PJ Lyrics for Coping

So, today was a sad day for me, but this post is about how Pearl Jam's music/lyrics helped me through it.

October 26th
Today is the 8 year anniversary
of the day my brother died
of an overdose
you'd think after 8 years, it would get easier, but it really never does, unfortunately.

I spent the day alone...
I decided what I wanted to do.
Maybe its crazy
But it helped keep my mind
and my heart
from shattering and falling apart all over again

What I did was this... maybe kind of insane, i know
but hey, at least its not getting high or drunk, or standing on a bridge somewhere...
definitely a better alternative, right?

so, anyway...
i spent the day pouring through every single Pearl Jam song
listed in the lyrics section of this website
none of the covers
just the ones actually written by PJ

and i took some verses and wrote them down
the ones that were relevant to me and my experience, my brother
and i made it into my own compilation of pearl jam lyrics, all mixed up
kind of into a poem or a song or something...
I actually spent 10 hours working on it
I suppose it was a good distraction for me, my pain
a way to cope
a way to pay tribute
a way to express my feelings
through music I love
and my brother loved

anyway, in case you're interested in reading what i came up with, here it is.
i know, its really long, so only if you have the time and patience to spare

maybe some of you can guess which songs each line is from
i wonder if there are die hard fans that would be able to do that, without looking it up

well, thanks for listening, here it is...

For my brother, Todd
_______________________
Days of you and me
love is deep
all those yesterdays
a rocking horse of time

I surf in celebration
if there was a reason
it was you

perfect lefts coming in
got me a big wave
I wanna live my life
with the volume full...

immortality...
if i knew where it was
i would take you there

things were different then
all is different now

all the past you carry
shipwreck on the rock he calls home

its instilled to wanna live
what went wrong?

love and disaster
sometimes the two are just the same

* * * *
first comes love
then come pain

i can feel the current pulling down
torture from you to me
why would you wanna hurt me?

the answers are fatal

he tuned out, a bad time,
nothing could save him
a life wasted

the young, they can lose hope
cause they can’t see beyond today

there’s much more than this

see this needle
he sinks the needle deep

take me one last ride

some die just to live

won’t you help me from myself?

please help me
to help you
help yourself

no way to save someone who won’t take the rope, and just lets go
I wanted to get right with you
days alone that could have been spent together
it don’t seem fair

your death will soon arrive

please, please, please don’t go on me

lets call in an angel

but how could you be taken away?

a wave came crashing down
like a fist to the jaw
how quick the sun can drop away

death came around
forced to hear its song
and know tomorrow can’t be depended on
I know life would be different if I held on

let my spirit pass...
this is my last exit

he waves goodbye to himself
i’ll see you on the other side

a wave will break on me today
an undertow of futures laid to waste

* * *
Now its tomorrow and everything has changed

So you had to go
and I had to remain here

Would not ever touch you, hold you, feel you,
ever hold you
never again

I miss you already
I miss you always

From wherever you are
come back

I listen to the voice inside my head
I understand every life must end
How could it end,
end like this?

its a fragile thing, this life we lead
if i think too much i can get over
whelmed by the grace
by which we live our lives
with death over our shoulder

It’s a shame to awake
in a world of pain
nothing left
forever be sad and lonely
forever never be the same

There is a girl on a ledge
who’s got no where to turn
now her life is on fire
it’s no one’s concern

twisted thoughts spin round my head
the immenseness of suffering
i’m spinning

i’m not the same without you here

you can’t know what its like to bleed from here
you can’t know what its like to be inside
the fading melodies that remind me

all her problems
they won’t die with you

underneath this smile lies everything
all my hopes, anger, pride and shame

i just need someone
to be
there for me

cannot find the comfort in this world

i can’t be free with what’s locked inside of me
if there was a key, you took it in your hands

oh i will make my way
through one more day in hell

on my knees to rise
and fix my broken soul
if i keep holding out,
will the light shine through?
a place in the clouds

i’ll ride the wave where it takes me
let it wash away
release me

eyes upon the horizon
he made it to the ocean

feel the sky blanket you
with gems and rhinestones

goodbye for now

i’m counting my way back to heaven

meet you on the other side
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