It's been over 6 months
davidtrios
Posts: 9,732
since my heart was ripped out of my chest. All of my hopes and dreams left on the side of the road. i try to fill the void by being with other women, trying to feel better by spending time with other girls...meaningless b.s sex, meaningless stupid convos, killing time/wasting time...nothing helps. i hang out with friends, try to drink it away, try to forget...nothing works...fml
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I don't know what to say... except maybe work on being comfortable by yourself before you try to move on to someone else?
That helped me a long time ago.
I wish you peace.
'This boats not safe
And we're drowning.'
Hope things get brighter soon.............
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
Meanwhile, my best wishes go out to you. Heartbreak is a heavy thing and you have lots of support here. That's one of the things that makes this forum a great place.
Hang in there, man.
and for some people it's never ok to be alone, accept that if it's you and keep looking man,
brighter days will come.like sunshine one day she will be there.
This sums it up pretty well. Nothing you can do but give it time.
The good thing is - it's SPRING
Hang in there and surround yourself with good and positive people, that's been the best medicine for me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYKUPb-x-EU
"Hear me, my chiefs!
I am tired; my heart is
sick and sad. From where
the sun stands I will fight
no more forever."
Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
why... so she can do the same thing to him again???
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
life comes with expectations. it's good to have goals, but expectations do us in sometimes. expecting people to react they way we think they will.
let your mind and your love for life lead you into the future. your love for her may never fully heal. all loves are different. you may even be different than you were 6 months ago.
we get an idea of what true love is, from someone we fell in love with. when that doesn't work out, we go on looking for that same feeling and when we don't find it, we think it was only with a certain one. loving someone is a individual, intimate and very personal thing. no two humans are alike, then how can we expect to have the same feeling of love for someone completely different?
surround yourself with people that love you and hope that love will find you someday. it will if your mind and heart are open to a new shape.
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Baltimore MD, Charlottesville VA, Seattle WA 2013
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Missoula MT 2018
This is good advice too. Lots of good advice in this thread.
I haven't been in a relationship in a long time (about 4 years) because the last one ended so horribly, and I didn't trust myself afterward to pick men wisely....and couldn't face being hurt that badly ever again. At times, I still don't trust myself...which is why I'm not actively looking around. I'm trying to pretend that it's not important to me...but of course it is. I just don't think that I've picked very well in the past, and will now do about anything to avoid that level of heartbreak.
I still believe that time is the key though. It took me the first couple of years just to get past the anger. Now, it's not much about him anymore - I'm LONG over him. But I'm not so much over myself, and how stupid I was to get involved with this guy to begin with.
Bottom line is that there is no substitute for time. And however long it takes you is however long it takes you.
Good luck. I wish you all the best!!!!
The thing that has got me through, though, is the support from friends (long lost ones) and family. It's hard to think I'll ever be able to move on but everyone tells me time will heal up the scar and I'll be able to move forward. If you surround yourself with good people to lean on it helps you through.
In my case, I'm going to take a little bit of time to focus on work, paying bills and studies. You just have to focus on the future of your life and that's what I'm trying to do.
was there an inkling that this would happen??
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
I was completely and totally blind sided. We had our issues in the past but nothing we hadn't worked out. She was real unhappy with my attitude 6 months ago and I made the effort to change and try a different path. I offered up marriage counseling but she didn't want to go back then. She told me that once she had doubt about us she couldn't remove it and instead of letting me know, she buried for all this time and it came up 2 weeks ago. I really never had a chance and that's the part that sucks. I've never been so disappointed in someone and my judging of someone in my life.
so what happened 2 weeks ago for it to come up i wonder. perhaps she thought the effort you were making wasnt enough??
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
Jeez...that's pretty tough - in particular the part I bolded. 6 months ago she had doubts, and then couldn't remove them on her own (without your input) so that was that? Wow....that's pretty harsh. I mean, unless you cheated on her, which it doesn't sound like you did. I mean, everyone has periods in life where their 'attitude' is not the best...but while if that goes unattended it might create doubts...it shouldn't continue to generate doubts once the 'attitude' has been sorted out....
That is really tough. Really tough.
Anyway, I think you are doing the right thing, focusing on getting your life together in areas that you can control - your bills, schooling, etc. That is a good way to move forward while your heart heals.
Good luck!
Nope, never cheated on her. That wasn't even a question. I think has has some deep seeded emotional issues as well as maturity issues. That's why she wasn't able to communicate the way that should should have. The marriage was savable but she never gave me a chance to figure out what we could do to communicate better. I thought we were working through it.
Her family is terrible and her job has been stressing her out. I think I was just overall collateral damage. It blows and she's made it clear she's not willing to try and she's not coming back. I think, down the road, she may realize that I was the stable one and the issues could have been easily worked out. But by the time she may realize it I will be long gone.
i was just trying to purge any feelings of sadness or frustration...i really want to stop remembering...sometimes i dont think about her for days...weeks...and she'll just creep back into my mind out of the clear blue sky...and it punches me so hard in the gut.
It's too bad it's invisible because if it WAS visible, people would know what they were getting into with relationships! :geek:
The pain people feel when they break up is the due to the emotional attachment.
be happy alone before moving on and when you do...
(if I may quote my father)
"...You have to be happy by yourself, She has to be happy with herself...and when you are together it's fantastic"
You'll get through this, its hard and it hurts, but you'll do it. Stay Strong, sending good vibes your way!!
I got memories. I got shit so much it don't show."
Wow...this just makes me sad. You didn't cheat, you are willing to talk and even go to counseling if necessary, and she won't even try? That's really tough. And I have to say it: I'm not sure what she thought marriage was about...but if she thought everything was gonna be perfect forever, without a hint of a problem that needed to be worked through, she was sadly mistaken.
Yeah....I'm not sure that this will help you now, but it sounds like to me that she might be very sorry down the road that she didn't make an effort. Because in my personal experience, most girls do not get that many chances at a really NICE guy. As I said, that probably doesn't help now...but yeah...this might be something she very much regrets later.
I found that if I focused on how much it hurt, it continued to hurt. I learned if I felt what I felt, those feelings would pass. They may return , but always they will [pass if I just let them be. I earned I could feel what I felt and not take that out on others.
I learned that I needed to see what my part was in the relationship and do the best I could to learn from my failings.
i learned that it was better for me to just be. I didnt want to carry any old "stuff" into the next relationship I hoped I could have. It wouldn't be fair to me OR the other involved if I carried that shit forward. I needed to become comfortable with myself, before I could really be invovled with another.
Turns out individual counseling was immensely helpful , as was being honest with others in my AA meetings. Hopefully you can find a similar such support system.
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Great advice here! I firmly believe that you won't be ready for a relationship until you're totally at ease with yourself and confident and happy as an individual. Don't get involved with anyone else until that happens because it's just not fair to them.
someday
someone
will walk into your life
and make you realize
why it NEVER worked out
with anyone else.
i know im a hopelessromanticcheeseball, but that's me i guess
and stay a hopelessromanticcheeseball ...
that is hope and love humbled together and that is really nice too!
Don't let it bring you down... the wait, she will be worth it