Heartfelt Thank you to PJ - and call to action
rebdeb42@aol.com
Posts: 1
I just wanted to write and thank Pearl Jam for being Pearl Jam.
I feel the need to say thank you and have felt that need for a long time, although the words “thank you” don’t seem to be enough. They can roll off the tongue (or be typed) so easily and the words “thank you” deserve some weight.
Back in 1991, I was 19 years old. In August, a couple weeks before I was supposed to go back to college my father was shot two times in the head and was killed. He was only 49.
The person who shot him never should have been able to get a gun. The person was mentally unstable. The person who shot him had been admitted to a psychiatric hospital, had tried to commit suicide by jumping off a bridge and running a car in a garage. The person had seen many therapists, tried different medications and even underwent shock treatment therapy. The person who killed him had been receiving all the mental healthcare money can buy. I know this because the person who shot and killed my father is my mother.
How did my Mom, a person who had been struggling with mental illness for years, get a gun? Well, first she took a gun from my grandfather’s house. He’s a proud member of the NRA and kept his two guns “securely stored” in a shoebox under his bed. She had one of those guns for weeks before we noticed and we forced her to relinquish it.
Then, she went to a gun store and bought a handgun. Now back in 1991, I’m really not sure if they ran a background check on her…or if they had, if the admittance to a mental ward would have kept her from buying a gun (thanks to the Executive Order signed just this year, persons who have been involuntarily admitted to psych wards will no longer be able to purchase firearms & it will come up on a background check).
Sorry to be so heavy, and believe me I’ll get to why I’m thanking PJ in a minute, but unfortunately to put my thank you in perspective I need to tell you all this.
OK, so fast-forward to the present. It’s 2014 and I’m 41 years old now. I’ve dealt with all this stuff, am married, have two kids (my son is named Chris after my Dad).
My Mom is up for parole in September. Even if parole is denied in September, the longest they can keep her is another four years. When she is out, she can easily go to a gun show and buy another gun without a background check. Believe me, she will look like a little old harmless lady, if they judge people on “looks” at gun shows, instead of running background checks. Will she show up at my door with a gun someday? Who knows. It is something I fear. She might. It’s just up to her and how she feels each day. Back when I was young and we were all dealing with her mental illness, I thought “She’s not going to kill him. She could never do that.” And I was wrong. I can’t tell you how much I regret not doing more to stop her, to protect my Dad. I knew she was struggling, but I really thought she could never do anything like that.
Again, I was wrong. I was young. Will she come to my door when she is released? She could and I’ve learned my lesson that we shouldn’t just trust that she won’t.
Now, here is where some jerk may say to me “Rebecca, you should get yourself a gun. So if she does show up at your door you can protect yourself and your kids.”
To that “solution” I say, really? What am I supposed to do. Walk around with a gun on my hip 24/7 when I have two kids? Not to mention the fact that you just suggested that I shoot my own mother. I am not going to shoot my mother. I do believe one shouldn’t kill people…..especially your own mother. Right? She needs help. Not for me to shoot her.
Additionally, if I shoot her I become a killer like her. And I am not going to do that.
Is it really asking too much to ask our legislators to protect people like me instead of convicted murderers? Is the solution that I should arm myself, not that we should keep guns out of the hands of convicted murderers? Really?
I’m sorry this is so heavy, but now it makes perfect sense why I’m writing to say thank you. You can imagine me as a 19 year old, holding my pink cassette tape of ‘Ten.’ I remember exactly how it felt to put it into my stereo. I played the heck out of that cassette.
You can imagine how songs like ‘Release’ helped me deal with the grief of losing my father.
‘Daughter’ it goes without saying helped with anger towards my mom. ‘Dissident’ means a lot to me, and the reasons for that I will keep to myself. And more: Present Tense. Glorified G. Given to Fly. Rise. Amongst The Waves. Smile. Thumbing My Way.The Fixer. Unthought Known. Light Years. Nothing As It Seems.Off He Goes.Inside Job. Infallible. I Am Mine. I’m In Hiding.Love Boat Captain. I’m Open.Alive. Not For You. Blood. Indifference.….I could go on and on and on…and on and on…..
Even ‘My Father’s Son’ from their most recent album is something I relate to – worrying that I might have some bad gene like my mother.
So, how do you do it, PJ? How are you the only band that I’ve followed since I was young, since your first album? How have you been the soundtrack in the back of my life, encouraging me silently (and not so silently) to spend some time to get the tears out, to get the anger out, to decide to be strong, to choose love, to choose productive, positive action? It’s like magic. And I am so grateful.
Thank you.
I hope that now those two words have the weight they deserve. Not a heavy weight that weighs one down, of course, but the good, heartfelt weight of something like a love-laden hug from a good friend.
I can’t thank Pearl Jam enough for helping me get through a really difficult time in my life and for consistently “being there.” For making music with meaning, for not selling out, for staying true, for being humble, for standing for something and for being healers.
So that’s my story and that’s my thank you.
And for anyone who wants to work on common sense gun safety, I encourage you to get involved. I’ve found a wonderful group called Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America. I volunteer as the Communications Lead for the Missouri chapter. I’m so proud of the work we are doing. We actually got Howard Schultz (the CEO of Starbucks) to declare that guns are no longer welcome in Starbucks. Moms Demand did that. If you want to join, please know that you don’t have to be a Mom – we take Dads, Aunts, Uncles, sisters, daughters, etc. You can join your state chapter on facebook or go to their website at momsdemandaction.org. Their website has links that make it so easy to contact your Representative. I send an email to my reps every day, using that website, while I eat my breakfast in the morning. I can go about my day knowing that I did something. I daydream that some day, these politicians won’t just get an email from me and a couple others, but 500 emails everyday. Or 1,000 emails. Or heck 10,000 emails. I picture an aide walking into a politicians office wide-eyed saying “We are getting bombarded with people writing in demanding background checks.” Only when something like that happens and these politicians know their jobs are on the line and we will vote them out if they don’t pass common sense gun legislation….only THEN will we get anywhere. So anyway. I highly recommend using their website to contact your reps. It’s a great tool. Also, VOTE in the mid-terms in November 2014! Vote and let’s get a new Congress. It’s up to us, so let’s make it happen.
Thanks again, Pearl Jam. You are a big source of inspiration and support, although you may not even know it.
Thanks also to everyone here for listening. I hope you all have a great day.
I feel the need to say thank you and have felt that need for a long time, although the words “thank you” don’t seem to be enough. They can roll off the tongue (or be typed) so easily and the words “thank you” deserve some weight.
Back in 1991, I was 19 years old. In August, a couple weeks before I was supposed to go back to college my father was shot two times in the head and was killed. He was only 49.
The person who shot him never should have been able to get a gun. The person was mentally unstable. The person who shot him had been admitted to a psychiatric hospital, had tried to commit suicide by jumping off a bridge and running a car in a garage. The person had seen many therapists, tried different medications and even underwent shock treatment therapy. The person who killed him had been receiving all the mental healthcare money can buy. I know this because the person who shot and killed my father is my mother.
How did my Mom, a person who had been struggling with mental illness for years, get a gun? Well, first she took a gun from my grandfather’s house. He’s a proud member of the NRA and kept his two guns “securely stored” in a shoebox under his bed. She had one of those guns for weeks before we noticed and we forced her to relinquish it.
Then, she went to a gun store and bought a handgun. Now back in 1991, I’m really not sure if they ran a background check on her…or if they had, if the admittance to a mental ward would have kept her from buying a gun (thanks to the Executive Order signed just this year, persons who have been involuntarily admitted to psych wards will no longer be able to purchase firearms & it will come up on a background check).
Sorry to be so heavy, and believe me I’ll get to why I’m thanking PJ in a minute, but unfortunately to put my thank you in perspective I need to tell you all this.
OK, so fast-forward to the present. It’s 2014 and I’m 41 years old now. I’ve dealt with all this stuff, am married, have two kids (my son is named Chris after my Dad).
My Mom is up for parole in September. Even if parole is denied in September, the longest they can keep her is another four years. When she is out, she can easily go to a gun show and buy another gun without a background check. Believe me, she will look like a little old harmless lady, if they judge people on “looks” at gun shows, instead of running background checks. Will she show up at my door with a gun someday? Who knows. It is something I fear. She might. It’s just up to her and how she feels each day. Back when I was young and we were all dealing with her mental illness, I thought “She’s not going to kill him. She could never do that.” And I was wrong. I can’t tell you how much I regret not doing more to stop her, to protect my Dad. I knew she was struggling, but I really thought she could never do anything like that.
Again, I was wrong. I was young. Will she come to my door when she is released? She could and I’ve learned my lesson that we shouldn’t just trust that she won’t.
Now, here is where some jerk may say to me “Rebecca, you should get yourself a gun. So if she does show up at your door you can protect yourself and your kids.”
To that “solution” I say, really? What am I supposed to do. Walk around with a gun on my hip 24/7 when I have two kids? Not to mention the fact that you just suggested that I shoot my own mother. I am not going to shoot my mother. I do believe one shouldn’t kill people…..especially your own mother. Right? She needs help. Not for me to shoot her.
Additionally, if I shoot her I become a killer like her. And I am not going to do that.
Is it really asking too much to ask our legislators to protect people like me instead of convicted murderers? Is the solution that I should arm myself, not that we should keep guns out of the hands of convicted murderers? Really?
I’m sorry this is so heavy, but now it makes perfect sense why I’m writing to say thank you. You can imagine me as a 19 year old, holding my pink cassette tape of ‘Ten.’ I remember exactly how it felt to put it into my stereo. I played the heck out of that cassette.
You can imagine how songs like ‘Release’ helped me deal with the grief of losing my father.
‘Daughter’ it goes without saying helped with anger towards my mom. ‘Dissident’ means a lot to me, and the reasons for that I will keep to myself. And more: Present Tense. Glorified G. Given to Fly. Rise. Amongst The Waves. Smile. Thumbing My Way.The Fixer. Unthought Known. Light Years. Nothing As It Seems.Off He Goes.Inside Job. Infallible. I Am Mine. I’m In Hiding.Love Boat Captain. I’m Open.Alive. Not For You. Blood. Indifference.….I could go on and on and on…and on and on…..
Even ‘My Father’s Son’ from their most recent album is something I relate to – worrying that I might have some bad gene like my mother.
So, how do you do it, PJ? How are you the only band that I’ve followed since I was young, since your first album? How have you been the soundtrack in the back of my life, encouraging me silently (and not so silently) to spend some time to get the tears out, to get the anger out, to decide to be strong, to choose love, to choose productive, positive action? It’s like magic. And I am so grateful.
Thank you.
I hope that now those two words have the weight they deserve. Not a heavy weight that weighs one down, of course, but the good, heartfelt weight of something like a love-laden hug from a good friend.
I can’t thank Pearl Jam enough for helping me get through a really difficult time in my life and for consistently “being there.” For making music with meaning, for not selling out, for staying true, for being humble, for standing for something and for being healers.
So that’s my story and that’s my thank you.
And for anyone who wants to work on common sense gun safety, I encourage you to get involved. I’ve found a wonderful group called Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America. I volunteer as the Communications Lead for the Missouri chapter. I’m so proud of the work we are doing. We actually got Howard Schultz (the CEO of Starbucks) to declare that guns are no longer welcome in Starbucks. Moms Demand did that. If you want to join, please know that you don’t have to be a Mom – we take Dads, Aunts, Uncles, sisters, daughters, etc. You can join your state chapter on facebook or go to their website at momsdemandaction.org. Their website has links that make it so easy to contact your Representative. I send an email to my reps every day, using that website, while I eat my breakfast in the morning. I can go about my day knowing that I did something. I daydream that some day, these politicians won’t just get an email from me and a couple others, but 500 emails everyday. Or 1,000 emails. Or heck 10,000 emails. I picture an aide walking into a politicians office wide-eyed saying “We are getting bombarded with people writing in demanding background checks.” Only when something like that happens and these politicians know their jobs are on the line and we will vote them out if they don’t pass common sense gun legislation….only THEN will we get anywhere. So anyway. I highly recommend using their website to contact your reps. It’s a great tool. Also, VOTE in the mid-terms in November 2014! Vote and let’s get a new Congress. It’s up to us, so let’s make it happen.
Thanks again, Pearl Jam. You are a big source of inspiration and support, although you may not even know it.
Thanks also to everyone here for listening. I hope you all have a great day.
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