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Being S.O. of a single parent....

mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 37,973
edited May 2011 in All Encompassing Trip
Need some help folks. I happen to love a single mother of two kids. 17 yr old daughter and a 13 yr old son. Things are awesome between us. We have plans of me moving in to her house. The kids spend a week at mom's followed by a week at dads. that arrangement seems to work well for all involved.


Heres the tough part for me. For all intents and purposes , I'm the "outsider" here. At least with the kids.

Anyone have any experience they are willing to share? How you got through, etc....?
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Comments

  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    dont try to be their dad.. they already have one of those. be their mums partner. make sure you get the ground rules from the mum and be tough but fair with them.

    oh and dont take it personally when one of the little buggers yells at you, YOURE NOT MY DAD!!! this will be difficult for them too.
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  • mickeyratmickeyrat Posts: 37,973
    catefrances wrote:
    dont try to be their dad.. checkthey already have one of those. be their mums partner.check make sure you get the ground rules from the mum and be tough but fair with them. check

    oh and dont take it personallythats the hard part when one of the little buggers yells at you, YOURE NOT MY DAD!!! this will be difficult for them too.
    Thank you Cate
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • RKCNDYRKCNDY Posts: 31,013
    just from my observances of my friend and her blended family:

    ask your lady what her rules on parenting are-how to handle curfew, punishments etc. makes it easier for you both.

    if they say 'mom said yes'- get together with the kid, mom and all 3 sit and talk it out

    My friend has her own 24 and 18 year old and her boyfriend has a 19, 16 and 13 year old. I've witnessed the fights that arise between all of them...not pretty.

    Good luck and congrats on the new adventure!
    The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

    - Christopher McCandless
  • DissidentmanDissidentman Posts: 15,378
    Turn to the bottle.
  • Go BeaversGo Beavers Posts: 8,968
    I recommend not enforcing any rules for the first year or so, especially with teenagers. You'll have to be an insider to be able to do that, any time before that and it'll be a big mess. Just be there to connect with them.
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Posts: 15,165
    I wouldn't go down that path.
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  • memememe Posts: 4,695
    Go Beavers wrote:
    I recommend not enforcing any rules for the first year or so, especially with teenagers. You'll have to be an insider to be able to do that, any time before that and it'll be a big mess. Just be there to connect with them.

    That seems the most sensible thing to do!
    ... and the will to show I will always be better than before.
  • 8181 Posts: 58,276
    That's a question for your mom.


    learn it, live it, love it. :lol:
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  • ClaireackClaireack Posts: 13,561
    Mmmm, was the kid when the SO moved in. Don't take over and boss them around, always abide by her rules, don't try and buy them off, realise that sometimes she needs time alone with her kids.

    Gosh there's so many things to say, to be honest when I first read the op I was just so excited that you were moving in together that I couldn't think of anything to say!! :D:D
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  • pjhawkspjhawks Posts: 12,435
    well i think the 1st thing is the kids are old enough to understand so the 1st thing i'd do is talk with them, telling them you know you are not their father but that you fully understand that they are part of the package with their mother. tell them your feelings for their mother and that you will treat them as they are your own kids (if you truly mean that, if you don't mean it don't say it). the biggest issue for these kids is most likely feeling that you will hurt them and their mother, like they were hurt in the divorce. you have to show them you have no intention of doing that - they act in that manner on a day-to-day basis. for discipline i don't have any answers. that is very difficult to deal with. i think for the most part you have to let the mother handle that part of it. i think in general like anything the kids are going to want to know they can depend on you and that you won't hurt them. there is no quick answer but just a day-to-day affrimation of that. good luck
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