When insults had class
Godfather.
Posts: 12,504
Lady Astor once told Winston: "If you were my husband I'd put poison in
your tea!" to which Winston replied: "If you were my wife, I'd drink
it!"
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
-- Winston Churchill
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
-- Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great
pleasure."
-- Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the
dictionary."
-- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
-- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time
reading it."
-- Moses Hadas
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I
know."
-- Abraham Lincoln
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
-- Groucho Marx
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved
of it."
-- Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
-- Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
friend... if you have one."
-- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second...if there is
one."
-- Winston Churchill, in response
"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."
-- Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
-- John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
-- Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
-- Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
-- Paul Keating
"He had delusions of adequacy."
-- Walter Kerr
"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."
-- Jack E. Leonard
"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."
-- Robert Redford
"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human
knowledge."
-- Thomas Brackett Reed
"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by
diligent hard work, he overcame them."
-- James Reston (about Richard Nixon)
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
-- Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
-- Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on
it?"
-- Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
-- Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
-- Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts...for support
rather than illumination."
-- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
-- Billy Wilder
your tea!" to which Winston replied: "If you were my wife, I'd drink
it!"
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
-- Winston Churchill
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
-- Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great
pleasure."
-- Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the
dictionary."
-- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
-- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time
reading it."
-- Moses Hadas
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I
know."
-- Abraham Lincoln
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
-- Groucho Marx
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved
of it."
-- Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
-- Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
friend... if you have one."
-- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second...if there is
one."
-- Winston Churchill, in response
"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."
-- Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
-- John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
-- Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
-- Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
-- Paul Keating
"He had delusions of adequacy."
-- Walter Kerr
"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."
-- Jack E. Leonard
"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."
-- Robert Redford
"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human
knowledge."
-- Thomas Brackett Reed
"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by
diligent hard work, he overcame them."
-- James Reston (about Richard Nixon)
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
-- Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
-- Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on
it?"
-- Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
-- Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
-- Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts...for support
rather than illumination."
-- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
-- Billy Wilder
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments
Edit: I thought I was in AET! so I guess disregard!
friend... if you have one."
-- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second...if there is
one."
-- Winston Churchill, in response
Love it!
Many of these illustrate today's loss of (or appreciation of?) language and words, of thought and eloquence.
Man oh man, there's nothing like a penetrating zing :P
Mrs. Teasdale: Why, he's dead.
Rufus T. Firefly: I bet he's just using that as an excuse.
Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him to the very end.
Rufus T. Firefly: No wonder he passed away.
Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him.
Rufus T. Firefly: Oh, I see, then it was murder. Will you marry me? Did he leave you any money? Answer the second question first."
My favorite Groucho Marx moment...from "Duck Soup"
Loved Ms. Dumont and all the Bros. Big part of my childhood.
Somewhere among my beloved tangibles is a postcard written to me and signed by Groucho, in response to a fan letter my 10-year-old self sent him many years ago
"If you want to make enemies, try to change something." - Woodrow Wilson
"We spend our time searching for security and hate it when we get it." - John Steinbeck
"Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none." - William Shakespeare
"Several excuses are always less convincing than one." - Aldous Huxley
"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not to people or things." - Albert Einstein
"It takes less time to do a thing right than to explain why you did it wrong." - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
"You will become as small as your controlling desire; as great as your dominant aspiration." - James Allen
Everything that lives, lives not alone, nor for itself." - William Blake
"History repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce." - Karl Marx
"If only I may grow: firmer, simpler, - quieter, warmer." - Dag Hammarskjold
"There is no greater impediment to the advancement of knowledge than the ambiguity of words." - Thomas Reid
"You can do anything in this world if you are prepared to take the consequences." - W. Somerset Maugham
"It is often easier to fight for a principle than to live up to it." - Adlai Stevenson
"You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take." - Wayne Gretzky
"The best way to get a bad law repealed is to enforce it strictly." - Abraham Lincoln
"The third-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the majority. The second-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the minority. The first-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking." - A. A. Milne
"You can do anything, but not everything." - David Allen
“I’m not afraid of death I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” -Woody Allen
“The problem with marriage is you have to find a new mistress.” -Winston Churchill
Hard work is for people short on talent.
Santa is Satan spelled inside out.
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
The status quo sucks.
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
and of course the classic:
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.