Being S.O. of a single parent....

mickeyrat

Need some help folks. I happen to love a single mother of two kids. 17 yr old daughter and a 13 yr old son. Things are awesome between us. We have plans of me moving in to her house. The kids spend a week at mom's followed by a week at dads. that arrangement seems to work well for all involved.


Heres the tough part for me. For all intents and purposes , I'm the "outsider" here. At least with the kids.

Anyone have any experience they are willing to share? How you got through, etc....?

catefrances

dont try to be their dad.. they already have one of those. be their mums partner. make sure you get the ground rules from the mum and be tough but fair with them.

oh and dont take it personally when one of the little buggers yells at you, YOURE NOT MY DAD!!! this will be difficult for them too.

mickeyrat

catefrances wrote:

dont try to be their dad.. checkthey already have one of those. be their mums partner.check make sure you get the ground rules from the mum and be tough but fair with them. check

oh and dont take it personallythats the hard part when one of the little buggers yells at you, YOURE NOT MY DAD!!! this will be difficult for them too.

Thank you Cate

RKCNDY

just from my observances of my friend and her blended family:

ask your lady what her rules on parenting are-how to handle curfew, punishments etc. makes it easier for you both.

if they say 'mom said yes'- get together with the kid, mom and all 3 sit and talk it out

My friend has her own 24 and 18 year old and her boyfriend has a 19, 16 and 13 year old. I've witnessed the fights that arise between all of them...not pretty.

Good luck and congrats on the new adventure!

Dissidentman

Turn to the bottle.

Go Beavers

I recommend not enforcing any rules for the first year or so, especially with teenagers. You'll have to be an insider to be able to do that, any time before that and it'll be a big mess. Just be there to connect with them.

Thoughts_Arrive

I wouldn't go down that path.

meme

Go Beavers wrote:

I recommend not enforcing any rules for the first year or so, especially with teenagers. You'll have to be an insider to be able to do that, any time before that and it'll be a big mess. Just be there to connect with them.

That seems the most sensible thing to do!

81

That's a question for your mom.


learn it, live it, love it.

Claireack

Mmmm, was the kid when the SO moved in. Don't take over and boss them around, always abide by her rules, don't try and buy them off, realise that sometimes she needs time alone with her kids.

Gosh there's so many things to say, to be honest when I first read the op I was just so excited that you were moving in together that I couldn't think of anything to say!!

pjhawks

well i think the 1st thing is the kids are old enough to understand so the 1st thing i'd do is talk with them, telling them you know you are not their father but that you fully understand that they are part of the package with their mother. tell them your feelings for their mother and that you will treat them as they are your own kids (if you truly mean that, if you don't mean it don't say it). the biggest issue for these kids is most likely feeling that you will hurt them and their mother, like they were hurt in the divorce. you have to show them you have no intention of doing that - they act in that manner on a day-to-day basis. for discipline i don't have any answers. that is very difficult to deal with. i think for the most part you have to let the mother handle that part of it. i think in general like anything the kids are going to want to know they can depend on you and that you won't hurt them. there is no quick answer but just a day-to-day affrimation of that. good luck