and depression
  • RKCNDYRKCNDY Posts: 31,013
    PJ_Soul said:

    I'm not sure I understand the feelings behind continually connecting bad times to holidays. I understand bad times. I understand bad times happening at certain moments in life. I don't understand the ongoing connection of those bad feelings to those holidays. I'm not disdainful of it or anything... it does seem rather illogical though. I guess differentiating between the past and the present isn't as easy for some as it is for others. And I say that as someone who feels no particular connection to any holidays. I find them completely arbitrary. I kind of "do" them, but only because my family does. If it were solely up to me I'd just ignore Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas altogether (Halloween I might hang on to, lol).

    For my in-laws, this is the one year anniversary of the death of a person who suffered greatly. His disease took him much faster than anybody anticipated. I don't think it will always be a 'connection' but just as good times are associated with certain times of the year, bad times are as well. It's nice to remember loved ones that are with you or not.

    Like I said, I really don't care about the holidays, but I will celebrate them because others are into that stuff.
    The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

    - Christopher McCandless
  • PJ_SoulPJ_Soul Posts: 49,922
    jnimhaoileoin said:

    PJ_Soul said:

    I'm not sure I understand the feelings behind continually connecting bad times to holidays. I understand bad times. I understand bad times happening at certain moments in life. I don't understand the ongoing connection of those bad feelings to those holidays. I'm not disdainful of it or anything... it does seem rather illogical though. I guess differentiating between the past and the present isn't as easy for some as it is for others. And I say that as someone who feels no particular connection to any holidays. I find them completely arbitrary. I kind of "do" them, but only because my family does. If it were solely up to me I'd just ignore Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas altogether (Halloween I might hang on to, lol).

    Well personally I'm not talking about associating such occasions with particularly bad events. It's just that if you're generally lonely in life, it can be magnified at Christmas
    Sure, okay. I do understand this intellectually. Just not emotionally. I don't care enough about Christmas for magnified feelings to be possible for me at a certain time, personally. If I felt alone in life, I think it would be a pretty constant sadness.... Wow, what a depressing sentence that was.
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
  • eeriepadaveeeriepadave Posts: 41,941
    my friend that passed away a few weeks ago, it's gonna be rough on his family for sure this holiday.
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  • jnimhaoileoinjnimhaoileoin Posts: 2,682
    PJ_Soul said:

    jnimhaoileoin said:

    PJ_Soul said:

    I'm not sure I understand the feelings behind continually connecting bad times to holidays. I understand bad times. I understand bad times happening at certain moments in life. I don't understand the ongoing connection of those bad feelings to those holidays. I'm not disdainful of it or anything... it does seem rather illogical though. I guess differentiating between the past and the present isn't as easy for some as it is for others. And I say that as someone who feels no particular connection to any holidays. I find them completely arbitrary. I kind of "do" them, but only because my family does. If it were solely up to me I'd just ignore Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas altogether (Halloween I might hang on to, lol).

    Well personally I'm not talking about associating such occasions with particularly bad events. It's just that if you're generally lonely in life, it can be magnified at Christmas
    Sure, okay. I do understand this intellectually. Just not emotionally. I don't care enough about Christmas for magnified feelings to be possible for me at a certain time, personally. If I felt alone in life, I think it would be a pretty constant sadness.... Wow, what a depressing sentence that was.
    Loneliness is pretty depressing alright. I find I'm just reminded of it most at Christmas because it's the time when everyone gets together with friends and there are always engagement announcements. It also makes me feel worse because I remember how much I used to enjoy Christmas so it feels like I've lost that too

    It's hard to explain I guess!
  • jnimhaoileoinjnimhaoileoin Posts: 2,682
    eeriepadave said:

    my friend that passed away a few weeks ago, it's gonna be rough on his family for sure this holiday.

    Hope they can find some solace in each others company
  • ldent42ldent42 Posts: 7,859
    I think it's worse these days in the social media era. You get all these photos of 15 smiling people standing around a table full of food porn and if that's not your reality it can make you feel bad.

    I just dislike all the work and the waste and the spending. Listening to people say "faaaaammmmmlllyyy" like it's some kind of cult is just baffling- at worst, to me.

    I bought the pies and not a single one was opened. :disappointed:
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  • brianluxbrianlux Posts: 41,856
    ldent42 said:

    I think it's worse these days in the social media era. You get all these photos of 15 smiling people standing around a table full of food porn and if that's not your reality it can make you feel bad.

    I just dislike all the work and the waste and the spending. Listening to people say "faaaaammmmmlllyyy" like it's some kind of cult is just baffling- at worst, to me.

    I bought the pies and not a single one was opened. :disappointed:

    OMG! Pie, the best part of the meal!

    "Food porn", LOL. I was really good this year and ate reasonably. So much so I was a bit hungry 7 hours later when we home and fixed a small cheese quesadilla. But I would have been even happier with some you your pie, Ident!
    “The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
    Variously credited to Mark Twain or Edward Abbey.













  • ldent42ldent42 Posts: 7,859
    brianlux said:

    ldent42 said:

    I think it's worse these days in the social media era. You get all these photos of 15 smiling people standing around a table full of food porn and if that's not your reality it can make you feel bad.

    I just dislike all the work and the waste and the spending. Listening to people say "faaaaammmmmlllyyy" like it's some kind of cult is just baffling- at worst, to me.

    I bought the pies and not a single one was opened. :disappointed:

    OMG! Pie, the best part of the meal!

    "Food porn", LOL. I was really good this year and ate reasonably. So much so I was a bit hungry 7 hours later when we home and fixed a small cheese quesadilla. But I would have been even happier with some you your pie, Ident!
    B-lux, I meant to say THREE pies. I got auto corrected. I think we were just too full for pie. Actually I think I was too tired to be hungry. Kinda like how now I'm too tired to sleep. That half cup of choice I had at midnight has nothing to do with this, I swear!

    I'm having pie for breakfast. :smiley:
    NYC 06/24/08-Auckland 11/27/09-Chch 11/29/09-Newark 05/18/10-Atlanta 09/22/12-Chicago 07/19/13-Brooklyn 10/18/13 & 10/19/13-Hartford 10/25/13-Baltimore 10/27/13-Auckland 1/17/14-GC 1/19/14-Melbourne 1/24/14-Sydney 1/26/14-Amsterdam 6/16/14 & 6/17/14-Milan 6/20/14-Berlin 6/26/14-Leeds 7/8/14-Milton Keynes 7/11/14-St. Louis 10/3/14-NYC 9/26/15
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  • brianluxbrianlux Posts: 41,856
    ldent42 said:

    brianlux said:

    ldent42 said:

    I think it's worse these days in the social media era. You get all these photos of 15 smiling people standing around a table full of food porn and if that's not your reality it can make you feel bad.

    I just dislike all the work and the waste and the spending. Listening to people say "faaaaammmmmlllyyy" like it's some kind of cult is just baffling- at worst, to me.

    I bought the pies and not a single one was opened. :disappointed:

    OMG! Pie, the best part of the meal!

    "Food porn", LOL. I was really good this year and ate reasonably. So much so I was a bit hungry 7 hours later when we home and fixed a small cheese quesadilla. But I would have been even happier with some you your pie, Ident!
    B-lux, I meant to say THREE pies. I got auto corrected. I think we were just too full for pie. Actually I think I was too tired to be hungry. Kinda like how now I'm too tired to sleep. That half cup of choice I had at midnight has nothing to do with this, I swear!

    I'm having pie for breakfast. :smiley:
    Hooray! Pie for breakfast!! :plus_one:
    “The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
    Variously credited to Mark Twain or Edward Abbey.













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