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Doing things you don't enjoy, am I being selfish?

Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, Australia Posts: 15,165
edited November 2011 in All Encompassing Trip
My friend (and at times other friends) constantly calls me every weekend wanting to go to places I don't have interest in, places where the crowd is shit and you cannot hear yourself let alone talk because of the dance music.
Places such as nightclubs, a bar with a lame cover band playing lame songs, over 28 clubs with 50 yr old women.
I go along so that I don't piss my friend off, and pretty much every time I don't enjoy myself one bit.
Am I being selfish, should I just continue going along and fake it.

I wish I had more like minded friends with similar interests, got one friend like minded and into good music and smart topics of conversation but we only catch up once a month if lucky as he is busy with his band and work.
Sorry for the rant, just got home feeling down.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • of.the.girlof.the.girl Posts: 10,026
    Why don't you suggest a place to go then. And be honest with your friend ..tell her you have a shit time and maybe not go every time then. Just my two cents here.
  • JTHJTH Chicago Posts: 3,238
    Selfish? Sounds to me like you're being quite the opposite if you're going places your friend enjoys but you don't.

    But if those are the ONLY places the two of you go together, you need to stop doing that and start hitting some places that you've picked. Otherwise, you'll probably do some serious damage to that friendship.
  • SuziemaySuziemay Posts: 11,168
    A friendship should be mutual. It doesn't sound like you and this friend have common interests. If this is someone that adds to your life in other ways, then maybe see if you can suggest to this friend that sometime you guys do what you want to do and see if that works out better. Have you expressed that you don't enjoy doing those things? Maybe he/she's just not aware?

    If you have, and this isn't a person that is a good friend, I say cut them loose. Life's too short to be spending time with someone who's selfish (your friend). I'd much rather spend time alone than spend time with someone I don't enjoy spending time with!
  • justamjustam Posts: 21,412
    Find activities you both like OR make it a trade. For example, "I'll do this for you if you do this other activity for me." Then, it won't feel bad or unfair.
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • JaneNYJaneNY Posts: 4,438
    Selfish as in making a choice to not go? Heck with that. Life is too short to waste it doing optional things you don't even enjoy. Work, you have to do whether you like it or not, family you have to take care of when you don't feel like it, but extra-curricular leisure time activities? No way. If you don't like it don't do it. I'd rather spend time alone learning something new than around people doing things I don't like.
    R.i.p. Rigoberto Alpizar.
    R.i.p. My Dad - May 28, 2007
    R.i.p. Black Tail (cat) - Sept. 20, 2008
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, Australia Posts: 15,165
    Suziemay wrote:
    A friendship should be mutual. It doesn't sound like you and this friend have common interests. If this is someone that adds to your life in other ways, then maybe see if you can suggest to this friend that sometime you guys do what you want to do and see if that works out better. Have you expressed that you don't enjoy doing those things? Maybe he/she's just not aware?

    If you have, and this isn't a person that is a good friend, I say cut them loose. Life's too short to be spending time with someone who's selfish (your friend). I'd much rather spend time alone than spend time with someone I don't enjoy spending time with!

    Pretty much yeah.
    He could tell last night I didn't enjoy listening to songs such as that Sexy and I know it song with 50 yr olds dancing. I thought there would have been people our age at this over 28's place.
    Then he gets annoyed at me because I don't want to try make conversation with them.
    I told him I have no interest in trying to pick up a much older woman, not someone I would want my parents to meet.
    Then he's like it's a good way to make friends?!
    Why the hell would I want to make friends with these people, and I told him that.
    I dunno my patience is running out with him, we've known each other since we were born through our parents, but the things he is into are pissing me off and he is very needy, always calling me. :?
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • unlost dogsunlost dogs Greater Boston Posts: 12,553
    As a woman of a certain age, I say "meh" to you, sir.
    15 years of sharks 06/30/08 (MA), 05/17/10 (Boston), 09/03/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/04/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/30/12 (Missoula), 07/19/13 (Wrigley), 10/15/13 (Worcester), 10/16/13 (Worcester), 10/25/13 (Hartford), 12/4/13 (Vancouver), 12/6/13 (Seattle), 6/26/14 (Berlin), 6/28/14 (Stockholm), 10/16/14 (Detroit)
  • SuziemaySuziemay Posts: 11,168
    Thoughts_Arrive wrote:
    Suziemay wrote:
    A friendship should be mutual. It doesn't sound like you and this friend have common interests. If this is someone that adds to your life in other ways, then maybe see if you can suggest to this friend that sometime you guys do what you want to do and see if that works out better. Have you expressed that you don't enjoy doing those things? Maybe he/she's just not aware?

    If you have, and this isn't a person that is a good friend, I say cut them loose. Life's too short to be spending time with someone who's selfish (your friend). I'd much rather spend time alone than spend time with someone I don't enjoy spending time with!

    Pretty much yeah.
    He could tell last night I didn't enjoy listening to songs such as that Sexy and I know it song with 50 yr olds dancing. I thought there would have been people our age at this over 28's place.
    Then he gets annoyed at me because I don't want to try make conversation with them.
    I told him I have no interest in trying to pick up a much older woman, not someone I would want my parents to meet.
    Then he's like it's a good way to make friends?!
    Why the hell would I want to make friends with these people, and I told him that.
    I dunno my patience is running out with him, we've known each other since we were born through our parents, but the things he is into are pissing me off and he is very needy, always calling me. :?

    I'm not sure I understand. You guys are 28 but hanging out in "clubs" where 50 year olds go dancing and he wants to try to pick them up? I'm so confused!

    I don't know about your history but since you haven't had a nice thing to say about your friend so far, I say walk away.
  • RygarRygar Posts: 8,689
    sheila0225 wrote:
    Why don't you suggest a place to go then. And be honest with your friend ..tell her you have a shit time and maybe not go every time then. Just my two cents here.
    Not much to add to the thread but to point out that at least one person here automatically thought it was a woman making you do things you didn't want to do (almost married!).

    Your buddies on the coug-prowl? I'm with the folks who said suggest something else to do. If he won't do whatever you come up with, let him know how you feel about following him to the weekend rascal conventions.
  • 12345AGNST112345AGNST1 Posts: 4,906
    Definitely not selfish at all. If anything he''s selfish. He's taking you to places you don't want to go to al lthe time. Tell him where you wanna go.

    And if you don't wanna go, then don't go. I used to do that crap all the time only to have a crappy time which ends up ruining the mood for everyone else. Now I just tell my friends no if its something thats not my thing. And you know what? For the most part, they understand and respect that now. Dance clubs with trashy guides or ghetto people? No thanks.
    5/28/06, 6/27/08, 10/28/09, 5/18/10, 5/21/10
    8/7/08, 6/9/09
  • CarolineSaysCarolineSays Posts: 345
    unlost dogs wrote:
    As a woman of a certain age, I say "meh" to you, sir.

    ^^ This.

    Lose the friend. Sounds like a leech.

    And you... Stop being ageist!
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, Australia Posts: 15,165
    unlost dogs wrote:
    As a woman of a certain age, I say "meh" to you, sir.

    It wasn't a swipe at the age rather why the hell do I need to go make friends with people.
    Especially people of a different generation.
    Sorry for the offense caused.
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • __ Posts: 6,651
    It doesn't sound like you're being selfish. It does sound like perhaps you're not clearly defining your boundaries. It's ultimately up to you to be clear about what you enjoy doing and how much you're willing to compromise - and then to stick to it so you don't become resentful. I don't think it's unreasonable for him to expect you to go out to these places occasionally, and to even expect you to try to have a good time - or for you to expect the same of him sometimes. But if the compromising is lopsided in favor of him always getting what he wants, then perhaps he's the one being selfish. And usually y'all should try to do things you both enjoy. Good luck.
  • stargirl69stargirl69 Posts: 6,387
    unlost dogs wrote:
    As a woman of a certain age, I say "meh" to you, sir.


    Yep,the older you get the easier it is to separate the chaff from the wheat.I have separated myself from a range of friendships that no longer meet the peoples needs.

    I don't think your being selfish,your being real and making choices that meet your needs.
    “There should be a place where only the things you want to happen, happen”
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