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I really need some help you guys...

WhyGo91WhyGo91 Posts: 639
edited October 2013 in The Porch
So a few days ago I posted on here about how I've had a really rough year with my parents divorce, a couple family members dying, my problems with financial aid, and then my girlfriend of 3 years breaking up with me. And I asked every one to do me a favor and if they were going to the OKC, to really have a good time along with me.

Well.....now I'm in a little bit of a predicament. Because of my breakup with my girlfriend I'm having a lot of trouble listening to some of my favorite Pearl Jam songs. I mean lets face it, there are some really heart-wrenching PJ songs out there. And I am even having trouble to listening to 'Sirens', 'Sleeping By Myself', and 'Future Days' off of Lightning Bolt cause it all reminds me of her.

So can anyone give me advice on how I can get past the emotional obstructions in my head so that I can listen to my favorite band on a regular level again?

Please?
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Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • Released1980Released1980 Posts: 1,790
    Jerk off.

    Really.. Go and jerk off. You'll be fine dude..... As long as you don't go and lose your hands in some crazy horrible accident or some shit, you'll always be able to jerk off. So stop worrying so much.... and jerk off more.
    "It's so nice to hear that in other parts of the world, the stress- borne from envy- that one finds for themselves is the animosity they develop towards a person selling a box of records. How fortunate!" ~ Thirty Bills Unpaid

    MLMF NYC
  • youngsteryoungster Boston Posts: 6,576
    Released1980 wrote:
    Jerk off.

    Really.. Go and jerk off. You'll be fine dude..... As long as you don't go and lose your hands in some crazy horrible accident or some shit, you'll always be able to jerk off. So stop worrying so much.... and jerk off more.

    :lol::lol: That is some awesome and true advice.

    :clap:
    He who forgets will be destined to remember.

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  • klusterfukklusterfuk Posts: 1,411
    youngster wrote:
    Released1980 wrote:
    Jerk off.

    Really.. Go and jerk off. You'll be fine dude..... As long as you don't go and lose your hands in some crazy horrible accident or some shit, you'll always be able to jerk off. So stop worrying so much.... and jerk off more.

    :lol::lol: That is some awesome and true advice.

    :clap:
    +1
    The future's paved with better days

    Alpine Valley Resort is etched in my brain!!!


  • 77777777 Idaho Posts: 165
    Did she like the band or those songs? At first listen to the songs that don't remind you of her, then in time, you can get to those other ones. Do something else, don't be miserable. Don't make those songs about her, they can be about a future chick. But, don't listen to me, I don't know anything.
  • Rocket SurgeonRocket Surgeon Posts: 25
    Hey, I'm sorry to hear its getting rough. I have been there, we almost all certainly have had a song or hundreds of songs resonate with painful places in life. Some people are pulling out the "suck it up" card, and I'd suggest setting that one aside as a get out of jail free card when you really need it. Some days that's all you can do. But if you want to get past it, you have to work though it.

    You are young, so 3 years is a significant chunk of your adult life. It's totally ok for it to hurt like hell for a bit, don't let anyone diminish the validity of your experience right now. I applaud you for reaching for a hand up. There are a ton of amazing people in this fanbase, just look at your last thread!

    The last five years for me have been a roller coaster too. The worst pain I've ever known has mixed with some of my most epic life experiences and showed me feelings I thought I'd never be capable of feeling again. There were times that some of these songs ripped my heart out over and over, but they became cathartic eventually. Come Back always brings me to tears. But Unthought Known became a salve for my soul.

    I encourage you to keep listening. If something is just too much, skip that one for that moment. Maybe write about what it's triggering in you and why, so you can release it a little at a time. But come back to it later. Keep your heart and your ears open for songs that can take on a new meaning for you. They may be the key. Find the ones that made you feel invincible before and go back to those. Play them loud!

    You might not be able to listen to every song the way you used to. Some of those songs might always remind you of her. But as cliche as it sounds, time does help. So do friends, and physical activity. Doing physical activity with friends while listening to PJ?! Sounds like epic therapy to me.

    Give yourself time. Keep your head up, countdown until the show you're going to, meet up with new people at the preparty and when you get to the show, rock out!

    You'll be alright if you keep reaching out when you need help. I wish you the best.
  • brianluxbrianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 43,597
    Great advice from all the above posts.

    Hang in there, WhyGo91, and check in here whenever you feel down because there are a lot of very cool people here. As for the songs, maybe this is a good time to explore some of the Pearl Jam you haven't been as fond of up until now. Find some new favorites, something different from your favorite band to give you a fresh perspective. Keep a sense of humor, reach out to friends, do something to ease the tension (I think Released1980 already covered that one ;) ) Give it time and don't beat up on yourself. Good times will come around and you'll be glad when they do. Look back on the bad times and see them as ways you can build your character from them and make yourself stronger and then look for better things to come because you are stronger.
    "It's a sad and beautiful world"
    -Roberto Benigni











  • Last-12-ExitLast-12-Exit Charleston, SC Posts: 8,661
    start listening to slipknot, sevendust, and tool. she will be a distant memory in no time.
  • WhyGo91WhyGo91 Posts: 639
    Rocket Surgeon wrote:
    Hey, I'm sorry to hear its getting rough. I have been there, we almost all certainly have had a song or hundreds of songs resonate with painful places in life. Some people are pulling out the "suck it up" card, and I'd suggest setting that one aside as a get out of jail free card when you really need it. Some days that's all you can do. But if you want to get past it, you have to work though it.

    You are young, so 3 years is a significant chunk of your adult life. It's totally ok for it to hurt like hell for a bit, don't let anyone diminish the validity of your experience right now. I applaud you for reaching for a hand up. There are a ton of amazing people in this fanbase, just look at your last thread!

    The last five years for me have been a roller coaster too. The worst pain I've ever known has mixed with some of my most epic life experiences and showed me feelings I thought I'd never be capable of feeling again. There were times that some of these songs ripped my heart out over and over, but they became cathartic eventually. Come Back always brings me to tears. But Unthought Known became a salve for my soul.

    I encourage you to keep listening. If something is just too much, skip that one for that moment. Maybe write about what it's triggering in you and why, so you can release it a little at a time. But come back to it later. Keep your heart and your ears open for songs that can take on a new meaning for you. They may be the key. Find the ones that made you feel invincible before and go back to those. Play them loud!

    You might not be able to listen to every song the way you used to. Some of those songs might always remind you of her. But as cliche as it sounds, time does help. So do friends, and physical activity. Doing physical activity with friends while listening to PJ?! Sounds like epic therapy to me.

    Give yourself time. Keep your head up, countdown until the show you're going to, meet up with new people at the preparty and when you get to the show, rock out!

    You'll be alright if you keep reaching out when you need help. I wish you the best.

    Really REALLY appreciate you taking the time to write this out and help me! You have no idea how all of these will probably help me. Thank you so much :)
    446927_artist.jpg?0119
  • JonnyPistachioJonnyPistachio Florida Posts: 10,219
    The few times I was dumped and feeling terrible and sad and horrendously vulnerable...felt like the worst things that ever happened to me...turned out to be the best thing to happen to me. I wrote angry music. I met cooler girls. I partied and lived my life. The best thing I did was learn to be patient and use those terrible feelings to tap into something creative. You're young... Be patient and be awesome. 8-)
    Pick up my debut novel here on amazon: Jonny Bails Floatin (in paperback) (also available on Kindle for $2.99)
  • SN69668SN69668 Posts: 11
    Girls will come and go. But Pearl Jam's song's are forever! No ones worth not letting yourself listen to any group you like. If any Pearl Jam songs remind you turn it around and find better meaning in.
    PJ is that good. Give it a chance I know it will work. K Good :D Luck
  • mydogmookieblaylockmydogmookieblaylock Posts: 2,996
    so you are young and single? .... i am confused - what was the problem? 8-)
  • shaneroyshaneroy Posts: 75
    Jerk off.

    Really.. Go and jerk off. You'll be fine dude..... As long as you don't go and lose your hands in some crazy horrible accident or some shit, you'll always be able to jerk off. So stop worrying so much.... and jerk off more.


    brilliant. suddenly have the urge to go rub one out
  • SuziemaySuziemay Posts: 11,168
    Read the Billboard print article and you might find some comfort. That Eddie Vedder is one insightful character :) Everyone goes through pain and loss, it's just part of life. What doesn't kill you does really make you stronger. I think you're young, you have so much more to look forward to that hasn't even happened yet, this rough patch you are going through right now will make all those future experiences even sweeter.

    Don't punish yourself even further by taking away one more thing you love. It's OK if you need to set them aside for awhile, but don't write them off off forever.
  • benjsbenjs Toronto, ON Posts: 9,355
    Sometimes the pain will never go away. I'm 23, and have been in love with my best friend for eleven years now as she's traveled around the world, telling me about her significant others as she goes. As her best friend, I'm happy for her each time, and as the person in love with her, I'm heartbroken each time. Black is my favourite song, as well as hers. And each time I see it live, it resonates with me in an incredibly heavy way. I think of her each and every time. But I sing along as loudly as I can, and I let that act as my release from that pain. If that makes sense.
    '05 - TO, '06 - TO 1, '08 - NYC 1 & 2, '09 - TO, Chi 1 & 2, '10 - Buffalo, NYC 1 & 2, '11 - TO 1 & 2, Hamilton, '13 - Buffalo, Brooklyn 1 & 2, '15 - Global Citizen, '16 - TO 1 & 2, Chi 2

    EV
    Toronto Film Festival 9/11/2007, '08 - Toronto 1 & 2, '09 - Albany 1, '11 - Chicago 1
  • Grandmas JamGrandmas Jam Posts: 1,860
    Released1980 wrote:
    Jerk off.

    Really.. Go and jerk off. You'll be fine dude..... As long as you don't go and lose your hands in some crazy horrible accident or some shit, you'll always be able to jerk off. So stop worrying so much.... and jerk off more.
    i'm so glad i know you as a person, i fell over laughing at this.


    bro best piece of advice you'll ever get. unless the song is last kiss, dont stop listening to any of them
    Ryan Crooks insists upon himself
  • Rocket SurgeonRocket Surgeon Posts: 25
    WhyGo91 wrote:

    Really REALLY appreciate you taking the time to write this out and help me! You have no idea how all of these will probably help me. Thank you so much :)

    Of course. You are very welcome. I hope some of it can be helpful. This band and their music has been such a healing thing in my life. I was even contemplating just the other day how lucky I feel to be involved with this music right now as the band is appearing to move to a place of contentment as individuals, with a reverence for life itself and a passion for living it fully. It's been very inspiring.

    I hope today was a better one for you!
  • zarocatzarocat Posts: 1,901
    edited December 2014
    Released1980 said:

    Jerk off.

    Really.. Go and jerk off. You'll be fine dude..... As long as you don't go and lose your hands in some crazy horrible accident or some shit, you'll always be able to jerk off. So stop worrying so much.... and jerk off more.

    This is the worse advice Ive ever come across in my life.

    Ya, let me release my creative essence in association with my negative thoughts. Eventually, I can teach myself to only have orgasms when I'm in a negative mind frame. Sounds like fun.
    Just saying...
    Post edited by zarocat on
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  • camaroscamaros Posts: 1,003
    time and neuroplasticity...
    i like sound...
  • hedonisthedonist Posts: 24,524
    I have no idea what prompted this being bumped, but these last two posts?

    Excellent!

    Plus, can't go wrong with a Camaro(s).
  • scott nowlandscott nowland Australia Posts: 247
    Im interested now to see if whygo is in a better place
  • hrd2imgnhrd2imgn Southwest Burbs of Chicago Posts: 4,922
    edited December 2014
    I concur, lube it up brother.

    Find the PJ songs that reflect your mood, skip the ones that dredge up the heartbreak. Listen to REM Shiny Happy People a couple of times.

    Don't let her ruin your love of the band, if you do she wins.

    Most importantly, Sorry to hear of all the bad, find the good you still have, focus on that. Don;t let the negative energy bring you down. It is not easy, but it is healthy.

    There are many fish in the ocean, none like the first one, but better ones!
    Post edited by hrd2imgn on
  • Big Bank HankBig Bank Hank Seattle, WA Posts: 8,639
    you will find someone else when you least expect it, the whole point of life is to be the best person you can be and to make the world the best place you possibly can, do those things and you will meet her, really cool chicks (I am talking about women) don't want some miserable guy, so if just for that fact, that you are young and would love to find someone else, don't be miserable and remember you decide if you are happy or not, no one else makes that decision for you, and once you own that responsibility, there is really no reason to not be happy every day for the rest of your life, just think of adversity as exercise for your soul and once you get through it you will be even stronger and greater than you were before. My mother passing away was the hardest thing that ever happened to me, but it was also the best thing that ever happened to me, because I know that wherever she is at she can see me, so now when I do anything, I try to do things to make her proud of me and it has made me so much of a better person than I ever was before, so be your best and make your world the best place you can, because you never know when she will show up
    image
  • Big Bank HankBig Bank Hank Seattle, WA Posts: 8,639
    image
  • Big Bank HankBig Bank Hank Seattle, WA Posts: 8,639
    image
  • Big Bank HankBig Bank Hank Seattle, WA Posts: 8,639
    image
  • RoleModelsinBlood31RoleModelsinBlood31 Austin TX Posts: 6,237
    Who are these pics of, your mom?
    I'm like an opening band for your mom.
  • on2legson2legs Posts: 15,926
    This is one bizarre thread.
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  • badbrainsbadbrains Posts: 10,255
    What's with the crazy Mary pics?
  • shetellsherselfshetellsherself New Jersey Posts: 8,835
    I figured those were the shiny happy people
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  • hedonisthedonist Posts: 24,524
    badbrains said:

    What's with the crazy Mary pics?

    I apologize as I don't know who's in the plethora of photos, but this made me laugh.

    I hope the OP is doing OK now. Fourteen months can do wonders.
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