snows falling

catefrances

snow falling down
on the spires of st. jerome’s.
in the laneway, cats
pawing through the rubbish cans
i thought of the end
and how your open palm couldn’t hold
my heart. standing at the window watching
as the whole world parades
its filth and knowing how
easily i could
slip from
its hold. too often,
i found myself
alone
i couldn’t feel you.
you just stood there
watching me, no longer reaching
out to me
and your absence
only made my heart grow
harder
the desperation i felt
for you still holds me
like a glove. i chide myself
for staying so long,
knowing how incapable you were
how i could no longer handle it
and damn you
for thinking that i could
or even should
and i hate what ive become
because of it.
i saw you
at your worst and though
it wasnt the worst ive ever seen,
the disrespect i felt
surely was.
the tea in my cup has turned cold
but i drink it anyway.
closing the door behind me i find myself
walking, aimlessly
along streets under the cover of darkness
its all i can do to keep from remembering
but it doesn’t work
sirens in the distance have me thinking of that night
and how part of me wished you had died
so the grief i feel now would have a purpose
the love and anger sit side by side and i know
which one is winning.
the lamp posts in the park light
pockets of grass and i wonder
whats in between
walking along the path
counting my steps
towards the road
feels like a trip to the gallows
the nothingness i know awaits
at the other end and
the spectacle of self combustion is ever present
it no longer matters to me
the reasons why. now
all your words ring hollow
and we both seemed to want something
so far out of reach,
that denial was the only tangible thing
the full moon hangs low
in the sky; a pregnant promise of
possibility and things lost
never to be regained
a memory distant in mind and heart
breaks a silence so violent
I forget where I am
And look up to find myself
One of those lost things,
Perhaps.

The yawning edifice rising on my left side speaks
of knowledge and wisdom
and recall a time when I had both.
now I have neither
painted faces and faceless bodies mock me
as they pass. I remember Dylan saying
once, you cant be wise
and in love. I now know
that to be true
Maybe I always did
but chose instead the ignorance
that comes with such bliss

walking among the headstones touching
my fingers to centuries old sandstone and thinking
about the lives those souls had led
birds high in the figs sing
an elegy as i step
over the roots of majesty
and i have to wonder
if they are singing it for me
thoughts flicker
in my mind. but the one constant
is you. it is always
you.
inside me I feel
you and the darkness
that envelopes me
blinds me to it all
the moonglow filters through the leaves
as i walk deeper
into the sleeping ground
sometimes i
smile. sometimes
the pain stabs me. sometimes
i forget
what it was like
without you. but
what i will
never forget is,
you are
no longer with me
and for someone who took
such risks with his life i
cant quite grasp the way you
became so guarded
with me. momentarily
lost in thought, i turn
at the sounds of crunching gravel
and see
a cortege that could be
carrying my last breath
but isnt…

chadwick

catefrances,


you been out of control for years. you are very serious and incredible. your writing is captivating. i am honored to be here with you. i full on respect you and your mind and talent...you you you

how long have you been writing? that and your reading intake would destroy most people. i need to look up a few words you chose to use. thank you.

catefrances

since i was 14... so a while now.

justam

I enjoyed reading this one cate.

the wolf

This is great cate.

rollings

I'm speechless.

(I'm typed-wordless)

That is so good

brianlux

Fine work, Catefrances, mighty fine!