Tender moment with my ill dad
JOEJOEJOE
Posts: 10,483
As I have mentioned here in the past few months, my father is under home hospice care, which is usually provided to patients with less then six months to live. He has is now going on 2 1/2 months of hospice care.
He has never been an emotional man, so our father/son relationship never really had much warmth.
Being that his time is limited, I am trying to do as much as possible to lessen any regrets that him and I may have regarding our relationship.
He can't really communicate verbally, so I had the idea to sit with him, and hold his hand. It seemed like such a complicated task, but I am trying to push myself as much as possible.
When I got to his home today, straight away, I sat next to him and took his hand and held it for a half-hour. It seemed so natural, and I hope it conveyed my love for him that may have gone unspoken in the past.
"Do You Realize" by The Flaming Lips
Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize - we're floating in space -
Do You Realize - that happiness makes you cry
Do You Realize - that everyone you know someday will die
And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round
He has never been an emotional man, so our father/son relationship never really had much warmth.
Being that his time is limited, I am trying to do as much as possible to lessen any regrets that him and I may have regarding our relationship.
He can't really communicate verbally, so I had the idea to sit with him, and hold his hand. It seemed like such a complicated task, but I am trying to push myself as much as possible.
When I got to his home today, straight away, I sat next to him and took his hand and held it for a half-hour. It seemed so natural, and I hope it conveyed my love for him that may have gone unspoken in the past.
"Do You Realize" by The Flaming Lips
Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize - we're floating in space -
Do You Realize - that happiness makes you cry
Do You Realize - that everyone you know someday will die
And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round
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6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
Thanks!
I wish you and your dad many more days of spending time with each other, lots of love and support to you both.
thoughts are with you and your dad
Sammi: Wanna just break up?
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Why not (V) (°,,,,°) (V) ?
Father-son relationships can be so strange...any male-male hetero relationship, I suppose....for so many of us, once we're all grown up, despite the obviously HUGELY important roles our fathers/sons play in our lives, it seems awkward to have any kind of softness to the relationship; even a simple embrace or display of affection.
I'm sure your dad appreciated the sentiment more than words could have said....I think it's great that you pushed yourself to do that, and despite the sadness of your situation, that you have the chance to address these potential regrets in advance.
Best wishes to you and yours.
"Just Breathe"
"Long Road"
"Man Of The Hour"
"The End"
[just in my case, i leaned up against those songs]
"Forgive every being,
the bad feelings
it's just me"
I wish your Dad well and hope he can squeeze some final enjoyment out of life.
- Christopher McCandless
You're right. You are a monster! You are sick! Get help!
At least, I am not a fuck-up! A lying fuck-up!
Having gone through this with my parents... it is not easy to leave this world,
not for them, not for you but love eases the way for you both.
(just re-read this before i hit submit...and i'm sorry if this a sob story...but if feels so good to talk/wrote about right now....thanks)
it makes me think about the last visit i had with my dad while he was fighting ALS. dad & i weren't very close while i was growing up...i wasn't a bad kid, but i sure pushed his buttons. as we got older, we grew a little closer. on the morning of the last day i saw him...he was feeling weak. my brother was going to drive me to the airport to fly back to Kansas City (where i was living) from Houston. i sat down next to him on the couch...he could barely speak, but he said "Matt...don't think i'll be going to the airport today." i told him not to worry about it...to gather his strength & rest and that i understood. dad was on a breathing machine & a feeding tube...but he looked good..i could tell that he was in good spirits. i started telling random stories about growing up...some very funny ones & he started laughing like crazy. i was holding his hand the whole time...and he was squeezing it...which he couldn't really do anymore b/c of ALS....it was one of the best hours of my life. he took out the breathing machine tube so he could really laugh...it was great. all of a sudden, he had enough strength to go the airport...so i was able to spend another 45 minutes with him.
he passed away 3 1/2 months later...and i was supposed to see him prior to that...but i couldn't make it down b/c of work. at the time, i was angry that i missed that last visit....but now i know that our last visit was better than i could have ever imagined.
thoughts & prayers are with you & your family, Joe. enjoy those moments & know that he'll always be right by your side. it's tough...i know....but i can honestly feel my dad's presence as i type this.
thoughts & prayers,
Matt
www.cluthelee.com
www.cluthe.com
Best of luck with everything.
joex3....hugsx3.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
that's so sweet.
I hope you are able to spend these last months and share special moments like this with your dad Joe. Just being there and holding his hand, I'm sure is bringing him joy.
You are a good son.
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
I am extremely close with my father but my boyfriend is not. I feel lately that I am getting exhausted with his sometimes pessimistic views and lack of compassion... the other day i told him i felt sorry for him that his parents raised him to embrace the world with such a cold hearted view... he always speaks so cooly of his father 'probably dying soon' and, i don't know if its some sort of pseudo machoism, always acts like he doesn't care when people close to him die.
i think its beautiful that you are reaching out to your dad even if you weren't close to him at all. ♥
My thoughts are with you all x
Very touching story...thanks!
Also a quick thanks for your support at my loss. It was a comfort that people I didn't even know would be so kind.
Sending hugs and prayers to you and your family Joe.
How moving is your story.
This Flaming Lips song...these words....have come to mean so much to me....
Do you realize...we're floating in space...
do you realize....that everyone you know someday will die
talk about a hefty dose of ultimate perspective--
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fk76rsV71S0
that's beautiful....and I believe that little gestures like that absolutely lessen any regrets that either of you have. It's so important to live for today and not in the past...you did a lovely thing, which was healing for both of you in many ways :-)
Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
Thanks!