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If I told you

MrMerkinballMrMerkinball Posts: 1,978
edited June 2011 in All Encompassing Trip
If I told you that my wife's mother passed away last week...you would be sympathetic

If I told you that My wife's sister was on a cruise when it happened..you would be sorry to hear that.

If I told you that my wife and I spent the last week making all the arrangements, helping her father, paying the funeral fees, paying for house cleaning for their home, and inviting her father to come live with us...you would understand

If I told you that her sister didn't call us at all, yet posted pictures all week on facebook of her partying on the cruise....you might think that is a little tacky - but hey, people grieve in their own way.

If I told you that when she got home from the cruise, she didn't call or visit either....you'd start to wonder what is up.

If I told you that she refused to give us any money towards the expenses out of our pocket....you'd say WTF?

If I told you that she suggested we flush the ashes down the toilet.....You'd say she is mentally unballanced.

So when I tell you that we will no longer have contact with her and she is no longer the godparent of my three daughters.......I am sure you would understand.
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • snow_board_ridersnow_board_rider Posts: 943
    Sounds like a bad person but we all grieve in our own ways. Don't do/say anything that you may end up regretting.
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  • loveontwolegsloveontwolegs Posts: 501
    I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your wife's mother.

    We all have our own way of grieving.

    We all also carry secrets that may make us act in ways that seem ignoble to others.

    All you can do now, which it seems you are doing, is let go of that person.
  • GraySaturdayGraySaturday Posts: 2,878
    Ouch, I'm sorry to hear this. I hope your wife is okay. It sounds like your SIL operates on her own agenda. Remember you can only be responsible and in control of your own actions. If SIL chooses to act that way, then when it's all said and done at the end of the day, she is going to have to live with her actions.

    I'm sorry again.
  • polaris_xpolaris_x Posts: 13,559
    uhhhh ... i had written something else but then i read loveontwolegs post and decided to change it ... :|

    sorry for your loss ...
  • Who PrincessWho Princess out here in the fields Posts: 7,305
    First, let me express my condolences on the loss of your mother-in-law.

    As far as the sister--how strange. Has she always behaved like that? Indifferent to other people? What kind of relationship did she have with her mother?

    I'm not asking to defend her but because I'm wondering if it's a pattern. Also, I've seen some people, including members of my family, behave very strangely after the death of a loved one.
    "The stars are all connected to the brain."
  • unlost dogsunlost dogs Greater Boston Posts: 12,553
    whoprincess wrote:
    First, let me express my condolences on the loss of your mother-in-law.

    As far as the sister--how strange. Has she always behaved like that? Indifferent to other people? What kind of relationship did she have with her mother?

    I'm not asking to defend her but because I'm wondering if it's a pattern. Also, I've seen some people, including members of my family, behave very strangely after the death of a loved one.

    I wondered about this, too... if this is really out of character for her, is she having some kind of breakdown?

    I'm sorry about your mother-in-law. It's a good thing your father-in-law has your family to rely on at this difficult time.
    15 years of sharks 06/30/08 (MA), 05/17/10 (Boston), 09/03/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/04/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/30/12 (Missoula), 07/19/13 (Wrigley), 10/15/13 (Worcester), 10/16/13 (Worcester), 10/25/13 (Hartford), 12/4/13 (Vancouver), 12/6/13 (Seattle), 6/26/14 (Berlin), 6/28/14 (Stockholm), 10/16/14 (Detroit)
  • Slap upside the headSlap upside the head Posts: 904
    If I told you that I think your sister-in-law is an uncaring, self-centered, cold hearted, sick son of a bitch -

    would you care?
  • Black73Black73 Posts: 1,018
    whoprincess wrote:
    First, let me express my condolences on the loss of your mother-in-law.

    As far as the sister--how strange. Has she always behaved like that? Indifferent to other people? What kind of relationship did she have with her mother?

    I'm not asking to defend her but because I'm wondering if it's a pattern. Also, I've seen some people, including members of my family, behave very strangely after the death of a loved one.
    As others have said, I too offer my condolences of the loss your wife and you have suffered. Also, I think there's merit in "people grieve differently," but I am very sad to hear the comments your S-i-L made upon her return home.

    Suggestion: give each of your daughters one more big supportive hug, and teach them that even though they may all grieve differently, remember to show respect towards the deceased. Life gives us many teaching moments as parents, and our kids are sponges. It's up to us to do our part to teach them well, and sounds like your wife was a great student, who had a couple of terrific teachers!
  • SidnumSidnum Posts: 674
    MrMerkinball wrote:
    If I told you that my wife's mother passed away last week...you would be sympathetic

    If I told you that My wife's sister was on a cruise when it happened..you would be sorry to hear that.

    If I told you that my wife and I spent the last week making all the arrangements, helping her father, paying the funeral fees, paying for house cleaning for their home, and inviting her father to come live with us...you would understand

    If I told you that her sister didn't call us at all, yet posted pictures all week on facebook of her partying on the cruise....you might think that is a little tacky - but hey, people grieve in their own way.

    If I told you that when she got home from the cruise, she didn't call or visit either....you'd start to wonder what is up.

    If I told you that she refused to give us any money towards the expenses out of our pocket....you'd say WTF?

    If I told you that she suggested we flush the ashes down the toilet.....You'd say she is mentally unballanced.

    So when I tell you that we will no longer have contact with her and she is no longer the godparent of my three daughters.......I am sure you would understand.

    That's pretty F'd up, BUT, you have to take the high road on this one. It's way better to forgive and maybe try to understand her personal situation first and not jump to any quick conclusions that you may end up regretting in the long run. If after a while nothing changes, then maybe yeah, maybe it could be time to part ways. It takes time though, so try to be patient. Just my 2 cents from a very quick outside view...
  • PilateOfTheStormPilateOfTheStorm Posts: 4,319
    sorry for the loss of your mother in law
    sending my good vibes to you, your wife, your father in law, and your daughters in this tough time, stay strong.

    as to your sister in law, i'm just echoing what loveontwolegs and whoprincess have said. people do sometimes act strangely and impulsively after the death of a loved one, but then her past behaviour also needs to be examined.
    wish you all the best and i hope that no one says/does anything they will come to regret later.
  • Drowned OutDrowned Out Posts: 6,056
    It sounds to me like there was more to the relationship between the SIL and the mom...either that you're not aware of, or not telling us. No one wishes their mom's ashes to be flushed down the toilet without SOME reason. Or unless, as you say, they have serious mental issues.
  • blackredyellowblackredyellow Posts: 5,889
    You have every right to be pissed, and to cut off contact with her...

    There might be more to her side of the story (past with her mother or mental issues), but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be pissed off at her.

    I have some in-law issues, and know how fucked up they can be, and even though my wife knows they are assholes, and says she doesn't care about them, I can see it does bother her that they are so self-centered and worthless.

    Good luck... take care of your wife and kids... your wife basically lost her mom and her sister now, so it can't be a good time for her...
    My whole life
    was like a picture
    of a sunny day
    “We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
    ― Abraham Lincoln
  • MrMerkinballMrMerkinball Posts: 1,978
    blackredyellow wrote:
    Good luck... take care of your wife and kids... your wife basically lost her mom and her sister now, so it can't be a good time for her...
    BINGO!!

    We are taking care of each other.

    It's just very sad.

    This is just how the SIL is. Very cold...very self centered.
  • normnorm Posts: 31,146
    MrMerkinball wrote:
    blackredyellow wrote:
    Good luck... take care of your wife and kids... your wife basically lost her mom and her sister now, so it can't be a good time for her...
    BINGO!!

    We are taking care of each other.

    It's just very sad.

    This is just how the SIL is. Very cold...very self centered.


    that sucks...sorry for your loss
  • chadwickchadwick up my ass Posts: 21,157
    if i were to say that cruises blow, you may or may not agree with me.
    if i were to say that some people are fucked in the head, you may or may not agree with me.
    for poetry through the ceiling. ISBN: 1 4241 8840 7

    "Hear me, my chiefs!
    I am tired; my heart is
    sick and sad. From where
    the sun stands I will fight
    no more forever."
    Chief Joseph - Nez Perce
  • normnorm Posts: 31,146
    chadwick wrote:
    if i were to say that cruises blow, you may or may not agree with me.
    if i were to say that some people are fucked in the head, you may or may not agree with me.

    i agree on both points
  • RKCNDYRKCNDY Posts: 31,013
    If I told you that when my grandmother was dying in the hospital and nobody told me, even my own mother what would you think?

    If I told you that the phone didn't stop ringing for a week before they decided to pull the plug, and the calls all went to the machine, what would you think?

    If I told you that she never went to her own mother's funeral but all of her brothers and sisters went, what would you think?

    If I told you that my cousins would try to call me and ask why she didn't go what would you think?

    Sometimes there is bad blood between people, and people choose to not burden others with those issues.
    The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

    - Christopher McCandless
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