Things To Ponder

HughFreakingDillon

We all can use a little more happiness, and while articles like this are a dime a dozen, I still take comfort in reading them and trying to put them into practice.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/elyse-gorman/15-damaging-myths-about-l_b_6324636.html

hedonist

I found these items to be about simple common sense and hopefully a product of culling wisdom as we live.

I appreciate your intent, but the article was almost condescending. Most reasonable people get that meditation - like prayer, or basic reflection - can take place anywhere and regardless of time of day. Or that happiness can come from within.

Just strange points to make, and obvious ones at that.

HughFreakingDillon

hedonist wrote: »

I found these items to be about simple common sense and hopefully a product of culling wisdom as we live.

I appreciate your intent, but the article was almost condescending. Most reasonable people get that meditation - like prayer, or basic reflection - can take place anywhere and regardless of time of day. Or that happiness can come from within.

Just strange points to make, and obvious ones at that.

Of course they are simple and most are common sense....but sometimes we can forget how simple it is to be happy, how one little obvious thing can change our day...sometimes we can all use a simple reminder.....but if you took nothing away from it, well, someone else might.

oftenreading

For me, some of these points are very valuable - #11 is an important one - but I question others, and I personally think the last point is flawed. I don't agree that our highest purpose in life is our own personal happiness, and I think this attitude tends to produce people that are unpleasant to be around and ultimately don't find what they are seeking.

Annafalk

I thought this was very interesting - thanks for sharing !

PJ_Soul

I agree oftenreading. This idea that the #1 deciding factor in our decisions and actions should always be whether or not they will lead us to personal happiness is definitely a flawed one.

HughFreakingDillon

PJ_Soul wrote: »

I agree oftenreading. This idea that the #1 deciding factor in our decisions and actions should always be whether or not they will lead us to personal happiness is definitely a flawed one.

I take it in the way that if we are truly happy ourselves, we will project that out into the world.

whispering hands

The problem with that theory is that we are greedy creatures. In that respect we are NEVER truly happy, and as Oftenreading stated, that makes for some ungrateful people. This is actually oxi-moronic in that element. I truly see what you were going for on posting this. But in all reality, it's kind of promoting self seeking obnoxious behavior, my oldest sister lives by this very principle. She is the most miserable person I know. Just saying.

I find that giving OF myself rather than to myself, makes me happiest. I find that concentrating on being a blessing to others makes me much happier than seeking my own wants or desires. Just my view on it. Hope everyone's day is going well.

HughFreakingDillon

I don't see it that way at all. why does happiness always have to be attached to some sort of selfishness? it's not the same thing at all. it's not promoting happiness at the EXPENSE of others. just the opposite.

I see it the same as "you can't love anyone until you love yourself". Is that promoting ego-maniacal behaviour? No, it's merely stating that you can't truly help others until you yourself are helped.

to me it's the same as being in a plane crash; the adult has to look after themselves before they can help their child. is it selfish? no, it starts with self preservation which begets the ability to help another.

PJ_Soul

I'm actually more thinking about the fact that life ISN'T full of happiness. Life can be absolute shit sometimes, and the way to deal with it is NOT to always ask, "how can I deal with this so that I'm happier?" Sometimes the best thing to do is actually something that will specifically make you UNhappy. Sometimes not. The point is, making happiness the ultimate goal as you navigate through life could actually lead you down the wrong path in the long run (and btw, I am convinced that divorce stats skyrocketed largely because of this very issue - an inflated ideal of happiness is what makes people both marry poorly and give up on marriage to easily).

I'm sure there are some very enlightened people who have a great and reasonable and measured outlook on creating happiness for themselves without making selfish decisions or misjudging what will lead to ultimate contentment, but I'm not convinced that the majority of people are capable of this or even really self-aware enough to know the difference.

HughFreakingDillon

PJ_Soul wrote: »

I'm actually more thinking about the fact that life ISN'T full of happiness. Life can be absolute shit sometimes, and the way to deal with it is NOT to always ask, "how can I deal with this so that I'm happier?" Sometimes the best thing to do is actually something that will specifically make you UNhappy. Sometimes not. The point is, making happiness the ultimate goal as you navigate through life could actually lead you down the wrong path in the long run (and btw, I am convinced that divorce stats skyrocketed largely because of this very issue - an inflated ideal of happiness is what makes people both marry poorly and give up on marriage to easily).

I'm sure there are some very enlightened people who have a great and reasonable and measured outlook on creating happiness for themselves without making selfish decisions or misjudging what will lead to ultimate contentment, but I'm not convinced that the majority of people are capable of this or even really self-aware enough to know the difference.

I don't know that there is anything such as "ultimate contentment", these were just ideas on how to better navigate a few things to help get through life and to remind ourselves that daily happiness is achievable if you practice a few simple things.

I'm far from happy. That's why I posted this. sometimes articles like these help me. I thought maybe it would others. Not spark a debate on happiness vs selfishness.

but on your divorce comment........I am starting to believe that marriage wasn't in our evolution. very few, if any, mammals have a life partner. I don't know that human beings were meant to be with one partner forever. So I agree with you that people's want to be happy is probably due in large part to the divorce stats, I don't see that as a bad thing. My parents have been happily married since 1969. Not always. But they are now. But had my sister stay in her marriage just to try to keep with social norms and expectations, then her son and she would be incredibly miserable today.

I have been married for 10 years. And I hope to be until one of us passes. But do I think it's natural to do so? I'm not sure.

PJ_Soul

Oh, I'm not saying that people should stay in endlessly unhappy marriages. That would be awful. I meant that SO many people get divorced because of this kind of weird idea of daily happiness being possible but then find that they don't have it, so they bail on a marriage too soon just because they had a bad year,, or a bad couple of years, instead of working harder, for longer, to fix whatever problems there may be and making the marriage a good one by doing so. But no, so many people now tend to think that if they have to deal with any unhappiness for any amount of time it's time to get out. Well that is a real problem, since most marriages will inevitably hit extended rough patches that could be worked through if only one or both of the spouses didn't cut and run out of the idea that happiness is supposed to be a daily experience (which I think is hogwash, btw. Daily happiness?? I don't think that is achievable without either denial or drugs. And I'm actually pretty happy go lucky, and still say that!

Annafalk

At least I think that if one have a positive attitude and tries to see opportunies instead of obstacles it's easier to find more happiness in everyday life.