Sociopaths; How to Deal?

he still stands

Does anyone else have a sociopath in their life? You know - manipulative, deceitful, lying, narcissistic, and HURTFUL?

I got a call from the police this morning because my ex-wife called them and said I was yelling at her and being "inappropriate" (whatever that means) when we exchanged custody of our son. Please know that I am not that type of person. She is pissed off because I filed criminal charges against her for stealing $1,506 from me last spring. I've given her eight months to repay it and haven't seen a dime, so that's why I gave her the ultimatum - pay or have a felony on your record.

Anyway, how do you deal with a sociopath? She's going to be in my life because we share a son together, so I can't just ditch the baggage.

It is easy to just say "be the better person" but when you have these events happening frequently, that is just masking the problem. What to do?

Shorty

I'm sure you'll get lots of responses - the best thing I can say is that acting in this manner will almost certainly harm her relationship with your son in the coming years. I guess this goes hand in hand with "being the bigger person".

Pretty sure any law inforcement official will tell you to log every interaction - and - who was a witness to it, if anyone. EVERY interaction - drop-off, pick-up, chance meeting, phone call - be specific with all details. You won't likely have to do this for too long - 'cause when a situation you can disprove comes about - you can "burn" her - and hopefully she'll re-think how she conducts herself.

green mountain man

It is impossible to reason with someone who lies and is decietful. She will probably continue to rattle your cage with hopes that you will lose control and do something that you will regret.
Handle encounters with her in an cool and calm manner. Limit exsposure to her except when neccessary.
Keep a log and document date , time ,place, and her behavior/your response when you see her.

he still stands

yeah, I do keep a log of these things. I have eight (8) pages of typed notes of these sorts of things that have happened over the past two years. I think the best thing to do that is tangible is video record every interaction.

I guess just emotionally, it is tearing me up.

Mamasan23

So sorry to hear that - what a SNAFU. My sister is in a similar situation as you. The father of her child is totally 100% a sociopath. He's a complete mastermind at making her feel like everything bad that happened between them was her fault (when in fact he was the one cheating on her while she was preggo :roll: ). Now in the custody battle he's throwing all kinds of accusations, saying my family is abusing their son and crazy and all that. She's handled it like a champ...in the beginning the only contact they had was through lawyers. Now though, they do have to see each other when exchanging their son and when he makes remarks to her or says nasty things she just bites her tongue, takes her son, and closes the door. He's so completely delusional that she's finally realized nothing she says to him will make a difference.

Your ex can throw all the accusations that she wants, but in a court of law none of that will hold up. I know it's hard, but for the sake of your child make the exchanges quick and just let it go in one ear and out the other. People like that love fuel for the fire and if you don't give any it should eventually burn out.

Good luck!

he still stands

Mamasan23 wrote:

So sorry to hear that - what a SNAFU. My sister is in a similar situation as you. The father of her child is totally 100% a sociopath. He's a complete mastermind at making her feel like everything bad that happened between them was her fault (when in fact he was the one cheating on her while she was preggo :roll: ). Now in the custody battle he's throwing all kinds of accusations, saying my family is abusing their son and crazy and all that. She's handled it like a champ...in the beginning the only contact they had was through lawyers. Now though, they do have to see each other when exchanging their son and when he makes remarks to her or says nasty things she just bites her tongue, takes her son, and closes the door. He's so completely delusional that she's finally realized nothing she says to him will make a difference.

Your ex can throw all the accusations that she wants, but in a court of law none of that will hold up. I know it's hard, but for the sake of your child make the exchanges quick and just let it go in one ear and out the other. People like that love fuel for the fire and if you don't give any it should eventually burn out.

Good luck!

wow... how fucked. I can't imagine why someone would just say one day "hey, I think I'll tear someone down completely one day at a time with false accusations, hate, deceit, and public humiliation." then again, we're not sociopaths... so it isn't imaginable.

thanks for the kind words!

pandora

he still stands wrote:

Does anyone else have a sociopath in their life? You know - manipulative, deceitful, lying, narcissistic, and HURTFUL?

I got a call from the police this morning because my ex-wife called them and said I was yelling at her and being "inappropriate" (whatever that means) when we exchanged custody of our son. Please know that I am not that type of person. She is pissed off because I filed criminal charges against her for stealing $1,506 from me last spring. I've given her eight months to repay it and haven't seen a dime, so that's why I gave her the ultimatum - pay or have a felony on your record.

Anyway, how do you deal with a sociopath? She's going to be in my life because we share a son together, so I can't just ditch the baggage.

It is easy to just say "be the better person" but when you have these events happening frequently, that is just masking the problem. What to do?

I wasn't gonna say anything but I just couldn't stop thinking of your child.

Children think they're parents behave correctly, parents are always right!
Small children will watch, listen, file away their parents behavior
deep in their subconscious. To replay at a later date.

I'm not sure of your childs age but I'll say 20 years from now
your child will be entering adult relationships with their behavior
based on what they learned from you and your wife/x-wife.

I know you would want good relationships for your child when they are an adult,
ones that are loving, forgiving, trusting, respectful and hopefully lasting.

So this must be your goal with your child's mother.

Now is not the time for pettiness, spitefulness nor revenge.
These are not qualities you would want in your child, I'm guessing.
It's not a time for who is right and who is wrong.
It's time for a united front for what is good for your child.
It's a time to come together to eliminate future baggage for your child.

In the big picture of life $1500 is nothing. Should you have filed a felony
charge against a woman you once loved dearly, against your child's mother?
In my opinion, no.
A sign of faith and goodwill would be to drop those charges
for your child's sake. To do everything in your power to be be respectful and
appreciate the mother of your child. This in turn should ease animosity,
this you do for your child because you are a good parent, the most important
role in life, one your child needs.

Can you control and change your x?
maybe not
but you can mold your child and their future to insure happiness.