What do you say to a friend who may be dying?
JOEJOEJOE
Posts: 10,483
A good friend of mine was diagnosed with brain cancer in November 2009. She underwent intense treatment, and for the past 6 months, she was doing very well. She was even well enough to attend my wedding this past November.
She has beaten cancer twice before in the 80s/90s before I knew her.
Yesterday, she informed me that the cancer has spread to her spine, which will cause immense pain as long as she lives.
We traded voicemails, and I am planning on calling her back later today.
I am usually a "fixer" when it comes to people in need.....always full of ideas to help solve their problems. In this case, obviously, there is nothing I can do except provide friendship and support.
I am at a loss for words in regards to what to say to her.
Any thoughts?
Thx
Jx3
She has beaten cancer twice before in the 80s/90s before I knew her.
Yesterday, she informed me that the cancer has spread to her spine, which will cause immense pain as long as she lives.
We traded voicemails, and I am planning on calling her back later today.
I am usually a "fixer" when it comes to people in need.....always full of ideas to help solve their problems. In this case, obviously, there is nothing I can do except provide friendship and support.
I am at a loss for words in regards to what to say to her.
Any thoughts?
Thx
Jx3
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thanks!
i'm with ya joe with the whole 'fixer' thing...i'm the same way...just ask if there is anything you can do and just be there for her
good idea
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
ask her...if it were me, i wouldn't mind people doing things i like for me...take advantage while you can
If you ultimately learn that her cancer is terminal, I'd suggest making a point of seeing her and telling her how much you care about her and how sad you are that she is dying. Tell her why you are glad she is your friend. Cry in front of her if you need to. Many people think they shouldn't show their tears to the sick person but I disagree. You can tell her that you're very sad that this is happening, even that you don't know what to do or say. Take your cues from her.
I have lost many friends to AIDS. After they were gone, I often wished I'd told them how much I'd cared about them and how hard it was to lose them. It took me a long time to be able to say things like this to someone who was dying. Now I cherish the conversations that I had with those friends before they left me.
I'm very sorry about your friend.
people are always afraid of saying the wrong thing, but i think more often than not the sick person doesn't expect anything profound from friends... if the shoe was on the other foot he/she probably would be just as confused
sorry to hear about it
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My best friend of 28 years (since we were six) has only a few months left, and we only found out about a year ago. We talked about it, cried a lot, told each other how much we loved each other and then moved forwards. It's always there, and there are really bad days, and some good days, but we find that our friendship is the same, in some ways stronger, and many ways more rewarding.
I struggle sometimes on days when Jon is bad, but only when I am home, and I struggle on the days we have great times as it may be the last great day, but the one thing I try is to not to be over protective or constantly checking how he feels. He doesn't want my pity, doesn't need me being careful what I say, what we do or me saying how sorry I am about things. What he needs is the important people around him to be there and to be the way that they always should be around him.
The saddest part for Jon, and for me is how many friends have disappeared, and how understanding Jon is about this even though I can tell how sad he is about it. The most important thing I can do as a friend is to stand shoulder to shoulder and be there as bro's and stay when he needs me.
My advice to you would be to talk about it, tell her your feelings and then don't make it the focus of the rest of your friendship, be a shoulder, an ear and a smile.
Stay strong, and keep the faith. Miracles happen every day.
Thanks for the advice. She has a great sense of humor, and she always appreciates mine, however, I don't want to make light of her situation with humor until she seems ok with it!
My wonderful friend Dian was dying from cancer,she passed in September 2008.She knew she was dying but a few days before she passed she spoke of when she got well we would take a long trip together ... we spoke about that for hours,where we would go,do,see ... It was a joyous conversation yet we both knew it wouldn't happen.But I would never have ignored her need at the end to have that dream.
I visited her hours before she died.I told her I loved her,held her and told her I would meet her one day to take our trip.
Say what you feel ... love,friendship,sadness,joy at having known them,express your feelings.
Thought with you
x
My hairstylist who became my friend 10 years ago just died from stage 4 breast cancer last week. She had 5 good years in remission and I knew she was getting sicker in the last few months. I got the call last Sunday that she only had a few days left. I rushed to see her in the hospital, and told her how much I loved her. It was the first time she saw me standing with a walker since my car accident and, as sick as she was, she mentioned that we had switched places. It made me so sad, I just told her that I've still got a long road and I held her hand.
If your friend has time on her side Joe, ask her where she wants to go or what you can do for her. Make the most of the time you still have left. And tell her how much you care about her.
One of my closest friends died of cancer 9 years ago. The last time I saw her in the hospital, I was so stunned at her appearance and so in shock over her condition that I had no idea what to say to her, and so I said very little. I regret that now, because she died not long after I saw her and I didn't get a chance to tell her how much she meant to me and how much of a positive influence she'd had in my life.
So my advice would be to leave nothing unsaid. Tell her you love her, tell her how much she means to you. That's all you can really do.
Wish you were here...
♥~RIP Dad