Mom having a hard time
sleeplikeadog
Posts: 156
Hello, I'm a 29 yr. old mom of an 18 month old, and I'm having a hard time. I don't even know where to begin, lol. I guess I'm not your typical "mom". When I was younger I NEVER wanted children, and spent all of my time playing punk rock music, and hanging out with weirdos, and I did that until I found out I was pregnant.
Now, I have my son, who is super awesome, and I have no problem being a good mommy to him. My problem is that I have a hard time relating to the other parents. We go to Gymboree, and the other parents are definitely different than my fiance and myself. He doesn't have a problem relating to them and getting along, but I do. They talk about shopping and all that girly stuff, and that's just not me. I want to talk about Les Pauls, shows, tattoos, and punk rock. Living in Austin it is/was easy for me to just stick to hanging out with people like myself and avoiding the "normal" people. Now I have to interact and try to "fit in" for the sake of my son and him having friends.
The other parents are nice to me, don't get me wrong, but I still sometimes get looks for the tattoos, and like I said, I just have a hard time relating other than the whole kid thing. Also, now I feel like I'm too weird for the normal people, and too normal for the weird people, so I'm, like, stuck in this weird place.
Anybody else go through something similar? any advice?
Now, I have my son, who is super awesome, and I have no problem being a good mommy to him. My problem is that I have a hard time relating to the other parents. We go to Gymboree, and the other parents are definitely different than my fiance and myself. He doesn't have a problem relating to them and getting along, but I do. They talk about shopping and all that girly stuff, and that's just not me. I want to talk about Les Pauls, shows, tattoos, and punk rock. Living in Austin it is/was easy for me to just stick to hanging out with people like myself and avoiding the "normal" people. Now I have to interact and try to "fit in" for the sake of my son and him having friends.
The other parents are nice to me, don't get me wrong, but I still sometimes get looks for the tattoos, and like I said, I just have a hard time relating other than the whole kid thing. Also, now I feel like I'm too weird for the normal people, and too normal for the weird people, so I'm, like, stuck in this weird place.
Anybody else go through something similar? any advice?
Walking is still honest
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All our lives I've never fit in.
Now almost 30 years later the adult kids have only praise for that.
Just be the kind of person you want your child to be,
that would be my only advice.
For me that was accepting and appreciative of others and life, friendly and independent.
Good luck ... enjoy!
That's all that matters
You'll actually be able to relate to your child
You really are the cool mom.
When people believe in themselves they have the first secret of success. ~Norman Vincent Peale
We are each gifted in a unique and important way. It is our privilege and our adventure to discover our own special light. ~Mary Dunbar
You will be fine...continue to believe in yourself and shine your light unto your son and ALL will be well.
Peace
*MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
.....song_Music & Politics....Michael Franti
*The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)
Twenty-one years ago we moved to a small town not far from the city but it sure seemed like it. My daughter just started school & figure skating etc. & I found out real quick how clicky this place was. There were some real bitches here. And I found out, maybe not quite as quickly, that I was spending so much time trying to "fit in" I couldn't see the forest through the spindly trees. In looking past the old, dried up,stunted-growth, half-dead trees, I found the ever-green, blooming with life beautiful trees. We were all so different but we meshed & grew & our branches intertwined & now I have some of the best friends a girl could ask for. They love me for who I am, & I will not change for anyone but me.
Besides, how extremely boring would life be if we were all the same?? Blech!!
Every child gets knocked down a time or two. All that matters to them is having someone to pick them up, brush them off, give them love, hugs & encouragement & send them off again. You can't love wrong when you love with your all of your heart. You sound amazing & you'll be fine!!
them from others and how they judge or hurt our children.
It happened to my children and what good has come from it immeasurable.
They learned how not to treat others. How not to hurt those who are different,
they learned how to be a good friend, this from their own suffering.
Being proud of who you are is what you will pass on to your young man ...
and no one can take that away from you and your family.
It's natural to feel out of your element if you don't have any obvious connections or share the same interests as some of the others. I will bet you some very high stakes, though, that more than one of those other women are looking at you and wishing they had your tattoos or more of your "style." Seriously.
The only thing you need to focus on is being a good parent and raising a good young person. Part of this means being good to yourself because you deserve it. Don't waste time assuming that everyone else is being judgmental. Give them the same chance that you hope they give you. They might be intimidated by you. And for goodness sake, don't start watching that reality show garbage or thinking that you need to have it as a topic of conversation. I have a working theory that people who invest too heavily in those shows do so because they see them as a substitute for their own boring lives. Live your own interesting life.
One last thing: teach your kid how to play musical instruments. Any that you know. Let him grow up with you playing to him and having that emotional connection to you. Eye on the prize, you know?
Best wishes,
H^2
Agree
I am not a mum but my friend has a daughter,she actively avoided all the mumsy stuff,she is covered in tattoos,dyed hair,punk look.Her punk spirit would have died if she had began to hang with women who only ever talk about their kids and wear floral and sensible shoes.
What happened? Her daughter is almost 8 and she and her mum are the coolest people at school,her daughter makes friendships easily,she is fun bright and popular and my friend feels very happy with the choices she made.
Motherhood does not instantly mean conformity.I say do what you feel and embrace your individuality.Who know the other mums may admire and envy your spirit still to be you instead of just "mum".
It sounds like we have shared the same obstacles early in our parenting experience. (my kids are 18 months and my daughter going to be four soon) But hear this, they are unique, brave and healthy. I could go on and on about how my kids and our family has decided to take on this world, but to the point. Embrace what you have created and be proud of yourself for not following the line. And know, there are others out there that will support you and your family. All you have to do is continue being yourself and continue to love your child and everything else will fall into place.
I am not on this board often, but if there is anything you would like to discuss feel free to contact me. I love talking about my children and I take great pride in the fact that my life is dedicated to them. I am certainly not saying that my way is the only way or being different is the best way, but "our way" is our only way. And our love is strong. My Email address is <!-- e --><a href="mailto:JWJ4022@yahoo.com">JWJ4022@yahoo.com</a><!-- e -->.
Jason
I would say that sometimes the people who look and seem the most 'normal' are the most hilarious wacky people around. Judging a book by it's cover goes both ways.
I'm a very ordinary looking, vegetarian who has musical tastes that are quite different from her friends. But variety is the spice of life! The good friends I have I treasure, they're different ages, backgrounds and tastes. That's one of the many advantages of having a child, a chance to meet new people.
Try lots of different things, they'll be something for you out there.
Be true to you....always. Your son will adore you for it.
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
like what others think of you
As for the girly stuff... I don’t think of myself as a tomboy but I am definitely not into most of the typical woman/girly things. I’m a single mom as well so that also puts me on a different level since every parent I’ve met is married.
We get invited to bday parties all the time now, very easy to excuse myself if I can’t handle the bs talk anymore. More fun to watch my son have a good time anyway.
Like someone else mentioned there are many more people out there that think exactly the way you do
Can I adopt you? I mean, my mom is great but one can never have too many "moms".
seriously, great advice
2011: East Troy, WI 1 & 2; Toronto ON 1 & 2; Hamilton ON
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I used to take my kids to all sorts of activities like music and gym etc and didn't really care if I made friends or what the other parents thought of me or my children. I now have a cool group of mum friends who as Claire said are pretty normal looking but pretty wacky individuals.
Being a parent is an awesome, rewarding, hard, tiring, isolating job. It can be heart breaking to think that you are losing your identity - just remember you are still you. Good luck
Just start talking about "concerts" etc. You might be surprised that many Moms still have an interest beyond the "normal" mommy stuff.
And don't forget to go out with your friends and do "grown up" things without your small child. If you can find a sitter for just a few hours every so often would help too.
The first few years can be tough on a new parent. Hang in there
I do not have children so I do not have experience with which to offer a lot of parenting advice. But I do have experience being a non-conformist who never feels like they fit in - for me, it's probably a result of my profession because I never felt like the odd duck until I went to work at my first professional job (I'm a CPA...but I am about the most 'bohemian' CPA you will EVER meet! None of my colleagues know what to make of me at all outside the numbers). And Pandora's advice is absolutely brilliant, IMO.
Pandora - wish I had met you IRL when I lived in Atlanta. You are one COOL lady. You really are.
All you can be is who you are. It might not fit the mold of what people 'expect'...but since you really can't change to suit others without being miserable yourself, you just have to be the best 'you' you can be for your kiddo...and hope that you can find a few friends who will 'get' what you are about.
I am an aunt to a high school senior and a college sophomore....and I can tell you that out of 9 aunts and uncles they have, they are by far closest to me. I think because, while I tried to instill good values, etc...I also instilled in both of them the idea that it's okay...and even COOL to be different.
I Am Mine and all that. :P
I have a 19 month old little girl and I find the exact same problem. I take her to the library for story time and to playgroup and I can't stand most of the boring, monotonous convos either. 'My little Winston hates banana, I give him apple and sometimes pear.....blah blah blah"
I guess just keep yourself open though because they are not all like that. I find some of the Mums at the playgroup down right obnoxious, they even have little cliques!
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