Depressed friends

justam

I wonder why some people can't seem to believe in goodness
they can't seem to stop the way their minds turn back to negative assumptions
what happened in there?!!
why do they go in that direction?
it's as if, no matter what happens, their negative slant returns
a person could flip the world over to make everything good for them
but instead of seeing the goodness in front of them,
these people would turn themselves upside down just to
be able to maintain the sad, negative, black view!

DinghyDog

-

justam

I just find it frustrating that I can't permanently fix the problem. :?

DinghyDog

-

pandora

My daughter is studying depression in depth this semester and we have had some great conversations.
We all know depression is based in chemical imbalance but forget this all the time.
Depressed people need medicine to correct the imbalances then life style changes
to insure success on the meds. When we look at attitude as an illness that can be fixed
it is very hopeful.

There may always be the 2 views though ...
half full and half empty and some who will never stop and smell the roses....
just cause they don't care to.

justam

DinghyDog wrote:

It's hard when you are someone who likes to make other people happy and you can't make someone you care about happy, but it is pretty much impossible to make a depressed person happy. The best you can do is be there for them and not get dragged down by them.

Yes. It's a struggle for me though because it's in my nature to try to help and pull people into a better state of mind.

DinghyDog

-

DinghyDog

-

pandora

DinghyDog wrote:

pandora wrote:

My daughter is studying depression in depth this semester and we have had some great conversations.
We all know depression is based in chemical imbalance but forget this all the time.
Depressed people need medicine to correct the imbalances then life style changes
to insure success on the meds. When we look at attitude as an illness that can be fixed
it is very hopeful.

There may always be the 2 views though ...
half full and half empty and some who will never stop and smell the roses....
just cause they don't care to.

I have seen medication help depressed people live through their worst moments, but while it allows them not to experience their lowest lows, it also stops them from fully experiencing their happiest moments. Their moods and emotions are much more stable and consent than a 'normal' person's emotions. This is good to survive the worst of it, but is not really beneficial long-term (as an observer, and talking to people who have been on medication, I would describe the medicated state as nearly zombie like - that term is too extreme, but it certainly doesn't feel like the full personality is still there). And it is scary for someone who has suffered with depression to come off their medication when they are ready to, because of the fear of having to handle their full range of emotions and the fear of falling back into depression. At some point they do have to rely on their own ability to work through their emotions. I think counselling and being taught how to deal with their issues, would be a much more successful long term approach, hopefully allowing them to avoid depression when it starts to raise it's head again, but of the depressed people I know, I think only one has gone to counselling (as well as using medication), most have been willing to take medication (normally after a long time struggling on their own) and some refuse medication or counselling and would prefer to work through it themselves.

Most of the depressed people I know have had a 'glass half empty' point of view their whole lives and don't seem to have a great deal of natural empathy (by that I mean if you ask them to think about something from someone else's point of view then they could do it, but it would not naturally occur to them to think about what other people are feeling, they are more concerned with their own feelings). But I also know someone that suffers with depression who is a people pleasers. They are always anxious about things and worrying that they've done something to hurt someone else's feelings. They seem to feel other people's emotions too deeply and take the weight of the world on their shoulders.

I don't know if your daughter would be interested in my limited experience of depressed people, but I would be interested to know how what I've said compares to what she is learning.

Well I can say I agree with everything you have said!
I have found the same too with my own depression in my 20's-30's and in family members,
employees and friends diagnosed with maniac depressive disease and depression over the years.

I know in her class it is coming down to the biological/chemical changes within the brain.
That it is here that depression and related illnesses 'live'. It is also how attitude is created.

I am impressionable, this dictates my responses and I feel we all have personality
traits and predisposed characteristics inherited and learned. With each experience I have in life,
with each person I interact with, I learn a little more about myself and I change and grow,
hopefully in a positive way.
It is hard for me to believe it is all chemical reaction.
This where I believe our spirit comes into play.

A fortune teller once read my hand and told me I was the last example you gave here,
I couldn't argue with her. I make myself sick worrying if I do enough, if I said the wrong thing,
why I don't talk on the phone ... phone phobia, except with my kids and JB.
My emotions make it that I need to think before I speak except with those who
really understand me and can forgive.

I will mention our 'conversation' and your experiences and also share here if I learn
more ... She is a Biology major with minor in Forensic Science and Criminal Justice,
the psych aspect is of great interest currently.... it is an very interesting subject,
I reap the benefits too

justam

In my case, it's more about wanting the people I love to feel good rather than bad. I don't mind helping them sort their moods. It seems to be part of love.

MissJam81

My Mum had depression, and so did my cousin. it is a pretty hard thing to go through, not just for them, but for those around them too :( People who suffer from Depression, are often helpless and dont mean to be negative all the time, all you can do is try to be as supportive and understanding as you can

pandora

justam wrote:

In my case, it's more about wanting the people I love to feel good rather than bad. I don't mind helping them sort their moods. It seems to be part of love.

yes that is a good friend and we all have our days when we need cheering

nothing cheers more than love! :thumbup:

MissJam81

pandora wrote:

justam wrote:

In my case, it's more about wanting the people I love to feel good rather than bad. I don't mind helping them sort their moods. It seems to be part of love.

yes that is a good friend and we all have our days when we need cheering

nothing cheers more than love! :thumbup:

Love and Eddie singing "Dream a little Dream" :thumbup:

pandora

MissJam81 wrote:

My Mum had depression, and so did my cousin. it is a pretty hard thing to go through, not just for them, but for those around them too :( People who suffer from Depression, are often helpless and dont mean to be negative all the time, all you can do is try to be as supportive and understanding as you can

this is very true and it does not help to hear 'buck up put on a happy face' when you
are in that state of mind , you can fool some people but with your closest you must be yourself.
We all need that someone who is our corner and understands and it's ok.

Danger comes when suicide enters the picture or drug addiction or alcohol abuse
which go hand in hand with depression. It becomes tricky on intervention then.
Back in the day a person had to attempt suicide first, not just threaten, to get
real help... emergency help. It was very frustrating. I hope that has improved
but with so many without insurance I fear people are not getting the help they need.

pandora

MissJam81 wrote:

pandora wrote:

justam wrote:

In my case, it's more about wanting the people I love to feel good rather than bad. I don't mind helping them sort their moods. It seems to be part of love.

yes that is a good friend and we all have our days when we need cheering

nothing cheers more than love! :thumbup:

Love and Eddie singing "Dream a little Dream" :thumbup:

This

music is so healing and uniting ... Eddie is the master of all that and more

MissJam81

pandora wrote:

MissJam81 wrote:

My Mum had depression, and so did my cousin. it is a pretty hard thing to go through, not just for them, but for those around them too :( People who suffer from Depression, are often helpless and dont mean to be negative all the time, all you can do is try to be as supportive and understanding as you can

this is very true and it does not help to hear 'buck up put on a happy face' when you
are in that state of mind , you can fool some people but with your closest you must be yourself.
We all need that someone who is our corner and understands and it's ok.

Danger comes when suicide enters the picture or drug addiction or alcohol abuse
which go hand in hand with depression. It becomes tricky on intervention then.
Back in the day a person had to attempt suicide first, not just threaten, to get
real help... emergency help. It was very frustrating. I hope that has improved
but with so many without insurance I fear people are not getting the help they need.

Absolutely!! Im with you 100 per cent!! Specially in the UK, where the NHS can only afford to pay from 6 to 8 sessions for a Client with anxiety and Depression.... its sad! Im a Counselling Trainee, and know that this is nowhere near enough sessions for someone who's in such vulnerable situation! Its so frustrating!!! :evil:

DinghyDog

-

pandora

DinghyDog wrote:

pandora wrote:

....

A fortune teller once read my hand and told me I was the last example you gave here,
I couldn't argue with her. I make myself sick worrying if I do enough, if I said the wrong thing,
why I don't talk on the phone ... phone phobia, except with my kids and JB.
My emotions make it that I need to think before I speak except with those who
really understand me and can forgive.

The example I gave was actually my mum. It's interesting that you say that about talking on the phone, because I had to train my mum out of a very bad habit she had of calling her friends back immediately after she had just finished talking to them on the phone. She was calling back to ask if she had said anything that could have offended them or anything. Once I left home she did the same thing to me. After I had hung up from a phone call with Mum I would hang around for a couple of minutes, waiting for her next call. She never, ever said anything wrong or offensive, and I kept telling her there was no need to call back to check, and that it was something that she could stop doing now. Eventually she did stop, but I doubt the anxiety stopped.

Yes I know this feeling from my younger days.
Anxiety for me is much less now except to worry about my kids.
That's one of the nice things about growing old ... a sense of peace and acceptance
of yourself.