WANTED: Boat and capable captain for zombie escape plan
81
Needing a ride to Forest Hills and a ounce of weed. Please inquire within. Thanks. Or not. Posts: 58,276
ran across this ad on craigslist. not mine. 
http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/evg/2313118595.html
Hi there!
I am seeking a vessel in good repair as well as an experienced captain to ensure our survival in the event of a zombie outbreak. At the moment, all I have to offer is an agreement (may be written if you prefer):
If Chicago is ever infested with the undead, we would meet at the lakefront (Belmont Harbor is preferred due to my proximity), where we would depart in your boat to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. We will be docking briefly in St. Joseph, MI to retrieve my sister and brother-in-law, who will have weapons, ammunition, and additional supplies. My parents may or may not be accompanying them (it is uncertain whether they will survive. While they are in good health and well-armed, my mother is sometimes prone to making poor decisions, and my father is too foolishly devoted to abandon her.)
Additional passengers will have to be discussed. Our contract can be updated according to our current situations, but I am trying to keep the numbers low. Bear in mind that there will also be three dogs. Two are fit to be watchdogs; the third will be kept as emergency rations. Please do not answer this ad if you are allergic to canines or a vegetarian.
In exchange for your services, you will have the opportunity to not be torn to shreds by the undead. The sparse population of Northern Michigan will minimize the chance of zombie contact. My brother-in-law is familiar with the area, and is a skilled hunter and woodsman. The plan is to set up camp and wait things out. You will either have to commit to our makeshift community, or leave us with your boat. We can determine a ‘Departure Clause’ in our contract, but the boat is NON-NEGOTIABLE.
What I am looking for in a candidate:
- Ideally you will have a boating license and enough experience to navigate us to the UP, and possibly further (contingent on the breadth and severity of the outbreak.)
- Experience with firearms preferred.
- Must be able to remain calm under pressure.
- No physical or psychological ailments that require special accommodation or medication. You will not be a liability to us.
- You do not necessarily have to be brave, but you must be able to prioritize. I can’t have you skittering off at the first sight of a corpse.
- While I do prefer that you have some skill to contribute if we do have to rebuild society (knowledge in medicine, carpentry, some level of education), it is not required. I AM MOST CONCERNED ABOUT THE BOAT.
In summary, if you fit the criteria:
- We will establish a meeting place and plan of action in case of an outbreak.
- We will exchange contact information and ensure it remains current.
- You will keep your boat maintained and stocked with enough fuel to reach the Upper Peninsula and beyond.
- You will hold no prejudice against Canada in the event that we have to settle there.
I will be interviewing candidates on an ongoing basis. I look forward to working with you.
Location: Chicago
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: Negotiable
http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/evg/2313118595.html
Hi there!
I am seeking a vessel in good repair as well as an experienced captain to ensure our survival in the event of a zombie outbreak. At the moment, all I have to offer is an agreement (may be written if you prefer):
If Chicago is ever infested with the undead, we would meet at the lakefront (Belmont Harbor is preferred due to my proximity), where we would depart in your boat to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. We will be docking briefly in St. Joseph, MI to retrieve my sister and brother-in-law, who will have weapons, ammunition, and additional supplies. My parents may or may not be accompanying them (it is uncertain whether they will survive. While they are in good health and well-armed, my mother is sometimes prone to making poor decisions, and my father is too foolishly devoted to abandon her.)
Additional passengers will have to be discussed. Our contract can be updated according to our current situations, but I am trying to keep the numbers low. Bear in mind that there will also be three dogs. Two are fit to be watchdogs; the third will be kept as emergency rations. Please do not answer this ad if you are allergic to canines or a vegetarian.
In exchange for your services, you will have the opportunity to not be torn to shreds by the undead. The sparse population of Northern Michigan will minimize the chance of zombie contact. My brother-in-law is familiar with the area, and is a skilled hunter and woodsman. The plan is to set up camp and wait things out. You will either have to commit to our makeshift community, or leave us with your boat. We can determine a ‘Departure Clause’ in our contract, but the boat is NON-NEGOTIABLE.
What I am looking for in a candidate:
- Ideally you will have a boating license and enough experience to navigate us to the UP, and possibly further (contingent on the breadth and severity of the outbreak.)
- Experience with firearms preferred.
- Must be able to remain calm under pressure.
- No physical or psychological ailments that require special accommodation or medication. You will not be a liability to us.
- You do not necessarily have to be brave, but you must be able to prioritize. I can’t have you skittering off at the first sight of a corpse.
- While I do prefer that you have some skill to contribute if we do have to rebuild society (knowledge in medicine, carpentry, some level of education), it is not required. I AM MOST CONCERNED ABOUT THE BOAT.
In summary, if you fit the criteria:
- We will establish a meeting place and plan of action in case of an outbreak.
- We will exchange contact information and ensure it remains current.
- You will keep your boat maintained and stocked with enough fuel to reach the Upper Peninsula and beyond.
- You will hold no prejudice against Canada in the event that we have to settle there.
I will be interviewing candidates on an ongoing basis. I look forward to working with you.
Location: Chicago
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: Negotiable
81 is now off the air
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments
Or, does Unlost Dogs have a second home in Chi Town?
:think:
well i'm out!
Alpine Valley Resort is etched in my brain!!!
- Christopher McCandless
A few months ago I posted an ad:
*magical round kitchen table (*magic not included) $14,000
*NYC 9/28/96 *NYC 9/29/96 *NJ 9/8/98 (front row "may i play drums with you")
*MSG 9/10/98 (backstage) *MSG 9/11/98 (backstage)
*Jones Beach 8/23/00 *Jones Beach 8/24/00 *Jones Beach 8/25/00
*Mansfield 8/29/00 *Mansfield 8/30/00 *Nassau 4/30/03 *Nissan VA 7/1/03
*Borgata 10/1/05 *Camden 5/27/06 *Camden 5/28/06 *DC 5/30/06
*VA Beach 6/17/08 *DC 6/22/08 *MSG 6/24/08 (backstage) *MSG 6/25/08
*EV DC 8/17/08 *EV Baltimore 6/15/09 *Philly 10/31/09
*Bristow VA 5/13/10 *MSG 5/20/10 *MSG 5/21/10
And I am captain of said boat.
Hunting and outdoors skills? Check.
This ad was written for someone exceptionally talented as myself.
I'm emailing him.....
*NYC 9/28/96 *NYC 9/29/96 *NJ 9/8/98 (front row "may i play drums with you")
*MSG 9/10/98 (backstage) *MSG 9/11/98 (backstage)
*Jones Beach 8/23/00 *Jones Beach 8/24/00 *Jones Beach 8/25/00
*Mansfield 8/29/00 *Mansfield 8/30/00 *Nassau 4/30/03 *Nissan VA 7/1/03
*Borgata 10/1/05 *Camden 5/27/06 *Camden 5/28/06 *DC 5/30/06
*VA Beach 6/17/08 *DC 6/22/08 *MSG 6/24/08 (backstage) *MSG 6/25/08
*EV DC 8/17/08 *EV Baltimore 6/15/09 *Philly 10/31/09
*Bristow VA 5/13/10 *MSG 5/20/10 *MSG 5/21/10
i already emailed....saying i had a 40ft sail boat that can handle up to 8 people with provisions for a month.
darn!
jo
http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
"How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
"Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
you might wanna stock up
jo
http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
"How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
"Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
Lincoln logs in kindergarten hardly counts as 'education'
it does where I'm from.
can shelter in place with me at the county morgue
that's the last place zombies are going to be looking
reservation pending...its hard to score a spot there for zombie invasion weekend
just in case i'm stocking up on frozen pig guts
we can disguise ourselves if necessary...the aroma should be just about right
jo
http://www.Etsy.com/Shop/SimpleEarthCreations
"How I choose to feel is how I am." ~ EV/MMc
"Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." ~ One Stab ~
Uh, point of order Rickiezootoo, Zombies sink, as they no longer intake air, they retain no buoyancy. As long as the water is deep enough, the zombies who walk the bottom of the body of water will not be able to reach you. :geek:
www.cluthelee.com
www.cluthe.com
The ONLY thing better than a glass of beer is tea with Miss McGill
A protuberance of flesh above the waistband of a tight pair of trousers
*NYC 9/28/96 *NYC 9/29/96 *NJ 9/8/98 (front row "may i play drums with you")
*MSG 9/10/98 (backstage) *MSG 9/11/98 (backstage)
*Jones Beach 8/23/00 *Jones Beach 8/24/00 *Jones Beach 8/25/00
*Mansfield 8/29/00 *Mansfield 8/30/00 *Nassau 4/30/03 *Nissan VA 7/1/03
*Borgata 10/1/05 *Camden 5/27/06 *Camden 5/28/06 *DC 5/30/06
*VA Beach 6/17/08 *DC 6/22/08 *MSG 6/24/08 (backstage) *MSG 6/25/08
*EV DC 8/17/08 *EV Baltimore 6/15/09 *Philly 10/31/09
*Bristow VA 5/13/10 *MSG 5/20/10 *MSG 5/21/10
that being said, i don't believe zombies have the cognitive skills for any extensive swimming
http://seanbriceart.com/
As far as I'm concerned, if the can run, they can drive a boat. :shock:
*NYC 9/28/96 *NYC 9/29/96 *NJ 9/8/98 (front row "may i play drums with you")
*MSG 9/10/98 (backstage) *MSG 9/11/98 (backstage)
*Jones Beach 8/23/00 *Jones Beach 8/24/00 *Jones Beach 8/25/00
*Mansfield 8/29/00 *Mansfield 8/30/00 *Nassau 4/30/03 *Nissan VA 7/1/03
*Borgata 10/1/05 *Camden 5/27/06 *Camden 5/28/06 *DC 5/30/06
*VA Beach 6/17/08 *DC 6/22/08 *MSG 6/24/08 (backstage) *MSG 6/25/08
*EV DC 8/17/08 *EV Baltimore 6/15/09 *Philly 10/31/09
*Bristow VA 5/13/10 *MSG 5/20/10 *MSG 5/21/10
(and i respectfully disagree with the zombie boat capt. theory... zombies are motivated only by the insatiable hunger for flesh... even if the thought of stealing a boat crossed their minds, it would immediately be replaced by "BRAAAAAAAAINS"... they're a little ADD like that)
http://seanbriceart.com/
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14