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Nevermind

__ Posts: 6,651
edited October 2012 in A Moving Train
I'm just gonna delete this. I'm starting to feel bad about talking about it. Seems fine as long as everyone's anonymous, but anyone who knows her would know who I was talking about. (Of course, there are only like 4 people in the state who are in the 10C & I'm the only one who reads this forum. :lol:) Thanks again, everyone, for your kindness. Please say a little prayer or send out good vibes or whatever it is you like to do.
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • polaris_xpolaris_x Posts: 13,559
    :shock:

    honestly ... there was a lot of stuff in there ... and the first thing that comes into my head ... is where do you live and work? ... i know this stuff happens but i really don't think that it happens so much that it's all around you so much ... that is crazy ...

    i hope you are ok
  • pandorapandora Posts: 21,855
    I'm sure the police will make sure # 1 was a suicide now...
    like with that famous guy who was just found guilty of wife #3's death
    after #4 turned up missing but presumed dead.

    Guns and booze don't mix ... he pulled out a gun to get them to go to bed?
    that's a new one ... who has a foreign exchange person live with them?
    Thats a little strange??

    Least of her worries might be being fired. But a temp is a great and thoughtful idea.

    Loyalty? I'm sure the office is a buzz with opinion. People...

    She'll get bond and be out to wait trial one would think,
    unless she's a flight risk with a record or if #1 indeed had help with the rope.

    I don't think people think about other's feelings in general all that much
    so those who celebrate Halloween and decorate I'm sure they just didn't connect it.
    I disagree death is very entertaining look at the media and Hollywood.

    Maybe you can feed the cat ...
  • ZosoZoso Posts: 6,425
    must be a lot to take in.. I couldn't imagine hope you're ok.
    I'm just flying around the other side of the world to say I love you

    Sha la la la i'm in love with a jersey girl

    I love you forever and forever :)

    Adel 03 Melb 1 03 LA 2 06 Santa Barbara 06 Gorge 1 06 Gorge 2 06 Adel 1 06 Adel 2 06 Camden 1 08 Camden 2 08 Washington DC 08 Hartford 08
  • redrockredrock Posts: 18,341
    Wow _. As Zoso said, a lot to take in. Your feelings must be in turmoil at the moment - such a difficult situation for which to get your head around. I do hope you will be OK and will be able to make some sense of this.

    A lot of your questions are thoughts/rhetorical but there are some practical ones. Does your friend have family nearby that can help with the cat and other 'every day' issues? Work... a temp is a good idea - you would need to get one if she were ill or on holiday.

    Do you owe her your loyalty? I think you querying how many would turn your back on you in times of trouble gives some insight at to your penchant. She's your friend - she will need all the support she can get. Emotional, practical, etc.

    Follow your heart.

    I really hope all this turns out as well as can be.
  • hedonisthedonist Posts: 24,524
    polaris_x wrote:
    :shock:

    honestly ... there was a lot of stuff in there ... and the first thing that comes into my head ... is where do you live and work? ... i know this stuff happens but i really don't think that it happens so much that it's all around you so much ... that is crazy ...

    i hope you are ok
    I echo these thoughts, and holy hell.

    (is it OK for you to be posting about this, in the legal sense?)
  • dimitrispearljamdimitrispearljam Posts: 139,720
    :shock:
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • comebackgirlcomebackgirl Posts: 9,885
    As others have said...so much to wrap your head around. I'm so sorry...I can't even imagine how rattled you must be feeling about all of this.

    You are correct about the inconsistencies in her story - when someone experiences a trauma the survival part of their brain kicks in (limbic system) and the thinking part of the brain (prefrontal cortex) shuts down...so people usually have an inconsistent memory that remembers events as pictures and not chronologically. Add to this that some of the memories may come as flashes when triggered by something and it may look like she's adding details and changing details...all very normal in this type of situation, but not really conducive to a legal investigation. This is often pointed to as lying or hiding information, when it's anything but that. The mind has an amazing ability to protect us from things that are too traumatic, but this is not usually understood by police or the legal community. And on top of the trauma you have the fact that she was intoxicated.

    I'm going to echo redrock's sentiments of following your heart...and following your gut...do what feels right for you in terms of supporting her and please make sure you have your own support. This is a lot to makes sense of and work through.
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  • even flow - question markeven flow - question mark Posts: 1,568
    The story is compelling. I will say that people get what is coming to them in this world.

    I knew a guy back in the day who started dating a girl who had a jelous exboyfriend who would beat my buddy up all the time. Well one day my buddy pulled out a knife because he had his fill of the ass. One went in the dirt the other to prison for awhile. All I can say is, things happen.

    The poison from the poison stream caught up to you ELEVEN years ago and you floated out of here. Sept. 14, 08

  • __ Posts: 6,651
    edited October 2012
    :|

    (See, the neutral face is good for something.)
    Post edited by _ on
  • __ Posts: 6,651
    edited October 2012
    :|
    Post edited by _ on
  • __ Posts: 6,651
    edited October 2012
    :|
    Post edited by _ on
  • polaris_xpolaris_x Posts: 13,559
    _ wrote:
    I live in the Southwest and work at the state university's medical school. I don't understand the part I underlined above. Are you referring to just this thread or comments I've made in other ones?

    this thread ... you had written that this was the second husband of hers to die ... plus the other co-worker who lost their husband and then the amputated leg thing ... i think individually, when taken in context is not really that strange ... i think i kinda attributed seasonal thoughts (halloween) as well as just watching the movie 7 Psychopaths - I kinda thought it was more gruesome than it probably was ...

    :|
  • redrockredrock Posts: 18,341
    _ wrote:
    Her family lives in another state. I hope someone has called them and they've come out to support her, but I imagine they have jobs so I wonder how they'll be able to manage that.

    Loyalty is very important to me and I'm a very loyal person (probably to a fault). I feel like I should give her my loyalty. But, then again, I guess it's possible that she shot him in cold blood. (Although, what does that mean? And should I blame her if she did?) If that were the case, I might feel like my loyalty was really misplaced and feel kind of stupid. But, what if she's innocent and I abandoned her? (And I really just mean emotionally, like in my heart and when talking to others about it, because there's really nothing I can do.) The best thing to do would be to reserve judgement until all the facts are disclosed. But how can anyone do that? We feel very emotional about this and we need to know which emotions to feel, ya know?

    So many 'what if's'. I don't believe your loyalty is misplaced until you have been proven otherwise. Well, that's how I feel anyway. It's very difficult to make sense of all of this when you don't have all the facts. You do have some background/'insider' info on the dynamics of the couple which may tend to make you see things a certain way but you just don't know. Which emotion to feel? Doesn't have to be the just one - can be contradictory ones too.. It's a shocking situation and you are also dealing with moral and ethical questions.

    Personally, I would let my friend know that I am there. That I am having some difficulties in coming to terms with the whole situation but that she has not been 'abandoned'. But I understand that others may feel differently. As CBG said, make sure you take care of yourself too - you're in turmoil.
  • __ Posts: 6,651
    edited October 2012
    :|
    Post edited by _ on
  • __ Posts: 6,651
    edited October 2012
    :|
    Post edited by _ on
  • __ Posts: 6,651
    edited October 2012
    :|
    Post edited by _ on
  • __ Posts: 6,651
    edited October 2012
    :|
    Post edited by _ on
  • __ Posts: 6,651
    edited October 2012
    :|
    Post edited by _ on
  • __ Posts: 6,651
    edited October 2012
    :|
    Post edited by _ on
  • polaris_xpolaris_x Posts: 13,559
    edited October 2012
    edited out for the OP
    Post edited by polaris_x on
  • chadwickchadwick up my ass Posts: 21,157
    pandora wrote:
    I'm sure the police will make sure # 1 was a suicide now...
    like with that famous guy who was just found guilty of wife #3's death
    after #4 turned up missing but presumed dead.

    Guns and booze don't mix ... he pulled out a gun to get them to go to bed?
    that's a new one ... who has a foreign exchange person live with them?
    Thats a little strange??
    Least of her worries might be being fired. But a temp is a great and thoughtful idea.

    Loyalty? I'm sure the office is a buzz with opinion. People...

    She'll get bond and be out to wait trial one would think,
    unless she's a flight risk with a record or if #1 indeed had help with the rope.

    I don't think people think about other's feelings in general all that much
    so those who celebrate Halloween and decorate I'm sure they just didn't connect it.
    I disagree death is very entertaining look at the media and Hollywood.

    Maybe you can feed the cat ...
    where else does a foreign exchange student live? and why is that strange? but i agree with you on the fact that guns & booze do not mix
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • know1know1 Posts: 6,794
    Are there any links to this story online? I can't quite understand what actually happened.
    The only people we should try to get even with...
    ...are those who've helped us.

    Right 'round the corner could be bigger than ourselves.
  • Who PrincessWho Princess out here in the fields Posts: 7,305
    I'm sorry you're going through this experience.

    Many people have already made helpful comments. I think the one thing I'd add is that your friend needs a competent attorney, one who is experienced with domestic violence. A good attorney might even be able to get her out on bond. I hope she doesn't have to rely on a public defender.
    "The stars are all connected to the brain."
  • brianluxbrianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 42,090
    OP, having someone close to you go through such a severe legal issue is nerve wracking and painful. I have had someone close to me go though very serious charges in court- of a case of a different nature but deeply serious none-the-less and I'm 99% sure this person is innocent. Seeing someone close to you go through this sort of thing is gut wrenching. Best wishes to you. I hope things turn out as well as possible.
    “The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” Variously credited to Mark Twain or Edward Abbey.
    Democracy Dies in Darkness- Washington Post













  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    _ wrote:
    Regarding telling consistent versions of events, this whole thing makes me really scared to ever talk to the police about anything. I have a horrible memory and, espeically if I was traumatized, would probably tell inconsistent versions of events too. The fact that they can throw you in jail for that is really scary to me. And I do feel like this - or being thrown in jail in general - could happen to anyone. You never know what's going to happen next in life.

    youre right it is difficult to be consistent when retelling events to police, i recently had the misfortune of having to do this.. and while i spoke to the male officer because he was the one actively engaging me, the female officer had her eyes on me the whole time. im sure she was looking for something to trip me up on.. i hesitated a bit as i recalled words spoken and actions...but tho i can be vague at times, i know i was telling the truth, so i wasnt worried.
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • brianluxbrianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 42,090
    Good God, Cate! I hope it wasn't serious or ongoing!

    How are things?
    catefrances wrote:
    _ wrote:
    Regarding telling consistent versions of events, this whole thing makes me really scared to ever talk to the police about anything. I have a horrible memory and, espeically if I was traumatized, would probably tell inconsistent versions of events too. The fact that they can throw you in jail for that is really scary to me. And I do feel like this - or being thrown in jail in general - could happen to anyone. You never know what's going to happen next in life.

    youre right it is difficult to be consistent when retelling events to police, i recently had the misfortune of having to do this.. and while i spoke to the male officer because he was the one actively engaging me, the female officer had her eyes on me the whole time. im sure she was looking for something to trip me up on.. i hesitated a bit as i recalled words spoken and actions...but tho i can be vague at times, i know i was telling the truth, so i wasnt worried.
    “The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” Variously credited to Mark Twain or Edward Abbey.
    Democracy Dies in Darkness- Washington Post













  • __ Posts: 6,651
    I can't help but post one great update, though: Apparently she was able to post bond. :)
  • pandorapandora Posts: 21,855
    chadwick wrote:
    pandora wrote:
    I'm sure the police will make sure # 1 was a suicide now...
    like with that famous guy who was just found guilty of wife #3's death
    after #4 turned up missing but presumed dead.

    Guns and booze don't mix ... he pulled out a gun to get them to go to bed?
    that's a new one ... who has a foreign exchange person live with them?
    Thats a little strange??
    Least of her worries might be being fired. But a temp is a great and thoughtful idea.

    Loyalty? I'm sure the office is a buzz with opinion. People...

    She'll get bond and be out to wait trial one would think,
    unless she's a flight risk with a record or if #1 indeed had help with the rope.

    I don't think people think about other's feelings in general all that much
    so those who celebrate Halloween and decorate I'm sure they just didn't connect it.
    I disagree death is very entertaining look at the media and Hollywood.

    Maybe you can feed the cat ...
    where else does a foreign exchange student live? and why is that strange? but i agree with you on the fact that guns & booze do not mix
    well it makes a bit more sense now that I know a 30 something is working at the University.
    I forgot that about the OP. Otherwise it might be a bit strange for a couple without kids
    to take in students.
    I have known families of high schoolers getting involved in the exchange program...
    and their child going to the other country in return, that is my only experience.

    I think it is strange to have a party though for the students, have them get drunk and
    have them stay at the house in perspective bedrooms encouraged at gunpoint.
    It sounds like a Springer episode ending in an accidental shooting.
  • ozgurkdozgurkd Juneau, Alaska Posts: 434
    sorry to hear that hope she is fine now
    actually I feel she is :)
    Living is no laughing matter: you must live with great seriousness like a squirrel for example - I mean without looking for something beyond and above living, I mean living must be your whole occupation.
    Nazım Hikmet
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