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First major holiday since my dad's passing

JOEJOEJOEJOEJOEJOE Posts: 10,691
edited November 2011 in All Encompassing Trip
Seems like several of us are experiencing our first tgiving since losing our dads.

My wife and I took my mom out for tgiving lunch yesterday. Seeing her walk to the car alone really drove home the reality of the situation. She is a very independent woman, but it still pains me to see her alone at home. I always conjure up images of seeing my dad die, and of seeing him being lowered into the ground, however, what makes me cry is seeing my mom trying to adjust to her new life.

I wish stregnth to everyone who is coping with any sort of loss this holiday season.

My family doesn't really do Christmas, so hopefully We get thru it easily enough.
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  • DS1119DS1119 Posts: 33,497
    JOEJOEJOE wrote:
    Seems like several of us are experiencing our first tgiving since losing our dads.

    My wife and I took my mom out for tgiving lunch yesterday. Seeing her walk to the car alone really drove home the reality of the situation. She is a very independent woman, but it still pains me to see her alone at home. I always conjure up images of seeing my dad die, and of seeing him being lowered into the ground, however, what makes me cry is seeing my mom trying to adjust to her new life.

    I wish stregnth to everyone who is coping with any sort of loss this holiday season.

    My family doesn't really do Christmas, so hopefully We get thru it easily enough.


    My thoughts are with you. I know exactly what you are talking about.
  • JOEJOEJOEJOEJOEJOE Posts: 10,691
    DS1119 wrote:
    JOEJOEJOE wrote:
    Seems like several of us are experiencing our first tgiving since losing our dads.

    My wife and I took my mom out for tgiving lunch yesterday. Seeing her walk to the car alone really drove home the reality of the situation. She is a very independent woman, but it still pains me to see her alone at home. I always conjure up images of seeing my dad die, and of seeing him being lowered into the ground, however, what makes me cry is seeing my mom trying to adjust to her new life.

    I wish stregnth to everyone who is coping with any sort of loss this holiday season.

    My family doesn't really do Christmas, so hopefully We get thru it easily enough.


    My thoughts are with you. I know exactly what you are talking about.

    Thanks.....I am now in a bit of a guilt phase. My dad was well enough to walk me down the aisle at our wedding a uear ago, so for that, I am very thankful. I saw a shrink for the duration of my dad's demise, and my goal was to lessen the number of regrets I'd have after he was gone. I was lucky enough to spend time holding his hand, and when he was just hours from leaving us, my dear wife brought me a chair so I could sit with him and speak my peace to him. As I think about that night, tears roll down my cheeks.

    Last week, I went to the VA to pick up an American flag that is available to the family members of deceased war vets.
  • DS1119DS1119 Posts: 33,497
    JOEJOEJOE wrote:
    Thanks.....I am now in a bit of a guilt phase. My dad was well enough to walk me down the aisle at our wedding a uear ago, so for that, I am very thankful. I saw a shrink for the duration of my dad's demise, and my goal was to lessen the number of regrets I'd have after he was gone. I was lucky enough to spend time holding his hand, and when he was just hours from leaving us, my dear wife brought me a chair so I could sit with him and speak my peace to him. As I think about that night, tears roll down my cheeks.

    Last week, I went to the VA to pick up an American flag that is available to the family members of deceased war vets.


    You have no reason to feel guilty. You miss your dad at a very emotional time. You should never feel guilty about that. When I get in a place where you are now I remember the things my dad did to make me love him so much. Try that. My thanks go to you in honor of your father serving for us and this country. :clap: My dad did two tours in Vietnam and I proudly have his flag displayed in my house.
  • amongsTheWavesamongsTheWaves Posts: 68
    I am so sorry for your loss. I feel your pain, this is my second holiday season without my dad, and third without my mom. The hardest one was the first without mom, and watching dad miss her. You will get through this, it does get better, but it never feels the same. You will find little things in your day that celebrate him! Be there for your mom, and keep listening to this band that has brought us all together, they remind us we are not alone... and that every day is reason to celebrate being alive!
  • EnkiduEnkidu So Cal Posts: 2,996
    It's very hard, I lost my dad a long time ago but my husband lost his father a month ago. My husband's brother and their father hadn't spoken in years, but just before my husband's father died, he talked with his estranged son and they made peace. Which was great for both of them.

    The first holidays are bad, they feel so empty and wrong. Our Thanksgiving was definitely sadder this year (although we didn't miss my husband's dad telling him how to make gravy - over and over and over). If you've been to a shrink (I have) I'm sure they'll say that the first year is the worst. And then it gets better.

    You're lucky to have had a great father. It sounds stupid now, but you'll always have the memories of him and the traditions and you'll pass those along to your family. Good luck and hang in there.
  • chiquimonkeychiquimonkey Posts: 9,337
    I know how you feel, this was my first Thanksgiving without my mom, and yesterday was 5 months since she passed. We visited her grave to bring flowers, they finally put her gravestone in. Very eerie to see my birthdate on there.

    I know I'm dreading the weeks to come with Christmas approaching, but I figure it's really all about just one day, 24 hours total. It's the lead-up, preparation, parties and such. All you can do is what is best for you, what feels right. I'm trying to keep busy, but life doesn't leave you alone.

    And you should definitely not feel guilty, you did so much for your dad, and it is good you were able to sit and speak with him at the end. That is something that I'm grateful for with my mom, knowing she was surrounded by us at the end, she didn't go alone.

    Much love and peace to you and your family, and to everyone here that has lost a loved one.
  • JOEJOEJOEJOEJOEJOE Posts: 10,691
    chiquimonkey wrote:
    I know how you feel, this was my first Thanksgiving without my mom, and yesterday was 5 months since she passed. We visited her grave to bring flowers, they finally put her gravestone in. Very eerie to see my birthdate on there.

    I know I'm dreading the weeks to come with Christmas approaching, but I figure it's really all about just one day, 24 hours total. It's the lead-up, preparation, parties and such. All you can do is what is best for you, what feels right. I'm trying to keep busy, but life doesn't leave you alone.

    And you should definitely not feel guilty, you did so much for your dad, and it is good you were able to sit and speak with him at the end. That is something that I'm grateful for with my mom, knowing she was surrounded by us at the end, she didn't go alone.

    Much love and peace to you and your family, and to everyone here that has lost a loved one.

    Thanks for the kind thoughts from everyone
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