Whispers
justam
Posts: 21,410
On a park bench, I could tell you a story
only, it's true and not made up…
on a bench, we'd feel the breeze and the air
and maybe feel close enough to touch arms or hands
and I could lay out the lightest of outlines
I can begin as the best stories do with
Once upon a time...
It was a very congested summer and fall
I went to London with high spirits and
it was so beautiful
I visited museums and castles
and went to hear good music
it was so magical
up until I was left waiting for you
in the cold and dark
way too late!
the last train had left and
I was stranded without a ride
I couldn't believe you'd forget to pick me up!
luckily a pink-haired stranger kindly
told me which bus to catch
it was early morning before I got back to the other side of town
When I got home a few days later,
my life truly hit the shredder
and words were thrown around
Serious, serious, words like:
divorce and separation
and "him or me"
there was no hiding it
and I was still reeling from
being left on a corner too late
home was falling apart!
to make matters worse,
a few days later someone sent me a picture of a blonde girl, with you
holding hands
(and it was only a few days after I'd been there)
and at that moment, I realized I couldn't count on you
couldn't rely on you to be solid, or helpful
it was a true feeling you had, but that's it
and I did need help
REAL help
person-in-the-room-by-my-side-help!
I had an autistic son who was struggling
just to get through grade school
I had to work hard just to keep up with everything else
and so,
I begged forgiveness, made promises,
and I kept my word!
Then,
Cruel Jokester Fate,
a month or so later,
(it was later, for I have no accurate sense of time)
my partner lost his job
I felt I owed him emotional support and respect
(not just because I felt relieved he'd forgiven me)
but because I knew it was right
I'm not the kind of woman to kick someone
(especially not when they are down)
and so, we had to move across the country
to get to the new job
we were strapped from this
and there was no travel for a while
ALL the while,
there were blondes and brunettes handy
for you
(and I knew)
the line just kept moving
I saw them come and go!
and I also made the assessment (from observation) that
even though they left home, it didn't matter,
for you weren't with 'em
and I thought…
Why would it be any different for me?
I could leave home and hurt everyone I love but
you wouldn't be with me anyway
and so, Time Passed as it does
I still hoped to see some change in you
(especially after I found that gift)
some surprise, some indication
that it would be different in my case
but a change in your behavior never came
in fact, you got farther off in your travels
Me,I just love you
I don't have you
I can't have you, and I know it
so I'm trying to accept that
This is a sad bare list of facts!
this thinly drawn story
left out all the fun days we had
with notes and kisses and love
the love we passed back and forth
the days when hope swelled up!
(and all those days we knew the spirit between us
existed and lived)
but I hope it helps to shed some light
on my reasoning
only, it's true and not made up…
on a bench, we'd feel the breeze and the air
and maybe feel close enough to touch arms or hands
and I could lay out the lightest of outlines
I can begin as the best stories do with
Once upon a time...
It was a very congested summer and fall
I went to London with high spirits and
it was so beautiful
I visited museums and castles
and went to hear good music
it was so magical
up until I was left waiting for you
in the cold and dark
way too late!
the last train had left and
I was stranded without a ride
I couldn't believe you'd forget to pick me up!
luckily a pink-haired stranger kindly
told me which bus to catch
it was early morning before I got back to the other side of town
When I got home a few days later,
my life truly hit the shredder
and words were thrown around
Serious, serious, words like:
divorce and separation
and "him or me"
there was no hiding it
and I was still reeling from
being left on a corner too late
home was falling apart!
to make matters worse,
a few days later someone sent me a picture of a blonde girl, with you
holding hands
(and it was only a few days after I'd been there)
and at that moment, I realized I couldn't count on you
couldn't rely on you to be solid, or helpful
it was a true feeling you had, but that's it
and I did need help
REAL help
person-in-the-room-by-my-side-help!
I had an autistic son who was struggling
just to get through grade school
I had to work hard just to keep up with everything else
and so,
I begged forgiveness, made promises,
and I kept my word!
Then,
Cruel Jokester Fate,
a month or so later,
(it was later, for I have no accurate sense of time)
my partner lost his job
I felt I owed him emotional support and respect
(not just because I felt relieved he'd forgiven me)
but because I knew it was right
I'm not the kind of woman to kick someone
(especially not when they are down)
and so, we had to move across the country
to get to the new job
we were strapped from this
and there was no travel for a while
ALL the while,
there were blondes and brunettes handy
for you
(and I knew)
the line just kept moving
I saw them come and go!
and I also made the assessment (from observation) that
even though they left home, it didn't matter,
for you weren't with 'em
and I thought…
Why would it be any different for me?
I could leave home and hurt everyone I love but
you wouldn't be with me anyway
and so, Time Passed as it does
I still hoped to see some change in you
(especially after I found that gift)
some surprise, some indication
that it would be different in my case
but a change in your behavior never came
in fact, you got farther off in your travels
Me,I just love you
I don't have you
I can't have you, and I know it
so I'm trying to accept that
This is a sad bare list of facts!
this thinly drawn story
left out all the fun days we had
with notes and kisses and love
the love we passed back and forth
the days when hope swelled up!
(and all those days we knew the spirit between us
existed and lived)
but I hope it helps to shed some light
on my reasoning
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
Post edited by Unknown User on
0
Comments
I like the shape of it too
Heart on sleeve poetry.
And It's hard for two with an Autistic child, let alone one.
My Daughter has an Autistic 3yr.old and she's single.
It takes a village. Stay strong. Nice story