What has changed me...
CantKeepMeHere
Posts: 2,177
March 19h my dog Rudy was hit by a car - saw the truck coming down the hill at like 10 miles an hour, he wasn't speeding - my 14 year old daughter was on the other side of the road - I knelt down next to Rudy and put my hand on his coat and just has the truck was 50% past us he ran 2 steps away from me then circled back caught up with the truck and dove under the front tire... he died instantly
I fell apart
Kathleen fell apart
Carrying him the 1/2 mile back into the meadow behind the house and burying him behind the stone was the hardest thing I ever had to do - why the fuck didn't I hold on to his collar - it will haunt my last moments before sleep every night for the rest of my life... he was my best friend
2 weeks later my wife's Grammy passed away she was 95 years old - this was very sad yet we were as prepared for the inevitable as anyone can be - she passed in her sleep ( a nap she was taking - she was not ill) exactly 5 minutes after my wife left from a visit - Grammy has been Marlie's life long mentor and role modle since the moment she was born, they are close like sisters separated by 60 years
Marlie fell apart
Kathleen fell apart
When I called Ryan and told him and no one was there to hug him, he fell apart
I found out just 3 nights ago that Kathleen's biological dad is in jail in TX (we live in VT) for molestation of his girlfriends 13 year old and 17 year old daughters - I kicked his ass 2.5 years ago when Kathleen told me, then only 12 that one of her friends told her that her dad "put a move on her" - that was the last day she saw her real father - he was sentenced to life without parole in TX yesterday, I guess they don't mess around in TX, amen...
Don't waste your time worrying about things... worrying will get you nowhere, cause it's never the things you worry about that get you - its the randomness of life on idle wednesday afternoon that will rock your wold in ways you never even thought about beginning to worry about
Pearl Jam has been the soundtrack to my life since I saw "EvenFlow" on MTV and went out and bought my first TEN cassette tape - but my beloved Pearl Jam vinyl collection was out on the living room floor when decided to take Rudy out into that first day of spring sun... I had to let it go just like I have to let go killing myself each day for a few minutes for not just having my hand on his side and being kneeled down beside and not holding onto his collar - I never thought that when my wife walked in the door one day after a 10 minute drive from a half hour visit would have to tell her that the nursing home just called and her Grammy had just passed - I didn't know I would have to call our son in ElPaso Texas at his Army base and let him know at 18 that his Grammy just died - and even if I had to ever consider those two option as reality I never ever thought he would be calling me a few days later and say that his biological dad was in jail for raping kids - (Ryan dumped him from his life when he came with me to inquire about Kathleen's friends accusations and we both knew he was lying then and there hence the ass kicking)
Why am I pouring all this out here for you folks who really really don't know me and I don't really really know you - just to remind you again not to get to worked up about worrying about things you have no control over - all that time you spend worrying can be spent loving and living with those you have close to you -
I have been giving away all of my vinyl slowly here with Free Giveaways cause I miss Rudy so much it kills me to even see records right now - I have been selling anything I have more than one album of (lot of Bob Dylan, The Doors, The Beatles...) so I can donate the money to the Upper Valley Humanine Society where I got 9 year old Rudy at earlier this summer -
Ryan is home from the Army for a week to attend his Grammy's funeral services and such - Grammy passing enabled him to be here for his sister when she now needs him most - losing Rudy enables me to realize just how much Marlie's Grammy meant to her - it is a circle of loss with emotions ranging from anger and hate and disgust to losses so painful that I can't write anymore
Thanks for giving me an outlet to grieve in many many ways
Peace and Love
Hug anyone you love longer, tighter and harder today and stop worrying live live live love!!!
I fell apart
Kathleen fell apart
Carrying him the 1/2 mile back into the meadow behind the house and burying him behind the stone was the hardest thing I ever had to do - why the fuck didn't I hold on to his collar - it will haunt my last moments before sleep every night for the rest of my life... he was my best friend
2 weeks later my wife's Grammy passed away she was 95 years old - this was very sad yet we were as prepared for the inevitable as anyone can be - she passed in her sleep ( a nap she was taking - she was not ill) exactly 5 minutes after my wife left from a visit - Grammy has been Marlie's life long mentor and role modle since the moment she was born, they are close like sisters separated by 60 years
Marlie fell apart
Kathleen fell apart
When I called Ryan and told him and no one was there to hug him, he fell apart
I found out just 3 nights ago that Kathleen's biological dad is in jail in TX (we live in VT) for molestation of his girlfriends 13 year old and 17 year old daughters - I kicked his ass 2.5 years ago when Kathleen told me, then only 12 that one of her friends told her that her dad "put a move on her" - that was the last day she saw her real father - he was sentenced to life without parole in TX yesterday, I guess they don't mess around in TX, amen...
Don't waste your time worrying about things... worrying will get you nowhere, cause it's never the things you worry about that get you - its the randomness of life on idle wednesday afternoon that will rock your wold in ways you never even thought about beginning to worry about
Pearl Jam has been the soundtrack to my life since I saw "EvenFlow" on MTV and went out and bought my first TEN cassette tape - but my beloved Pearl Jam vinyl collection was out on the living room floor when decided to take Rudy out into that first day of spring sun... I had to let it go just like I have to let go killing myself each day for a few minutes for not just having my hand on his side and being kneeled down beside and not holding onto his collar - I never thought that when my wife walked in the door one day after a 10 minute drive from a half hour visit would have to tell her that the nursing home just called and her Grammy had just passed - I didn't know I would have to call our son in ElPaso Texas at his Army base and let him know at 18 that his Grammy just died - and even if I had to ever consider those two option as reality I never ever thought he would be calling me a few days later and say that his biological dad was in jail for raping kids - (Ryan dumped him from his life when he came with me to inquire about Kathleen's friends accusations and we both knew he was lying then and there hence the ass kicking)
Why am I pouring all this out here for you folks who really really don't know me and I don't really really know you - just to remind you again not to get to worked up about worrying about things you have no control over - all that time you spend worrying can be spent loving and living with those you have close to you -
I have been giving away all of my vinyl slowly here with Free Giveaways cause I miss Rudy so much it kills me to even see records right now - I have been selling anything I have more than one album of (lot of Bob Dylan, The Doors, The Beatles...) so I can donate the money to the Upper Valley Humanine Society where I got 9 year old Rudy at earlier this summer -
Ryan is home from the Army for a week to attend his Grammy's funeral services and such - Grammy passing enabled him to be here for his sister when she now needs him most - losing Rudy enables me to realize just how much Marlie's Grammy meant to her - it is a circle of loss with emotions ranging from anger and hate and disgust to losses so painful that I can't write anymore
Thanks for giving me an outlet to grieve in many many ways
Peace and Love
Hug anyone you love longer, tighter and harder today and stop worrying live live live love!!!
My Pearl Jam Fan Videos
Best on the web - check them out
http://www.youtube.com/user/cantkeepmehere
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2008 Bonnaroo - 2009 Philly 2&3 - 2010 MSG 1&2
Best on the web - check them out
http://www.youtube.com/user/cantkeepmehere
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2008 Bonnaroo - 2009 Philly 2&3 - 2010 MSG 1&2
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Adelaide 1998
Adelaide 2003
Adelaide 2006 night 1
Adelaide 2006 night 2
Adelaide 2009
Melbourne 2009
Christchurch NZ 2009
Eddie Vedder, Adelaide 2011
PJ20 USA 2011 night 1
PJ20 USA 2011 night 2
Adelaide BIG DAY OUT 2014
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TlShoR5 ... CF37C53C9A
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Fargo 2003
Winnipeg 2005
Winnipeg 2011
St. Paul 2014
This is from the Doggie Thread . . . maybe you and your family can find comfort in these words.
The Rainbow Bridge
By the edge of a woods, at the foot of a hill,
Is a lush, green meadow where time stands still.
Where the friends of man and woman do run,
When their time on earth is over and done.
For here, between this world and the next,
Is a place where each beloved creature finds rest.
On this golden land, they wait and they play,
Till the Rainbow Bridge they cross over one day.
No more do they suffer, in pain or in sadness,
For here they are whole, their lives filled with gladness.
Their limbs are restored, their health renewed,
Their bodies have healed, with strength imbued.
They romp through the grass, without even a care,
Until one day they start, and sniff at the air.
All ears prick forward, eyes dart front and back,
Then all of a sudden, one breaks from the pack.
For just at that instant, their eyes have met;
Together again, both person and pet.
So they run to each other, these friends from long past,
The time of their parting is over at last.
The sadness they felt while they were apart,
Has turned into joy once more in each heart.
They embrace with a love that will last forever,
And then, side-by-side, they cross over… together.
Thank you especially for this. Words to live by.
Don't fuck sheep. -EV 7/11/11
You can never have enough Neil in the mix. -EV 10/24/10
There's only one commandment: Don't be an asshole. -EV 5/6/10
Eddie Vedder- 7/16/11
Brad- 4/21/12 (RSD Performance), 4/27/12, 8/10/12
Flight To Mars- 5/23/12
RNDM- 11/27/12
PEARL JAM- 12/6/13 I have finally seen Pearl Jam live!
Sammi: Wanna just break up?
You're right. You are a monster! You are sick! Get help!
At least, I am not a fuck-up! A lying fuck-up!
WORDS TO LIVE BY FOR SURE
Of my innocence... got back my inner sense...
Thank you.
I'm thinking of you...you have a special place in my heart, dear friend
loving thoughts and prayers for strength from me to you and all your loved ones
you have each other and are thankful still .... the loving bond grows stronger
this the silver lining in all the pain
like you said, things happen that we have no control over
don't blame yourself, please. as painful as it is, you can't feel guilty for what happened
my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family, your family seems very strong, loving and caring, I hope that this tough time passes. your story is sad but very powerful and thank you for sharing it.
great advice, beautiful words
cherish the memories you have, of your dog, of your grammy. they will always be with you in your heart
take care, best wishes for you and your family
That is a beautiful poem Fifthelement posted.
Glad you could "vent" here....stay strong.
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
- Christopher McCandless
Jamie
what about everything else? :? just kidding....at first i thought this was going to be about just the dog and then i kept on reading....wow.
that is a rough few weeks you've just been through dude. hang in there.
:roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:
Sammi: Wanna just break up?
good god man.
speechless
Best on the web - check them out
http://www.youtube.com/user/cantkeepmehere
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2008 Bonnaroo - 2009 Philly 2&3 - 2010 MSG 1&2
It was a horrible few weeks
Our son came home from the Army for the week and it has been great for all of us having him back in the house these past few days
Our daughter really did give up on her dad over a year ago when we took her away and he made ZERO effort to keep in contact with him and right now she is doing wonderfully - she is a turning out to b and amazing artist she is 14 and does some wonderful paintings
We are having a huge family cookout this sunday for grammy and Ryan returns to TX on Monday
There is lots of love and compassion flying around in our worlds space right now and we are all doing great - I wanna thank 5thElement for posting "The Rainbow Bridge" that has really really helped me alot
All of your words helped me alot - sometimes I believe in Karma too much and I thought my moment of irresponsibly with Rudy led to the other events - I have been able to come to peace with most of it - Thanks for allowing me to "vent" here
"i wanna race...with the sundown..."
Best on the web - check them out
http://www.youtube.com/user/cantkeepmehere
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2008 Bonnaroo - 2009 Philly 2&3 - 2010 MSG 1&2