need advice
gotsome10
Posts: 139
Okay, I haven't been the longest member in the world. I probably don't have have the most respect on this board because of my lack of posts until recently. I get and understand this entirely, but please understand this. I'm 20 and when i was born Pearl Jam was already one of the biggest names in rock. By the time i even heard of them they were on Binaural and by the time I was hooked forever they were on Avocado. I know i may not be the biggest fan in the world but as far as i know, for my age, I'm the biggest fan I've ever met.
Lately I've had a very real struggle with a women and life in general... It's come to a point where most of my friends have abandoned me because I was always slightly different. I don't listen to rap or most of the shit thats played on the radio and I've been obsessed with PJ since I was in 8th grade. I'm a VERY straight forward person and hate to lie even if it benefits me in the end (whereas most people my age are compulsive liars) I HAVE NO IDEA as far as what to do with people my age anymore because, well, high schools over... Im not a popular jock anymore... I literally have about 3 friends and they all are very not understanding of my love for music or even remotely understanding of my love for Pearl jam.
On the other hand aside from my weak friend basis, the love of my life left me... Most people assume when a lover is brought up in a situation like this that the two have been married or together for several years. I can assure you that it is possible to fall in love with someone even after you've pushed them away. After being together for roughly 6 months I split with a girl because of the recent distance I made by going away for school. Within the month we were talking again and a few weeks after that we became closer than we'd ever been. t eventually became something where we were messing around and hanging out a few times a month and talking/texting everyday. We eventually decided to get back together but for some reason i still wasn't 100% sure even though i was 95% sure (Just really didn't want to hurt her). She gave me two days and moved on.... Ever since that day we've stayed in very close contact, had our fights, had our great times, had relations, stopped talking, and everything else over another 7 months.
Well, about a month ago she decided to give me another chance. The day she came over happened to be my birthday and I figured everything would be great, WRONG! She found a message about us "messing around" to another friend, while we weren't together, and she freaked...
I spent the next month or so of my life trying to recover and reestablish what once was... I even tried to meet other women (total fail btw) She eventually forgave me as of 3 days ago but apparently the same night i told someone after she forgave me that " that was my girl and I'm gonna get her back" Needless to say she freaked out about that here I am. Confused, stressed, and hopeless. Im open to all advice, and really hope someone, if anyone is willing to hep me out. I'm beyond lost and don't know what to do. Should I just move on and find someone else that loves this band like I do? Do I hold on and hope that she comes back? I really don't know. Thanks in advance for any input anyone has
Aaron
Lately I've had a very real struggle with a women and life in general... It's come to a point where most of my friends have abandoned me because I was always slightly different. I don't listen to rap or most of the shit thats played on the radio and I've been obsessed with PJ since I was in 8th grade. I'm a VERY straight forward person and hate to lie even if it benefits me in the end (whereas most people my age are compulsive liars) I HAVE NO IDEA as far as what to do with people my age anymore because, well, high schools over... Im not a popular jock anymore... I literally have about 3 friends and they all are very not understanding of my love for music or even remotely understanding of my love for Pearl jam.
On the other hand aside from my weak friend basis, the love of my life left me... Most people assume when a lover is brought up in a situation like this that the two have been married or together for several years. I can assure you that it is possible to fall in love with someone even after you've pushed them away. After being together for roughly 6 months I split with a girl because of the recent distance I made by going away for school. Within the month we were talking again and a few weeks after that we became closer than we'd ever been. t eventually became something where we were messing around and hanging out a few times a month and talking/texting everyday. We eventually decided to get back together but for some reason i still wasn't 100% sure even though i was 95% sure (Just really didn't want to hurt her). She gave me two days and moved on.... Ever since that day we've stayed in very close contact, had our fights, had our great times, had relations, stopped talking, and everything else over another 7 months.
Well, about a month ago she decided to give me another chance. The day she came over happened to be my birthday and I figured everything would be great, WRONG! She found a message about us "messing around" to another friend, while we weren't together, and she freaked...
I spent the next month or so of my life trying to recover and reestablish what once was... I even tried to meet other women (total fail btw) She eventually forgave me as of 3 days ago but apparently the same night i told someone after she forgave me that " that was my girl and I'm gonna get her back" Needless to say she freaked out about that here I am. Confused, stressed, and hopeless. Im open to all advice, and really hope someone, if anyone is willing to hep me out. I'm beyond lost and don't know what to do. Should I just move on and find someone else that loves this band like I do? Do I hold on and hope that she comes back? I really don't know. Thanks in advance for any input anyone has
Aaron
"I know I was born, and I know that I'll die. The in between is mine. I am MINE"
"I wonder 'bout his insides, it's like his thoughts are too big for his size..."
2013- Wrigley, Pittsburgh-(GA)
2014- St. Louis, Memphis-(GA)
2016- Tampa, Wrigley 1 & 2-(GA)
"I wonder 'bout his insides, it's like his thoughts are too big for his size..."
2013- Wrigley, Pittsburgh-(GA)
2014- St. Louis, Memphis-(GA)
2016- Tampa, Wrigley 1 & 2-(GA)
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Just breathe, and try not to panic (easier said than done, I know).
You will be OK
and learn from your mistake, you bragged to a buddy about your messing around, that's a lack of respect for your woman, learn from that!!!
If you're ready to move on and you truly think you want to be with someone who understands your love of PJ, go to some PJ shows - by yourself, trust me, you will meet many, many people there - who will not only get your obsession, they will embrace it
take care, and stop being so hard on yourself
It sounds like you need some HOPE man, + mayhap a bit of support.
It's a cliche, but people change my friend.
Who you are now is not the same person you
will be next year, or 5 years from now.
It's difficult to watch our own lives expand;
it often makes us wish for things to stay the way they are
because we think we'll be happiest there.
You might, of course,
but that isn't the way the world works
most of the time.
I guess what I'm saying is don't get too caught up
in the way things are-
look forward to the way they could be.
Huh- I guess that does count as advice!
Cheers.
I'm 38. I talk to one person now that I talked to when I was 20 and he doesn't live in my state. I didn't meet my wife until my late 20's and looking back, I'm not sure I could have married the girls I knew in my late teens / early 20's.
As the song goes:
no matter how cold the winter
there's a springtime ahead
keep your head up, there are good times ahead
DEGENERATE FUK
This place is dead
"THERE ARE NO CLIQUES, ONLY THOSE WHO DON'T JOIN THE FUN" - Empty circa 2015
"Kfsbho&$thncds" - F Me In the Brain - circa 2015
cheers,
Rod
"Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
welcome, and such an inspiring first post at that!
Trite but true - when you're not looking, when you've found some sense of OK-ness within...it'll find you.
I guess what i'm asking for is this... Is there hope that this relationship can be repaired even after my mistakes? Am i gonna have to move on? If theres hope how can i fix it? If theres not hope, will i be able to find a more permanent relationship through 10c members because I'm not really into non serious relations anymore
"I wonder 'bout his insides, it's like his thoughts are too big for his size..."
2013- Wrigley, Pittsburgh-(GA)
2014- St. Louis, Memphis-(GA)
2016- Tampa, Wrigley 1 & 2-(GA)
Please do not take this the wrong way - this is only my experience - but the love I thought I had in my 20's was a joke as I look back on it now. I had no idea what I wanted. My biggest advice to anyone under 28, is patience. You may love this girl and end up with her forever, but just be patient.
I had a rough break up with a gal when I was 34 and it was the hardest times of my life. Then I learned to relax, be myself, be patient, and let it come to me. I found the lady of my dreams a few years later. Take your time.
i want to be able to say "yeah man, she will be back", but only the OP knows if he can salvage the relationship, so i can't comment on that. sometimes it is better to have time apart to sort things out on your own, and if you meet up later on, you will be a better, more mature person, and that can make the relationship flourish.
but seriously, you are 20. live your life. you only get one. don't waste it on someone who may or may not be right for you. if she comes back great, if you meet someone better, even better
"Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
When you are in your 20s, people expect you to have all the answers, you're supposed to be 'grown-up', you're supposed to know what you want to do in life and where you're going. Yeah, that's in an ideal world.
Take a deep breath and don't worry about things so much, right now your brain is a jumble of what to do and all these feelings (Ed once said that if he met 20 year old Ed now, he would punch him in the face). Let things happen as they happen, if something goes wrong, then it goes wrong-it wasn't meant to be, if something goes right-it was meant to happen and celebrate it.
I'm still the 'black sheep', don't have many chick friends because, well, for the life of me I just cannot get into listening to RiRi or Beyonce, and that's okay...I found other girls from here that love PJ as much as I do.
You don't necessarily 'need' to find a girl that likes PJ, but it sure does help.
- Christopher McCandless
do not ever again brag about sleeping with a girl to your bullshit friends. wrong move, jackson. guy friends are idiots most of the time, rude, crude, dipshits who have no understanding of the sensitivities women dwell in.
also, being alone is fantastic and a must.
you are 20. work hard. save money. build a nice life. party a little bit. do not become a drunk & a drug addict. try your shot at creating something, some art projects, this heals everything. writing, drawing & paiting. this makes us feel good
travel as much as you can. you are allowed 6-7 hrs of sleep a day & you should be fully capable of functioning on 4 hrs of sleep a night for weeks or months at a time as you explore these lands & work your balls into the ground
feel free to pm me if you want anymore amazing & free advice
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
that's some damn fine advice chadwick
"Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
Hi Aaron,
I've been in a situation similar to yours and am only a few years older than you. None of my friends understand my obsession with this band except for those whom I refer to as "my PJ friends," (mostly from the boards, or awesome people I have met at shows). I have never dated a guy who had half as much interest in this group as I do, and always felt like I was dragging them to shows trying to open their eyes or change their minds. It just doesn't work that way. But that's ok. I have very few close friends, and have come to be OK with that. A lot of people on this board have emphasized the fact that you are only 20 years old, with a whole life to live, and they are right. You will someday look back on this dilemma with much more clarity.
As for the girl, my advice would be to just let it ride. Don't let it stress you. Don't talk to your guy friends about it. It's up to you, and it's between you and this girl. If she is playing games, don't play along. Time will tell whether she's the one for you or whether she's a blip on the radar. From what I understand, it can take a lifetime to find someone who truly makes you happy. And I also understand that relationships involve a LOT of work. They're not always easy, fun, high times. If it's worth it, you'll do what it takes to repair. But don't forget, it can still take a lot of time.
Hopefully you won't let this stress you too much. When I was in college, I dated a high school sweetheart long distance for a year. I look back and regret that. There were a lot of nights I could have spent making memories with my new friends, but I chose to stay inside and sit on the phone or something. Now I think he's married on the other side of the country, and it doesn't affect me at all. Give it time. Live while you're young. Meet good people. Be a good person back to them. You won't regret any of that.
I hope things work out for you.
-Lauren
pm sent
Great thread.
"Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
I'm gonna read all these replies about 10 more times and probably let it set in for a day or two. I making no effort to contact her at this point and i'm not going to until her birthday in about a week. Not really sure what i'm gonna do about that one haha I GREATLY appreciate ALL of the replies, seriously this means a lot to me.
HAIL, HAIL 10 clubbers
"I wonder 'bout his insides, it's like his thoughts are too big for his size..."
2013- Wrigley, Pittsburgh-(GA)
2014- St. Louis, Memphis-(GA)
2016- Tampa, Wrigley 1 & 2-(GA)