outside and further out

ratmandoratmando Posts: 347
edited August 2013 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
Three days ago you glanced my way, then caught yourself in that mistake.
I become just a shadow in uniform, "she may love war," so avert my warmth.
She can't love men, since she's held a gun." That gun? I had affairs with one.
If they won't see me, just war and death, I wondered why take a second breath.
But an infant without parents lay by a door. The home and family dead on the floor.
My command was simple to not interfere, as her throat so dried had lost any tears.

I lifted her expecting her to weigh at least five pounds, but war takes the weight of sole beings down,
And I ran her going to the only safety left by some reporters under beds.

Of course by morning she was nearer going to death because hope forgets to exist.
Awarded a pin as the little girl died for showing valor, inside we both died but her death remains for the rest of her life
And my life released me from uniformed madness.
I stay so removed honorably disabled. Unloved, I forget I have feelings.

It's war that has taken my humanity.millions of people lost lives madness and tragedy.and for all times these.
nevertheless a new insanity. Pouting generals grandiosity planning. Forgetting these young children falling.

My lack of a job left a choice to their savagery. Where I lose all willingness to think just once clearly, except to grab
That abandoned child, in her eyes finding my last grasp of love. Replaced by a metal,shaken bands with some glove,
Only knowing she was left to a spin doctor tale.probably killed by some. Extra round from safe air.
Her death completed, mine happens daily as a woman. As a veteran. I will never have babies

Let hate grow extinct, somehow that may save me. Until then only music will come closest to save me
I hope your voice will drive back out the demons that plague me so I won't be outside
As I am always outside being as the farthest out looking in.
Maybe the voice will carry me back to some form of human. And then I will begin.

Catheb aka ratmando
When I hear music, I fear no danger. I am invulnerable. I see no foe. I am related to the earliest times, and to the latest.

Henry David Thoreau
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