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Leave an anonymous letter?

Tenzing N.Tenzing N. Posts: 466
in All Encompassing Trip
I can't get a particular person out of my mind. She is the checkout girl at a store I frequent often. I want to leave her a secret letter to tell her how I feel but due to my situation I could never ever act on the letter or let her know who gave it to her. I thought about just letting her know how awesome she is and throw in some more compliments. 1. Should I even do it? Is it too creepy these days? 2. Since there's no way to follow up or act on it is it just a cruel thing to do? Is this just a selfish act ? 3. Is there a great way to forget someone quickly before I have a few too many and make a mistake one day?
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Comments

  • IdrisIdris Posts: 2,317
    edited January 2014
    What do u mean "but due to my situation"...??

  • hedonisthedonist Posts: 24,524
    I don't know that it's cruel per se, but were I the recipient of a note from a stranger proclaiming their feelings for me, I'd be more than unnerved. In that sense, especially since you have no intention of furthering it, then yes - it strikes me as selfish and a bit odd.

    (also, I'm curious what your "situation" is as well. If you're in a relationship, then you probably know you should just let sleeping dogs lie)
  • RKCNDYRKCNDY Posts: 31,013
    edited January 2014
    At my last work, we had a few occasions where clients asked employees to give other employees 'notes'-which turned out to be phone numbers or 'I think you're really beautiful'.

    I've had clients make certain comments to me- comments that gave me the oogies.

    Yes, it's creepy. The only think I can think you can do is if there is a 'comment box' (most stores do) you can leave a NICE note, "Mandy is always so helpful and smiling, it makes my day" and don't sign your name.
    The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

    - Christopher McCandless
  • Tenzing N.Tenzing N. Posts: 466
    I know... It is selfish. You are right. She seems a little stuck in life, maybe even down sometimes. What if I avoided all of the traditional anonymous love letter stuff and stuck with uplifting, overall compliments? Still too creepy to find? And I know I need to stop this, let sleeping dogs lie indeed but I've tried and I'm having a very hard time being rational and the reason I can't act is what you are probably thinking. I'm ashamed of that but there's a part of me that doesn't want to quit thinking this way as it seems like this kind of raw emotion is sometimes hard to muster these days.
  • RKCNDYRKCNDY Posts: 31,013
    What do you mean 'stuck in life'?
    The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

    - Christopher McCandless
  • Tenzing N.Tenzing N. Posts: 466
    Well, she's been working at this place for some time, she can't afford to go to school, she often looks somewhat sad and I hate to say this but she's not what most would consider attractive.
  • RKCNDYRKCNDY Posts: 31,013
    So you want to give her a 'pick-me-up'? lift her spirits a bit? yes/no?
    The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

    - Christopher McCandless
  • hedonisthedonist Posts: 24,524
    Tenzing N. said:

    I know... It is selfish. You are right. She seems a little stuck in life, maybe even down sometimes. What if I avoided all of the traditional anonymous love letter stuff and stuck with uplifting, overall compliments? Still too creepy to find? And I know I need to stop this, let sleeping dogs lie indeed but I've tried and I'm having a very hard time being rational and the reason I can't act is what you are probably thinking. I'm ashamed of that but there's a part of me that doesn't want to quit thinking this way as it seems like this kind of raw emotion is sometimes hard to muster these days.

    It'd also be unfair to the person you're in a relationship with (assuming that's what you meant).

    I think yeah, unless it's the kind of store-comment thing RKCNDY mentioned, anything more would be...not right.

  • Tenzing N.Tenzing N. Posts: 466
    Well, since I think with everyone's comments considered and with what I know is the right thing (but the hard thing) then yes... Just a pick her spirits up type short note with no mention of my feelings. That's what I would leave.

    Oh and I know, this is totally shitty to the person I'm with. I've tried to stop feeling this way but I can't let go. And it amazes me and at the same time sort of frightens me that I can feel this way for someone I barely know.
  • IdrisIdris Posts: 2,317
    edited January 2014
    Edit
    Post edited by Idris on
  • Tenzing N.Tenzing N. Posts: 466
    I'm going for a long run now. I'm going to try to make a plan... I just don't like what I feel about trying to lose these thoughts. I know this will pass and I know this is wrong but I'm addicted to the attraction, I'm swimming in this whole thing and I don't want to get out of the pool. I feel some of my age coming on and this type of senseless abandon feels young, hopeful and limitless. I guess that's why I wanted to leave the letter in the first place, to sort of turn what has been in my head to something tangible.
  • RKCNDYRKCNDY Posts: 31,013
    So you feel some sort of empathy for her...it's okay, I think it's a nice thing to feel for someone. Not actually act on it of course.

    So many people nowadays just only care about themselves and treat others like shit without a second thought on how it makes that person feel.

    Write something positive and nice about her, it will make her feel good. It's amazing how much a simple note of, "I appreciate you" can do.
    The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

    - Christopher McCandless
  • JWPearlJWPearl Posts: 19,893
    RKCNDY said:

    So you feel some sort of empathy for her...it's okay, I think it's a nice thing to feel for someone. Not actually act on it of course.

    So many people nowadays just only care about themselves and treat others like shit without a second thought on how it makes that person feel.

    Write something positive and nice about her, it will make her feel good. It's amazing how much a simple note of, "I appreciate you" can do.

    Great advice and nicely written!
  • Tenzing N.Tenzing N. Posts: 466
    After much thought and on the recommendation of the board I have decided to leave nothing at all. There's really no way it couldn't be creepy and it was a totally selfish act anyway. To help myself I wrote a letter, a long letter full of everything I wanted to say.... Drove down to the store with it in my pocket, purchased a few things from her and instead of giving it to her I payed and then threw it in the trash. It was like every transaction I've had in the past and from now on I'll know I had the choice and didn't take it. To help her I wrote a note to the store proclaiming her customer service skills and recommended a raise or promotion. Denying to act on an impulse or emotion doesn't mean it never existed.
  • hedonisthedonist Posts: 24,524
    Bravo to you, man. I think you dealt this really well in the end, did something positive for both you and her...and learned something about yourself in the process.

    Well done.
  • pjhawkspjhawks Posts: 12,420
    dude just give her a small compliment. like it's always nice coming through your line or even just good to see you again and maybe tell her to have a good day or week. life isn't a movie you don't need to go on a 5 minute tangent to her. everyone appreciates the little comments.
  • RKCNDYRKCNDY Posts: 31,013
    I wonder whatever happened...did he break-up with the person he was with? Does the girl still work at the store? Does he still go to that store?
    The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

    - Christopher McCandless
  • whispering handswhispering hands Posts: 13,527
    This was a strange thread.. I wonder as well.. But I think he was right to leave well enough alone.
  • The Waiting Trophy ManThe Waiting Trophy Man Posts: 12,158
    Imagine if this thread turned out like the Juggler's thread and we find out he actually killed her and was sent to prison?
    Another habit says it's in love with you
    Another habit says its long overdue
    Another habit like an unwanted friend
    I'm so happy with my righteous self
  • WobbieWobbie Posts: 29,902
    The Waiting Trophy Man said:

    Imagine if this thread turned out like the Juggler's thread and we find out he actually killed her and was sent to prison?

    a) WTM is that word we can't say :lol:

    b) I think RKCNDY was up all night, trying to single handedly revive this place :clap:

    c) I asked the drive thru teller at the bank out with a note. we went to either van halen or tom petty together (can't remember)...she already had a BF so that was basically that.
    If I had known then what I know now...

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  • RKCNDYRKCNDY Posts: 31,013
    imalive said:

    The Waiting Trophy Man said:

    Imagine if this thread turned out like the Juggler's thread and we find out he actually killed her and was sent to prison?

    a) WTM is that word we can't say :lol:

    b) I think RKCNDY was up all night, trying to single handedly revive this place :clap:

    c) I asked the drive thru teller at the bank out with a note. we went to either van halen or tom petty together (can't remember)...she already had a BF so that was basically that.
    Sort of...I was trying to fill up the first page with me being the last poster...but someone crashed my party. Oh well...
    The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

    - Christopher McCandless
  • whispering handswhispering hands Posts: 13,527
    A posting party sounds fun!
  • The Waiting Trophy ManThe Waiting Trophy Man Posts: 12,158
    I wonder if it can be done? I might try tonight.
    Another habit says it's in love with you
    Another habit says its long overdue
    Another habit like an unwanted friend
    I'm so happy with my righteous self
  • brianluxbrianlux Posts: 41,630
    Next time you see her tell her you like her shoes or her smile or the buttons on her blouse. Seriously, little compliments made with sincerity are always a good start.
    “The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
    Variously credited to Mark Twain or Edward Abbey.













  • RKCNDYRKCNDY Posts: 31,013
    brianlux said:

    Next time you see her tell her you like her shoes or her smile or the buttons on her blouse. Seriously, little compliments made with sincerity are always a good start.

    "i like the buttons on your blouse" :flushed:

    Hahahahaha......
    The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

    - Christopher McCandless
  • hedonisthedonist Posts: 24,524
    RKCNDY said:

    brianlux said:

    Next time you see her tell her you like her shoes or her smile or the buttons on her blouse. Seriously, little compliments made with sincerity are always a good start.

    "i like the buttons on your blouse" :flushed:

    Hahahahaha......
    "my eyes are up HERE"
    =)
  • RKCNDYRKCNDY Posts: 31,013
    hedonist said:

    RKCNDY said:

    brianlux said:

    Next time you see her tell her you like her shoes or her smile or the buttons on her blouse. Seriously, little compliments made with sincerity are always a good start.

    "i like the buttons on your blouse" :flushed:

    Hahahahaha......
    "my eyes are up HERE"
    =)
    "uh...hmmmm...uh...I like your squeaky shoes"
    :rofl:
    The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

    - Christopher McCandless
  • The Waiting Trophy ManThe Waiting Trophy Man Posts: 12,158
    Tell her that's a lovely shade of lipstick she's wearing and then ask if it's Indian Summer.
    Another habit says it's in love with you
    Another habit says its long overdue
    Another habit like an unwanted friend
    I'm so happy with my righteous self
  • whispering handswhispering hands Posts: 13,527
    RKCNDY said:

    hedonist said:

    RKCNDY said:

    brianlux said:

    Next time you see her tell her you like her shoes or her smile or the buttons on her blouse. Seriously, little compliments made with sincerity are always a good start.

    "i like the buttons on your blouse" :flushed:

    Hahahahaha......
    "my eyes are up HERE"
    =)
    "uh...hmmmm...uh...I like your squeaky shoes"
    :rofl:
    I'm yeah Asics are really hot can you
    Leave em' on while we umm umm you know, do the 'horizontal shake rattle and roll?'
  • deadendpdeadendp Posts: 10,434
    Um, maybe she has some lovely earrings that you can compliment her about. Would go over way better (sorry Brian) than complimenting the buttons on her blouse. Eeek!
    hedonist said:

    RKCNDY said:

    brianlux said:

    Next time you see her tell her you like her shoes or her smile or the buttons on her blouse. Seriously, little compliments made with sincerity are always a good start.

    "i like the buttons on your blouse" :flushed:

    Hahahahaha......
    "my eyes are up HERE"
    =)
    So true!
    2014: Cincinnati
    2016: Lexington and Wrigley 1
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