In One Week...
dcfaithful
Posts: 13,076
Jen and I will be Mr. & Mrs. dcfaithful. Pretty exciting. We've been together for nearly 6 years, and it's been a hell of a ride. I'm excited to finally seal the deal and make it official. The wedding is looking to be a really nice evening, and one hell of a party. In my own vain fashion, I'm looking very forward to looking sharp in my outfit. 
Shifting gears on this issue, I'd like to hear some opinions about some details that are relevant to this.
I proposed to her back in August. Yes, I know... we're getting it done very quickly. She was pretty set on October. I suggested maybe October 2013, but... I didn't push the issue.
Anyway, what I'd like to throw down here (and it's kind of venting) is this:
My good friend Steve got married last weekend on the 13th of October. I was his best man, I organized a bachelor party the best I could for him, and I felt I was a real good wing man for him at his wedding (providing him words of confidence and support in his final moments of sheer terror, entertaining guests, helping set up and break down the entire wedding, even after he left with his wife). The wedding was primarily funded by his parents... so they kind of forced it to be somewhat religiously (LDS) influenced (no booze, no wild shenanigans, etc.)
When Jen and I were planning our date, we wanted to do it on October 20th (today). I mentioned this to my friend and wanted to see if it posed any problems with his plans and he quickly reminded me that that would be problematic because him and his fiance were planning on throwing another celebration on the 20th for friends only to have a true party. Granted, they had made these plans long in advance and I had forgotten so I complied and said I would do whatever it took to not interfere with his plans because for one, he’s a big part of my wedding and needs to be there, and two, I really didn’t want to steal any of their thunder. Jen was kind of bothered that they were claiming two weekends.
The real intention of this celebration was to fundraise as much as they could from their friends and family for their move to Oregon. They're dead set on moving to Portland, OR for a new journey - whatever. Now, I may sound like a dick here, but I just don't see it happening. They're too unmotivated and unorganized and it’s already showing.
Jen and I settled on the 27th, next Saturday, to be wed. It works out for all involved. Convincing her to change the date was painful and she was pretty upset at it. We kind of clashed because I told her I would not accept a day that interferes with my friend’s wedding. I didn’t want any unnecessary drama, and I didn’t want to complicate things for my friends. I wanted to help them make their plans go as smooth as possible, and lastly… I foolishly thought “what difference does 7 days make?”
So, here we are on the 20th… and what do you know, this “huge” celebration isn’t happening for Steve and his new wife. Why? Because “the band that was going to play the bar that they were holding it at had to cancel”, they don’t have enough funds to keep the event running smoothly through the night, and Steve has an expired I.D. and can’t get into the bar. In my opinion, terrible fucking planning. Piss poor planning.
It’s a beautiful day today, and now all of this is backfiring in my face because we didn’t do this day as it was claimed for an event and friends that we love and that we really didn’t want to interfere with and now said event isn’t happening for, in my opinion, ridiculous reasons.
Not sure what my point here is except that I just feel really burned. I feel like I have been over accommodating for my friend and he is not showing hardly any appreciation for it. I feel like he knew the scheduling between us and acted very carelessly in the planning of this “huge” event. He made it seem like the 20th was untouchable and this was for sure going to happen and it sounds now like it was just a simple idea all along.
Just fucking frustrated at the moment, but I can’t let it ruin my excitement for next Saturday. I was hoping that there wouldn’t be any drama, but unfortunately I think my fiancé now will hold a slight grudge no matter how much I ask her not to or how much she says she won’t.
The final thing I am struggling with here is telling my friend how I feel, because he seems so oblivious to the details here. Am I overreacting about this?
Shifting gears on this issue, I'd like to hear some opinions about some details that are relevant to this.
I proposed to her back in August. Yes, I know... we're getting it done very quickly. She was pretty set on October. I suggested maybe October 2013, but... I didn't push the issue.
Anyway, what I'd like to throw down here (and it's kind of venting) is this:
My good friend Steve got married last weekend on the 13th of October. I was his best man, I organized a bachelor party the best I could for him, and I felt I was a real good wing man for him at his wedding (providing him words of confidence and support in his final moments of sheer terror, entertaining guests, helping set up and break down the entire wedding, even after he left with his wife). The wedding was primarily funded by his parents... so they kind of forced it to be somewhat religiously (LDS) influenced (no booze, no wild shenanigans, etc.)
When Jen and I were planning our date, we wanted to do it on October 20th (today). I mentioned this to my friend and wanted to see if it posed any problems with his plans and he quickly reminded me that that would be problematic because him and his fiance were planning on throwing another celebration on the 20th for friends only to have a true party. Granted, they had made these plans long in advance and I had forgotten so I complied and said I would do whatever it took to not interfere with his plans because for one, he’s a big part of my wedding and needs to be there, and two, I really didn’t want to steal any of their thunder. Jen was kind of bothered that they were claiming two weekends.
The real intention of this celebration was to fundraise as much as they could from their friends and family for their move to Oregon. They're dead set on moving to Portland, OR for a new journey - whatever. Now, I may sound like a dick here, but I just don't see it happening. They're too unmotivated and unorganized and it’s already showing.
Jen and I settled on the 27th, next Saturday, to be wed. It works out for all involved. Convincing her to change the date was painful and she was pretty upset at it. We kind of clashed because I told her I would not accept a day that interferes with my friend’s wedding. I didn’t want any unnecessary drama, and I didn’t want to complicate things for my friends. I wanted to help them make their plans go as smooth as possible, and lastly… I foolishly thought “what difference does 7 days make?”
So, here we are on the 20th… and what do you know, this “huge” celebration isn’t happening for Steve and his new wife. Why? Because “the band that was going to play the bar that they were holding it at had to cancel”, they don’t have enough funds to keep the event running smoothly through the night, and Steve has an expired I.D. and can’t get into the bar. In my opinion, terrible fucking planning. Piss poor planning.
It’s a beautiful day today, and now all of this is backfiring in my face because we didn’t do this day as it was claimed for an event and friends that we love and that we really didn’t want to interfere with and now said event isn’t happening for, in my opinion, ridiculous reasons.
Not sure what my point here is except that I just feel really burned. I feel like I have been over accommodating for my friend and he is not showing hardly any appreciation for it. I feel like he knew the scheduling between us and acted very carelessly in the planning of this “huge” event. He made it seem like the 20th was untouchable and this was for sure going to happen and it sounds now like it was just a simple idea all along.
Just fucking frustrated at the moment, but I can’t let it ruin my excitement for next Saturday. I was hoping that there wouldn’t be any drama, but unfortunately I think my fiancé now will hold a slight grudge no matter how much I ask her not to or how much she says she won’t.
The final thing I am struggling with here is telling my friend how I feel, because he seems so oblivious to the details here. Am I overreacting about this?
7/2/06 - Denver, CO
6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments
1. If your fiancee really loves you then all she should be able to think about at this stage is the excitement of marrying the man she loves, the fact that you have a dick for a friend shouldnt come into it and there certainly shouldnt be a grudge held. If your relationship is that petty before you even get married then maybe you guys are rushing it!
2. If your friend was aware that you had postponed your wedding to accommodate his 2nd party and is now behaving as if its no big deal then he's a dick! I wouldnt worry about him too much cause what goes around comes around!
Good luck on saturday! let the anger go and dont worry about it! otherwise you are letting his actions ruin your day and at the end of the day he will probably have a few beers and dance his ass off obliviously while you will have a bad memory!
Secondly, even though you are disappointed, (and Jen is too) about not having your big day on the 20th like you'd hoped for, I can tell you from experience that all these little "disappointments" will be the things that you remember and look back on and reminisce over and joke about in the future. In the end, its all good. So don't fret that....
Number three...you will NEVER forget your anniversary date because of this all being pounded into your head with the juggling of stuff going on.
Fourth...your friend. If he seems oblivious he probably is. Some people are just like that. He probably doesn't intend to be, but some people just don't have that sense of extension of self that allows them to see how their actions, or lack thereof, can effect those around them. I would suggest just saying something like, Dude, its a shame that your big celebration didn't turn out for the 20th, cuz turns out, man, that Jen and I could have gotten married on the 20th like we'd planned. (chances are, he still won't get it...but some years down the road, you can rib him for it and laugh over a few beers...and hopefully Jen will join in). You don't want to muck up your friendship over this, no matter how important it seems right now.
And last but not least...Don't let all this get you down....this is your special once in a lifetime day to celebrate your love, your family, your friends.....and your future. Live it up. Embrace it. The date doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. Does it? You are making a permanent life together in a week, and really, when it comes down to it, not to make your planning troubles seem insignificant, cuz I know how BIG things can seem at the time, but hey, IMHO the 7 days really don't matter. (would have been a totally different story had you and jen planned everything and THEN he decided to hold his party on the day of your wedding.)
So, put on your finest, look FABULOUS, but...and BIG BUT...no showing up the Bride! :nono:
Enjoy Your Day!!!!
jo
http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
"How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
"Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
to answer your post....
i don't think you're overreacting at all, Dave. Jen has a right to be annoyed...and so do you. if it were me, i would try talking to him. if he's that oblivious about how his actions affect you, you may have a bigger problem. how you handle this situation will dictate your mood. i would talk to him...tell him why you're both annoyed. if he gets it, he'll apologize. if he doesn't, i would just let it go.
the reason i'd let it go is because it's not worth it in the grand scheme of things. don't let your anger/frustration/annoyance overshadow how truly excited you both are to be Mr & Mrs Radio Dave.
weddings are always stressful, man. things come up all the time. you've got to let it roll off so you can truly enjoy your wedding day.
i know he's your friend, but Steve's issues are his own. he can only help out so much, you can only bend so much...until you realize that he's going to have to deal with his own life. sure, be his friend...but make sure that you're taking yourself & your wife into consideration as well.
as far as them moving to Portland.....
we saved for months to make it happen. it was tough, but we did it. maybe you guys should move here instead & let him stay in SLC?
sorry if this is a rambling response....
wishing you & Jen all the best, my friend!! hope to see you in Portland soon!
Matt
www.cluthelee.com
www.cluthe.com
Funny thing is after I posted this, I said something to him that was scarily close to what you said and yeah, he didn't really pick up on anything so I just figure I'll let it pass an move forward. Whatever right?
Thank you for your well wishes, and yes, I definitely will not be showing up the bride.
6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
Thanks for the input. I won't allow any bad feelings ruin anything. I already feel better about it than I did when I posted, I just needed to vent.
As far as point 1, and the whole concern about the fiance... that's not an issue. There really isn't anything about our relationship to question, more so my friends lack of awareness of his own actions. There are elements of the situation that can't be conveyed through a forum post. Ultimately, the turn out of tonight is the main frustration.
6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
Thanks Matt, I feel much like how you have described. I'm much more concerned with making next Saturday the best day it can possibly be, and I won't let anything ruin it for myself, and definitely not for Jen.
You will definitely be one of the first people I make accomodations with to have a beer with the next time we are in Portland. :thumbup:
6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
But we can celebrate with you from right here
jo
http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
"How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
"Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
jeez really? not much that can be said if he's this self involved :?
anyway, congrats again to you and jen!
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
As for your friend...sounds like he didn't realize the importance or impact on you and your fiancee. If this is a one time thing, it may just be an issue of miscommunication or him being so caught up in his own wedding stuff that he really just missed it. If this is pretty typical, then take it for what it is and keep it in mind when you have to deal with him for future stuff.
Your day is picked...your bride is picked...enjoy all the good and have a blast!
"I need your strength for me to be strong...I need your love to feel loved"
www.cluthelee.com
www.cluthe.com
"Becoming a Bruce fan is like hitting puberty as a musical fan. It's inevitable." - dcfaithful
oh wait , that might complicate the relationship with the soon to be misses.
tell him straight up hes a dick.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14