Openness

tremors

The young man who grinned a sick grin. Who kept me locked, and locked my arms, who was first to join the punishments, the beatings, the deprivations. He seemed to revel in it. I can still see his sick grin, it's been haunting me like a crescent moon. Until just now, I realised what it was.... There's a gulf fuelled by my envy. Which he had no desire to fill. The gulf from sanity to insanity. Why try and bridge it? It gives him power, it feeds him. In more ways than one.

So instead he stands there on the bridge, grinning at me as I go insane, beating me up and rubbing my nose in it. It makes him stronger as I fall, helpless, unhelped, a full foot beyond alone. He smirks, he grins, he teases, he plays games. He runs to the fray with relish. And now I'm where he was. In the land of the lucid. It makes me shiver, how anyone could be so cold. I'm tempted to find out where he lives and show him some lucid fear. Watch him as he realises 'this is really happening', to him, to me. Let him see what I went through; at his hands. He doesn't want to bridge the gap. He goes to work to gloat.

But there's something more beneath this. I know his face. That pretty man is sick. And he's in his element.

tremors

Lake
Settling
Birds corkscrewing
Trees
Billowing
Warmth
Home
Replenishing
Mind
Spiralling

mysticweed

tremors wrote:

In the University library
1993
You were gorgeous
In your boots and leggings
I had a yearning
to know you
yearning
It took me weeks
but you let me in
You smiled
You always clutched a cassette player
Tighter than your books
Always had a faraway look in your eye
And the first week I knew you
I asked what you heard
You looked awkward but showed me your ear
It was alive
I didn't think much
But this was the starting bell
For sleepless nights and poems
I wonder if you still have my poems
You were drifting so far away
I was trying to reach you
Trying to bridge your divides
I wrote and wrote into the early hours
A torrent from places a young man
shouldn't have to reach
I wrote through the night sometimes
It was a love, a pain
A cracking up
My innocence in freefall
Your stories made me cry
I just wanted to prove to you
That it didn't have to be like this
That you didn't deserve it
That the way you looked
The way you made me feel
Filled me with
Something
Something good
You were on an ethereal plane

I joined you there

It cost me a lot

soooooo goooood
goddamn i was there with you
and i was there without you
soooooo goooood

tremors

chickweed wrote:

tremors wrote:

In the University library
1993
You were gorgeous
In your boots and leggings
I had a yearning
to know you
yearning
It took me weeks
but you let me in
You smiled
You always clutched a cassette player
Tighter than your books
Always had a faraway look in your eye
And the first week I knew you
I asked what you heard
You looked awkward but showed me your ear
It was alive
I didn't think much
But this was the starting bell
For sleepless nights and poems
I wonder if you still have my poems
You were drifting so far away
I was trying to reach you
Trying to bridge your divides
I wrote and wrote into the early hours
A torrent from places a young man
shouldn't have to reach
I wrote through the night sometimes
It was a love, a pain
A cracking up
My innocence in freefall
Your stories made me cry
I just wanted to prove to you
That it didn't have to be like this
That you didn't deserve it
That the way you looked
The way you made me feel
Filled me with
Something
Something good
You were on an ethereal plane

I joined you there

It cost me a lot

soooooo goooood
goddamn i was there with you
and i was there without you
soooooo goooood

Thanks very much g. I always think it's hard when you write from 'memories', to know if any of it is making any sense to anybody else.

tremors

She came drifting barefoot
The second and only
Love of my life
She wandered the daylight
Plucked the petals and gave them to me
She had no sense of time
Her touch was like cool water
Sizzling at it reached my fire
As she stroked my brow
I felt shackles loosen
Deep down inside

She came into my life
As I came into hers
And we slow danced around it
Until it was time to part
The only one who didn't rip me
As she left me
Didn't bail out
When I left her
Standing alone again

A year later
I returned to the church
Where a year before
We huddled on the hilltop
Wrapped up in each other
Wrapped up
From the shuddering wind
I looked out across the valley,
Placid now
Unlike the aching in my chest
As I went inside the dark, the musty
Woody shelter
I felt an arrow in my heart
As I read back through the visitors
Scrawled in blue and going back so many years
I recognised your writing
You said
I wish to marry
will you marry me K?
I took the pen and wrote
What I said to you back then
I wrote
I love you, Yes

PilateOfTheStorm

tremors wrote:

Here is one of the first things I ever wrote, aged about 19 - so 19 years ago probably. I still remember it, because it has a melody attached to it too


Smell of molten tarmac
mingles with the scent of chapatti
We cycle and we're 8 years old
and make it back in time for tea
Looking up I noticed life
will pass you by, insanity
But things were so much simpler then
when it was just you and me
You grew up before your time
and as for me well I'm still trying
to figure out if a wanderer or
a ______ is something that I wish to be


I forget the ending now, and was going to write a new one, but decided not to!

I love this

tremors

Thanks electriccccx!

tremors

W.M.E.

You met someone who gets up
When you put them to the ground
You met someone who knew
How to rise above the screech, smart and sting
So you stung him again
And again
And again
You met someone
On another plane
You know so little
You don't know what you're doing
You met someone better trained than you

You're used to squashing violence
But found it harder to squash peace
You didn't like it when your wristbands
Only brought you greater danger
You believe in brute force
You'll never understand where I've been
I wasn't going to let you take me
I can dig a lot deeper than you

In the end you did what you know best
You increased brutality
Took it over the top
You increased numbers
You couldn't afford to lose
You had to break me
With all that you had
You were frightened
By things you didn't understand
Not everything lies in the text books
They teach in this land
You got your victory
You must have thought you all did a good job

So how come when I saw you last week
It was you that flinched?

tremors

The Monster

I watched the Hulk last night
And it upset me
How I hurt the people around me
How I scare the people around me
They look at me
And see the monster
Even years later
Through the furrowed brow
They look inside and see the monster
I look back and see the monster
Who on earth can love the monster?

tremors

Retreat to fear of zero
Let it fall back to the earth

skyeriverwinter

I read your waves
feel safe in the knowing
I am not alone
you are not alone
we ride these waves
because...
....
because we have to...
we are...who we are
scathed and all...

tremors

Thanks skyeriverwinter. Your words always touch me

tremors

She whispered to the whispers
Forgave the devils in the night
Hands clutching translated through her
to easiness
She stayed still
Easy, her room flickered with the chimes
Hanging over her door
Hand in hand we walked the canals
Running ahead she divided the fields
Her child knew of god, knew of death, knew of life, knew love
I once told her how the world always looked different
How together with her, horizons stretched, colours flared
She told me her world was soft, like this all the time
She prayed alone
She knew God
She lived in God every day
Her arrival a blessing
The parting no curse
Parting tore me back to childhood
Only wanting our love to continue
Desperately trying to claw back the times
The words that flowed so easily from my tongue dried up
But she never looked back
She married
She bore more children
She always wanted all the children
I hope I see her again
The last time she spoke to me kindly
The next time I don't know what I will say

acrossssSsssshittt

tremors wrote:

And when I finally got my life back
I took charge of its decline
Believe me I tried to fight them at the time
Tried to stop them putting it down my throat
I guarantee you they have means
To break your will, break your body, break you down
There really is no escape
But how come I'm the only one of them that knows
Knows what this did to me, to my self
The struggle
The daily struggle
And now they've got one
That almost seems my friend
I guess it must have slipped right through the net
This rage at my annihilation
By chemical, by force
Still burns on
One day I'll break something good
And then they'll know.

it hurts to read this...

breaking something good feels real good

tremors

acrossSsshit wrote:

tremors wrote:

And when I finally got my life back
I took charge of its decline
Believe me I tried to fight them at the time
Tried to stop them putting it down my throat
I guarantee you they have means
To break your will, break your body, break you down
There really is no escape
But how come I'm the only one of them that knows
Knows what this did to me, to my self
The struggle
The daily struggle
And now they've got one
That almost seems my friend
I guess it must have slipped right through the net
This rage at my annihilation
By chemical, by force
Still burns on
One day I'll break something good
And then they'll know.

it hurts to read this...

breaking something good feels real good

There are some things I have lived through that if I was really able to find the words for, it would be too upsetting to both write and read. So I skate round it, and often take comfort in everyday language. I find if I can describe something horrible quite blankly, then it is usually a sign that it no longer haunts me so. Some of the situations though are so horrible that even referring to them can be painful. Tips of icebergs, tips of icebergs - there are a lot of them round these parts!

acrossssSsssshittt

tremors wrote:

There are some things I have lived through that if I was really able to find the words for, it would be too upsetting to both write and read. So I skate round it, and often take comfort in everyday language. I find if I can describe something horrible quite blankly, then it is usually a sign that it no longer haunts me so. Some of the situations though are so horrible that even referring to them can be painful. Tips of icebergs, tips of icebergs - there are a lot of them round these parts!

we're then left with our thoughts... and I'm finding it's not easy to kill thoughts tremors... at times drink or drugs help... as of late however I'm finding that that's been making it worse... i don't know what to do...i know there's prayer... still.. gettin fucked used to be easier

tremors

forgiveness.....

PilateOfTheStorm

acrossSsshit wrote:

tremors wrote:

And when I finally got my life back
I took charge of its decline
Believe me I tried to fight them at the time
Tried to stop them putting it down my throat
I guarantee you they have means
To break your will, break your body, break you down
There really is no escape
But how come I'm the only one of them that knows
Knows what this did to me, to my self
The struggle
The daily struggle
And now they've got one
That almost seems my friend
I guess it must have slipped right through the net
This rage at my annihilation
By chemical, by force
Still burns on
One day I'll break something good
And then they'll know.

it hurts to read this...

breaking something good feels real good

love that poem

some of your work tremors, makes me feel as though you've been inside my head ... rummaged through my brain and sifted out my thoughts

stunning work, this thread is beautiful

PilateOfTheStorm

tremors wrote:

The Monster

I watched the Hulk last night
And it upset me
How I hurt the people around me
How I scare the people around me
They look at me
And see the monster
Even years later
Through the furrowed brow
They look inside and see the monster
I look back and see the monster
Who on earth can love the monster?

At school we are looking at poems by Carol Ann Duffy and Simon Armitage.
This one reminds me of some of their work, Love it

I really like this poem, the style of it. Hope to see more like this from you, it's great

tremors

tremors wrote:

W.M.E.

You met someone who gets up
When you put them to the ground
You met someone who knew
How to rise above the screech, smart and sting
So you stung him again
And again
And again
You met someone
On another plane
You know so little
You don't know what you're doing
You met someone better trained than you

You're used to squashing violence
But found it harder to squash peace
You didn't like it when your wristbands
Only brought you greater danger
You believe in brute force
You'll never understand where I've been
I wasn't going to let you take me
I can dig a lot deeper than you

In the end you did what you know best
You increased brutality
Took it over the top
You increased numbers
You couldn't afford to lose
You had to break me
With all that you had
You were frightened
By things you didn't understand
Not everything lies in the text books
They teach in this land
You got your victory
You must have thought you all did a good job

So how come when I saw you last week
It was you that flinched?

Insult to Injury

So you talk
You whisper
You spread your preconception
On the telegraph
You gossip
You break the law
Me a crazy
Not to be touched
By society
You cause me problems
But by the force of what you did to me
The force of my melted insides
I will prevail
And you will fail

My revenge comes in stages
Your sickness
You spend in one go