Shattered

I am broken, worthless in my million pieces. Left for dead and dying, I seek to live. But I am all over the place. My heart is beating in tiny pieces, scattered and widespread. My soul, like wild Mercury, seeks out pieces of itself. My blood coagulates, in thick Pools of remembrance. Shimmering in the cold winds of life, reflecting back to me, what I once was. Who I was, a mighty force of human kind. Now just a shattered shell, a broken, useless pile of leftover life. If I were whole, I'd cry. But even my tears are wasted upon the ground. I don't remember breaking, I don't remember falling. I simply realized one day, that everything was scattered about, and that I now must pick up the pieces of my stupid life, and put them back together. Is it ok, if some things have already died? I tried CPR on my hope, but had to call it dead. I kicked my faith, but it didn't make a sound. I stabbed my spirit with a bony finger and all it did was cry. Can I survive without these things? Can I replace them?
An ethereal scream escapes what's left of a lung, and I stuff it back inside. Soon its mate sputters out a whimper, and I crawl to find it.
I take back some of my blood, and it is cold and unwilling to move. I find shards of my heart all over, and I begin to try, like a puzzle to piece it back together. It beats a little stronger with each piece reunited. My soul has found more of itself, and begins to revive my spirit. My faith has started to cough and moan, and flails in its desperate state. Then, on their way back to my broken, shattered body, my soul, and my spirit, pick up my faith, and carry it back home.
My blood has started to move now, and it calls itself to order. Slowly but surely, I am healing, piece by piece I am coming together again.
My faith is now off if life support, and breathing on its own. But I think that there's no hope for my hope. It is bloated, and decomposing. I begin to clean it up, gently washing out the wounds. My spirit kindly putting salve upon the deadly tears, and shattered seams. My soul says a prayer, and gently picks it up, coaxing it to live. Then a funny thing happens.
My hope begins to whimper. A soft whisper from hope, and my soul rejoices! My spirit runs to tell my faith that hope IS alive! And then I feel
The strength returning. I begin to feel the hurts of my wounds healing.
But, then I see my reflection in my tears of pain and joy. I am frightened. I look like I should have died! To be honest, I should have, but that which was once mighty, never falls meekly. I may have fallen, I may have been broken, left for dead and dying, but I survived. How can I show myself with all these disgusting scars? And then my will walks in. And it explains to me, I may be ugly to the sheltered, to the privileged, but to those who have been shattered as well, my scars are are beautiful. They are a work of art! They are the court heralds, proclaiming that I am not easily destroyed. Shouting out in praise, SHE LIVES!!
So when you see a broken person. Remember the will in them, that just like your own, picked up
The pieces of you that the world left shattered, and made them
Into a work of Art!

Comments

  • AafkeAafke Posts: 1,219
    Beautiful Whispering Hands, so recognizable.... I've rebuild myself over and over again. Each time more scared than the time before... The scars are getting scars so to speak. But what happens with a priceless old piece of ceramic when it shatters in thousand little pieces on the floor? The ceramic can be fixed, but the integrity of the piece has changed, the piece has become more fragile... The smallest kiss with the floor beneath, will break it again, and every time in much more pieces, until there only remains a pile of dust.

    I have the feeling I'm such a pile of dust at the moment, to many times broken to remain shattered pieces. At the moment I don't have the strength to look for the remaining pieces, as small as they may be.

    This dust is getting so tiered, of keeping it together when even the smallest blow of wind comes along, I get all rattled up and lose pieces of myself. Now a big storm is blowing and i don't know , how to get shelter, how to stay safe.

    Maybe death is more peaceful, than this life. The will to live still remains, but the knowledge how is missing, at the moment. I've the feeling that i'm stuck in this deep pool of shit, and every effort to come out pulls me deeper in.

    Your poem gave me the strength to just keep on going for an other day, thank you for that!
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • Wow! What you just said gives me chills. I sooooo know where you are coming from. Please remember. That all of us here see the immense beauty in your life. Even if you can't sometimes. If you ever need an unbiased ear, feel free to PM me. I know that sometimes just talking about things helps to get thoughts organized in order to plan a set of solutions. And you will be in my prayers my friend!
  • I would also like to add, that even the finest of Dust can be remolded. For dust and silt are the primary ingredients to clay, just add water. Have hope my friend, and push on.. I love the story of the Chinese ritual of filling the cracks of a broken vessel with gold.. Because at this point in life, I'm priceless!! And I have a feeling that you are too! In China, Aafke we are solid gold vessels!! Celebrate those things that broke us, cause out of the rebuilding we find strengths we never knew we had. Things within ourselves we never knew existed until we needed them. I fall, break into thousands of pieces, and I cry and whine a little while.. But then I look back at all the things I have survived; being kidnapped, raped, beaten to near death, left for dead, thrown from a car, crushed by a horse, ( and believe it or not, I had to learn to walk all over again from that one!!) being devastated by the one person in life I truly loved, having a drug dealer for a mother, and a pastor for a father, and nobody to talk to through all this shit!! And that's only the things I can think of right now, there were floods, thefts, lies, betrayals, so much more, that I look back and think, either my will is the most incredibly powerful thing on earth, or God has a purpose for my being alive still.. I choose to believe both!

    Choose to see the truth. YOU ARE HERE FOR A REASON!! And we would be horribly saddened if we lost you. I pray things get better for you soon. Just let us know you are still here with us. And keep painting!
  • donnaruhldonnaruhl Posts: 2,157
    Wow, you two. You make my foolish search for oneself,seem like a walk in the park. I could delve into my wrong doing's ,or the wrong's done unto me,But those are things that I cannot change.I wish we had a choice to what we remembered,and what we wish,could forget.If tears were raindrop's,I'd be swept away by the riptides,Grasping for anything to keep me afloat.And that my dear's is our friend "Will" The will to live,the will to love,the will pick up the pieces,and the will to carry on. May the sun keep you warm on the coldest of day's.And in your darkest moments may the moon light the way. Your Friend Donna.
  • That was beautiful Donna!
  • AafkeAafke Posts: 1,219
    edited January 2015
    Thanks Donna, that is beautiful.

    It would probable be more easy to pick out the memories we wanna hold on to, but in fairness, all the memories combined makes us who we are at the moment. It may not be pretty, it may not be nice. But it's what we have to deal with.

    And it may create some images to share along the way, enjoy it!

    Lightningattheshore_zps73a732fb.jpg
    Post edited by Aafke on
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • donnaruhldonnaruhl Posts: 2,157
    What a beautiful painting. Light within the darkness.
  • AafkeAafke Posts: 1,219
    Always looking for that...
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
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