Online Romance Fraud
gimmesometruth27
St. Fuckin Louis Posts: 23,303
this is some very sick stuff. it takes a very screwed up person to do something like this, especially to multiple people at the same time....in my opinion it is sociopathic. i guess the take home message is to be careful who you interact with online, because online, people are sometimes not who they portray themselves to be...
i came across this article today. for over a year i was involved with someone who played me in a similar fashion, but not to this degree. i never sent any money, and she was actually a woman and not a guy.
as i have talked to people over time i realize that this is much more common than i had once thought. the article says that 2% of people have experienced something similar or know somebody who has...when it happened to me it was pretty chaotic and a serious mindfuck and it actually messed me up pretty bad for awhile. it has made me reluctant to trust anyone, even in "real life".
anyone ever been duped by someone online that you thought you had a healthy and loving relationship with? you don't have to give details or particulars, but just a simple yes would be fine. admitting it is a small form of therapy. at least for me at is...
Perfect Stranger: How I Fell Victim to Online 'Romance Fraud'
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dori-hart ... 81068.html
This week new research released by the University of Leicester found that more than 200,000 people in the U.K. have been victims of online romance scams, according to EScienceNews.
The online study showed that 52 percent of those surveyed knew of "romance fraud," and one in every 50 online adults (2 percent) knew someone who had been duped by it.
I also know someone taken in by one of these scams: me.
In April of 2011, I was in the thrall of what I believed was the epic romance of my life. I had met him online, and over the course of our five years together, we developed what I thought was a deeply loving relationship. There was only one problem: He refused to let me see him.
It wasn't as if he hadn't described himself at least a thousand times, to me or to anyone else who might ask: 6'7" tall, long black hair, and what was once a nice face. He said he feared showing himself in a photo because he now had cancer, which had taken a toll on his looks. Letting anyone see his real face was simply out of the question.
I understood. I was a cancer survivor myself, so I knew how important it was to be loved and supported during this impossibly heart-breaking time.
When we first connected, he was using the name Dimitri. We took it to the phone, where he presented himself flawlessly. Between the soft, southern accent and the mysterious self-description, I felt I had finally met the man of my dreams. I vowed to see him through the cancer -- I even begged to come visit him, but he refused to let me.
It turns out there were many others who also wished to see the face of this supposedly dying man, because he made himself quite popular -- especially to those whose hearts were so big that they'd readily open their wallets for him. He had the charisma of the ultra-vulnerable: gentle, lovely, frail, and always the undeserving victim of circumstance. People seemed to find him irresistible.
When he wasn't playing the long-suffering cancer patient with me and who knows how many others, he posed as the autistic guy with the genius I.Q., the adult survivor of horrific child abuse or the bi-sexual flirt. He called himself, "Alex Lee," "Valyn," "Dimitri," or "Xander," depending on the year. But always he packaged himself as a dark and brooding Eric Draven clone, virtually guaranteed to appeal to a certain kind of lonely woman sitting at her computer, waiting for someone special to pay attention to her.
I was one of those women, and I believed it all. But I had something that made me especially valuable to Dimitri: I was relatively well known, popular, and respected. If I told people that I was in love with someone wonderful, I was taken at my word. And word swiftly became art. Out of my love for this poor dying man, I spared him the hassle of having to answer to anyone who asked for a photo by creating illustrations, depicting what I believed he looked like, for the entire world to see.
He was now validated. He was associated with me, had alluring images to represent himself with, and as he worked the cancer/abuse sympathy strings, dozens of compassionate people began sending their hard-earned cash to an alias in a small town somewhere in the Kentucky hills.
At that point I still had no idea that he wasn't who he claimed to be. Instead, after five years of romance, I was fixated on finally seeing the person I loved.
"Please show me your face," became the mantra I repeated every time we spoke, and that question eventually exposed the fraud. I pleaded and insisted until I wore him down. "Alex Lee" must have realized that the scheme had run its course, and agreed to finally get on the web cam and show me the truth:
The man I had loved and sacrificed so much for was a woman.
And not just any woman. She was an experienced scam artist with three grown daughters and two grandchildren. There will never be any words to adequately describe my shock and disgust. It never occurred to me that the man I came to adore would turn out to be someone so utterly devoid of conscience, so thoroughly steeped in duplicity.
She issued a public apology, denied ever having cancer and slunk off into a well-monitored oblivion due to the many people who reported her to the FBI, after the con was exposed.
So, how do stupid things like this happen to smart people like me? Desperate loneliness is a good place to start -- that, and a willingness to believe in a fantasy. After all, the heart wants what the heart wants, and I wanted love. Or maybe it's just impossible to think that anyone would lie about having cancer -- especially to a survivor.
But she did lie, and this terribly hurtful thing did happen. And it can happen to anyone -- in fact, it's happening to someone, right this minute.
Be aware of who you are talking with online. A voice on the phone will tell you nothing, a photo even less: Con artists can easily alter their voices and send photos of entirely different people. If you get a vibe that there's something wrong, insist on a live camera chat.
When I saw the real face of the person who conned me for five years, I saw an ugliness that way surpassed the physical. Simply put, it was criminal.
i came across this article today. for over a year i was involved with someone who played me in a similar fashion, but not to this degree. i never sent any money, and she was actually a woman and not a guy.
as i have talked to people over time i realize that this is much more common than i had once thought. the article says that 2% of people have experienced something similar or know somebody who has...when it happened to me it was pretty chaotic and a serious mindfuck and it actually messed me up pretty bad for awhile. it has made me reluctant to trust anyone, even in "real life".
anyone ever been duped by someone online that you thought you had a healthy and loving relationship with? you don't have to give details or particulars, but just a simple yes would be fine. admitting it is a small form of therapy. at least for me at is...
Perfect Stranger: How I Fell Victim to Online 'Romance Fraud'
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dori-hart ... 81068.html
This week new research released by the University of Leicester found that more than 200,000 people in the U.K. have been victims of online romance scams, according to EScienceNews.
The online study showed that 52 percent of those surveyed knew of "romance fraud," and one in every 50 online adults (2 percent) knew someone who had been duped by it.
I also know someone taken in by one of these scams: me.
In April of 2011, I was in the thrall of what I believed was the epic romance of my life. I had met him online, and over the course of our five years together, we developed what I thought was a deeply loving relationship. There was only one problem: He refused to let me see him.
It wasn't as if he hadn't described himself at least a thousand times, to me or to anyone else who might ask: 6'7" tall, long black hair, and what was once a nice face. He said he feared showing himself in a photo because he now had cancer, which had taken a toll on his looks. Letting anyone see his real face was simply out of the question.
I understood. I was a cancer survivor myself, so I knew how important it was to be loved and supported during this impossibly heart-breaking time.
When we first connected, he was using the name Dimitri. We took it to the phone, where he presented himself flawlessly. Between the soft, southern accent and the mysterious self-description, I felt I had finally met the man of my dreams. I vowed to see him through the cancer -- I even begged to come visit him, but he refused to let me.
It turns out there were many others who also wished to see the face of this supposedly dying man, because he made himself quite popular -- especially to those whose hearts were so big that they'd readily open their wallets for him. He had the charisma of the ultra-vulnerable: gentle, lovely, frail, and always the undeserving victim of circumstance. People seemed to find him irresistible.
When he wasn't playing the long-suffering cancer patient with me and who knows how many others, he posed as the autistic guy with the genius I.Q., the adult survivor of horrific child abuse or the bi-sexual flirt. He called himself, "Alex Lee," "Valyn," "Dimitri," or "Xander," depending on the year. But always he packaged himself as a dark and brooding Eric Draven clone, virtually guaranteed to appeal to a certain kind of lonely woman sitting at her computer, waiting for someone special to pay attention to her.
I was one of those women, and I believed it all. But I had something that made me especially valuable to Dimitri: I was relatively well known, popular, and respected. If I told people that I was in love with someone wonderful, I was taken at my word. And word swiftly became art. Out of my love for this poor dying man, I spared him the hassle of having to answer to anyone who asked for a photo by creating illustrations, depicting what I believed he looked like, for the entire world to see.
He was now validated. He was associated with me, had alluring images to represent himself with, and as he worked the cancer/abuse sympathy strings, dozens of compassionate people began sending their hard-earned cash to an alias in a small town somewhere in the Kentucky hills.
At that point I still had no idea that he wasn't who he claimed to be. Instead, after five years of romance, I was fixated on finally seeing the person I loved.
"Please show me your face," became the mantra I repeated every time we spoke, and that question eventually exposed the fraud. I pleaded and insisted until I wore him down. "Alex Lee" must have realized that the scheme had run its course, and agreed to finally get on the web cam and show me the truth:
The man I had loved and sacrificed so much for was a woman.
And not just any woman. She was an experienced scam artist with three grown daughters and two grandchildren. There will never be any words to adequately describe my shock and disgust. It never occurred to me that the man I came to adore would turn out to be someone so utterly devoid of conscience, so thoroughly steeped in duplicity.
She issued a public apology, denied ever having cancer and slunk off into a well-monitored oblivion due to the many people who reported her to the FBI, after the con was exposed.
So, how do stupid things like this happen to smart people like me? Desperate loneliness is a good place to start -- that, and a willingness to believe in a fantasy. After all, the heart wants what the heart wants, and I wanted love. Or maybe it's just impossible to think that anyone would lie about having cancer -- especially to a survivor.
But she did lie, and this terribly hurtful thing did happen. And it can happen to anyone -- in fact, it's happening to someone, right this minute.
Be aware of who you are talking with online. A voice on the phone will tell you nothing, a photo even less: Con artists can easily alter their voices and send photos of entirely different people. If you get a vibe that there's something wrong, insist on a live camera chat.
When I saw the real face of the person who conned me for five years, I saw an ugliness that way surpassed the physical. Simply put, it was criminal.
"You can tell the greatness of a man by what makes him angry." - Lincoln
"Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
"Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
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-Eddie Vedder, "Smile"
after all it is only a wasted year... i have had a good one since then, and 33 other good ones before that lol...
thanks man.
"Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
"Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
I've never experienced anything like this but my ex wife met her current boyfriend online. For me I have to see, smell and feel a person rather than a virtual situation I just have a hard time believing all that I see and read online all the time. Being fraudulent seems to be a commonplace thing these days and many fall for such acts. Sorry to hear about your former situation Gimme.
Peace
*MUSIC IS the expression of EMOTION.....and that POLITICS IS merely the DECOY of PERCEPTION*
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*The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite INSANE*....Nikola Tesla(a man who shaped our world of electricity with his futuristic inventions)
I agree, it is easy to get caught up in unconventional situations when one feels very lonely.
Like the article said, I think this happens all the time though. It should be a lesson to people who think online isn't a fantasy world (including people here, I read a thread on this type of issue in the PJ community at skyiscrape). It is. Until you meet someone face to face, life on the internet is nothing but a joke to some jokers.
To me, the issue is that online stuff started out as a faceless world, kinda a fantasy world. Now, it's in a slow transition to a face-filled world, or it's being pushed in that direction. Some people clearly aren't making that transition and taking advantage of it in these deviant sorts of ways. And some not-so-smart folks, never knew or didn't understand the origin, and are being lulled into wasted time.... but, I continue to wonder if that's what they are after to begin with.
At the end of the day though, I do wonder... is what that other girl did a crime? If money was involved, I would think so because of the money aspect. But, otherwise, I have no clue what the answer is to that question.
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I'm not sure a "healthy and loving relationship" is even possible strictly over the internet, though. IMO, you gotta be able to look into someone's eyes before you can truly know them, and you gotta know them before you can love them. Just my take on it...no more, no less.
not for everybody. When I was a teenager, a girl I knew thought I'd be a perfect match for this close friend of hers. So she gave me her phone number and we chatted. And then we chatted more. Being a teen without a drivers license, she lived far away from me, so we only spoke on the phone, every day, for months. Never saw her. We actually started "dating" before we physically met. Had never felt like that before, or since (of someone I hadn't met).
She could have easily been not the person I thought she was. When words ring true to personal experience, there's nothing you can do about an eventual emotional connection to that person, and it grows from there. it happens much easier than you might think.
someone else called her stupid. don't ever say that. she wasn't stupid. she was emotional.
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i agree with what you say here. this writer was not stupid. she believed that her heart knew better than her mind. in some cases that is a good thing. to have faith in something or someone is a good thing. in her case, just as in mine, the heart trumped the mind. that faith and belief in that person won out over any possible red flags that may or may not have been obvious. and you are right, it can happen very easily. even if you are the most logical and most rational person, when you have nothing but the written/typed word, a bunch of photos, and the voice on the other end of the phone it can create an emotional attachment and it can make the heart win out.
i will say that in situations like this one, the sense of touch is easily the most underrated of the five.
"Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Why not (V) (°,,,,°) (V) ?