stillness

I can’t write beautiful random strings tonight
I’ve forgotten how to open the top of my head to the sun
just because I’m in love
I don’t know how to float for no reason
or how to type without meaning

My best friend has been trying to teach me to sit
by my
emotional river bank and watch the water rush past
without getting involved
without being swept off and drowned
without getting tossed onto the rocks
I’m trying to stay there, calm, peaceful
and it’s a challenge
I find the rushing, bubbling water too familiar
it calls me—knowing I am vulnerable to
the wet, frenzied, chaos
even while I try to learn a new skill
I want to learn to see the emotions and thoughts but
not feel like that’s all I am
not feel like that’s the only choice I have
I want to learn a different way
without crisis
without desperation
no more fear of failure or poverty
no more fear of being inadequate to handle
whatever difficulty rushes down that hill
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

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