I need to write a letter...

Jukee

I need to write a letter to the adoptive parents of my son that I gave up for adoption 9.5 years ago. I've been wanting and thinking about doing this for the last 9 years but for whatever reason I never did.

Back in 2003 they wrote me a letter and asked to meet me. On December 23, 2003 was the first time I met my son and the first time I met his wonderful parents. They told me we could keep in contact and that he will alway's know he was adopted. Now it's 7 years later and I haven't heard from them and i've done nothing to try and stay in contact with them because I alway's thought it would be too hard but now I need too. I need to know what he looks like and if he's healthy. There's not a day that goes by that I don't wonder about these things.

Back in September the adoptive father's dad passed away and the only reason I knew is because I read the obituaries that day and to my surprise he only lived about a half an hour away from me. In the obituarie they mentioned the adoptive parents and where they are from. So, for months I looked online for their address but could never find it. Well about a month ago my husband and I happened to travel to a town about a half an hour away from where they live so I looked in the phone book and there it was...their address.

Anyway's so now i'm ready to write the letter. I can't ask many people that I know to help because I haven't told a lot of people and the people that do know never bring it up or talk about it. I know none of you know how I feel or can tell me exactly what to write but I just need some ideas. I've been racking my brain trying to figure out a way to start the letter and what to put in the letter...Do I write it like a biography of my life?

Any ideas would be much appreciated. PJ fans are some of the most compassionate people on earth and I thank you in advance for the ideas because I didn't know who else to ask....

Leash_In_Hiding

Hey first I really hope this goes well for you and you find out all you want/need to know. Like you said I couldn't imagine how you feel since I'm not in that situation but remain positive.

I would probably state your intentions of the letter, just be up front and honest. Let your heart bleed through the pen and put it all in the letter. Explain to them that you wanted to keep in touch and see how things were going with your son. I wouldn't be afraid to contact them, you have every right to know these things if you and that couple were able to establish a line of contact in the past, it clearly doesn't sound like you would be over stepping you boundries. I think it would help if you were able to kind of let them and the son know what's going on in your life also you know? Kind of like a two way street, you give some info to get some info and they do the same in return. I hope this helps! Keep positive, it should go fine :thumbup:

StillHere

Good luck and best wishes coming your way.
I wouldn't know what ideas to give you except to be honest like the first response said.
Be up front and say that you really don't know why you've kept away for so long, but that there hasn't been one day when you haven't thought of your son.
If they've been open in the past, hopefully they will remain open.
The utmost concern I would think, is to be sure that this is the absolute best thing for the child...regardless of yours or the adoptive parent's views or feelings.
And I would think, and it's only my opinion, that the very best thing for a child, is to grow up knowing that both his adoptive parents AND his birth parents love him dearly, and that might save a whole lot of heartache as he grows up.
Peace. Be sound.

he.who.forgets

dps79 wrote:

Hey first I really hope this goes well for you and you find out all you want/need to know. Like you said I couldn't imagine how you feel since I'm not in that situation but remain positive.

I would probably state your intentions of the letter, just be up front and honest. Let your heart bleed through the pen and put it all in the letter. Explain to them that you wanted to keep in touch and see how things were going with your son. I wouldn't be afraid to contact them, you have every right to know these things if you and that couple were able to establish a line of contact in the past, it clearly doesn't sound like you would be over stepping you boundries. I think it would help if you were able to kind of let them and the son know what's going on in your life also you know? Kind of like a two way street, you give some info to get some info and they do the same in return. I hope this helps! Keep positive, it should go fine :thumbup:

good advice...this will hopefully be the first of many correspondence so I wouldnt worry about it too much. Just be honest Best of luck to you & keep us posted!

PureandEasy

Well, I don’t have any suggestions other than to say that what you said here, that at first you thought it would be too difficult to remain in contact, but have since changed your mind. I think then you should ask if they are still willing to allow you to be a part of his life.

It’s really up to them now, they may have changed their minds as well, since they haven’t contacted you either.

Either way, I hope it works out for all involved.

Jukee

Thanks guy's for the positive words. Hearing your words makes it that much easier. I am going to be completely honest and let them know that i'm hoping that one day he and I could have some sort of relationship...if he choses to do so.

Steve Dunne

be honest in your letter. express your feelings and be true to yourself. 12/23/03 was indeed a great day...my daughter's bday. she is a beautiful child and a beacon of light in my life. good luck!

RYEzupSF

I imagine even just writing the letter will be incredibly cathartic. Good luck and I hope all goes well. You are very brave and I wish you the best!