Wave

Aafke

Wave
The wave is flowing brightly up against the shore
Looks clear, rushing by in hasty speed
Not allowing someone to see beneath
The troubled water fades away
No one sees, no one knows
Because the wave makes a fuss
To clouded to see, the secrets it hides inside
From where I stand along the shore
When I look upon the water rushing by
Slowly the water becomes more clearly
I can see beneath the serve
The darkness and pain it tries to hide
Is flowing up
And gives away it’s damaged spring
It slowly needs to reveal the darkness inside
For the one who cares to see

Aafke

My mask, my choice

Playing the independent strong woman
Mask firmly placed
Leaving the damaged, frightened, said, lonely girl
Buried deep inside
Knowing my loneliness is my choice
Chosen out of fear
Fear of being rejected
When showing my vulnerability
Not worthy of being loved
When showing my dark side
Frightened of depression
Tiered and full off fear
Flighting Behind that mask
Of strength and confidence
A mask of independence
Locked up all my feelings
Behind massive walls in my head
To damaged on the inside
To show my pain on the outside
Afraid of rejection
If anyone knew
How fragile and unworthy I am
Too afraid of rejection
To allow people to come close
Without closeness
There’s no rejection
No disappointment
Just loneliness
Just me and my choice
Pushing people away
Was always my way of surviving
But I can’t do it no more on my one

Aafke

History repeats itself

Why does history repeat itself?
Don’t know why… I just know it does
Cause my mom did hide her insecurities to survive
I transformed this skill into a real art
Always playing strong and competent
I let my marriage fail, by doing this
My ex and I couldn’t speak out
Couldn’t share…
Our feelings building up inside
We fought about the daily concerns
But the stuff witch really mattered was left out
Now I am left lonely and insecure
This way of dealing with my feelings
I can barely manage it this way
But what I can’t stand
Is seeing my son deal with it the same way
When anger, sadness or insecurity
Overwhelms him, the shades go down in his head
He puts a dark mask over his face
Avoiding eye contact
Unable to speak out
The confusing feelings inside
No longer able to make contact in any way
I see his suffering
It frightens me
I know how heavy this burden is
By burring your feelings deep inside
Firmly locked away behind bars inside your head
The burden gains weight, and the loneliness grows
But how can I show this to him?
I can’t even do it myself?
I wanna break this chain
I wanna break with this history
But how do I do this?

TalonTedd

Hi Aafke
Re; history repeats itself and your accompanying works.

Your words continue to grip me. I have a suggestion for you. Please forgive me if I'm being presumptuous.
I just finished reading a book titled "the Celestine Prophesy"(CP) by James Redfield. CP takes us on an adventure in Peru in search of "insights". the nine insights relate to our continuing human evolution. One of them was the human drama insight. How we form an acting out drama in our childhood learned from our parents and use this drama to either protect our life energy from those that want it or when we try to take energy from others. There is also an insight that deals with the relationship adults should have with children; and I have done things with my kids this way long before I ever read this book(which reinforces the legitimacy of the "insights" even more). CP really put the hook in me and I'm going to read the whole series. I too share some of your questions ie. "History repeats itself" and the answers aren't easy to come by. This is just me talking to you, one person looking to help another. Feeling is healing.

regards, Talon

Aafke

Hi Talon,

Thanks for the heads up, I have already red the book. It was quit a hype a few years ago, where I live. It gave me some insights too. But my main change is happening at the moment, cause I used to keep all my fears and feelings inside, hidden from the world. And now I share them, for instance in my writing at this forum. That is a big change for me... So I am changing history while we speak. I like getting feedback on my work by the way, gives me a feeling of connection. Thank you for that!

regards, Aafke

TalonTedd

Well, I'm glad we have made a connection. Just like the book said, these coincidences bring people together so we can receive the answers we seek. That is a beautiful painting or pastel, made me think of a river my son and I were camping next to earlier this year. One time,we walked within it for a half kilometer together just talking about whatever we wanted to talk about. We were messing about and my glasses fell of and went under three feet of water. Well I'm half blind without them but sure enough my boy found them at the bottom and I made sure to reinforce what a hero he was for me the rest of the day.
You keep sending me on these mind trips...You're the best!

Talk to you again soon. TT

Aafke

Life is all about connections. No matter how hard people try to be individuals, in the end we still are herd animals. We need social settings and social interaction. We need to reflect on our own behavior by looking at the reaction of other people on this behavior.

Thanks for the compliment about my drawing. I am glad you like it. Its a beautiful story about the camping trip with your son. I am glad he found your glasses back, that is really heroic.

This drawing is one of a series, I made about water. The rest will fallow soon, one at a time. The beauty about water, in my opinion, is that whatever obstruction it meets, it always finds a way to continue its course. Taking the obstruction with it when it is not too heavy, or by shifting its course, when it is. It keeps flowing. I see it as a synonym for the way I wanna live my life. Whatever emotionally obstruction I meet I want my life keep on flowing, like water, taking with me what I can carry and shifting my way around it when the burden is too heavy. Its a long road, cause I have embanked my emotions for so long, behind thick walls. But drawing and writing helps me release them. .

Talk to you again soon, Aafke

Aafke

Well the first poem was called Wave ... lets add a drawing with the same title...

Annafalk

Thank you for the good poems and drawings, well written

TalonTedd

Aafke wrote:

Life is all about connections. No matter how hard people try to be individuals, in the end we still are herd animals. We need social settings and social interaction. We need to reflect on our own behavior by looking at the reaction of other people on this behavior.

Thanks for the compliment about my drawing. I am glad you like it. Its a beautiful story about the camping trip with your son. I am glad he found your glasses back, that is really heroic.

This drawing is one of a series, I made about water. The rest will fallow soon, one at a time. The beauty about water, in my opinion, is that whatever obstruction it meets, it always finds a way to continue its course. Taking the obstruction with it when it is not too heavy, or by shifting its course, when it is. It keeps flowing. I see it as a synonym for the way I wanna live my life. Whatever emotionally obstruction I meet I want my life keep on flowing, like water, taking with me what I can carry and shifting my way around it when the burden is too heavy. Its a long road, cause I have embanked my emotions for so long, behind thick walls. But drawing and writing helps me release them. .

Talk to you again soon, Aafke

That was so beautifully stated. A divine insight.

Aafke

TalonTedd wrote:

Aafke wrote:

Life is all about connections. No matter how hard people try to be individuals, in the end we still are herd animals. We need social settings and social interaction. We need to reflect on our own behavior by looking at the reaction of other people on this behavior.

Thanks for the compliment about my drawing. I am glad you like it. Its a beautiful story about the camping trip with your son. I am glad he found your glasses back, that is really heroic.

This drawing is one of a series, I made about water. The rest will fallow soon, one at a time. The beauty about water, in my opinion, is that whatever obstruction it meets, it always finds a way to continue its course. Taking the obstruction with it when it is not too heavy, or by shifting its course, when it is. It keeps flowing. I see it as a synonym for the way I wanna live my life. Whatever emotionally obstruction I meet I want my life keep on flowing, like water, taking with me what I can carry and shifting my way around it when the burden is too heavy. Its a long road, cause I have embanked my emotions for so long, behind thick walls. But drawing and writing helps me release them. .

Talk to you again soon, Aafke



That was so beautifully stated. A divine insight.

Thanks

Aafke

Annafalk wrote:

Thank you for the good poems and drawings, well written

Thank you for the positive feedback!

Aafke

And slowly the water becomes more clear
I can see beneath the serve...

Aafke

Shoreline

Aafke

Seagulls at the shore

Aafke

Bunker at shore

Aafke

Peacefully looking out over the shore...?

Aafke

Last man standing...

Aafke

Roaring water...

Finding its way...Take with it what's light enough, surging its way around things that are to heavy. But never stop flowing. That's the way I wanna live...



But how do you do that?

Aafke

Have a sparkling 2014 everyone!

Aafke

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