In memory of...

dankind

Wow! So inspiring, Hedo. I am going to try to be a better father and smile more.

samjam

What a great picture, thanks for sharing. He seemed like a wonderful, wonderful man. How lucky are we to have fathers who have such genuinely impacted our lives for the better. Their legacy will always live on. Hits home with me. Hope you had a nice holiday.

hedonist

dankind - despite your av - I'm sure you smile a lot. It really does affect how we, as children/now adults, look back.

samjam, I've read of you and your late father. Sounds like he was a great dad, who obviously raised a lovely daughter.

Thank you both!

badbrains

Hedonist, you always have beautiful words and love the story of pops. I'm gonna spark one up for the fella and you.

Who Princess

Hedonist, your tribute to your dad and this whole thread are wonderful and give me reason to smile. It's been nearly 8 years since I lost my dad; he meant the world to me and so much of who I am was formed by his upbeat attitude and positive outlook. How lovely that you can share this memory of your dad with us.

I want to add that since you mentioned your dad's faith and the observance of Rosh Hashana, I've always felt a slight envy of Jewish mourning customs. Until I worked with 2 Jewish women many years ago, I wasn't aware of shiva and other proscriptions for mourning loved ones. I think most of us kind of stumble around with our grief and often can't find a way to resolve it. It's also popular nowadays to say that we dislike formalized, old-fashioned rituals. But there's a reason that cultures establish those rituals and I think there's benefit in at least observing them to some extent. It gives us that chance to remember and honor our loved ones and helps us to accept their passing.

:hug:

Enkidu

Hedo, lovely post. I enjoyed reading about your dad. My dad passed away when I was in graduate school and he was such a big influence on my life. Encouraged my writing, busted my ass when I didn't try hard enough. My mom died about 5 years ago, but she had a good long life. My dad - he got gypped. I love this photo of the two of them. I remember thinking, "Wow, they're old and look how he's kissing her."

Thank you for making me smile when I think about my parents.

hedonist

Nart! Thank you, buddy. I'll be joining you later

WhoP, glad you got a smile! The rituals can / do help to cope (at least from what I've seen, having never formally sat Shiva). Try Persian-Jewish mourning rituals for an enhanced and unusual experience There's something to be said for sharing grief, even if only through tears or words or wailing in pain. And of course, we all have our own means of finding peace over time.

Your dad sounds like one of the good ones. You and all are welcome to share memories!


By the way, the ritual talk reminded me of the first episode of Six Feet Under; seems apropos:

Nate crosses to the mound of earth beside the grave, kneels down and plunges his hand in. He stands, holding a fistful of dirt, the sleeve of his suit jacket soiled.

Everyone stares, concerned, baffled, and in David's case, angry. He crosses to Nate and attempts to pull him back. Nate shakes him off, roughly.

NATE
No. I refuse to sanitize this anymore.

DAVID
This is how it's done.

NATE
Yeah, well, it's whacked. What is this stupid saltshaker, this, this hermetically sealed box, this phony astroturf around the grave. Jesus, it's like surgery. Clean. Antiseptic. Business.

He was our father.

DAVID (quietly)
Please don't do this.

NATE
You can pump him full of chemicals, and put makeup on him, and prop him up for a (air quotes) "Nap" in the "slumber room," but the fact remains: The only father we will ever have is gone. Forever. And that sucks, but it's a goddamn part of life and you can't really accept it without getting your hands dirty. Well, I do accept it, and I intend to honor the old bastard by letting the world see just how fucked up and shitty I feel that he's dead.

And he angrily throws his fistful of dirt into the grave.

hedonist

Enkidu - my gosh, that photo brought tears to my eyes. The most valuable gift parents can give their children is openly and honestly loving each other.

Love those ass-busting dads - and mine had a very similar shirt as yours

badbrains

Enkidu said:

Hedo, lovely post. I enjoyed reading about your dad. My dad passed away when I was in graduate school and he was such a big influence on my life. Encouraged my writing, busted my ass when I didn't try hard enough. My mom died about 5 years ago, but she had a good long life. My dad - he got gypped. I love this photo of the two of them. I remember thinking, "Wow, they're old and look how he's kissing her."

Thank you for making me smile when I think about my parents.

I wish this pic is me and my lady in the far future. Nice post.

PureandEasy

Lovely photo and tribute Hedo. I almost feel guilty saying I had dinner with my dad tonight. We've had our share of losses, mom in Feb '14 and my brother in Dec '14.

Those losses have brought us closer together and for that I will be forever grateful.

Fathers are such strength to the family thread. God bless all of them.

And for those who are no longer with us, your imprint on your loved ones will live on.

hedonist

Hi, my old friend

Never feel guilty! My dad and I used to meet for dinner at this great Italian restaurant, just the two of us. Some of our best conversations, plus he was free to eat how and what he wanted. It was his joy, and my joy when my stepmother wasn't around to scold him for or prevent him from it.

I hope it was a good time for you both. So precious, and I understand the bonding in that aftermath.

Hope you're enjoying a full and happy belly (and soul).

northerndragon

Seven years ago today my family lost one of its brightest lights. My baby brother passed at the age of 22. He had an undiagnosed heart defect that never made itself known until it took him from us in the blink of an eye. He was was a generous soul with a seemingly endless well of joy inside him. It hurts every year but this year is a little bit tougher as he would have been 30 on December 4. We all whine about getting older and he never even got the chance. I miss his unwavering spirit and his smile. A smile that still brings joy to my heart.


Kurt & Ashley(sister in law)


Kurt as a wee tyke.

I will be forever grateful for the gift he left behind, my niece Kailee. She will be 7 in February and has his smile and spirit.


Today I mourn, but I will also celebrate those still here. I miss him everyday but he will forever be the brightest star in the nights sky and with me forever.

SD48277

ND :hug:

hedonist

ND, I join SD in sending the warmth. Your last comments speak volumes.

And I may bitch about the issues related to getting older, but getting older itself? No fucking way. It's precious.

Hope you're treating yourself well today.

JWPearl

It's sad when the love is strong but the picture fades and you wish you could just have them back and wonder how they would have evolved to an older age with you in good memories and sentiment
I lost a baby sister and although we did not grow together she still felt like she belonged and I felt the loving needed responsibility of big sister and cared for her although she passed on at age 7 I was 16 I felt kind of sad we could not share a future together as family and friends as was sorry our family situation was a mess
I hope you still dream of him xx oo

hedonist

I'm very sorry for your loss, JWP.

From here, that longing for having them back visits in memories and never-fading moments whether they reside in my mind or in a tangible sense.

And yes, once in awhile, I have wonderful albeit brief dreams of him. A smile, hug, flash of the energy. Thankful for those

Who Princess

On October 25, 2007, our family lost my amazing dad, Eugene Fowlkes. His death devastated us. He was 79 but seemed in good health and his death was unexpected. I try to look at it the way my own doctor expressed it to me--"He had a good life, and a good death."

He and I were very close and I still think of things I'd like to talk with him about. Or I'll read a book that I know he'll enjoy. We were so alike in our temperaments and especially our senses of humor. Polar opposites in our political views, which we kidded each other about constantly.

So today, I'm sharing a little of my dad with you. Here's the two of us taking a nap together when I was 1 week old.



He left home at 17, right after graduating from high school, to work for AT&T. He worked for them for 44 and a half years, as he would say--never rounding it up to 45.

Here's a picture of him out with some of his co-workers and their spouses. It's carefully labeled on the back with everyone's names and the date June 13, 1947, Houston, Texas. My dad, who was 19, is the carefree looking young man in the back holding up his glass.



When he was a teenager, he built and flew model airplanes. He belonged to a local club and would ride the bus about 10 miles across town to a field where the members flew their planes. He entered his planes in many contests and won several prizes. Here's a picture of the club members in 1944. My dad is in the front row, second from the left.



After he retired from AT&T, he took up the hobby again. This is a picture of him about a week before he died with his newest plane.



He wanted to get my husband's MG in the background of the picture. They shared a love for old British sports cars and would work on cars together and go to car shows.

When I think of my dad, I often think of his usual goodbye: "Keep smiling." I hope these pictures bring a smile to some of you, as they always do to me.

SD48277

Who Princess, :hug: Thank you for sharing stories of your dad here. He sounds like an awesome guy (and I love the photo of the two of you at the top). While today may be a sad day, I hope it is also filled with love and smiles for you.

hedonist

Who P, I AM smiling and writing this through tears. Actual flowing tears.

How lucky were we to have such fathers? Happy to share this sense of gratitude with you.

Thank you for this. Truly beautiful from this viewpoint, can imagine his/its impact on you.

Keep smiling indeed. I'm off to get a kleenex

Enkidu

Oh, Who Princess, those are wonderful photos. Your dad sounds like he was amazing. "A good life and a good death" and a daughter who loves him and still thinks about him - what could be better than that? Good wishes to you today.