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This Is Why I Hate The Holidays

unlost dogsunlost dogs Greater Boston Posts: 12,553
edited November 2010 in All Encompassing Trip
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d7tEGPUSt8Y

A few years ago, one of Mr. Unlost's work colleagues had a wife who was selling Mary Kaye cosmetics.

Said the colleague, "Hey, Mr. Unlost! You should buy your wife one of these Mary Kaye makeup gift baskets for Christmas. It's the perfect gift. She'd love it"

Replied Mr. Unlost: "If I gave that to my wife for Christmas, she'd fucking throw it at me."

Worst gift ever?

I'll start with the one my brother and sister-in-law gave Mr. Unlost the first year we were married. It was a black, white and red Pierre Cardin velour sweatsuit _ but only the top. With the tag that said "Two Piece Set."

Every year, after they leave, Mr. Unlost says wistfully, "I was really hoping this would be the year I got the bottoms."

It's still hanging up in one of our closets. With the tags attached.
15 years of sharks 06/30/08 (MA), 05/17/10 (Boston), 09/03/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/04/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/30/12 (Missoula), 07/19/13 (Wrigley), 10/15/13 (Worcester), 10/16/13 (Worcester), 10/25/13 (Hartford), 12/4/13 (Vancouver), 12/6/13 (Seattle), 6/26/14 (Berlin), 6/28/14 (Stockholm), 10/16/14 (Detroit)
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • 8181 Needing a ride to Forest Hills and a ounce of weed. Please inquire within. Thanks. Or not. Posts: 58,276
    A 24 pack of coke, cut in half, so only 12 cans. I wish i was joking
    81 is now off the air

    Off_Air.jpg
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    81 wrote:
    A 24 pack of coke, cut in half, so only 12 cans. I wish i was joking


    maybe this year youll get 24 lines of coke, cut precisely in half to make 48. ;)8-)


    blo ho ho merry christmas
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • know1know1 Posts: 6,794
    Hmmm...receiving gifts never made me bitter. I guess it's all in your attitude and perspective on life.
    The only people we should try to get even with...
    ...are those who've helped us.

    Right 'round the corner could be bigger than ourselves.
  • dunkmandunkman Posts: 19,646
    i can't understand why you'd hate Christmas because someone is shit at buying you presents...

    I love the whole atmosphere and everything that comes with it... it's much more than someone's present not meeting your expectations.
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
  • pandorapandora Posts: 21,855
    I don't remember gifts I don't like and I donate them quickly.
    JB has a closet full from previous years
    and jokes about going shopping in his closet for others...but hasn't so far.

    My favorite gifts, the homemade tree ornaments the kids made at the local nature center
    almost 20 years ago.
    Cool dazzling pinecones, an angel made out of a clothespin, painted peach pits,
    silly sweet stuff and the pic ornaments they made in school too.

    Homemade gifts keep their value. I love the holidays but you gotta keep it simple and from the heart.
  • PoncierPoncier Posts: 17,275
    Worst Christmas card ever was Dunk's last year with the upkilt photo.
    This weekend we rock Portland
  • dunkmandunkman Posts: 19,646
    Poncier wrote:
    Worst Christmas card ever was Dunk's last year with the upkilt photo.

    i think it shows how advanced zoom lenses have become...

    Scotland invented zoom lenses btw..
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
  • rollingsrollings unknown Posts: 7,125
    edited March 2011
    deck the halls
    Post edited by rollings on
  • 8181 Needing a ride to Forest Hills and a ounce of weed. Please inquire within. Thanks. Or not. Posts: 58,276
    I enjoy Christmas and instead of being worried about what i will get, i just go buy myself something. I've got some good presents this way. :lol:
    81 is now off the air

    Off_Air.jpg
  • neilybabes86neilybabes86 Posts: 16,057
    it has become to materialistic
    i post on the board of a band that doesn't exsist anymore .......i need my head examined.......
  • unlost dogsunlost dogs Greater Boston Posts: 12,553
    Half Full wrote:
    Dude(s)/Dudette(s),

    I can bet my last piece of coal on the fact that the OP started the thread as a means to be funny, so that others can add funny stuff, about funny gifts given/received etc. Funny stuff like that.

    In other words.....its supposed to be funny,
    (Funny.)

    Easy with the tinsel,
    lighten up the halls

    As usual, entirely right, Half Full!

    But we can't always get a laugh out of the grumpy elves, so just smile and wave at them and resolve to buy them better fitting underwear this holiday season.
    15 years of sharks 06/30/08 (MA), 05/17/10 (Boston), 09/03/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/04/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/30/12 (Missoula), 07/19/13 (Wrigley), 10/15/13 (Worcester), 10/16/13 (Worcester), 10/25/13 (Hartford), 12/4/13 (Vancouver), 12/6/13 (Seattle), 6/26/14 (Berlin), 6/28/14 (Stockholm), 10/16/14 (Detroit)
  • RKCNDYRKCNDY Posts: 31,013
    I suggest you all decorate your house like this:

    http://wtfcalls.net/reddit/xmas_light_wtf.php

    I want to so bad but I have been voted down....
    The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

    - Christopher McCandless
  • DissidentmanDissidentman Posts: 15,378
    Poncier wrote:
    Worst Christmas card ever was Dunk's last year with the upkilt photo.

    Sick - I thought that was a bat wing under magnification. :sick:
  • mikalinamikalina Posts: 7,206
    Yep - I've had some pretty bad gifts from my one aunt, every year it never fails - but she keeps me laughing and I love her to pieces. Thanks Aunt Josephine - remember I'm a size " small " !!!!! :D
    ********************************************************************************************* image
  • BinauralJamBinauralJam Posts: 14,158
    My Co-worker bought his wife a pair of slippers and a dildo for Christmas a couple of years back. He said "If she don't like the slippers she can go F*** herself" :lol::lol::lol:

    There divorced now.
  • DissidentmanDissidentman Posts: 15,378
    Have you seen this pic of BinauralJam in his holiday best?





    badsweater.jpg
  • unlost dogsunlost dogs Greater Boston Posts: 12,553
    Dissidentman wrote:
    Have you seen this pic of BinauralJam in his holiday best?





    badsweater.jpg

    :lol:

    :o Wait _ that's not him. There's no Mickey Mouse on that sweater.

    You almost fooled me there, Dissidentman. Almost.
    15 years of sharks 06/30/08 (MA), 05/17/10 (Boston), 09/03/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/04/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/30/12 (Missoula), 07/19/13 (Wrigley), 10/15/13 (Worcester), 10/16/13 (Worcester), 10/25/13 (Hartford), 12/4/13 (Vancouver), 12/6/13 (Seattle), 6/26/14 (Berlin), 6/28/14 (Stockholm), 10/16/14 (Detroit)
  • BinauralJamBinauralJam Posts: 14,158
    Dissidentman wrote:
    Have you seen this pic of BinauralJam in his holiday best?





    badsweater.jpg


    My Mom knitted that, she can make ya one if ya like?
  • DissidentmanDissidentman Posts: 15,378
    BinauralJam wrote:
    Dissidentman wrote:
    Have you seen this pic of BinauralJam in his holiday best?





    badsweater.jpg


    My Mom knitted that, she can make ya one if ya like?

    I would wear it proudly. Can she make a matching bucket hat?
  • BinauralJamBinauralJam Posts: 14,158
    i'll see if i can find a pattern.

    dog-christmas-sweater.png

    Unlost would your dogs be intrested in a Christmas Sweater?
  • unlost dogsunlost dogs Greater Boston Posts: 12,553
    BinauralJam wrote:
    i'll see if i can find a pattern.

    dog-christmas-sweater.png

    Unlost would your dogs be intrested in a Christmas Sweater?

    No!

    yes
    15 years of sharks 06/30/08 (MA), 05/17/10 (Boston), 09/03/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/04/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/30/12 (Missoula), 07/19/13 (Wrigley), 10/15/13 (Worcester), 10/16/13 (Worcester), 10/25/13 (Hartford), 12/4/13 (Vancouver), 12/6/13 (Seattle), 6/26/14 (Berlin), 6/28/14 (Stockholm), 10/16/14 (Detroit)
  • BinauralJamBinauralJam Posts: 14,158
    i'll need measurements 8-)
  • unlost dogsunlost dogs Greater Boston Posts: 12,553
    BinauralJam wrote:
    i'll need measurements 8-)

    :o

    One year I found the most godawful statue of some kind of fertility god, anatomically correct, and I wrapped it up and gave it to my nephew and his wife. I had a totally serious expression on my face, and said, "I took a chance on getting you something from the art world, I really hope you like it."

    Their expressions were priceless. Kind of like :shock: with a little :| until I went :lol: and they realized it was a joke.
    15 years of sharks 06/30/08 (MA), 05/17/10 (Boston), 09/03/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/04/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/30/12 (Missoula), 07/19/13 (Wrigley), 10/15/13 (Worcester), 10/16/13 (Worcester), 10/25/13 (Hartford), 12/4/13 (Vancouver), 12/6/13 (Seattle), 6/26/14 (Berlin), 6/28/14 (Stockholm), 10/16/14 (Detroit)
  • JeanwahJeanwah Posts: 6,363
    unlost dogs wrote:
    BinauralJam wrote:
    i'll need measurements 8-)

    :o

    One year I found the most godawful statue of some kind of fertility god, anatomically correct, and I wrapped it up and gave it to my nephew and his wife. I had a totally serious expression on my face, and said, "I took a chance on getting you something from the art world, I really hope you like it."

    Their expressions were priceless. Kind of like :shock: with a little :| until I went :lol: and they realized it was a joke.
    Now this is how I'd like Christmas. Nothing but gag gifts all the way around. Talk about a fun holiday it would be.
  • nuffingmannuffingman Posts: 3,014
    unlost dogs wrote:
    BinauralJam wrote:
    i'll need measurements 8-)

    :o

    One year I found the most godawful statue of some kind of fertility god, anatomically correct, and I wrapped it up and gave it to my nephew and his wife. I had a totally serious expression on my face, and said, "I took a chance on getting you something from the art world, I really hope you like it."

    Their expressions were priceless. Kind of like :shock: with a little :| until I went :lol: and they realized it was a joke.
    :lol::lol:

    I once bought a statue of the Virgin Mary for my religiously insane sister in law who I didn't get on with. She was delighted until someone turned it around and it became a big cock. 8-)

    My best gift was from an Aunt who when I was 15 bought me a tie. She must have bought it in the 60s, it was about 12 inches wide and covered in bright blue and yellow flowers. We finally realised she should be certified. We looked forward to her pressies every year.
  • dcfaithfuldcfaithful Posts: 13,076
    neilybabes86 wrote:
    it has become to materialistic

    Because this is has been the most said thing around Christmas time for who knows how many years past, it feels like it is becoming accepted.
    7/2/06 - Denver, CO
    6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
    8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
    9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
    9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
    9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
  • unlost dogsunlost dogs Greater Boston Posts: 12,553
    dcfaithful wrote:
    neilybabes86 wrote:
    it has become to materialistic

    Because this is has been the most said thing around Christmas time for who knows how many years past, it feels like it is becoming accepted.

    "Happy Holidays. Buy me stuff."

    Ugh, I hate that.

    One of the best Christmas presents I've ever received, from a cousin who has very little money to spare, was a simple little frame that couldn't have cost more than $5, containing an old snapshot of me with my Dad, riding a surry bike up in Ocean Park, Maine.

    She gave it to me the first Christmas after my father died, 11 years ago now, and it is truly treasured. It's been on a table right by the front door. I smile every time I see it.
    15 years of sharks 06/30/08 (MA), 05/17/10 (Boston), 09/03/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/04/11 (Alpine Valley), 09/30/12 (Missoula), 07/19/13 (Wrigley), 10/15/13 (Worcester), 10/16/13 (Worcester), 10/25/13 (Hartford), 12/4/13 (Vancouver), 12/6/13 (Seattle), 6/26/14 (Berlin), 6/28/14 (Stockholm), 10/16/14 (Detroit)
  • Green CircleGreen Circle Posts: 5,192
    unlost dogs wrote:
    dcfaithful wrote:
    neilybabes86 wrote:
    it has become to materialistic

    Because this is has been the most said thing around Christmas time for who knows how many years past, it feels like it is becoming accepted.

    "Happy Holidays. Buy me stuff."

    Ugh, I hate that.

    One of the best Christmas presents I've ever received, from a cousin who has very little money to spare, was a simple little frame that couldn't have cost more than $5, containing an old snapshot of me with my Dad, riding a surry bike up in Ocean Park, Maine.

    She gave it to me the first Christmas after my father died, 11 years ago now, and it is truly treasured. It's been on a table right by the front door. I smile every time I see it.

    Did a similar thing for my step mom on Mothers day. I got her a frame and put her moms High School Portrait in it. She loved it.
    "...And I fight back in my mind. Never lets me be right.
    I got memories. I got shit so much it don't show."
  • rollingsrollings unknown Posts: 7,125
    edited March 2011
    .
    Post edited by rollings on
  • eyedclaareyedclaar Posts: 6,980
    Half Full wrote:
    Dissidentman wrote:
    Have you seen this pic of BinauralJam in his holiday best?





    badsweater.jpg

    I do believe that's Eyed

    Hey now, I'm the first to admit that I'm a little crazy, but that dude is flat out creepy. Try to tell me he doesn't have about 10 chopped up women out there buried beneath the elf workshop.
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