Home› Words and Music...Communication

How much is too much?

Miss TerriMiss Terri Posts: 24
edited December 2013 in Words and Music...Communication
Pearl Jam's music is a very big part of my life, therapeutically, spiritually, emotionally. The music is always there for me, never disappoints, never lets me down. The issue I am having is that my significant other doesn't get it and tells me that this "obsession" that I have with PJ is very much like something a teenager goes has and that since I am in my late 40's, maybe I need some kind of help. Let it be known that I have only seen them in concert once and have only seen Eddie solo once. It's not like I am chasing them around the globe (I would if I could...lol). My love of the band does not interfere with my job, nor my family responsibilities. Apparently, by clipping a dozen articles from Rolling Stone magazine and driving 200 miles to see them was just too much for him to take.

Thank you for letting me vent. Does anyone else ever experience this type of reaction with their significant other?
Makes much more sense to live in the present tense....

Vedder-Boston 6/16/2011
Pearl Jam~Worcester, MA 10/15/2013
Pearl Jam~Fenway Park 8/07/2016
Post edited by Unknown User on
«1

Comments

  • Jamminonthe1Jamminonthe1 Posts: 1,243
    Sounds like a real loser. (Not you.) :lol:
  • Miss TerriMiss Terri Posts: 24
    :lol:
    Makes much more sense to live in the present tense....

    Vedder-Boston 6/16/2011
    Pearl Jam~Worcester, MA 10/15/2013
    Pearl Jam~Fenway Park 8/07/2016
  • EmmEmm Posts: 196
    I hardly think you fit the bill of "obsessive" .... maybe let him peruse the forum here .... he might get some perspective! :lol:

    As for your question ... How much is to much?? .... I guess it depends who you ask! LOL ... you asked the fans so ... TO MUCH PJ :shock: ... You can never have to much!
    Breath, breathe, engulfing .... Consuming, so beautiful ... Life ...
  • rtwilli4rtwilli4 Posts: 261
    It probably has something to do with the fact that you are a female, your partner is a male, and Eddie Vedder is... well... Eddie Vedder.

    To be honest, I think it's sad that some people never find anything to love, be passionate about, and even obsess over. For me it has been snowboarding, rock climbing, live music, Pearl Jam... at one point in my life it was alcohol and parties and other things that are much much worse for me that a little Pearl Jam.

    He's just jealous. Trust me, I know. My wife gets a little jealous when she sees my jaw drop at PJ shows. In turn, I get a little jealous when Eddie comes down off the stage and looks her in the eye during Porch. It's all in good fun. If your partner doesn't get that, then the problem is bigger than Pearl Jam, and that's pretty big.
  • Last-12-ExitLast-12-Exit Posts: 8,661
    tell your significant other to get the fuck off your back. it sounds like he has some Dick envy.
  • KCjamKCjam Posts: 135
    It certainly does not like you are in the "Obsession" category by any means.

    I am male and when I met my paramour 14 years ago, she was not a PJ fan at all. Now I believe she is almost (Not quite) the bigger fan! Especially of Eddie and the solo shows. She is becoming a bit obsessed. This is a good thing to me.

    Keep on enjoying PJ. Have fun. I just turned 45 and feel like my interest in many things has subsided a lot, but with PJ only a tad bit.
  • Miss TerriMiss Terri Posts: 24
    Thank you all for your insight and support! We seem to be working through this "issue" and he is doing much better. After much discussion and mutual understanding, we are on the right path. You each made some great points and I feel so much better about everything and for having a place to go where I could "vent". Love my Jamily and will always be true to my heart. My guy was really having some insecurity issues, like you suggested, and it caught me off guard because he has never reacted like that about anything. Now, let the records play ;)
    Makes much more sense to live in the present tense....

    Vedder-Boston 6/16/2011
    Pearl Jam~Worcester, MA 10/15/2013
    Pearl Jam~Fenway Park 8/07/2016
  • Beck..Beck.. Posts: 535
    Yeah it's a big sticking point in my relationship,she just doesn't get it,still hasn't forgot about the trip to pj20 when she was 8 months pregnant,I get all the "you love pearl jam more than me" shit,just ignore it,works best for me.
  • Miss TerriMiss Terri Posts: 24
    ;):)
    Makes much more sense to live in the present tense....

    Vedder-Boston 6/16/2011
    Pearl Jam~Worcester, MA 10/15/2013
    Pearl Jam~Fenway Park 8/07/2016
  • Versus13Versus13 Posts: 193
    Obsession??? You mean dedication
    Pittsburgh, PA 10/11/13
    Detroit, MI 10/16/14
    Tampa, FL 4/11/16
    Jacksonville, FL 4/13/16
    Toronto, ON 5/12/16
    Chicago, IL 8/22/16
    Chicago, IL 8/18/18
    Chicago, IL 8/20/18
    Boston, MA 9/4/18
    Ottawa, ON 9/3/22
    Hamilton, ON 9/6/22
    Toronto, ON 9/8/22
  • Tony FerraroTony Ferraro Posts: 4
    My wife thought I was a little obsessed until I took her to three PJ shows last year. Now she gets it!!!
    inside job
  • BinFrogBinFrog Posts: 7,309
    My wife enjoys 1 show per tour, and she understands my passion for this band's music so she tolerates it. It's not her "thing", but she doesn't even come close to trying to stop me from going to multiple shows/etc.

    If he is passionate about something else, then he needs to shut up. If not, then he needs to go find something to be passionate about. I'm passionate about a handful of bands, and a lot of other things...my wife understands this. If she didn't, we couldn't possibly make our marriage work.

    (and I agree: to call someone obsessive who has only been to show is kind of silly)
    Bright eyed kid: "Wow Typo Man, you're the best!"
    Typo Man: "Thanks kidz, but remembir, stay in skool!"
  • karmadefectkarmadefect Posts: 806
    How much is too much?

    Well I do sometimes wonder if I should switch more and listen something else more often.
    I sometimes figure I might feel less enthousiastic about listening to Pearl Jam because of over kill.
    For me that would be too much. :D

    My girlfriend doesn't think I am obsessed, but she would love it if I would listen to something other than Pearl Jam more often.
    I can't help it, finding the best take on Even flow just requires alot of listening.
    It's not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me.

    2006 Arnhem 2007 Werchter 2009 Rotterdam 2010 Nijmegen 2010 Werchter
    2012 Amsterdam 1 2012 Amsterdam 2 2014 Amsterdam 1 2014 Amsterdam 2
    2014 Berlijn
  • PJfanwillneverleave1PJfanwillneverleave1 Posts: 12,885
    The questions about my listening habits of Pearl Jam have been less over the years since my wife fell in love in with NFY (in 2006!!!) and her first live concert. (London)

    20plus years of listening is hard to impress upon your other half until you find a way to make them see/listen to what you mean and if it takes flying across the globe or travelling 200kms do it - they will thank you later.

  • marilormarilor Posts: 618
    I could have written the first post !!
    My boyfriend thinks I'm obsessed too (i'm just 35...but I really love PJ for 20 years like a teenager and I will love them (and Ed) forever...
    Nevertheless, I went to a PJ show with him in 2006 ... but he didn't like it !! (don't understand).I really would like he gets in but he has no passion, doesn't like Art but PJ music is a big part of my life. So i choose to ignore differences between us and to focus on our common points. Now we had a little cute daughter and arguments between us are about other problems... :-?
    "We were but stones, ...Your light made us stars"
  • Miss TerriMiss Terri Posts: 24
    Love all of your comments and stories! Most of all, the support that I find here in the Club! All is well, now, and I'm on my way to Detroit in October! Woot! Woot!
    Makes much more sense to live in the present tense....

    Vedder-Boston 6/16/2011
    Pearl Jam~Worcester, MA 10/15/2013
    Pearl Jam~Fenway Park 8/07/2016
  • marilormarilor Posts: 618
    Miss Terri said:

    Love all of your comments and stories! Most of all, the support that I find here in the Club! All is well, now, and I'm on my way to Detroit in October! Woot! Woot!

    So happy for you !!! too far for me...
    "We were but stones, ...Your light made us stars"
  • BRAIN0FJAYBRAIN0FJAY Posts: 989
    Tony Ferraro said:

    My wife thought I was a little obsessed until I took her to three PJ shows last year. Now she gets it!!!

    Same deal...I'm not 100% sure my wife "gets it", but there is some understanding after I took her to Pittsburgh last year. (I have to admit though, I have a hell of a good time when I go "solo" or with some long time PJ fan/buddies)
    ...So much talk it makes no sense at all...
  • EvnfloEvnflo Posts: 33
    Nonsense. My satellite stays on xm 22. I can , and you can relate to their music and lyrics because they sing about realistic problems with realistic people. It helps me to know that this band is as emotionally attached to their fan base and respectful to them as we are to the band. Does that make them in need of help? Me, I will scream my lungs out to any pearl jam song. If it helps you to get through, how can it be wrong? How much difference does it make? With love. Evnflo
    Remember back, the early days, When you were young, and thus amazed, suddenly the channel changed the first time you saw blood.
  • osteoblasticosteoblastic Posts: 47
    I am definitely more obsessed than my husband and I do occasionally have to preface what I say with "Ok, I know I sound like a little fangirl, but..."

    Our relationship is one of mutual respect, and I don't need my husband to be into everything I'm into. I also understand how annoying it is for someone to go on and on about their thing when it's not my thing. So, he will engage in some PJ talk with me now and again and he shows some general curiosity about them, and in exchange I try to keep an eye on how many hours I've been looping a particular album on our living room speakers... :P He even asked to go with me to my first show in October!

    When I feel like wallowing in my PJ love, I come on here, or blast the speakers out in my car on drives, or watch PJ interviews or live videos. If my husband wasn't ok with that, or my occasional PJ rant to him, we would have issues. It's all give and take :)
    I gotta say it now, better loud than too late. 2014-10-19 St Paul, MN
  • PJSirenPJSiren Posts: 5,863
    I am obsessed, like above, I sound like a little fan girl, and I have this obsession with not only PJ but also Christian Kane, and my hubby is totally cool with it. In fact, he has bought tickets for me to see CK and taken me hundreds of miles to see him, lol, so my fangirl nerding isn't a big deal...I have my love of the music and he has his love of his truck...he has a Dodge cummins diesel and is obsessed with getting it all fixed up and exactly how he wants it and so he nerds out on it, and we're pretty much even that way. I talk PJ/CK to him even thought he's not into them and he talks truck to me even though it's like he's speaking chinese. I agree it's all give and take in a relationship, you have to respect what the other is into even if you're not into it as well...if you love someone you can at least respect what they like if not celebrate it with them...that's where I got lucky, my hubby celebrates with me...to a certain degree, like buying me the concert tickets and stuff...
    Music is my Religion and Pearl Jam, my Savior!
    Tattooed Dissident!
  • F Me In The BrainF Me In The Brain Posts: 31,261
    I am considered by many of my friends/family to be obsessed with Pearl Jam.

    I drive a white car that is actually the color 'pearl' and of course was 'named' Pearl since my nephew insists we name all family cars.
    The only 6 discs that have ever been in the 6 CD changer are Pearl Jam, the same 6 discs went in on the day I bought it and have not moved in the 5 years since.
    I had to delete a ton of shit from my 160 gig iPod because there wasnt enough room for the ridiculous number of tours on bootleg.
    The license plates on "Pearl" are personalized Pearl Jam related plates of course (PRL1JAM)
    I am now at 17 different PJ/EV posters framed and up in my house....1 in every room except bathrooms.
    I work from my home office so if I am not traveling to see clients (I wear suits) I wear a PJ shirt and jeans or a PJ shirt and shorts. Have nearly 60 PJ shirts now.
    When I got married I insisted that I pick the songs that played on the yacht while we cruised around the harbor for an hour before we went to the reception place. (I was unable to get a PJ/EV song for our first dance, there are limits my wife will go to!) I played 75% Pearl Jam to a varied age of guests.


    Here is the thing --- this is all relative -- as others have pointed out this list above is a small drop in the bucket compared to many fans of Pearl Jam and of other things. I have been to very few shows compared to most fans on this board. I have only traveled out of country 1 time to see PJ and that was only as far as Vancouver from LA, where I lived at the time. I have never seen more than 3 shows in any calender year. Never taken off time to travel with the band. Don't know all of the words to every song. Many people here know way more about Pearl Jam that I ever will.

    My wife accepts and she definitely shakes her head about this hobby. We are a team and her teammate just happens to think about family, sports, Pearl Jam & sushi. And very few other things.

    Glad to hear your significant other is straight on this but I would never have married my wife if she wasn't supportive of me being me....and she is very much the same way about her own things she likes and I support.

    Enjoy Detroit! (I am only going to Cincy on this tour -- see, we dont seem like people obsessed at all! lol)

    The love he receives is the love that is saved
  • nickburrows14nickburrows14 Posts: 858
    Stop screaming MIKE MCCREADY during intimate moments. My wife doesn't like it when I do that ;-)
    Happy up here in my tree
  • AnnafalkAnnafalk Posts: 4,004
    nickburrows14 said:

    Stop screaming MIKE MCCREADY during intimate moments. My wife doesn't like it when I do that ;-)

    What? Hahaha :)
  • joseph33joseph33 Posts: 1,247
    Ing Oh my god! Sweetie if you only knew. I rarely listening to anything else but Pearl Jam. My wife seems to think that i'm obsessed,but that has never been the case. For me the music is like going to church. I'm able to take so much more away from it other than an institution thats organized. In my opinion there has never been a bad PJ song. Its all pieces of art that make for a grand masterpiece. My view of the world tend to be slightly different than those of the band. But that would then be about individualism and not the music. I saw them for the first time last year in Charlotte and it was the most magical thing that has ever happened in my life. I felt being at one with complete strangers. As if we all spoke a common language the outside world could never understand . Im sorry your significant other left. People will eventually show their true colors one way or the other. PJ's music always pulls me through whatever life can throw at me. Your not alone babe.
  • DreamyDanDreamyDan Posts: 83
    funny thread this...
    rediscovering my love for the band, the music, Mr Vedder and all that goes with it {a good few years ago} has made me realise that my partner and i are massively mismatched....
    seriously...
    so, besides being a wonderful band, they have also been a catalyst for the changes in my life - first in 1992, when i left for England, bolstered by the conviction i got from listening to Ten... and now, 20 years later, again... :-) sweet... ♥
     
  • gillsans75gillsans75 Posts: 13
    edited June 2014
    Liking this thread :)
    To know PJ is to LOVE PJ. Their music has spoken to me for the past twenty two years, and l feel most fortunate to feel touched by Pearl Jam and the sound of EV's deeply haunting voice . Can't believe it's taken me this long to see them live...oh well, better late than never.
    EV / London 31/7/2012 PJ / Milan 20/6/2014 PJ / Milton Keynes 11/7/2014 "I don't question our existence , l just question our modern needs..."
  • r00thless91r00thless91 Posts: 43
    I LOVE this thread!!! I feel better about my "obsession" with Pearl Jam :] I'm not alone :,)
  • deenieskateeniedeenieskateenie Posts: 22
    edited October 2014
    There is no such thing as 'too much'. I listen to PJ/EV every single day. My kids know who they are, and they know Eddie by name. My four year old calls him Eddie Beddie. Haha

    My husband gives me cheek about it, but it's all in good fun. I think he's secretly stoked that I am such a passionate person about the things I love, in this case - PJ/EV.

    I was just thinking the other day that these guys (the whole band) have travelled through my life with me since I was a kid. Through the good, the bad and the ugly. There is nobody else I've been so dedicated to musically. They keep me company when my husband is away at work, when the humdrum of daily parenting kicks in, when I need a pick me up, or when I just wanna rock out in my lounge room. I love that they make me feel like all the other music in the world could disappear and I'd still be ok if I have them.

    So no, you can never have too much. I actually feel sorry for people that aren't into their music. Haha
    Post edited by deenieskateenie on
  • deenieskateeniedeenieskateenie Posts: 22
    When Ed toured here (Australia) in Feb this year, he gave me a beer. I drank it (naturally...) and have the bottle in display in my house. I also have one of his tambourines. My family knows these are my most treasured possessions. I'm not obsessed. I'm dedicated.
Sign In or Register to comment.