ok...now it's the part that sucks about the internet..
right now I was rejoining my friends + people that I met in the queue (which makes me realise: WHERE THE FUCK IS GITTA??!!!)..and we're all grinning...and heading down the road to the Montague Pike for a pint before heading home because we're all too excited
tehn 40mn later I cycle home...listening to my ultra-crap recording of the gig (not the one we were all listening to tonight, thank god!) and restraining myself to scream along all the way home..
and woke up the next day (well 3 hours later..when I finally managed to get to sleep) with the same big stupid grin on my face and sported it all day.
What are you having? Good to meet you.. maybe meet again at another gig?
Make it a guinness, something tells me that will be appropriate
laters all, have a great weekend
Astoria Crew
Troubled souls unite, we got ourselves tonight...
Astoria, Dublin, Reading 06
Katowice, Wembley 07
SBE, Manchester, O2 09
Hyde Park 10
Manchester 1&2 12
This is just g'bye for now...
Everyone's gone quiet.. I remember walking to the pub in almost total silence.. just a few f***s and shit and wows.... I was in a complete daze... way up there in the clouds and I didn't want to come down.. That feeling stayed with me for days!!!
just like astoria last year everone is away home early!!!
sad sacks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
I remember being so sweaty that I felt I'd been put through the wringer!
Charles Bukowski -
The Gut Wringing Machine
Danforth hung the bodies up one by one after they had been wrung through the wringer. Bagley sat by the phones. "how many we got?"
"19, looks like a good day."
"shit, yeah, yeah. that sounds like a good day. how many did we place yesterday?"
"14."
"fair, fair. we'll make it good if the way keeps up. I keep worrying they might quit the thing in Viet," said Bagley of the phones.
"don't be foolish too many people profit depend on that war."
"but the Paris Peace Conference"
"you just ain't yourself today, Bag. you know they just sit around and laugh all day, draw their pay and then make the Paree nightclubs each night. those boys are living good. they don't want the Peace Conference to end anymore than we want the war to end.
we're all getting fat, and not a scratch. It-s sweet. and if they settle the thing somehow by accident, there-ll be others. they keep hot points glowing all over the globe."
"yeah, I guess I worry too much." one of the three phones on the desk rang. Bagley picked it up. "SATISFACTORY HELP AGENCY. Bagley speaking."
he listened.
"yeh, yeh. we got a good cost accountant. salary?
$300 the first two weeks, I mean a week. we get the first two weeks- pay. then cut him to 50 a week or fire him. If you fire him after the first two weeks, we give YOU one hundred dollars. why? well, hell, don-t you see, the whole idea is to keep things moving. It's all psychological, like Santa Claus. when? yeah, we-ll send him right over. what-s the address? fine, fine, he-ll be there pronto, remember
all the terms. we send him with a contract. bye."
Bagley hung up. hummed to himself, underlined the address.
"get one down, Danforth, a tired, thin one, no use shipping out the
best on the first shot."
Danforth walked over to the wire clothesline and took the clamps off the fingers of a tired, thin one.
"walk him over here. what-s his name?"
"Herman. Herman Telleman."
"shit, he don-t look so good. looks like he still got a little blood in him, and I can see some color in his eye-I think. listen, Danforthm you got these wringers running good and tight? I want all the guts squeezed out, no resistance at all, you understand? you do your job and I-ll do mine."
"some of these guys came in pretty tough, some men have
more guts than others, you know that. you can-t always tell by looking."
"all right, let-s try him. Herman. hey, sonny!"
"what-s up pops?"
"how-d you like a nice little job?"
"ah, hell no!"
"what? you don't want a nice little job?"
"what the fuck for? my old man, he was from Jersey, he worked all his damn life and after that we buried him with his own money, ya know what he had left?"
"what?"
"15 cents and the end of a drab dull life."
"but don't you want a wife, a family, a home, respectability" a new car every 3 years?"
"I don-t want no grind, daddy-o, don-t put me in no flip-out cage. I just want to laze around. what the shit."
"Danforth, run this bastard through the wringer and make
those screws tight!"
Danforth grabbed the subject but not before Telleman yelled "up your old mother's bunghole"
"and squeeze ALL THE GUTS OUT OF HIM, ALL OF THE GUTS! do you hear me?"
"aw right, aw right!" answered Danforth. "shit, sometimes I think you got the easy end of the stick!"
"forget sticks! squeeze the guts out of him. Nixon might end the war"
"there you go talking that nonsense again! I don-t think you been sleeping good, Bagley. something wrong with you."
"yeah, yeah, you-re right! insomnia. I keep thinking we should be making soldiers! I toss all night! what a business that would be!"
"Bag, we do the best with what we can, that-s all."
"aw right, aw right, you run him through the wringer yet?"
Danforth brought Herman Telleman back. he did look a bit different. all the color was gone from his eyes and he had on this utterly false smile. it was beautiful.
"Herman?" asked Bagley.
"yes, sir?"
"what do you feel? or how do you feel?"
"I don-t feel anything, sir."
"you like cops?"
"not cops, sir - policemen. they are the victims of our viciousness even though they at times protect us by shooting us, jailing us, beating us and fining us. There is no such thing as a bad cop. Policeman, pardon me. do you realize that if there were no policemen, we'd have to take the law into our own hands?"
"and then what would happen?"
"I never thought of that, sir."
"excellent, do you believe in God?"
"oh, yes sir, in God and Family and State and Country and honest labor."
"jesus christ!"
"what, sir?"
"sorry, now, here, do you like overtime on a job?"
"oh, yes sir! I would like to work 7 days a week if possible, and 2 jobs if possible."
"why?"
"money, sir, money for color tv, new autos, down payment on a home, silk pajamas, 2 dogs, an electric shave, life insurance, medical insurance, oh all kinds of insurance and college educations for my children if I have children and automatic doors on the garage and fine clothes and 45 dollar shoes, and cameras, wrist watches, rings, washers, refrigerators, new chairs, new beds, wall-to-wall carpeting, donations to the church, thermostat heating and"
"all right. stop. when are you going to use all this stuff?"
"I don-t understand, sir."
"I mean, when you are working night and day and overtime, when are you going to enjoy these luxuries?"
"oh, there-ll be a day, there-ll be a day, sir!"
"and you don-t think your kids will grow up some day and just think of you as an asshole?"
"after I-ve worked my fingers to the bone for them, sir! of course not!"
"excellent. now just a few more questions."
"yes, sir."
"don-t you think that all this constant drudgery is harmful to the health and the spirit, the soul, if you will-?" "oh hell, if I weren-t working all the time I-d just be sitting around drinking or making oil paintings or fucking or going to the circus or sitting in the park watching the ducks. things like that."
"don-t you think sitting around in the park watching the ducks is nice?"
"I can-t make any money that way, sir."
"o.k., fuck-off."
"sir?"
"I mean, I-m through talking to you."
"o.k., this one-s ready. Dan. fine job. give him the contract, make him sign it, he won-t read the fine print. he thinks we-re nice. trot him down to the address. they-ll take him. I ain-t sent out a better cost accountant in months."
"Danforth had Herman sign the contract, checked his eyes again to make sure that they were dead, put the contract and the address in his hand, led him to the door and gave him a gentle push down the stairway. Bagley just leaned back with an easy smile of success and watched Danforth run the other 18 through the wringer. where the guts went it was hard to see but almost every man lost his guts somewhere along the line. the ones labeled: "married with family" or
"over 40" lost their guts easiest. Bagley leaned back as Danforth ran them through the wringer, he heard them talking:
"it-s hard for a man as old as I am to get a job, oh, it's so hard!"
"another one said:"oh, baby, it's cold outside."
another:
"I get tired of booking and pimping, getting busted, busted, busted. I need something secure, secure, secure, secure, secure-"
another:
"all right, I-ve had my fun, now-"
another:
"I don-t have a trade. every man should have a trade. I don't
have a trade. what am I going to do?"
another:
"I-ve been all over the world - in the army - I know things."
another:
"if I had it to do all over again, I-d be a dentist or a barber."
another:
"all my novels and short stories and poems keep coming back.
Shit, I can-t go to New York and shake the hands of the publishers! I have more talent than anybody but you-ve got to have the inside! I'll take any kind of job but I am better than any kind of job that I take because I am a genius."
another:
"see how pretty I am? look at my nose? look at my ears? look at my hair? my skin? the way I act! see how pretty I am? see how pretty I am? see how pretty I am? why doesn-t anybody like me? because I'm so pretty. they-re jealous, jealous, jealous" the phone rang again.
"SATISFACTORY HELP AGENCY. Bagley speaking. you what? you need a deep-sea diver? motherfucker! what? oh, pardon.
sure, sure, we got dozens of unemployed deep-sea divers. his first 2 weeks pay is ours. 500 a week, dangerous, you know, really dangerous - barnacles, crabs, all that- seaweed, maidens on rocks. octupi, bends. head-colds. fuck, yes. first 2 weeks- pay is ours. if you fire him after 2 weeks we give you $200. why? why? if a robin laid an egg of gold in your front room chair would you ask WHY? would you? we'll send you a deep-sea diver in 45 minutes! the address?
fine, fine, ah, yes, fine, that-s near the Richfield Building. yes, I know. 45 minutes. thank you. goodbye."
Bagley hung up. he was tried already and the day was just beginning.
"Dan?"
"yeah, mother?"
"bring me a deep-sea diver type. bit fat around the belly. blue eyes, medium hair on chest, balding before his time, slightly stoical,
cancer of the throat. that-s a deep-sea diver. anybody knows what a deep-sea diver is. now bring one, mother."
"o.k., shithead."
Bagley yawned. Danforth unclamped one. brought him forth, stood him before the desk.. his tag said, "Barney Anderson."
"hello, Barney," said Bag.
"where am I?" asked Barney.
"SATISFACTORY HELP AGENCY."
"boy, if you two ain-t a couple of greasy-looking motherfuckers, I ain-t never ever seen none!"
"what the fuck, Dan!"
"I ran him through 4 times."
"I told you to tighten those screws!"
"and I told you some men have more guts than others!"
"it-s all a myth, you damn fool!"
"who-s a damn fool?"
"you-re both damn fools," said Barney Anderson.
"I want you to run his ass through the wringer three times," said Bagley.
"o.k., o.k., but first let-s you and me get straight."
"aw right, for instance-ast this Barney guy who his heroes
are."
"Barney, hoose yr herows?"
"well, lemme see - Cleaver, Dillinger, Che, Malcolm X,
Gandhi, Jersey Joe Walcott, Grandma Barker, Castro, Van Gogh,
Villon, Hemingway."
"ya see, he identifies with all LOSERS. that makes him feel good. he-s getting ready to lose. we-re going to help him. he's been conned on this soul-shit and that-s how we get their asses, there ain't no soul. it-s all con. there ain't no heroes. it-s all con. there ain't no winners - it-s all con and horseshit. there ain't no saints, there aint no genius - that's all con and fairytale, it makes the game go. each man jut tries to hang on and be lucky - if he can. all else is bullshit."
Everyone's gone quiet.. I remember walking to the pub in almost total silence.. just a few f***s and shit and wows.... I was in a complete daze... way up there in the clouds and I didn't want to come down.. That feeling stayed with me for days!!!
yeah..I remember, couldn't say much...just grin (and everyone who knows me knows that quiet is not really an adjective for me!)
Oh well people.. It was really lovely meeting you all and I hope we meet again. We're off to catch the last train.. need to get up early tomorrow..
'bye
"aw right, aw right, I dig your losers! but what about Castro? he looked pretty fat, last photo I saw of him."
"he subsists because the U.S. and Russia have decided to leave him in the middle. but suppose they really put the pack on the deck? what can he draw to? man, he don-t hold enough chips to get into a decaying Egyptian whorehouse."
"fuck you two guys! I like who I like!" said Barney Anderson.
"Barney, when a man gets old enough, trapped enough, hungry enough, weary enough he'll suck dick, tit, eat shit to stay
alive; either that or suicide. the human race ain't got it, man. it's a bad crowd."
"so we're gonna change it, man. that-s the trick. if we can make it to the moon we can clean the shit out of the shitbowl, we just been concentrating on the wrong things."
"you're sick, kid, and a little fat around the belly. and balding. Dan, shape him up."
Danforth took Barney Anderson and rang and wrung and screamed him through the wringer three times, then brought him back.
"Barney?" asked Bagley.
"yes sir!"
"Who are your heroes?"
"George Washington, Bob Hope, Mae West. Richard Nixon, the bones of Clark Gable and all the nice people I-ve seen at Disneyland. Joe Louis, Dinah Shore, Frank Sinatra, Babe Ruth, the Green Berets, hell the whole United States Army and Navy and especially the Marine Corps, and even the Treasury Dept., the CIA, the FBI, United Fruit, the highway Patrol, the whole god damned L.A. Police Dept., and the County Cops too. and I don-t mean -cops,- I mean policemen.- then there's Marlene Dietrich, with this slit up the side of her dress, she must be near 70 now? - dancing up at Vegas, my dick got big, what a wonderful woman. the good American life and the good American money can keep us young forever, don't you see?"
"Dan?"
"yeah, Bag?"
"this one-s really ready! I ain-t got much feeling left, but he even makes me sick. make him sign his little contract and send him out. they'll love him. god, what a man's gotta do to just stay alive. sometimes I even hate my own job. that-s bad, ain't it, Dan?"
******* "sure, Bag, and as soon as I send this asshole on his way, I got just the little thing for you - a touch of the good ol' tonic."
"ah, fine, fine-what is it?"
"just a little quarter-turn through the wringer."
"WHAT?"
"oh, it-s fine for the blues or for extemporaneous thinking stuff like that."
"will it work?"
"it beats aspirin."
"o.k., get rid of the asshole."
Barney Anderson was sent down the stairway. Bagley got up and walked toward the nearest wringer. "these old gals - West and Dietrich, still flashing tits and legs, hell t don-t make sense, they were doing that when I was 6 years old."
"nuttin-. stretchers, girdles, powder, lights, false flesh coverings, padding, pudding, straw, horseshit, they could make your grandmother look like a 16 year old."
"my grandmother-s dead."
"they could still do it."
"yeah, yeah, I guess you-re right." Bagley walked toward the wringer.
"just a quarter turn now. can I trust you?"
"you-re my partner, ain-t you, Bag?"
"sure, Dan."
"how long we been in business together?"
"25 years."
"so, o.k., when I say a QUARTER-TURN, I mean a QUAR-
TER-TURN."
"whatta I do?"
"just slip your hands in the rollers, it-s like a washing machine."
"in there?"
"yeah, here we go! whoopee!"
"hey, man, remember, just a quarter of a turn."
"sure, Bag, don-t you trust me?"
"I gotta now."
"you know, I been fucking your wife on the sly." "you rotten son of a bitch! I-ll kill you!"
Danforth left the machine running, sat down behind Bagley's
desk, lit a cigarette. he hummed a little tune, "lucky lucky me, I can
live in luxury, because I-ve got a pocket full of dreams-I've got a pocketful of dreams"
he got up and walked over to the machine and Bagley.
"you said a quarter-turn," said Bagley. "it-s been a turn and a half."
"don-t you trust me?"
"more than ever, somehow."
"still, I been fucking your wife on the sly."
"well, I guess it-s all right. I get tired of fucking her. every man gets tired of fucking his own wife."
"but I want you to want me to fuck your wife."
"well, I don-t care but I don-t know if I exactly want you to."
"I-ll be back in about 5 minutes."
Danforth went back, sat in Bagley-s swivel chair, put his feet up on the desk and waited. he liked to sing. he sang songs: "I got plenty of nuthin- and nuthin-s plenty for me. I got the stars, I got the sun, I got the shining sea-"
Danforth smoked two cigarettes and went back to the machine.
"Bag, I been fucking your wife on the sly."
"oh, I want you to, man! I want you to! and ya know what?"
"what?"
I-d kinda like to watch."
"sure, that-d be o.k."
Danforth went to the phone, dialed a number.
"Minnie? yeah, Dan. I-m comin- over ta fuck ya again. Bag?
oh, he-s comin- too. he wants ta watch. no, we-re not drunk. I just decided to close shop for the day. we've made it already. with the Israel-Arab thing and all the African wars, there's nothing to worry about. Biafra is a beautiful word. anyhow, we're coming over. I want to bunghole you. you got those big cheeks, jesus. I might even bunghole Bag. I think his cheeks are bigger than yours. keep tight, sweetie, we-re on our way!"
Dan hung up. another phone rang. he picked it up. "jam it you rotten motherfucker, even the points of your tits smell like wet dogturds in a Westerly wind." he hung up and smiled. walked over and took Bagley out of the machine. they locked the office door and walked down the steps together. when they walked outside the sun was up and looking good. you could see through the thin skirts of the women. you could almost see their bones. death and rot was everywhere. it was Los Angeles, near 7th and Broadway, the intersection where the dead snubbed the dead and didn-t even know why
it was a taught game like jumprope or dissecting frogs or pissing in the mailbox or jacking-off your pet dog.
"we got plenty a nuthin-," they sang, "and nuthin's plenty for we-" arm and arm they made the underground garage, found Bag's 69 Caddy, got in, each lit a dollar cigar, Dan driving, got it out of there, almost hit a bum coming out of Pershing Square, turned West toward the freeway, toward freedom, Vietnam, the army, fucking large areas of grass and nude statues and French wine, Beverly Hills- Bagley leaned over and ran down Danforth-s zipper as he drove.
I hope he leaves some for his wife, Danforth thought.
it was a warm Los Angeles morning, or maybe it was afternoon, he checked the dashboard clock - it read 11:37 a.m. just as he came. he ran the Caddy up to 80. the asphalt slipped underneath like the graves of the dead. he turned on the dash t.v., then reached for the telephone, then remembered to zip up. "Minnie, I love you."
"I love you too, Dan," she answered. "is that slob with you?"
"right beside me. he just caught a mouthful."
"oh, Dan, don-t waste it!"
he laughed and hung up. they almost hit a nigger in a pickup truck. he wasn-t black at all, he was a nigger, that-s all he was. there wasn-t a nicer city in the world when you had it made, and only one worse when you didn-t have it made - the Big A. Danforth hit it up to 85. a motorcycle smiled at him as he drove by. maybe he-d call Bob later that night. Bob was always so funny. his 12 writers always gave him those good lines. and Bob was just as natural as horseshit. it was
wonderful! he threw out the dollar cigar, lit another, ran the Caddy up to 90, straight at the sun like an arrow, business was good and life, and the tires whirled over the dead and the dying and the dying-to-be.
ZYAAAAAUUUUM!
Lol seems that I missed a good flow! I see that you didn't relive the pub afterwards though. Though I seem to remember that not that many people stayed for very long :eek:
I'll definitely try and be available for the Dublin flow though :cool:
20/04/06 ~ 23/08/06 ~ 09/09/06
14/09/06, 16/09/06, 17/09/06, 19/09/06, 20/09/06 ~ The Stone lookalike leg of the 2006 tour
18/06/07 - Amazing, just amazing
04/07/06 ~Proud to be part of the AIC Astoria Crew~
Sorry Sandra.. didn't see your post.. didn't come back to the board after my last post!!! :(:( Well, if it makes you feel any better, I didn't stay on long....
Hey Caz...! Yep.. a good one... Dublin flow!!!!!!..
this time last yr i was back home still wearing the biggest grin on my face EVER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Astoria was a dream gig and I was there YAYAAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYYYYYYYYYY
~~~~~~~~~~ PINK FLUFFY LOVE PSYCHO~~~~~~~~~~
Astoria,Dublin,Reading 06,Wembley 07,Sheapards Bush & o2 09 thats multiple Jamgasms!
If I keep holding out,... will the light shine through?
Under this broken roof,... it's only rain that I feel
I've been waiting out the days,... Come Back.
I have been planning out,... All that I'd say to you
Since you slipped away,... Know that I still remain true
I've been wishing out the days,..
Please say, that if you hadn't of gone now
I wouldn't have lost you another way
From wherever you are,.... Come Back.
And these days, they linger on
And I'm the night, as I'm waiting on
The real possibility I may meet you in my dream
I go to sleep
If I don't fall apart,.... will the memories stay clear
So you had to go,......... and I had to remain here
But the strangest thing to date
So far away
And yet you feel so close
And I'm not gonna question it any other way
There must be an open door
For you to
Come Back
And the days, they linger on
And every night, what I'm waiting for
Is the real possibility I may meet you in my dream
And sometimes you're there
And you're talking back to me
Come the morning I could swear you're next to me
oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
Comments
What are you having? Good to meet you.. maybe meet again at another gig?
right now I was rejoining my friends + people that I met in the queue (which makes me realise: WHERE THE FUCK IS GITTA??!!!)..and we're all grinning...and heading down the road to the Montague Pike for a pint before heading home because we're all too excited
tehn 40mn later I cycle home...listening to my ultra-crap recording of the gig (not the one we were all listening to tonight, thank god!) and restraining myself to scream along all the way home..
and woke up the next day (well 3 hours later..when I finally managed to get to sleep) with the same big stupid grin on my face and sported it all day.
btw, I'm having it right now
Make it a guinness, something tells me that will be appropriate
laters all, have a great weekend
Troubled souls unite, we got ourselves tonight...
Astoria, Dublin, Reading 06
Katowice, Wembley 07
SBE, Manchester, O2 09
Hyde Park 10
Manchester 1&2 12
This is just g'bye for now...
Look here!! Hey Neil and Fraser (you hussy!).. going for a pint?
'bye have a good week-end.. lovely reliving this!
sorry..I'm on near 2 bottles of wine
see you ALL at Wembley (and I'm sure earlier
sad sacks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charles Bukowski -
The Gut Wringing Machine
Danforth hung the bodies up one by one after they had been wrung through the wringer. Bagley sat by the phones. "how many we got?"
"19, looks like a good day."
"shit, yeah, yeah. that sounds like a good day. how many did we place yesterday?"
"14."
"fair, fair. we'll make it good if the way keeps up. I keep worrying they might quit the thing in Viet," said Bagley of the phones.
"don't be foolish too many people profit depend on that war."
"but the Paris Peace Conference"
"you just ain't yourself today, Bag. you know they just sit around and laugh all day, draw their pay and then make the Paree nightclubs each night. those boys are living good. they don't want the Peace Conference to end anymore than we want the war to end.
we're all getting fat, and not a scratch. It-s sweet. and if they settle the thing somehow by accident, there-ll be others. they keep hot points glowing all over the globe."
"yeah, I guess I worry too much." one of the three phones on the desk rang. Bagley picked it up. "SATISFACTORY HELP AGENCY. Bagley speaking."
he listened.
"yeh, yeh. we got a good cost accountant. salary?
$300 the first two weeks, I mean a week. we get the first two weeks- pay. then cut him to 50 a week or fire him. If you fire him after the first two weeks, we give YOU one hundred dollars. why? well, hell, don-t you see, the whole idea is to keep things moving. It's all psychological, like Santa Claus. when? yeah, we-ll send him right over. what-s the address? fine, fine, he-ll be there pronto, remember
all the terms. we send him with a contract. bye."
Bagley hung up. hummed to himself, underlined the address.
"get one down, Danforth, a tired, thin one, no use shipping out the
best on the first shot."
Danforth walked over to the wire clothesline and took the clamps off the fingers of a tired, thin one.
"walk him over here. what-s his name?"
"Herman. Herman Telleman."
"shit, he don-t look so good. looks like he still got a little blood in him, and I can see some color in his eye-I think. listen, Danforthm you got these wringers running good and tight? I want all the guts squeezed out, no resistance at all, you understand? you do your job and I-ll do mine."
"some of these guys came in pretty tough, some men have
more guts than others, you know that. you can-t always tell by looking."
"all right, let-s try him. Herman. hey, sonny!"
"what-s up pops?"
"how-d you like a nice little job?"
"ah, hell no!"
"what? you don't want a nice little job?"
"what the fuck for? my old man, he was from Jersey, he worked all his damn life and after that we buried him with his own money, ya know what he had left?"
"what?"
"15 cents and the end of a drab dull life."
"but don't you want a wife, a family, a home, respectability" a new car every 3 years?"
"I don-t want no grind, daddy-o, don-t put me in no flip-out cage. I just want to laze around. what the shit."
"Danforth, run this bastard through the wringer and make
those screws tight!"
Danforth grabbed the subject but not before Telleman yelled "up your old mother's bunghole"
"and squeeze ALL THE GUTS OUT OF HIM, ALL OF THE GUTS! do you hear me?"
"aw right, aw right!" answered Danforth. "shit, sometimes I think you got the easy end of the stick!"
"forget sticks! squeeze the guts out of him. Nixon might end the war"
"there you go talking that nonsense again! I don-t think you been sleeping good, Bagley. something wrong with you."
"yeah, yeah, you-re right! insomnia. I keep thinking we should be making soldiers! I toss all night! what a business that would be!"
"Bag, we do the best with what we can, that-s all."
"aw right, aw right, you run him through the wringer yet?"
Danforth brought Herman Telleman back. he did look a bit different. all the color was gone from his eyes and he had on this utterly false smile. it was beautiful.
"Herman?" asked Bagley.
"yes, sir?"
"what do you feel? or how do you feel?"
"I don-t feel anything, sir."
"you like cops?"
"not cops, sir - policemen. they are the victims of our viciousness even though they at times protect us by shooting us, jailing us, beating us and fining us. There is no such thing as a bad cop. Policeman, pardon me. do you realize that if there were no policemen, we'd have to take the law into our own hands?"
"and then what would happen?"
"I never thought of that, sir."
"excellent, do you believe in God?"
"oh, yes sir, in God and Family and State and Country and honest labor."
"jesus christ!"
"what, sir?"
"sorry, now, here, do you like overtime on a job?"
"oh, yes sir! I would like to work 7 days a week if possible, and 2 jobs if possible."
"why?"
"money, sir, money for color tv, new autos, down payment on a home, silk pajamas, 2 dogs, an electric shave, life insurance, medical insurance, oh all kinds of insurance and college educations for my children if I have children and automatic doors on the garage and fine clothes and 45 dollar shoes, and cameras, wrist watches, rings, washers, refrigerators, new chairs, new beds, wall-to-wall carpeting, donations to the church, thermostat heating and"
"all right. stop. when are you going to use all this stuff?"
"I don-t understand, sir."
"I mean, when you are working night and day and overtime, when are you going to enjoy these luxuries?"
"oh, there-ll be a day, there-ll be a day, sir!"
"and you don-t think your kids will grow up some day and just think of you as an asshole?"
"after I-ve worked my fingers to the bone for them, sir! of course not!"
"excellent. now just a few more questions."
"yes, sir."
"don-t you think that all this constant drudgery is harmful to the health and the spirit, the soul, if you will-?" "oh hell, if I weren-t working all the time I-d just be sitting around drinking or making oil paintings or fucking or going to the circus or sitting in the park watching the ducks. things like that."
"don-t you think sitting around in the park watching the ducks is nice?"
"I can-t make any money that way, sir."
"o.k., fuck-off."
"sir?"
"I mean, I-m through talking to you."
"o.k., this one-s ready. Dan. fine job. give him the contract, make him sign it, he won-t read the fine print. he thinks we-re nice. trot him down to the address. they-ll take him. I ain-t sent out a better cost accountant in months."
"Danforth had Herman sign the contract, checked his eyes again to make sure that they were dead, put the contract and the address in his hand, led him to the door and gave him a gentle push down the stairway. Bagley just leaned back with an easy smile of success and watched Danforth run the other 18 through the wringer. where the guts went it was hard to see but almost every man lost his guts somewhere along the line. the ones labeled: "married with family" or
"over 40" lost their guts easiest. Bagley leaned back as Danforth ran them through the wringer, he heard them talking:
"it-s hard for a man as old as I am to get a job, oh, it's so hard!"
"another one said:"oh, baby, it's cold outside."
another:
"I get tired of booking and pimping, getting busted, busted, busted. I need something secure, secure, secure, secure, secure-"
another:
"all right, I-ve had my fun, now-"
another:
"I don-t have a trade. every man should have a trade. I don't
have a trade. what am I going to do?"
another:
"I-ve been all over the world - in the army - I know things."
another:
"if I had it to do all over again, I-d be a dentist or a barber."
another:
"all my novels and short stories and poems keep coming back.
Shit, I can-t go to New York and shake the hands of the publishers! I have more talent than anybody but you-ve got to have the inside! I'll take any kind of job but I am better than any kind of job that I take because I am a genius."
another:
"see how pretty I am? look at my nose? look at my ears? look at my hair? my skin? the way I act! see how pretty I am? see how pretty I am? see how pretty I am? why doesn-t anybody like me? because I'm so pretty. they-re jealous, jealous, jealous" the phone rang again.
"SATISFACTORY HELP AGENCY. Bagley speaking. you what? you need a deep-sea diver? motherfucker! what? oh, pardon.
sure, sure, we got dozens of unemployed deep-sea divers. his first 2 weeks pay is ours. 500 a week, dangerous, you know, really dangerous - barnacles, crabs, all that- seaweed, maidens on rocks. octupi, bends. head-colds. fuck, yes. first 2 weeks- pay is ours. if you fire him after 2 weeks we give you $200. why? why? if a robin laid an egg of gold in your front room chair would you ask WHY? would you? we'll send you a deep-sea diver in 45 minutes! the address?
fine, fine, ah, yes, fine, that-s near the Richfield Building. yes, I know. 45 minutes. thank you. goodbye."
Bagley hung up. he was tried already and the day was just beginning.
"Dan?"
"yeah, mother?"
"bring me a deep-sea diver type. bit fat around the belly. blue eyes, medium hair on chest, balding before his time, slightly stoical,
cancer of the throat. that-s a deep-sea diver. anybody knows what a deep-sea diver is. now bring one, mother."
"o.k., shithead."
Bagley yawned. Danforth unclamped one. brought him forth, stood him before the desk.. his tag said, "Barney Anderson."
"hello, Barney," said Bag.
"where am I?" asked Barney.
"SATISFACTORY HELP AGENCY."
"boy, if you two ain-t a couple of greasy-looking motherfuckers, I ain-t never ever seen none!"
"what the fuck, Dan!"
"I ran him through 4 times."
"I told you to tighten those screws!"
"and I told you some men have more guts than others!"
"it-s all a myth, you damn fool!"
"who-s a damn fool?"
"you-re both damn fools," said Barney Anderson.
"I want you to run his ass through the wringer three times," said Bagley.
"o.k., o.k., but first let-s you and me get straight."
"aw right, for instance-ast this Barney guy who his heroes
are."
"Barney, hoose yr herows?"
"well, lemme see - Cleaver, Dillinger, Che, Malcolm X,
Gandhi, Jersey Joe Walcott, Grandma Barker, Castro, Van Gogh,
Villon, Hemingway."
"ya see, he identifies with all LOSERS. that makes him feel good. he-s getting ready to lose. we-re going to help him. he's been conned on this soul-shit and that-s how we get their asses, there ain't no soul. it-s all con. there ain't no heroes. it-s all con. there ain't no winners - it-s all con and horseshit. there ain't no saints, there aint no genius - that's all con and fairytale, it makes the game go. each man jut tries to hang on and be lucky - if he can. all else is bullshit."
I went to the pub with Rob! But must admit didn't stay very long... up early the next day...
'bye
"he subsists because the U.S. and Russia have decided to leave him in the middle. but suppose they really put the pack on the deck? what can he draw to? man, he don-t hold enough chips to get into a decaying Egyptian whorehouse."
"fuck you two guys! I like who I like!" said Barney Anderson.
"Barney, when a man gets old enough, trapped enough, hungry enough, weary enough he'll suck dick, tit, eat shit to stay
alive; either that or suicide. the human race ain't got it, man. it's a bad crowd."
"so we're gonna change it, man. that-s the trick. if we can make it to the moon we can clean the shit out of the shitbowl, we just been concentrating on the wrong things."
"you're sick, kid, and a little fat around the belly. and balding. Dan, shape him up."
Danforth took Barney Anderson and rang and wrung and screamed him through the wringer three times, then brought him back.
"Barney?" asked Bagley.
"yes sir!"
"Who are your heroes?"
"George Washington, Bob Hope, Mae West. Richard Nixon, the bones of Clark Gable and all the nice people I-ve seen at Disneyland. Joe Louis, Dinah Shore, Frank Sinatra, Babe Ruth, the Green Berets, hell the whole United States Army and Navy and especially the Marine Corps, and even the Treasury Dept., the CIA, the FBI, United Fruit, the highway Patrol, the whole god damned L.A. Police Dept., and the County Cops too. and I don-t mean -cops,- I mean policemen.- then there's Marlene Dietrich, with this slit up the side of her dress, she must be near 70 now? - dancing up at Vegas, my dick got big, what a wonderful woman. the good American life and the good American money can keep us young forever, don't you see?"
"Dan?"
"yeah, Bag?"
"this one-s really ready! I ain-t got much feeling left, but he even makes me sick. make him sign his little contract and send him out. they'll love him. god, what a man's gotta do to just stay alive. sometimes I even hate my own job. that-s bad, ain't it, Dan?"
******* "sure, Bag, and as soon as I send this asshole on his way, I got just the little thing for you - a touch of the good ol' tonic."
"ah, fine, fine-what is it?"
"just a little quarter-turn through the wringer."
"WHAT?"
"oh, it-s fine for the blues or for extemporaneous thinking stuff like that."
"will it work?"
"it beats aspirin."
"o.k., get rid of the asshole."
Barney Anderson was sent down the stairway. Bagley got up and walked toward the nearest wringer. "these old gals - West and Dietrich, still flashing tits and legs, hell t don-t make sense, they were doing that when I was 6 years old."
"nuttin-. stretchers, girdles, powder, lights, false flesh coverings, padding, pudding, straw, horseshit, they could make your grandmother look like a 16 year old."
"my grandmother-s dead."
"they could still do it."
"yeah, yeah, I guess you-re right." Bagley walked toward the wringer.
"just a quarter turn now. can I trust you?"
"you-re my partner, ain-t you, Bag?"
"sure, Dan."
"how long we been in business together?"
"25 years."
"so, o.k., when I say a QUARTER-TURN, I mean a QUAR-
TER-TURN."
"whatta I do?"
"just slip your hands in the rollers, it-s like a washing machine."
"in there?"
"yeah, here we go! whoopee!"
"hey, man, remember, just a quarter of a turn."
"sure, Bag, don-t you trust me?"
"I gotta now."
"you know, I been fucking your wife on the sly." "you rotten son of a bitch! I-ll kill you!"
Danforth left the machine running, sat down behind Bagley's
desk, lit a cigarette. he hummed a little tune, "lucky lucky me, I can
live in luxury, because I-ve got a pocket full of dreams-I've got a pocketful of dreams"
he got up and walked over to the machine and Bagley.
"you said a quarter-turn," said Bagley. "it-s been a turn and a half."
"don-t you trust me?"
"more than ever, somehow."
"still, I been fucking your wife on the sly."
"well, I guess it-s all right. I get tired of fucking her. every man gets tired of fucking his own wife."
"but I want you to want me to fuck your wife."
"well, I don-t care but I don-t know if I exactly want you to."
"I-ll be back in about 5 minutes."
Danforth went back, sat in Bagley-s swivel chair, put his feet up on the desk and waited. he liked to sing. he sang songs: "I got plenty of nuthin- and nuthin-s plenty for me. I got the stars, I got the sun, I got the shining sea-"
Danforth smoked two cigarettes and went back to the machine.
"Bag, I been fucking your wife on the sly."
"oh, I want you to, man! I want you to! and ya know what?"
"what?"
I-d kinda like to watch."
"sure, that-d be o.k."
Danforth went to the phone, dialed a number.
"Minnie? yeah, Dan. I-m comin- over ta fuck ya again. Bag?
oh, he-s comin- too. he wants ta watch. no, we-re not drunk. I just decided to close shop for the day. we've made it already. with the Israel-Arab thing and all the African wars, there's nothing to worry about. Biafra is a beautiful word. anyhow, we're coming over. I want to bunghole you. you got those big cheeks, jesus. I might even bunghole Bag. I think his cheeks are bigger than yours. keep tight, sweetie, we-re on our way!"
Dan hung up. another phone rang. he picked it up. "jam it you rotten motherfucker, even the points of your tits smell like wet dogturds in a Westerly wind." he hung up and smiled. walked over and took Bagley out of the machine. they locked the office door and walked down the steps together. when they walked outside the sun was up and looking good. you could see through the thin skirts of the women. you could almost see their bones. death and rot was everywhere. it was Los Angeles, near 7th and Broadway, the intersection where the dead snubbed the dead and didn-t even know why
it was a taught game like jumprope or dissecting frogs or pissing in the mailbox or jacking-off your pet dog.
"we got plenty a nuthin-," they sang, "and nuthin's plenty for we-" arm and arm they made the underground garage, found Bag's 69 Caddy, got in, each lit a dollar cigar, Dan driving, got it out of there, almost hit a bum coming out of Pershing Square, turned West toward the freeway, toward freedom, Vietnam, the army, fucking large areas of grass and nude statues and French wine, Beverly Hills- Bagley leaned over and ran down Danforth-s zipper as he drove.
I hope he leaves some for his wife, Danforth thought.
it was a warm Los Angeles morning, or maybe it was afternoon, he checked the dashboard clock - it read 11:37 a.m. just as he came. he ran the Caddy up to 80. the asphalt slipped underneath like the graves of the dead. he turned on the dash t.v., then reached for the telephone, then remembered to zip up. "Minnie, I love you."
"I love you too, Dan," she answered. "is that slob with you?"
"right beside me. he just caught a mouthful."
"oh, Dan, don-t waste it!"
he laughed and hung up. they almost hit a nigger in a pickup truck. he wasn-t black at all, he was a nigger, that-s all he was. there wasn-t a nicer city in the world when you had it made, and only one worse when you didn-t have it made - the Big A. Danforth hit it up to 85. a motorcycle smiled at him as he drove by. maybe he-d call Bob later that night. Bob was always so funny. his 12 writers always gave him those good lines. and Bob was just as natural as horseshit. it was
wonderful! he threw out the dollar cigar, lit another, ran the Caddy up to 90, straight at the sun like an arrow, business was good and life, and the tires whirled over the dead and the dying and the dying-to-be.
ZYAAAAAUUUUM!
I started so I thought I'd finish.
The idea of being being put through the wringer came into my head - and then I just had to post the greatest fucking short story i've read.....
I'm drunk!
Get on msn
you're drunk? really? that SOOO not like you!
where is that stupid evil emoticon when you need it?!?
please
I'll definitely try and be available for the Dublin flow though :cool:
14/09/06, 16/09/06, 17/09/06, 19/09/06, 20/09/06 ~ The Stone lookalike leg of the 2006 tour
18/06/07 - Amazing, just amazing
04/07/06 ~Proud to be part of the AIC Astoria Crew~
Rockin' out to Creadles
Sorry Sandra.. didn't see your post.. didn't come back to the board after my last post!!! :(:( Well, if it makes you feel any better, I didn't stay on long....
Hey Caz...! Yep.. a good one...
I walked past the Astoria at about 1am last night. Was very emotional
Astoria was a dream gig and I was there YAYAAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYYYYYYYYYY
Astoria,Dublin,Reading 06,Wembley 07,Sheapards Bush & o2 09 thats multiple Jamgasms!
I do remember swimming in the river at one point though!
WOOOOOOOOO !
def worth missing a song or too and passing out to look up as you're thrown over some huge guys shoulder to see
****Ed's face so close and OH WOW he's looking right at me
arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Ed's waving and singing to me ****
I waved back like some mad starstruck teenager ! hahahahahaha
Astoria,Dublin,Reading 06,Wembley 07,Sheapards Bush & o2 09 thats multiple Jamgasms!
i take it u mean last night/yesterday not after the astoria ?
is swiming in rivers a good idea ?
i know someone who did in India ended up with a tape worm :(
Astoria,Dublin,Reading 06,Wembley 07,Sheapards Bush & o2 09 thats multiple Jamgasms!
Last night at about 2am.
Tape worm? :eek:
Poor worm!
it came out 3 feet long :eek: hope u are ok !
Astoria,Dublin,Reading 06,Wembley 07,Sheapards Bush & o2 09 thats multiple Jamgasms!
Under this broken roof,... it's only rain that I feel
I've been waiting out the days,... Come Back.
I have been planning out,... All that I'd say to you
Since you slipped away,... Know that I still remain true
I've been wishing out the days,..
Please say, that if you hadn't of gone now
I wouldn't have lost you another way
From wherever you are,.... Come Back.
And these days, they linger on
And I'm the night, as I'm waiting on
The real possibility I may meet you in my dream
I go to sleep
If I don't fall apart,.... will the memories stay clear
So you had to go,......... and I had to remain here
But the strangest thing to date
So far away
And yet you feel so close
And I'm not gonna question it any other way
There must be an open door
For you to
Come Back
And the days, they linger on
And every night, what I'm waiting for
Is the real possibility I may meet you in my dream
And sometimes you're there
And you're talking back to me
Come the morning I could swear you're next to me
And it's okay.
It's okay.
It's okay.
I'll be here
Come Back
Come Back
I'll be here
Come Back
Come Back
I'll be here
Come Back
Come Back
cos its so beautiful
Astoria,Dublin,Reading 06,Wembley 07,Sheapards Bush & o2 09 thats multiple Jamgasms!
You're welcome to cry on my shoulder!