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Why PJ's song Alive means that much to me

AafkeAafke Posts: 1,219
edited December 2013 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
Well here is my version of the song Alive. I did recognise some of the feelings Ed discripes in the original song. And I do feel sorry for his loss, but sometimes I envy him. He is able to hang on to his fantasy version off his dad, I can't...

Alive

“Girl”, she said, “Have I got a little story for you.
The man you thought was your daddy is not him…
Both your fathers didn’t want you to know this
But I can’t lie anymore. So I’m telling you now

Ooooh, I, ooh, I ‘m still alive, ooh, I ‘m still alive

You’re eleven years old; you’re old enough to hold this a secret
Your grandma is too old; she would die if she found out
You’re a strong girl, you will survive, and you’re alive
So I am glad we’ve talked…”

Ooooh, I, ooh, I ‘m still alive, ooh, I ‘m still alive

“Be glad,” she said laying her arm around my shoulder,
“I picked out the decent man to raise you…
Not like my own dad and your real father….
They are troubled men they both have a bad temper.

Ooooh, I, ooh, I ‘m still alive, ooh, I ‘m still alive

Your grandfather hit me and when he’s drunk he even hits you.
He also repeatedly raped me and my sisters when we were kids,
And I’m afraid your real dad would do the same to you
That’s why I stayed married.”

What I thought would be a great bedtime story
Turned quickly into a real life nightmare.
Ooooh, I, ooh, I‘m still alive, ooh, I ‘m still alive

She walked slowly across the young girl’s room.
She said:”I’m ready for you…”
I can’t remember anything, ‘till this very day…
She lifted the weight of all those secrets off her shoulders onto mine.

Ooooh, I, ooh, ‘m still alive, yeah, I ‘m still alive

I ran upstairs to see the man I thought was my father
But I couldn’t call him dad anymore
What would withhold him from raping me?
I wasn’t even his flesh and blood

Ooooh, I, ooh, ‘m still alive, ooh, I ‘m still alive

My mom gave me the phone number off my real daddy
I called him up but he didn’t have time for me
He promised he should call me back the next day
Until this day I wait… he doesn’t want me…

Ooooh, I, ooh, ‘m still alive, ooh, I ‘m still alive
Do I deserve to be, is not the question.
But it’s so, it’s so, ooh it’s so… fucked up
Ooooh, I, ooh, ‘m still alive, yeah, I ‘m still alive

From this day on I play a role…, I pretend…
Hide my feelings … cause who cares?
But every time one sow a resemblance between my ‘dad’ and me
Part of me was damaged again and died, pies by pies.

Ooooh, I, ooh, ‘m still alive, ooh, I ‘m still alive 3x

Why did I become a liar for them? Hiding the damage they caused inside…
Because even when they didn’t care… I still loved them
Even more then myself… But No More Lies!!!
I will speak out now, if anyone cares!!!

Ooh I, ooh , I try to survive, ooh, I, oh, I’m still alive,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
"Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • TalonTeddTalonTedd Posts: 835
    Nobody should ever have to go through what ED and you have gone through.

    What is almost as disturbing as the neglect. Is how the masses revel in the art inspired by human misery (I'm included in that). Its like we all relate to misery and that is how we share in the stories of others. Maybe a lot of people think {I'm better off than that person}. That could be CNN's corporate slogan. I can't express it right...But misery makes for interesting art. The human condition...no, your story in no way should be a human condition.

    Your story isn't finished by far. Better days ahead.

    Ed wrote some other stuff too. Your song dedication today...Future days

    "All my stolen missing parts
    I've no need for anymore".

    "All the demons used to come around
    I'm grateful now they've left".

    "I believe".
    I remember when, yeah. I swore I knew everything, oh yeah.
  • AafkeAafke Posts: 1,219
    TalonTedd wrote:
    Nobody should ever have to go through what ED and you have gone through.

    What is almost as disturbing as the neglect. Is how the masses revel in the art inspired by human misery (I'm included in that). Its like we all relate to misery and that is how we share in the stories of others. Maybe a lot of people think {I'm better off than that person}. That could be CNN's corporate slogan. I can't express it right...But misery makes for interesting art. The human condition...no, your story in no way should be a human condition.

    Your story isn't finished by far. Better days ahead.

    Ed wrote some other stuff too. Your song dedication today...Future days

    "All my stolen missing parts
    I've no need for anymore".

    "All the demons used to come around

    'm grateful now they've left".

    "I believe".

    I suppose human, misery inspires a lot off great art, is because people in their daily routine, aren't great in sharing their misery. They are often more at ease by showing their successful independent side instead of their fragility. I know I am.
    But the pain and grieve with occurs in every human life, has to be dealt with too. In my case it works like this: By making art (visual or written) I can stay close to myself, express my emotions, and I can deal with the emotions, witch I can't show to the people around me in my daily life.
    It's like my quot of Paul Klee: "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see." I truly believe that's the case. I also believe that great art is always made with a lot of emotions by the artist. These emotions are what makes spectators connect with their own emotions. I am not sure its always a case of: I am better of than this person. I think that great art makes you feel something, I think it doesn't matter what kind of feeling it wakes up, as long as it does connects with your own emotions.

    I know my story isn't finished yet. Better days will come. In fact they are here at the moment , cause by sharing my work here, and getting feedback, I grow stronger. And maybe some day I will be able to share all my happy toughs here too. But for now I will continue sharing my dark side, cause it annoys me right now.
    So lets annoy others with it too... ;)

    37e8a2fc-bbe9-42a2-8a98-ae85e7e0cc0c_zps9cc95542.jpg
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • TalonTeddTalonTedd Posts: 835
    edited February 2014
    cc
    Post edited by TalonTedd on
    I remember when, yeah. I swore I knew everything, oh yeah.
  • AafkeAafke Posts: 1,219
    Yes, there is... I love dancing :lol:

    Sometimes the artwork has to speak for it's self. See what you wanna see. I would love to hear it.

    Here is an other one... Toghether.

    bd599fc7-231f-4dea-8b90-b5a12e90cd78_zps68ad852a.jpg
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • TalonTeddTalonTedd Posts: 835
    edited February 2014
    cc
    Post edited by TalonTedd on
    I remember when, yeah. I swore I knew everything, oh yeah.
  • AafkeAafke Posts: 1,219
    Thank you...

    Well here is an other one... called Fading away

    a454d5e7-3c29-4af8-9302-4dca37644514_zps93d8361e.jpg
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • AafkeAafke Posts: 1,219
    edited January 2014
    Well, lets post an other piece here. It's quit precious to me... I'm curious what you see in it. Therefor no title this time, it would only lead your thoughts in a direction. I love to hear your feedback.

    French Chalk 02 photo 434b5b47-34df-4732-a155-b72da4ac8d93_zps97522b24.jpg

    French chalk (7) photo IMG_2675_zpse5936d14.jpg

    French chalk (5) photo IMG_2679_zps86034e4d.jpg

    image
    Post edited by Aafke on
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • TalonTeddTalonTedd Posts: 835
    I'll need to think about it...Three dimension needs to be observed in real life. I can tell you that it seems like an intertwining of bodies, especially the third pic. I also see feminine lines and shapes in pic 1. is it soap stone? It looks a little like the stump of a tree, but it doesn't feel like one. the 4 etchings at the base are curious but they don\t bring me anywhere. Is this piece precious because it is a symbol or because of the time in your life when it was created. Tell me the story please.
    I remember when, yeah. I swore I knew everything, oh yeah.
  • AafkeAafke Posts: 1,219
    edited January 2014
    Yes, you are right it is made of soap stone, and yes, 3D works are best observed in real life, especially this one because from every angle you get a different image. But unfortunately that's not possible on sides like this, in combination with my limited digital knowledge. I won't tell you what it is or why it's precious to me, because I strongly believe this work can speak for its self, in my view it doesn't need much explanation. As I already posted above, let your own fantasy run its course, and I love to hear what it will come up with. ;)

    French chalk (3) photo IMG_2682_zpsb68aa456.jpg
    Post edited by Aafke on
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • AafkeAafke Posts: 1,219
    edited January 2014
    My little sister and me on the funeral of our grandmother, that day she heard I was her half sister

    image
    Post edited by Aafke on
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • AafkeAafke Posts: 1,219
    edited January 2014
    NO TEARS

    This painting
    This writing
    The sublimation
    Of my tears
    My heart is screaming
    But my eyes stay dry
    Feeling the pressure
    Have lost
    Me
    Post edited by Aafke on
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • AafkeAafke Posts: 1,219
    edited February 2014
    Why

    Confused, lonely, so alone
    Fear kicks in again
    Have I been too honest?
    Have I been too fragile?
    Why do I keep trying?
    Why do I still reach out to others?
    Why do I allow people to hurt me, over and over again?
    Why do I count on being hurt again?
    I shout have known better by now…
    Why this lack of self-esteem?
    Why do I keep fucking up…?


    Let me sprat my wings
    Let me fly out of this misery..
    I don't need no permission
    Other than my own
    Why is it so difficult to give?.

    image
    Post edited by Aafke on
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • AafkeAafke Posts: 1,219
    Give this fire bird some space...

    image
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • TalonTeddTalonTedd Posts: 835
    When it comes to people. I find it best to keep hopes' high and expectations' low. Then maybe disappointment and content can have an even flow.
    I remember when, yeah. I swore I knew everything, oh yeah.
  • AafkeAafke Posts: 1,219
    edited February 2014
    I think you have a healthy approach to people, hopes' high and expectations' low... Maybe it's also my approach, but I think that I have to find a balance between the both off them. Also fear has a big role in most off my relationships and friendships, The fear that I'm not worthy of that friendship. So it all comes down to a lack of self esteem. I don't give myself enough credits. As I described in the poem WHY, I don't need the permission of others to spread my wings, just my own. But I find it very difficult to give it to myself. But Hey, I do write about it now, and share it around here, so maybe the first steps have been taken..
    Post edited by Aafke on
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • AafkeAafke Posts: 1,219
    The fragile beginning..

    image
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • AafkeAafke Posts: 1,219
    Is it a way out?


    image
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • AafkeAafke Posts: 1,219
    edited March 2014
    Family is ;like a strong building, It looks as it'll survive everything... but when nature hits it, it will crumbles down... And still there is so much beauty to admire...

    image
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • AafkeAafke Posts: 1,219
    Some day the sun will shine on all of us...

    image
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
  • AafkeAafke Posts: 1,219
    In about hundred years we will all look like this...

    image
    Waves_zps6b028461.jpg
    "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed".- Carl Jung.
    "Art does not reproduce what we see; rather, it makes us see."- Paul Klee
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