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The real possibility...
pandora
Posts: 21,855
~~~Slow Wave~~~
riding upon the waves of sleep
I return to the infinite dream
gliding past the days events
and those that have not yet arrived
so deep this ride
I can take nothing there
nor can I bring anything back
the possibilities abound
of what can be found
here in the afterdream
riding upon the waves of sleep
I return to the infinite dream
gliding past the days events
and those that have not yet arrived
so deep this ride
I can take nothing there
nor can I bring anything back
the possibilities abound
of what can be found
here in the afterdream
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I don't belong here
'Son, can I give you a ride, there's work in a few hours'
"No Mom, I'm cool no worries "
no worries
I don't belong here
opening the unfamiliar door
the cold blast takes my breath away
then penetrates and ends in a shiver
'oh burr diddley it's cold'
ice covered snowbanks shimmer in the moonlit night
it is just before 3am
the icy uneven stairs I can barely see
my cane slips a little to the side
I whisper...
'oh geez don't wipe out now he'll blame himself
I really don't belong here'
next door a young couple run from their home
down the long front walk
a child is wrapped loosely in a blanket sobbing
they jump into the warming car
the child is ill
the parents frantic
I hope they don't blame themselves
the car's headlights are on now ...
I can see better I move quickly
where did I park I can't remember
keys in hand...
did I just pop the trunk or unlock the doors
where ...
oh there ... there's the car
crossing the street
I'm startled as I turn
'oh you ...
you are are so close!'
he moves quickly in behind me
his breathing on my neck
his heavy arm around my shoulder
drawing me in
the lighted blade shines in the dim streetlight
my heart begins to pound
it fills my chest to my throat making words
making pleading almost impossible
'oh no, my boy, NO! he will blame himself'
there is a car, I scream ...
'help! he has a knife ... help'
my words are stifled in the frigid air
they sound so small
never in my life have I felt so small
in the faces of the car's passengers
I see what is happening
their fear then shock tell of my demise
I know in that moment
my boy ...
he will blame himself
funny there is no pain
just warm on my chest as the blade
moves across my neck
his eyes, blacker than the night, hold mine,
then that crooked smile as he leaves my side
I don't belong here
wake up wake up! my pounding heart ...
wake up!
'Please Lord ...
please ...
don't ever let him blame himself'
that second one is
is
wild
heavy
deep
damn
pandora
holy fuck
"what a long, strange trip it's been"
This is really cool.
I love wave metaphors, and the idea that they only go in one direction...cant go back, but you can fight and swim against the next batch.
it tore me up
to know what it means to someone else
that is a bond
Slow wave is a realm of sleep ... the very deepest...
I am fascinated about what we will find there
hmmm...nice...i often re-dream my day, and often certain events from multiple angles, each time with varying tactics and outcomes to given situations. I can't truly bring my reality there, nor can I hold onto one of the more preferable outcomes...but I do remember them when I awake, and that gives me guidance...guess that is kinda how I take this for myself, though I definitely see a couple layers.
And I won't make the same mistakes
(Because I know)
Because I know how much time that wastes
(And function)
Function is the key
there is nothing worse for me than to have only a feeling left
no pictures to see nothing to hold
then smack down it comes
it is reality
I always feel a little sick ... like a different kind of wave
one of helplessness
her soft pretty hand moves the checker
jumping all mine in a zig zag
I answer with a pfft!
Gee Sis, can't you ever let me win...
Win ...
I lost when she lost her battle and the emptiness returns to gnaw at my insides
I miss you ...
trails from our lips in unison
her hand moves to wipe my tears and she says
"Pan your hair is messy, I'll brush it for you,"
there's a song playing softly and she hums
and asks how the kids and JB are
she adds...
"you treating them right
remember ... never say don't ... not a need for a no"
I remember I remember
she whispers in my ear...
"the stars are more beautiful than you know
looking down upon them...
I bet how many and I often win"
win she says
win she says
win ...
my words now,
as I awaken in the late afternoon sun
she says she wins
I smile ... my sister has won
thank you for opening your heart and for being touched by my words, my dream.
dreams have a life of their own ... at least half of ours
sounds like you knew this from small on, much to learn from that
one of the scariest moments in my dreams is not being able to remember ...
who I am, where I've been, something I should know but can't
that's is being lost not found
"Thank you Miss Pandi"
' You are very welcome, son.'
There is a constellation for you on my ceiling ...
child.
It is one of the brightest
so it feels very close
It will never move further away.
It, like your precious face, stays.
Occasionally in the night's dream
a shooting star clears the room
this is when I hear your words ...
"Miss Pandi! Do you think I can do it !?"
my answer hangs in the air
bringing questions of it's own ...
was it enough
was I enough
was anything ever enough
the dawn's light fades the stars upon my ceiling
the picture of you brightens ...
"nothing you would take
everything you gave"
everything you gave ...
take life in a dream...
the wind through the porch door
it was your breath so close
fresh and cool upon my face
moving my hair making us smile
the rain upon the deck
is was your melody
played from an unseen instrument
a beat
we danced in puddles made of sound
the far off train whistle that grew close
now the sound of a lonely high cry
a bird lost in the night
circling above our heads
we found bathed in white
in the bright light of your song
funny how you are the sounds both in my dreams and in life
I like this one Pandora.
I have found it interesting the way our minds incorporate real sounds into our dreams when we're very deeply asleep.
One time long ago I lived near a hospital and there was a helicopter hovering over our apartment building (bringing someone for emergency surgery) and I had the strangest dream which included that really loud sound. (!)
this helicopter and dream made an impression on you! I have had some like that too
stayed with me over the years
they say our memories come from adrenaline bursts ... I have found that to be true also
ps
have I told you I love your new avatar... I do!
Thanks!!
I put the phone down stunned.
How many minutes passed before I moved?
I don't know.
The pleading words on repeat streaming in my head.
I packed a bag I think though I don't recall what's in it.
Am I carrying it?
Did I check it? leave it in the car?
I don't know.
It is lost
you are lost
I am lost
everything is lost
loss loss loss
I lost
I can't get the kiosk to work
damnit!
can't read the numbers
can't find the letters
I don't see the keys
everything in tear blur ...
I don't care who sees.
sees
sees
be just be
be ... be
bee ... bees ... bees ...
'you know
bees
they can kill you'
each moment we wait to hear. Seems like forever. Last evening over wines she finally cries, she said a selfish cry.
"This is not about me" stubbornly she tries to make that so but I know she just can't do this again. Not again ...
"life makes our dreams and dreams make our lives"
i awoke to a sound tears softly falling from our dream
her dream was my dream for a time
our hushed voice pleading to the unknown bargaining with words inaudible
echoing in the dark
our slow deep breathing
in unison
forever
"am i in your dream or are you in mine"
and i love a far off train whistle but you already know that