Original Song....thoughts?

wall05

Ok, so i have never written a song before but today i decided to give it a shot. Please check it out and tell me what you think. I'm not much of a singer or guitar player, i know (bass player, check my other videos to see) so please be somewhat easy, lol. I just thought that my fellow tenclubbers might like it.....maybe.

Thanks,

wall05

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCMYqpKqsTc

DriftingByTheStorm

wall05 wrote:

Ok, so i have never written a song before but today i decided to give it a shot. Please check it out and tell me what you think. I'm not much of a singer or guitar player, i know (bass player, check my other videos to see) so please be somewhat easy, lol. I just thought that my fellow tenclubbers might like it.....maybe.

Thanks,

wall05

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCMYqpKqsTc

Pretty good, but less face runch-twitching.


Not my cup of tea for music (too slow) but better than some ukulele songs.

some cool intricacies to the strumming on an otherwise simple-ish song ...

Some suggestions off the top.
a. song is screaming for some PHASE on an electric
b. would be cooler if you were playing with your friends Johnson

KM43590

Not bad dude, especially for your first try. My first songs from my teen years were god awful! All I'd say is try to use your voice more, louder, more confident and more versatile . ...and maybe speed up the tempo a bit, the song might flow better. Otherwise, It's not bad, especially for your first try. I've been writing for almost 20 years and still struggle with every song! I have unfinished tracks from '99, because I'm so indecisive about the vocal melodies and tempo. Thanks for the post, I enjoyed it! Good Luck!

lukins.lawyer

good stuff; keep writing!

Attaway77

All good my friend.. Keep doing what your doing..

wall05

Thanks everyone for the positive support! And KM you're def right. I need to actually sing more, lol. I also think that i might take your suggestion and up the tempo a little. I've tried it and it works quite nicely I think I might do it on electric and add a drum and bass part later this week

Also just for the hell of it here is a bass cover of Red Mosquito I just did. Hope you guys like it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YrtpSmS5ZD4

Eilian

It certainly beats the shit out of my first attempts,...well done!

Keep writing, give the vocals a bit more balls, get gigging and keep showing us your stuff!

I put a couple of home vids up recently if you're interested:

http://forums.pearljam.com/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=180768

Jon Chorba

It's got potential! Keep at it dude!

wall05

Thanks Jon Chorba!

Eillian - thanks for the compliment! You are really good! you have a great voice and your guitar playing is fantastic! Good stuff man

So i wrote some more lyrics but havent put them to music yet, so its essentially a poem. But i thought it was pretty nice so i thought i would share

"I would have given you the world if you asked
And made the stars shine just for you
Held you in my arms
And made sure that you knew
That I wanted to give you everything
The moon and the heavens too

I wanted to make you happier than words can express
Make you cry tears of joy that would run down your breast
And watch them trickle down to the earth below
Which ignites your soul and makes you glow
Brighter than the sun or any shooting star
Illuminates your beauty and exposes what you are

A rare gem in a sea of stones
That stands out like an angel
Who's love to me she loans
But only for a little
Before you flew away
Back into the skies you went
To the heavens where you lay

Left here feeling lost
Left Here in dispair
I wanted to give you everything
But to you that wasnt fair
Cause you could offer nothing but your love in return
But thats all i ever wanted
For nothing else did I yearn"

Also here is a Better Man and Throw Your Arms cover I did yesterday (I tried to actually "sing" a little more )

Throw Your Arms:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFm_7Mdcu8E

Better Man:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ij_Ii6cV ... re=related

Again, thanks everyone for the support! It makes it much less embarrassing

Eilian

Thanks mate, appreciated.

Keep your stuff coming,...I think this place should be brimming with people's original ideas far more than it is.

Cheers!

wall05

I def agree with that

Here is the second song i did. I called it Sea of Stones. Hope you enjoy it! Check out the solo starting at 2:20 if nothing else. I thought it came out really cool.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mmh5yLF8wl8

Eilian

Yeah fair play,...the solo's really pretty. And you needn't apologise for the lack of video,...I thought the picture - especially given the title - added something overall.

I genuinely enjoyed.