Ever feel like the Tag-Along Friend?

StillHere

been thinking a lot lately and realizing that I've always, it seems, been the

Tag-Along Friend

Looking back I feel as if I was never "just me"

as a kid I was "Shorty's girl" and that was OK

then as a teenager I was Pauline's friend

or Zoe's friend

then Ross' girlfriend

then Ross' Ol' Lady

then Ross' & Erin's Mom

then The Doc's Nurse

then Charlie's wife

then Jessica's Mom

and I'm wondering if anyone, including myself, has ever known who exactly, I am, or even cared to know?

Finally, at this ripe old age, I think I am finally getting to know myself somewhat

But still the odd one out
the 5th Wheel
always been sort of a
loner i guess

never been part of the "clique"

its kind of lonely in here sometimes

but all in all ~ i kinda like it

How bout you?

Do you know you?

of.the.girl

In high school and college I was Joey's woman/g/f

At my son's school these days...I'm Marks' Mom or Logans' Mom.

It's kind of odd now that you mention it, but like you....I like it being alone. Much more peaceful at times.

And like you, I'm curious to know if anyone really knows me. I would say, I found and met and got to know me in the last year or so. With so much going on in my life....I was forced to know me. And by darn it....it felt great getting to know me.

stargirl69

StillHere wrote:

Finally, at this ripe old age, I think I am finally getting to know myself somewhat

always been sort of a
loner i guess

never been part of the "clique"

its kind of lonely in here sometimes

but all in all ~ i kinda like it

How bout you?

Do you know you?

I know me very well,I learned to love me,no longer vicariously through others (mostly relationships)

I have always revelled in never being in the clique,made it into an art form in my day to day life

There can be loneliness,but I always found it to be worse when surrounded by others.

We are always alone,we arrive alone and we leave alone

I do know me and I like the knowledge I have of me

StillHere

Every Day I know me better

Digital Twilight

Knowing yourself is a dangerous business. You can get to know yourself but if you don't like yourself you're screwed. Hard to pretend your someone else for the rest of your life.

stargirl69 wrote:

I know me very well,I learned to love me,no longer vicariously through others (mostly relationships)

I have always revelled in never being in the clique,made it into an art form in my day to day life

There can be loneliness,but I always found it to be worse when surrounded by others.

We are always alone,we arrive alone and we leave alone

True

stargirl69

Digital Twilight wrote:

Knowing yourself is a dangerous business. You can get to know yourself but if you don't like yourself you're screwed. Hard to pretend your someone else for the rest of your life.

stargirl69 wrote:

I know me very well,I learned to love me,no longer vicariously through others (mostly relationships)

I have always revelled in never being in the clique,made it into an art form in my day to day life

There can be loneliness,but I always found it to be worse when surrounded by others.

We are always alone,we arrive alone and we leave alone

True

It was dangerous and frightening,I as the drama kept on sabotaging me but me came back nicer,gentler,more honest,stronger and calmer

StillHere

stargirl69 wrote:

I have always reveled in never being in the clique,made it into an art form in my day to day life

There can be loneliness,but I always found it to be worse when surrounded by others.

We are always alone,we arrive alone and we leave alone

I do know me and I like the knowledge I have of me

agreed

signed:

that old hippie chick
that Pearl Jam freak
you know...her..she's still a DeadHead

:wave:

of.the.girl

Digital Twilight wrote:

Knowing yourself is a dangerous business. You can get to know yourself but if you don't like yourself you're screwed. Hard to pretend your someone else for the rest of your life.

Very True.

dimitrispearljam

im so sure that except the mother bring you on the planet ,the rest is choices...
if you chooce to be someones else something,is your choice...
life is build on human relationships..for survive we need to be someone elses something sometimes
then there comes the choice...to who and why....
and trust me,its safer and easiest way when you feel you belong somewhere and with someone...
when you choose the fuckin alone way......the fight is unreal and unstopable..
cos yourself is the worst enemy you can ever get..

stuckinline

Stillhere,

I can relate.


"cos yourself is the worst enemy you can ever get.. " so true!

of.the.girl

dimitrispearljam wrote:

cos yourself is the worst enemy you can ever get..

yourself is the worst enemy you can get. It's amazing how much one self can sabotage one self.

stargirl69

StillHere wrote:

agreed

signed:

that old hippie chick
that Pearl Jam freak
you know...her..she's still a DeadHead

:wave:

Yep ...

that hippie with the tattoos
that one plugged into music
that one always on the beach on her own
she's a reader :roll:

ShimmyMommy

Very interesting thread, Still Here. :thumbup:

I also was the odd one out...why...I am not entirely sure...I simply gave up finding that answer a long time ago though.

I am learning new things about myself everyday...like how much of any one thing I can tolerate...how much I trust myself to protect myself from it....and how strong I am to draw the line on my limits.

I guess the one thing I learned so far is that I have to love myself without conditions...accept myself as I am on any given day...and be my own saving grace...instead of being (as Dimi said) my own worst enemy.

I feel the same as stargirl69...we come in alone and we leave alone...so loving myself is just as important as loving anyone else.

megatron

i was like that in high school. i know myself well now. it's fucking terrifying. so i drink a lot. self awareness sucks

Stardog3..

I don't know if we ever truly "know" ourselves thoroughly and completely. It seems that we're always being presented with new ideas and concepts that keep our mind evolving and thinking. There's always going to be experiences that shake us to the core and challenge who we "thought" we were. I think it's very true that one cannot know how they will react in a situation or how it will affect them unless they are presented with it.

Sure, we may be able to realize our likes and dislikes and what makes us happy vs. unhappy, but one, solid true self is not truly attainable, IMO.

I think that when people refer to somebody as a mom, dad, son, daughter, co-worker, etc., it's just how someone identifies another person and how it pertains to their relationship with you. To somebody I met through my friend Jess, I'll be identified as Jess' friend. To my grandma, I'll be looked at as her daughter's daughter, and so on and so forth.

Just some thoughts as they pertain to my life. Not saying it's necessarily right

StillHere

nice responses... i can see something in each of them

i have to say that i'm not whining
simply looking at my life and making observations
and hopefully having lived through them....learned something from each of those experiences

what i Have Learned is that so much of what seemed so important in my youth ... simply is not

i can enjoy who i am
i learn something new about me every single day, maybe every single minute

loving myself and allowing myself to BE loved
and accepting that love for what it is ... nothing less and nothing more
AND realizing and accepting that I don't need to be loved (or even liked) by everyone
opens up a whole wide world of experiences and in loving others

Even though, looking back, I have to admit that I failed MISERABLY at fitting into "society" LOL!@ such a circus...all of it ....too funny, really
I can now clearly see see that
for so many years
without actually realizing what i was doing
i guess that it felt like i had to hide within myself
and on the Outside I had to TRY to live the way that others wanted me to live
to avoid certain things because others would not approve
to behave a certain way because it was "expected"
to work a certain job
to live in a certain neighborhood
to drive a certain car
in short, to be seen in a certain light....
to be to be "accepted"
AND
i guess that i thought that Love and Acceptance were one and the same

and in all of that i lost myself
lost track of who i really am

feeling like you need to fit in
and feeling that you don't fit in
anywhere..particularly well
and trying to change all that
or trying to be something that you're really truly not
is draining...emotionally and physically

and it hurts the soul

AND it gains you NOTHING
not friends
not love
not acceptance
not any of those things that i THOUGHT were important

and its taken a LOT of time and many many experiences to realize that

HEY i don't have to do that

i don't have to be Anything for Anyone else

i don't need to keep negative or hurtful people in my life (even if they are family ~ that's a HUGE one)

its so freeing

so so soo sooo sooo releasing

and its been sooooo long coming

i'm truly happy for those of you who seemed to have learned all this much earlier on than myself

but i'm thankful for each and every one of the experiences that led up to self-realization

everyone i've met
and
everything i've done
and
every experience i've ever had
are all
an integral part of
who i am
the good
the bad
and
everything in between

what a long strange trip its been

and today..and tomorrow..i may learn something new

and even though i may not choose to be best friends with everyone
and you may or may not like me...it doesn't matter
but from me...
EVERYONE deserves LOVE and RESPECT

and i'm happy to have each and every one of you in my life

So, I guess...what I'm really trying to say is:

Hi, I'm Jo.....Nice to meet you

twisted thoughts

StillHere wrote:

i don't have to be Anything for Anyone else

i don't need to keep negative or hurtful people in my life (even if they are family ~ that's a HUGE one)

A hard realization that one. Your taught through your youth that family will "always be there for you" and family "would never do anything to hurt you". Finding out just the opposite, the hard way, hurts.

I more so learned that lesson through things that my family did to my mother. Years and years she would just go thru the motions - holidays, birthdays...pretending to be happy...just because,they're "family" and thats what your supposed to do.

I gave up early. A troubled youth I was. But in the end, I learned the easy way. My mom was the one who went through most of the actual hurt. But in time, she realized... you need to do what makes YOU happy. NOT what makes EVERYONE ELSE happy. Because the only person you DO need to live with is yourself, and if you aren't happy with yourself, how can you be happy with or for anyone else?

Sure, it can be lonely sometimes. Not having a million so called friends and family calling all the time. But I'd much rather have a small handful of friends and family that I know I can trust, no matter what, than have more friends and family than I can count, who wouldn't actually come through when I needed them most.

I'm Rachel. I'm Shawn's girlfriend. Im a music addict. I'm one of the most honest people you'll ever meet.

Good thread Jo! :thumbup:
Happy New Year! :wave:

BinauralJam

megatron wrote:

i was like that in high school. i know myself well now. it's fucking terrifying. so i drink a lot. self awareness sucks

it gets better, eventually acceptance comes, then you turn into a comic book villain :twisted:

RKCNDY

Jo...hell, I am the Tag Along Friend!

I'd always plan outings with my group of friends, I'd end up being the 3rd, 5th, 7th wheel. I would try to hang out with other single friends, but then realized, 'why am I always the one calling and getting everybody together?' so I quit calling them all....and well, they never called me. So, I don't really need those people in my life...if they wanted to hang out with me, they'd call...right?

In college, I couldn't be bothered with my friends fighting over boys...so boring. So I talked to their friends...the male Tag Along's

I still feel vast variables in feeling like I 'belong' in certain situations, and like an outcast in others.

I'm still really confused...I know I should be proud to be me...with all the quirks and weirdness, but some days are harder than others. Sometimes I just want to hit the F5 button...re-fresh my life, start over, something new, something different...

StillHere

RKCNDY wrote:

Jo...hell, I am the Tag Along Friend!

I'd always plan outings with my group of friends, I'd end up being the 3rd, 5th, 7th wheel. I would try to hang out with other single friends, but then realized, 'why am I always the one calling and getting everybody together?' so I quit calling them all....and well, they never called me. So, I don't really need those people in my life...if they wanted to hang out with me, they'd call...right?

In college, I couldn't be bothered with my friends fighting over boys...so boring. So I talked to their friends...the male Tag Along's

I still feel vast variables in feeling like I 'belong' in certain situations, and like an outcast in others.

I'm still really confused...I know I should be proud to be me...with all the quirks and weirdness, but some days are harder than others. Sometimes I just want to hit the F5 button...re-fresh my life, start over, something new, something different...

just be you
you're perfect just the way you are
:wave: [[[[ HUGS]]]]

Jeanwah

stargirl69 wrote:

I know me very well,I learned to love me,no longer vicariously through others (mostly relationships)

I have always revelled in never being in the clique,made it into an art form in my day to day life

There can be loneliness,but I always found it to be worse when surrounded by others.

We are always alone,we arrive alone and we leave alone

I do know me and I like the knowledge I have of me

I identify with this. There's a comfort with knowing who you are and being happy enough with yourself to choose to be alone rather than in bad company.

This may not be the thread to explain the pain of the loneliness of living in a hospital after an accident for months, but you know what? You really learn not only who you are from that loneliness but who your real friends are. I've let go of some friendships when these "friends" had proved to me that I was no more of an option to them when I considered them priorities.

stargirl69

Jeanwah wrote:

stargirl69 wrote:

I know me very well,I learned to love me,no longer vicariously through others (mostly relationships)

I have always revelled in never being in the clique,made it into an art form in my day to day life

There can be loneliness,but I always found it to be worse when surrounded by others.

We are always alone,we arrive alone and we leave alone

I do know me and I like the knowledge I have of me

I identify with this. There's a comfort with knowing who you are and being happy enough with yourself to choose to be alone rather than in bad company.

This may not be the thread to explain the pain of the loneliness of living in a hospital after an accident for months, but you know what? You really learn not only who you are from that loneliness but who your real friends are. I've let go of some friendships when these "friends" had proved to me that I was no more of an option to them when I considered them priorities.

You definitely learn who is good to have in your life when you face adversity of a kind such as you describe Jeanwah.I learned that when my mental health was at it's poorest,people get scared and they run from something that forces them to consider their own vulnerabilities.

I have walked away from friendships that were false,they wanted me around for my generosity,to get what they could get from me,to keep secrets for them that should never have been made,to encourage me to be mean spirited and judgemental ... The strength of walking away was surmountable.I no longer invite or allow drama or emotional vampires into my life.

I have developed skills to separate the chaff from the wheat.