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A Home To Come Back To

ratmandoratmando Moss Beach, CAPosts: 343
For 18 years I was told I was fighting for the moral side
With no home to come back to I had no room for pride.
You tell me that supporting me, you've got my back
But it's never been a backbone that I was lacking
I was torn away the week my own child was born

For this generation and the one before there's never been a world without a war
For my father's generation or the one before there's never been a world without a war.

I wrote my name one paper at a time when I reached 18
Pain and the loss reached my front door, I've seen.
African children just die and no one looks their way
Haitians drown, New Orleans down, planes take life away.
I blindly gave my promise that my life was worth a war.

I was just 18, weeks later I was a very old old soul
Worlds blood bullets trickled upon my mind they'd roll.
My mind looked toward the promises , not like Nam
They learned to care about us when we are coming home?
But 18 years later, I can't walk, and I have no front door.

For this generation and the one before there's never been a world without a war
For my father's generation or the one before there's never been a world without a war.

I keep hearing that if I only asked then help would be my treasure
Seems though that the government dissolves this at their pleasure.
If I should die they'd find someone to take a flag folded in my name.
But where does that flag go, that I fought for, when no one comes, my body unclaimed?
A meeting in a hallway with another forty-five uniforms is what I'm told
Explains to me all the rights that I now earned and deserved....
All I want is a door so I can walk into a home
All I want is a door so I can walk into a home
If I could walk, I would walk, If I could scream, I would scream. I would Scream!

For this generation and the one before there's never been a world without a war
For my father's generation or the one before there's never been a world without a war.
For this generation and the one before there's never been a world without a war
For my father's generation or the one before there's never been a world without a war.

---
cbj, veteran usn
When I hear music, I fear no danger. I am invulnerable. I see no foe. I am related to the earliest times, and to the latest.

Henry David Thoreau

Comments

  • TalonTeddTalonTedd TorontoPosts: 829
    So many deserve so much more than just a front door.
    Sadly just some lip service given and not much more.

    "Medals on a wooden mantel, next to a handsome face
    that the president took for granted, writing cheques that others pay.
    And in all the madness, mind becomes numb and naïve....

    You got to know there is another way.
    World Wide Suicide

    I spent five years in the Canadian forces...
    Saw what was coming.
    Realized who's responsible for it. structural steel columns don.t sheer away on a 60' angle in a runaway fire.
    They degrade and fail...like politicians.
    got out before I paid for it...Lost one friend in Afghanistan.
    And just what was accomplished again?
    Oh yeah....not very much other than some arms dealers
    and business leaders making more money! The really BIG bailout.
    I sincerely hope you walk through that door the rest of your days friend.

    In joyous part
    I remember when, yeah. I swore I knew everything, oh yeah.
  • ratmandoratmando Moss Beach, CAPosts: 343
    Thanks Talon, I wrote that a few years back, but the Raygun and Bushwacks took my youth away-- and back then no one spoke about women getting raped by their "bunkmates" or team leaders. Right now I'm recovering from years of medical issues and PTSD. I used to sing that and I Am A Patriot. I was in during the Grenada war-- US doesn't consider that a war, but I know those people who lived there still do. I'm 50 this May and just starting to confront what causes me night terrors. But every single time I see a Veteran on a sidewalk, I talk to him, or offer food or anything to remind them that I know they're still human and still hurt, and still need to be heard. thank you for YOUR service. I know that people joke about canadians, but I know the hearts of anyone who put on a uniform is so different-- we feel the pain of others, and want to protect our own lands from it.. we can't even conceive that there are children born every day who will know better how to use a shot gun than a crayon.

    Your words are beautiful. Thank you for being my brother in arms.
    When I hear music, I fear no danger. I am invulnerable. I see no foe. I am related to the earliest times, and to the latest.

    Henry David Thoreau
  • TalonTeddTalonTedd TorontoPosts: 829
    Your words about feeling the pain of others vibrates so deep with me. I remember a big motivation for me to join the forces was seeing the atrocities on television when the Serbs invaded Sarajevo. I couldn't imagine Nazi's dropping mortar shells on the children in my communities. So I signed up. Plus I had a deep seeded belief in my convictions as to right and wrong and I always new that if my government was ever going to use the military on our own citizens they would quickly see me turning my sights on the son of a bitch that would issue an order like that. So I think compassionate people that join our freedom soldiers is the best defense against domestic tyranny....lets hope it never comes to that, but these days? I sorry to hear about the assaults you were subjected too. There is no mistaking that the services do attract some of the lowlifes in our societies, some of the shit these asses would talk about disgusted me to my very core. I can honestly say that I was great at the craft of soldering, but because I detested the lowlife atmosphere that persisted due to jarhead closet cases advancing up the chain...I didn't get along very well and was marginalized because of my sense of justice and personal conduct. I know guys who committed crimes like that and the bastards always seemed to get away with it. Any way I have two young sons and they don't know I was a soldier...and they never will. They look up to me too much and I'll be damned if they ever join...unless some invasion of N America seems imminent, fuck I'll join with them. Thanks for your service and I'll be keepin' an eye out for ya trooper. O Canada.
    I remember when, yeah. I swore I knew everything, oh yeah.
  • ratmandoratmando Moss Beach, CAPosts: 343
    HI Five... more dead than alive....glad those days are over. I did develop a healthy sense of disbelief in anyone being better than another. I don't know what I would have said if I had kids. My dad was in, and he didn't talk about it.. I wish he had.
    When I hear music, I fear no danger. I am invulnerable. I see no foe. I am related to the earliest times, and to the latest.

    Henry David Thoreau
  • TalonTeddTalonTedd TorontoPosts: 829
    Not to pry and don't answer if its inappropriate but your dad. do you know if he saw heavy combat in Europe or the pacific. Please do tell if you like. Any of his story from you, would be welcome...take your time.

    "Is this just another day...this God forgotten place".

    " and the young they can lose hope cause they can't see beyond today.
    The wisdom that the old can't give away.
    Constant recoil, sometimes life don't leave you alone"...
    Love Boat Captain

    In joyous part
    I remember when, yeah. I swore I knew everything, oh yeah.
  • hedonisthedonist standing on the edge of foreverPosts: 22,842
    edited January 2014
    This is a beautiful and eloquent, but heart-rending thread.

    TalonTedd, I hope someday you'll share that part of your past with your children. It's good for them to know that side - most sides - of you, and to ask questions (though they may be difficult or even impossible for you to answer).

    My dad, as a native German who became a US citizen in the time Hitler reigned, served in the Army during WWII. The discussions we had about his experiences in Europe and North Africa were eye-opening - not just about that era and what he saw and survived, but moreso about the character of the man who was my father.

    I know there are many things from that time he also kept to himself...but he told us of it as much as he was able to.

    Despite mistakes made, disgust by what went on around you, allow your children to be as proud of you as I was/am of my dad...not only in that sense, but in that particular sense (if that makes sense!). I'm thankful I was able to learn about that part of history from one who experienced it firsthand.

    Of course, there were many other aspects I admired about him, as I'm sure your sons do of you.

    I hope you both continue to heal.

    (anyway, I ramble. Thank you, both of you)
    Post edited by hedonist on
  • ratmandoratmando Moss Beach, CAPosts: 343
    TT- my dad was in the philipines during the start of the Viet Nam era.. JUST missed a lot of the bad stuff, just squeezed his years between Korea and Nam. He ended up being a welter weight boxer, and a mailman. Seriously. And he types 72 WPM. But he had some stories from friends. I listen tot EVERYONE when I'm waiting for a doc appt at the VA...and my service dog comes with me, and he helps people deal with their issues. I think HE needs a medal. So many NEED to be just listened to and so many need to be JUST heard.

    hedonist... your dad was VERY brave. I have a friend who was a child and was hidden in switzerland from the germans and he sent me a full manuscript of his diary from that time. It's a look at the war I never saw. Band of Brothers is close. Think of that story with seven and eight year old kids who had to walk miles to homes in countries they've never been in carrying anything they've ever owned, and arriving with nearly a jacket on and not much more. I agree we learn history best from those who lived it and not from those who rearrange it to fit their political agenda. (Also an atheist in a foxhole, so I appreciate your post very much.)

    Hang tough, or be good or be good at it.

    When I hear music, I fear no danger. I am invulnerable. I see no foe. I am related to the earliest times, and to the latest.

    Henry David Thoreau
  • TalonTeddTalonTedd TorontoPosts: 829
    Thanks for setting me straight ratmando. After I posted I wondered about the timelines more and thought I was off a decade or so. So many stories go untold. Its sad. Please, give your little four legged hero a chin and cheek scratch from me :o3

    Thanks for your words hedonist. But I joined the CF (Canadian Forces) and never served overseas. I was close to being deployed to Somalia but some shit went bad and the government pulled the plug on the whole show. Can't say I am disappointed though. So when I say I am going to keep the fact that I was in the CF, it is because I don't want my kids thinking it any option for them. We are being used for dark reasons. The armed forces are a department of corporate agenda. Eisenhower warned us and do you really think he didn't know the truth...Its complicated and I don't want to offend anyone. But its hard to believe in fighting for governments that have obviously been corrupted by the corporate/1% agenda. We don't live in democracies any longer. Freedom is an illusion and everyone at the top has gotten there by criminal action. Have a look at the Zeitgeist film trilogy if you haven't already. I pretty much agree with everything being said there and I look forward to a new day for mankind free from the bonds and illusion of money...It will happen one day. the only questions are when and is it possible to bring it about peacefully. Can't say I'm very hopeful about the last part. That said, I will always respect those that serve in the name of freedom and serve with a hint of dread at the thought of ever seeing a soul at the end of the aperture.
    Thumbs up for your dad. He did what had to be done and survived, war is hell.
    All my goodwill and respect for the 10C and its members.

    " Who's got the brain of JFK. what's' it mean to us now...
    You, you've been taught. Whipped into shape, now they've got you in line....
    The whole world will be different....
    Brain of J

    In joyous part
    I remember when, yeah. I swore I knew everything, oh yeah.
  • ratmandoratmando Moss Beach, CAPosts: 343
    I went on tour for four shows-- me a wheelchair and my dog... so many of the clubbers sent me stickers to decorate thewheel chair---... the doggy, (monty, pictured), even had a moment backstage where we got to chat with Jeff...I used to know him in the late 80's-- I was in a band, and we opened for him two or three times in Malfunkshun and Green River. (I wrote a song about Andy..sending it to Kevin) Back then, I was 5'4", blonde, upright, no doggy, and I felt so bad because I saw him looking into my eyes trying desperately to remember me. I reminded him who I sang with, and he had one of those CLICK things going, just as the next person was coming over to chat with him..end of chat for me.. but Just as we left backstage, a really great member of the crew, nodded to Jeff and I got the "She's OKAY "sign, which was nice... and I got to give Eddie a gift that my uncle had wanted him to have ..even had it in his will..so I was able to pass that along to the stage folks.(,uncle was a cubs announcer)

    Point is--- these men, Jeff, Eddie, Stone, Boomer, Mike, (other Mikes) Matt, (Jack and all the rest including Brendan and Cameron) (Oh and Lance and Kelly-Curtass, as Landrew called him) They saved me from so many days of pain, and self pity. I'm fairly certain, unless I start turning around and getting stronger this may be the last time I get to do a tour jump to four cities... (one is fun..I live in Las Vegas..so tickets cost a few ovaries, a dog, and a part time hooker). Music brought me to my husband in a very odd way. VERY odd... I studied jazz vox when I was in punk bands, my husband was in Carnegie Hall, and has so many albums-- (this year, Mike Jones Trio- Plays Well With Others is in the top 10 for jazz and has been for 3 months now). Because he knows how much music means how much it changes lives- HE made it possible for me to just go on the road and see Arizona, San Diego and both LA shows...and so did other clubbers. He would watch how I'd listen to their songs and feel like I had a family to identify with..and watch me interact with 10cer's-- for 12 years I've been hiding from planet anything.

    Now I'm writing again, doing music again, doing comics again, (cathe's comicz dot com without the ' and space). I KNOW i couldn't have done any of this without the love and support I get from Pearl Jam-- seriously..they are my blood. My husband keeps my heart beating -- he IS my heart, and everyone I meet here-- I just feel like they've been through the life tests, each and EVERY person I've met has incredible stories to tell and incredible lives lived and yet to live. I can't find people like this just facebookiing or wasting 140 characters on "PAY ATTENTION TO ME" posts. And it all started listening to Cornell and Stone and Jeff playing...and my life went to a new world... not the only woman professor under the age of 28 stuck in New Mexico.... not going through a divorce with an alcoholic...not spending my 30s getting sicker... not being alone in a really one sided relationship...not finding the love of my life completely by accident.... I had the music to get me through it, over it, under it, in it, and surviving. I LIVE because of the language of music and PJ gets my world. And yours. And I'm bablbling.

    But hey.. flu makes my brain muddle, so I should go to bed... thanks for being friends. REAL friends.. distance, unmet in person, and true.

    When I hear music, I fear no danger. I am invulnerable. I see no foe. I am related to the earliest times, and to the latest.

    Henry David Thoreau
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