Advice.....How would you have reacted?
Sawyer
Posts: 2,411
Long story short my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on 9/9---not what you want to hear. Professionally I am an 8th grade English teacher who is tenured and heavily involved in the district. On 10/4 my mother had the 'Whipple Procedure'. It is the second most difficult and dangerous surgery behind an organ transplant. I missed four days of work (not consecutively) to be with my family and move my mother in to a rehab facility to make sure she was comfortable.
Last week I was called in to my boss' office and a human resources lady was there. Keep in mind my sick days allow me to use them for family situations. They questioned me about my days off and said there seemed to be a 'pattern of absenteeism'. When did four days become a pattern? I also have a board member's kid in my class which is the entire origin of this story to begin with. The people questioning me know about my mother's illness. I was so hurt and disgusted by this treatment, especially in a business where our product is people. I am a right winger but happy to have a union in my corner right now. It was borderline offensive at best. How would you have reacted? Am I making a bigger deal out of this that it is?
Last week I was called in to my boss' office and a human resources lady was there. Keep in mind my sick days allow me to use them for family situations. They questioned me about my days off and said there seemed to be a 'pattern of absenteeism'. When did four days become a pattern? I also have a board member's kid in my class which is the entire origin of this story to begin with. The people questioning me know about my mother's illness. I was so hurt and disgusted by this treatment, especially in a business where our product is people. I am a right winger but happy to have a union in my corner right now. It was borderline offensive at best. How would you have reacted? Am I making a bigger deal out of this that it is?
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And then I would want to talk to that person's boss etc. to clear up how ridiculous and insulting they were being.
"Life Is What Happens To You When Your Busy Making Other Plans" John Lennon
i was so shellshocked that i couldn't even be mad at the time...i had to schedule a follow up meeting so i could vent.....should i let the superintendent know.
Did they change their stance when you explained the situation?
my boss felt very badly about it....but it should not have happened in the first place
My only advice would be to put your mother and family first as you don't get that time back and be sure to document in some way how you were treated in case you need additional time off going forward and they treat you the same. Also, speak with your mother's doctors about FMLA and how your assistance or presence can be beneficial to her health condition and recovery. Speak with your union on this as well and get the necessary paper work filled out and on file. It'll save your job in the event you need to be out of the classroom to be with your mother. Remember, you won't get the time you could have spent with your mother back. The classroom will always be there.
I know its not easy so hang in there and I hope everything turns out well for you.
Peace.
Libtardaplorable©. And proud of it.
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That problem with work sounds so frustrating. I hope they are much more supportive for the next time.
Lots of love, light and hugs to your mom and you.
How long have you worked for the school? Have you ever taken unexplained absences before?
In this case, I don't think you have over reacted. I too would have been upset and angry at your boss and the pr person for calling you in. It was not like your boss didn't know your mom was ill- so it wasn't a surprise. It would have been better if just your boss called you in to talk about your situation and see if there was something more that they could do for you or if you needed more time off- then they could work with you, and cover your shift in the event you needed to leave. That would have been a better response from them.
My only advice would be, when you go for your follow-up, try not to show your anger too much, they may use that against you- . Have documentation ready about your moms illness and even a note from the dr. It depends on how hard they come back at you with the follow- up. It wouldn't hurt to ask some advice from your union- that's what you are paying them for- so use it.
"I need your strength for me to be strong...I need your love to feel loved"
Just start gathering all the documentation you have so that if it comes up again, you are prepared with your evidence.
Absolutely.
And as Justam said. Document it all. This should not be a negative mark on you, and currently people have made it that way. You need to clear it up completely I would say.
I wonder if there's more going on (like someone on the board/administration doesn't like you for whatever reason?) They could be using this as a way to attempt to get things on your record that can later be used against you. I agree with the person who said you should try to get it cleared up - I would have been extremely upset too.
While it certainly can't compare, I just lost a beloved cat to diabetes after nursing him for a week of illness. I tried to lighten my work schedule this week, and professors of classes I'm auditing were completely understanding. Work is important, but your loved ones are everything. You can't get the time back with those you love. Again please don't think I'm trying to compare the severity of the situation, but everyone needs time off, and your job has that in your contract. Don't let them get away with trying to get a black mark on your record.
R.i.p. My Dad - May 28, 2007
R.i.p. Black Tail (cat) - Sept. 20, 2008
I would add to the advice to contact your union rep. When talking with school staff, I'd recommend being nothing but respectful and centered, because anything else will probably be noted as not being emotionally healthy enough to be in the classroom.
As to your original question, I have to ask, prior to this meeting with the HR person that you were called in to was your employer aware of the full situation regarding your mother's health? Four days off isn't a pattern per se, however, four days off within two months of starting a new school year could be cause for concern on your employers behalf. Of course, I don't know the full story of who knew what and when, but I can see it from their side as well if they were unaware of the whole situation. Now, if your boss was aware of your situation prior to your follow-up meeting, then they did a piss poor job of following things up with you and you have every right to be outraged. And I would definitely follow-up with your union rep so that things don't escalate out-of-control further on down the road. Best of luck to you in getting this situation all straightened out. Just my two cents
they knew the whole situation in depth...my boss that is
Well in that case . . . they're a bunch of assholes!
p.s. I would have been hurt, too. What are those people heartless?! They should understand; it's your mother, for goodness' sake.
You're right. You are a monster! You are sick! Get help!
At least, I am not a fuck-up! A lying fuck-up!
my bitch of a manager is an old maid. no kids. no family. etc. she has no concept of what it means to have a familial situation arise where you need to leave work on a whim.
family first. fuck the rest.
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