Prose

justam

This might possibly be the most dull string of beads I've tried, but then again it might not be too. ( We'll see!) The lack of random strings might allow more ideas to actually make it into a reading mind. (We'll see!) We, The Reader--you, after sent by The Typer--me.

Rickety clack, tippity tap, it's uncomfortable to type on a lap-top while sprawled out on a big comfy bed. One might think it wouldn't be, but then, no one thinks about the wrist angle like a musician does…we've gotta keep it circulating without stiffness. So,elbows blood-blocked, this is not the most comfortable flat-top for this laptop!!

As I plan it, this'll be a rivulet of prose to add to. No particular destination in mind overall buuuuut it'll probably go places day to day. On the first day, this is just the sound of a brand new faucet or a fountain turned on. It hasn't filled it's container yet but we now know there's a new background sound that's peaceful. Maybe it's like a little water ornament in a courtyard or a back yard?

The beauty of having no plan is that it's open from day to day. Like a country kid's summer, there's plenty of open space in which to play.

justam

No matter how we try, it seems like expressing doubts doesn't come out right. People seem to miss the social cue that what people really want at those times is re-assurance. I guess that's why confident people make others so comfortable. (They don't require much reassurance!)

I still remember my first piano recital at 5 years old. I had some pieces to play and I was nervous, my teacher asked me if I wanted to play. I said "No" in a very shy way because I was anxious and all she said was "Okay." I've never forgotten this! I was so disappointed that she didn't just pat me and say "Why don't you try anyway? You're probably just nervous." I still remember I was not happy about this. :?

And, how many times have I expressed my moments of weakness and gotten the wrong response?! Too many I'm sure. I don't want people to say "Yeah, go with the anxiety." I really want someone to say "It's okay, this feeling will pass!!!!!!!!" :twisted:

hedonist

I think that the people who know us well, or maybe just the people in-tune, get that sense of what to say...and can encourage others to see it.

But, sometimes you can't get that the feeling/fear/etc. will run its course until you go with that anxiety.

I dunno.

I've got a minor freak-out going on here this morning and keep telling myself - this too shall pass

justam

Hedonist, for me, fear ALWAYS passes, it just seems so real at the time occasionally. It's like being in a dark hole for a while.

Until I married my husband, I never had a strong person near by. The people always collapsed under pressure or ran away and it was so maddening! Even as a kid I knew that wasn't right! I wanted to be around brave adults and they were all so lame!!! :twisted:

Hedonist, let me reassure you today. Whatever is freaking you out will probably seem less upsetting tomorrow.

hedonist

You are right. And thank you

justam

I don't even want to talk about the topic on my mind today.

Our country's obsession with appearance and weight loss is unhealthy and yet I've reached the place and age where I have to start focusing on my fitness. It's a dull thing to have to focus on, but necessary if I want to live as long as possible!

So, working on this treadmill machine with lights and buttons and heart-rate charts, I pay attention. Keeping my heart rate in just the right "fat burning" range. My mind starts to wander even as I hold it at attention on this...
I realize this is going to take a lot of patience and stamina to do this well. And, I'm determined to do it well this time. I have to!

I can't help but feel chained up by the idea of having to go and do this routine every morning, but I WILL. :twisted:

I kinda resent having to think about it though and deal with the repetitious nature of it. Perhaps something will happen as weeks go by? Maybe I'll find a way to float into something I don't expect as I'm walking along or lifting and activating more body parts? Maybe I'll slip into some kind of disciplined groove that allows me to find it less boring?!
:geek:

This is my hope for this project!! :P

justam

Time

So, I've been thinking about Time and about using it well and about organizing my life around activities I want to do very much rather than around activities I don't care much about… I started thinking about what people typically spend time on. I thought it might be helpful to do a bit of analysis and a bit of honest wishing.

Analysis of what is taking time NOW and the creation of a list of things I'd truly want to do before death. Bringing death into it made it serious and heavy so I began to wonder about why people humorously call them "Bucket Lists." Perhaps it's some attempt to lighten the mood with the crudeness of the "Kick the Bucket" dysphemism? (Anyway, I'm getting off track with language wonders.)

As I thought about things that were time consuming but unimportant, I then began wondering about how a person might extract one's self from these obligations. So often I think people fall into ruts because it's comfortable for others nearby. Someone wants you to do something so you do it and then it becomes the expected behavior. Without planning to, a person becomes saddled with unchosen responsibilities.

So, how does a person withdraw from tasks without damaging relationships? Is it even possible? Or, is the natural consequence of withdrawal some kind of tit-for-tat withdrawal of affection? That's the unknown part of human interactions. Do people like others for their usefulness only or do they like others because they like their company and spirit? I suppose the risk of losing friends is what keeps people doing stuff they'd rather drop?

And, maybe it's all just a blur because of busy-ness? Maybe most people don't really make thoughtful decisions about the hours of their days? Maybe people just move along with the breeze or with the last push they got from someone they bumped into? Maybe people fall into habits without questioning them? For example, watching movies or television at night or playing on the computer all day or chatting with co-workers at lunchtime…

If we knew we were going to die in twenty-five Mondays or less, what would we do differently?!!!

justam

I think this whole issue of re-organizing is rather interesting. And, I've been getting some good ideas from my friends. It seems like I'm not the only person worrying about over-stuffed schedules these days!